|
We'd have a better case against
The Russians in Ukraine
If we hadn't gone into Iraq
And done about the same.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A sorer bunch 'a losers
You will not find anywhere.
They can't accept the fact that
They were beaten fair and square.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In the mood for Russian
Propaganda? You're in luck!
All you have to do is
Get your news from Traitor Tuck.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Congress has killed better things,
So wouldn't it be fine
If they finally got around
To killing Daylight Savings Time?
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
All the legal experts say
That Trump should be indicted.
But since they're not the ones in charge,
Let's not get too excited.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's nothing educational
About this kind of show.
They tell you what you wanna hear,
Not what you need to know.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fox does not require
Every story to be true.
As long as what you're saying's
Good for ratings, that'll do.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know I'd find it easier
To watch him every night
If he didn't always interrupt
His sentences with Right?.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Far be it for me to judge,
But what the f*ck's with Buttigieg?
As soon as they blew up that train,
He shoulda been there taking names.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Garland's just the latest in
A long parade of chumps:
Prosecutors through the years
Who never nailed Trump.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
a  |
It's sad: of all the candidates
Republicans could choose,
The only hero in the race
Is almost sure to lose.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Haley Joins 2024 Race
They worked together beautifully
When she was his ambassador,
But far as Donald Trump's concerned,
That should've been the last of her.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) heckling
Pres. Biden during State of the Union address |
How could someone let herself
Behave like such an ass?
She oughta be embarrassed,
But she doesn't have the class.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Good luck, Nikki Haley,
But if I may be succinct,
I'm looking at your chances
And your chances really stink.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't just "track" the spy balloon
That's moseying around.
It's got no business being here.
For God's sake, shoot it down!
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Moving down to Florida?
Think twice before you go.
Assholes like DeSantis don't
Elect themselves, you know.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fired and charged with second degree murder
|
Our Street Crime Unit officers
Are young and in their prime.
The only problem is that they're
Committing all the crime.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tyre Nichols, 29, fatally beaten by Memphis police |
Even when the cops involved
Are all as black as night,
Standards seem to suffer when
A "suspect" isn't white.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lucky survivor on Mt. Baldy, 10,000 ft. above L.A. |
Hiking on the mountain now?
That's really kinda dicey.
Every step could be your last
When everything's this icy.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You still pay lower prices
At the 99¢ Only Store,
But there aren't many items
That are 99¢ anymore.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
George Santos AKA Kitara Ravache, Rio, 2008 |
So what if he's a double-dealin',
Ponzi schemin' louse?
At least we finally get to have
A drag queen in the House.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What I would like to know
(Along with where he got the loot)
Is why he always has to wear
A sweater with a suit.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Caveat Scriptor
Once you write a tell-all book,
Assume all hope is gone
For any kind of future with
The ones you're telling on.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A fraud like Mr. Santos
Would have never got this far
If opposition research
Had been halfway up to par.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Robert Hur will lead DOJ's Biden documents probe |
Mueller was the first one,
And now we're up to four.
At some point, special counsels
Aren't that special anymore.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They give their wealthy donors
Every tax break they can get,
So don't believe 'em when they say
They care about the debt.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not enough to mess with
Our democracy at home.
Bannon won't be happy till
They all get overthrown.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) became the new House
Speaker after 15 ballots and bitter GOP infighting
|
I don't know how the prospects
For this Congress could be bleaker,
When the party that's in charge
Can't even pick a friggin' Speaker.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When the going gets tough, get out |
A lot of folks'll keep a job
Until they're past their prime.
Not the late Pope Benedict;
He knew when to resign.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Our borders aren't "open"
But when liars say they are,
Migrants hear the message and
They come from near and far.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These Florida seniors supporting Rick Scott
Are not as informed as they oughta be,
Or else they would know not to vote for a schmo
Who wants to end Social Security.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
George Santos has the kind of skills
Republicans require:
Not only can he raise the dough,
But boy, is he a liar.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The weather in Los Angeles
Is better than in Buffalo,
'Specially when it's brought to us
By one Brianna Ruffalo.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The House J6 Committee made a compelling case to charge the ex-president with four federal crimes in-
cluding insurrection, but will the DOJ do anything?
|
Referring Trump for charges
After all this time is great,
Except, of course, it doesn't
Carry any legal weight.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Hi, I'm Cayla. I'm going to spy on you" |
These smart toys are a menace
With the data they're accruing.
Ripping out the mic is what
Your children should be doing.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Clayton Kershaw |
Twenty million dollars
For a year? That's pretty rich.
Now all we have to hope is
He's not injured and can pitch.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They and them are pronouns
That refer to two or more.
Why's that controversial now?
It never was before.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sam Brinton was terminated as Deputy Assistant Secretary of Spent Fuel and Waste Management
after being arrested for stealing women's luggage |
I don't know how this guy
Got a job at D.O.E.,
Unless whoever vetted him
Was high on LSD.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Kent Stermon's to DeSantis as
Vince Foster was to Hill and Bill:
Officially, it's suicide,
But speculate, you know we will.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration by Leif Parsons, The New York Times |
Why aren't they requiring masks
When you get on a plane?
With all the crap that's going 'round,
It's patently insane.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. City Councilman Kevin DeLeon remains in
office after being recorded disparaging colleagues |
DeLeon isn't stepping down,
And I don't think he should.
He's said he's sorry's many times
As anybody could.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With a 37% approval rating among Arizona Demo-
crats, Sen. Kyrsten Sinema became an independent |
Staying in the party,
She'd have paid too high a cost.
Whoever would've challenged her,
She knows she would've lost.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just because a drag queen may
Be coming to your town
Doesn't mean you have to take
The power system down.
You're not gonna like it if
They catch your ass, you know.
Maybe you should just relax
And go enjoy the show.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Losers in denial Donald Trump and Kari Lake
|
Their thumbs can hardly get it up;
Their smiles are looking strained.
Telling lies around the clock
Must really leave you drained.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Arkansas gov.-elect meets the press |
What the f*ck's with Sarah Sanders?
Someone needs some better handlers.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He never faked a bone spur,
Or tried to mount a coup.
Nixon was a choir boy
Compared to you-know-who.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The sorest loser in the world's
Come up with a solution
So he can still be president:
Rip up the Constitution.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's something these reporters do
That irks me to the core:
Stop calling Trump "the president."
He isn't anymore!
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't see Walker winning
In the Georgia Senate race:
For one, he lives in Dallas,
And for two, he's a disgrace.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Local police inspired little confidence
with
their
initial comments after four University of Idaho
students were found murdered in their beds |
Until you've caught the psychopath
Who killed our friends so brutally,
Please don't come and tell us there's
'No threat to the community.'
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course he hosted Kanye West
And Nick Fuentes too.
What else would you expect a troll
Like Donald Trump to do?
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans are very good
At pushing all our buttons,
But what have they accomplished
For us? Absolutely nothin'.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Colorado shooter
Would prefer the pronoun "they."
But going where he's going,
I don't think he'll have a say.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't know my NFTs
From L.S./M.F.T.
All I know's it look like
One big giant scam to me.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cyrptocurrency investor |
I wonder how I let myself
Make such a dumb mistake...
Using real money
To buy money that was fake.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mueller redux? Veteran federal prosecutor Jack
Smith was named
to lead Trump criminal probes |
Makes sense, a special counsel,
Expecially when you've got
A weak attorney general
Who's afraid to take his shot.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They like to say they're tough on crime,
But that one's getting old.
If they were really tough on crime,
We'd have some gun control.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Elon Musk a few days after buying Twitter
(Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
|
I can't deny the quiet
Satisfaction that it always brings
When fabulously wealthy men
Do fabulously stupid things.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans in Washington
Are such a bunch 'a schmucks.
I hate the lying, cheating, whining,
Backward-looking f*cks.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Jesus, as you prob'ly know,
The drought here is insane...
So thank you for our blessings,
But we need some frickin' rain.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fickle Republicans
They called Barack a Muslim
And they wouldn't ever quit.
But Mehmet really is one,
And they couldn't give a sh*t.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Powerball's two billion now;
How high's it gonna go?
I wish someone would win the thing
So I could keep my dough.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Disinformed
What's your favorite fantasy:
The vaccine has a chip in it,
Democrats drink babies' blood,
Or Trump is still the president?
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Many think that letting him
Debate at all was nuts,
But one thing that it showed us
Is that Fetterman's got guts.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Pennsylvania Democrats
Had gone with Conor Lamb,
They'd be on the road to victory
Instead of in a jam.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He Paid How Much?!
For those of us who've never been
In love with Elon Musk,
There's always hope that Twitterland
Is where he bites the dust.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A Justice is supposed to know
What ethics are about.
If this was any other court,
They would've thrown him out.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
That poor Liz Truss's term was jinxed
Was clear from early on.
No sooner had she met the Queen
Than--poof--the Queen was gone.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hobbs Refuses to Debate Lake In AZ Gov. Race
Bad decision, Katie Hobbs:
In many voters' eyes,
A candidate who won't debate
Does not deserve the prize.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mookie Betts |
What a year the Dodgers had!
I thought they'd never quit.
Oh, to win so many games
And see it turn to sh*t.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Demonizing Chechens is
How Putin rose to power,
So isn't it ironic they're
His soldiers of the hour.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Look at MBS and Putin
Sticking it to Biden--
Cutting oil production when
The price was finally sliding.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Herschel Walker says he's for
A nationwide abortion ban,
Even though abortion's how
He limited the Walker clan.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For me, it's just another sign
The culture's in the crapper
When everybody black and white
Is talking like a rapper.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
While we were stuck in foreign wars,
China forged ahead.
If only we'd not 'stayed the course,'
And chosen theirs instead.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Texas AG Ken Paxton jumped in a truck driven
by his wife to avoid being served a subpoena |
Attorney Generals generally
Aren't running from the law,
But ask the process server
Down in Texas what he saw.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Herschel says he's "not that smart,"
A quote that's gonna stick...
So how will that make voters look
If this is who they pick?
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Aileen Cannon's rulings
Have been biased from the jump.
She's no impartial jurist;
She's an advocate for Trump.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you don't think Americans
Are into monarchy,
Then why are we all looking at
The same thing on TV?
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Publishers Clearing House
Seven thousand bucks a week
For life is quite a prize.
The question is how long they let
Your lucky ass survive.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) |
Republicans love assholes.
That's why they vote 'em in.
The bigger flaming jerk you are,
The bigger you can win.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hot-Headed Herschel
I always figured Walker
Had a touch of CTE,
But come to find he's struggled
All his life with DID.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What the f*ck's it gonna take
For Trump to go to jail?
You wouldn't think with all his crimes
He'd be that hard to nail.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A picture's worth a thousand words,
And this one's no exception:
Look at all the stolen stuff
They found in Trump's possession.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL) |
He criticizes Biden for
Vacationing in Delaware,
While on a yacht in Italy.
This guy's a horse's derrière.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A flag has no say over where it's displayed,
So pity the red, white and blue.
If I was a prop for a traitor like Trump,
I wouldn't be happy, would you?
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How dare he fly Old Glory
At his Mar-a-Lago home.
If he's gonna sell our secrets,
Let him use a skull and bones.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Will Georgia be a laughing-stock?
The odds are rather high,
If they're gonna throw out Warnock
For the crazy football guy.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They finally got their way and killed
A woman's right to choose.
So now there's lots of races that
Republicans could lose.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. Ron Johnson (WI) & Marco Rubio (FL) were among Republicans blocking a $35 cap on insulin |
If they won't cap your insulin
At thirty-five a pop,
Then why ya still supporting them?
If I were you, I'd stop.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Usually with Jordan,
There's no shutting up the turd.
But when he witnessed sex abuse,
He never said a word.
SAugust, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Woman protests FBI raid at Mar-a-Lago in Florida
|
Whatever he's accused of,
Trumpers sing the same old song:
It's all a f*cking witch-hunt;
Donald Trump can do no wrong.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's no defending all the hours
Donald Trump was quiet,
And didn't do a frigging thing
To try and stop the riot.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Lately it's becoming clear
That Trump is not the hero here.
Anyone who's still confused
Should try and watch some real news.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you bought cryptocurrency
Cuz someone famous told you to,
Promise your dependents that's
The lamest thing you'll ever do.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fact we can't protect our kids
From shooters is a scandal.
But what do we expect when all
Our gun laws are dismantled?
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A shooter killed seven and wounded 48 in Illinois |
Land of the Free
It doesn't feel like freedom
If you have to be afraid
Of dying while you watch an
Independence Day parade.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
t 
Samuel Alito, United States Supreme Court |
It really burns my britches
How we call them "Justices."
As if these sons of bitches
Even know what justice is.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What's with "neoliberals?"
You hear that word a lot.
I thought they were the good guys,
But apparently they're not.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
SCOTUS picked the perfect time
To hobble EPA,
As temperatures around the world
Get higher every day.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm the kind of voter
That you prob'ly want to keep.
I may not be the wokest,
But at least I'm not asleep.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Never has our highest court
Polled lower than today.
You can't just go bestowing rights,
Then taking them away.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If
Roberts wants to save
The reputation of the court,
There's someone whose career
He should be trying to abort.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shooting down our gun laws when
The problem's so immense...
I can't believe our highest court's
So low on common sense.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's never easy learning that
Your hero is a heel,
But guess who kept the money that
You sent to "stop the steal."
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What a country! Even if
You start an insurrection,
No one's gonna stop ya if
You run for reelection.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Attorney General William Barr testifies to House Select Committee investigating January 6th |
With everybody saying he's
Untethered from reality,
The best defense for Donald Trump
Is gonna be insanity.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even if a deal in
The Senate is arranged,
All we're gonna get from them
Is incremental change.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Right to Life
If you're against abortion
But you're fine with all these guns,
I do not for the life of me
Know where you're coming from.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You'd think that this would be the time
For gun control to pass,
But even a Uvalde doesn't
Get them off their ass.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's easy to focus on chickensh*t cops
Who didn't make much of a stand,
But this'll take more than cojones to stop:
We need an assault weapons ban.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Fox is "fair and balanced,"
Then please explain to me
Why no one gets a decent shake
Unless they're G.O.P.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Never trust a turncoat,
Like for instance J.D. Vance.
He knew that Trump was trouble;
Now he sees him as his chance.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You look at how Uvalde cops
Performed that day, and wow--
It's not exactly Walker
Texas Rangers, is it now?
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Imagine these officers armed to the teeth,
Knowing a shooter's inside,
Thinking the time to step into the breach
Is after the children have died.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Loudermilk was giving tours
On Insurrection Eve,
Why's he still in Congress?
Shouldn't traitors have to leave?
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Again
Who gives a sh*t what his motive was?
Isn't the point that the little skuzz
Would never have done it
If he'd 'a been gunless?
The gun made the difference; it always does.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. mayoral candidate Rep. Karen Bass (D-CA) |
Her record is impressive and
Her promises beguiling,
But how ya s'posed to trust someone
Who's always f*cking smiling?
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. mayoral candidate developer Rick Caruso |
"Rick Caruso, Democrat,"
It says in every mailer.
But Rick was not a Democrat
Until he ran for mayor.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Trump's not held accountable
For anything he's done,
His chances of returning are
Infinity to one.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These people aren't patriots,
At least as far as I can see.
A real f*cking patriot
Would stick up for democracy.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you met him in an alley,
You would prob'ly turn and run.
But Pennsylvania Democrats
Say Fetterman's the one.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Prowling the stage in a loincloth,
Ted Nugent was something to see.
But now you would not even know him:
He's ugly as ugly can be.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Brett Kavanaugh at SCOTUS confirmation hearing
|
He told the Senate Roe v. Wade
Was "settled law"; however,
Now he says that doesn't mean
It's settled law forever.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Victory Day was s'posed to bring
Some massive escalation,
But luckily they settled for
The standard celebration.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) |
Kavanaugh and Gorsuch
Took Ms. Collins for a ride.
They said they'd honor Roe v. Wade,
But what a shock: they lied.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'll prob'ly get in trouble
For expressing what I think,
But if your body's perfect,
Please don't f*ck it up with ink.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) |
It's pretty damn discouraging,
What's happ'ning on the Hill.
You can't have a democracy
If you don't have goodwill.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 University of Pennsylvania's Lia Thomas, née Will |
Letting Lia swim against
The women isn't fair.
She's bigger and she's faster
And she's still a he down there.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Somewhere off Odessa
At the bottom of the sea,
The flagship of the Russian fleet
Is where it's s'posed to be.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hating Russia's always been
An easy thing to do.
I grew up to Khrushchev saying
"We will bury you."
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, SCOTUS-confirmed
|
Republicans don't give a sh*t
What history will say.
They knew that they were full of it
And slimed her anyway.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Breaking news from Ukraine..." |
It's obvious why watching
This disaster is so tough:
For all we may be doing,
We're not doing near enough.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Steve Bannon's arrest on fraud charges, August 2020 |
His goal is to "dismantle
The administrative state"--
Bad for normal people,
But for criminals it's great.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No one likes a tattletale;
It makes 'em insecure.
If this guy wants to party,
He'll be on his own for sure.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Manchin thinks he's good at
Making deals with these jerks.
When's he gonna notice that
It never freakin' works?
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) |
The Senator is looking like
A double-crossing dirty rat
To all the folks who voted for her
Thinking she's a Democrat.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Speaking of Alopecia
If you braid your child's hair
As tight as it can be,
You'll only give her hair loss
By the time she's 23.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For anyone who didn't see
The Oscar night unpleasantness,
Here it is without the bleeps,
In all of its inelegance.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Not only is he not deterred
By anything we try,
But saying what we won't do is
Emboldening the guy.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) |
What kind of Putin parrot says
"Zelensky is a thug"?
If only there was half a brain
Behind the handsome mug.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shooting at civilians.
Shooting at the press.
Shooting at a power plant
That's nuclear, no less.
You can call it "Putin's war,"
But let's just keep in mind:
It takes a lot of Russians
To commit this many crimes.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) salutes Capitol protesters
on January 6, 2021, before they riot and he
objects
to Electoral College results (Photo: Francis Chung) |
What's an insurrectionist
Still doing in the Senate?
Congress put a ban on that;
I thought they really meant it.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) with Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson |
Now they're saying Jackson is
Supported by dark money.
Coming from Republicans,
That's really kind of funny.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Making Daylight Savings Time
The standard time all year,
The way the Senate wants to do,
Is not a good idea.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. |
I've had it up to here with all
This anti-vaccine crap.
If all ya got's conspiracies,
Then kindly shut your yap.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Taking all their yachts away
Is only so fulfilling.
The problem with the sanctions is
They haven't stopped the killing.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If your idea of tyranny's
A stupid little mask,
Talk to some Ukrainians:
They'll straighten out your ass.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you haven't figured out by now
That Trump is fulla shit,
Spare me your opinions, pal;
I couldn't care a bit.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The latest rain prediction
Was just another flop.
They always get our hopes up
And it doesn't rain a drop.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson |
Every time I see the guy,
I have to stop and stare:
An actual world leader
Who has never combed his hair.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Remember which Americans
Were cheering Putin on
When innocent Ukranians
Start dying from his bombs.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They call themselves "conservatives"
But they don't have a clue.
You can't say you're for freedom
And then root for Putin too.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 |
99¢ Only Store:
It's time to change your name.
A dollar twenty-nine
And ninety-nine
Are not the same.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Conspiracist
Saget dying from a fall?
I'm not buying that at all.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 From "Dreading" by Danielle Pamp |
As much as I would like to think
This Covid thing is done,
I'm waiting for another f*cking
Variant to come.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Coronation Someday
It's fitting that they're planning on
A "scaled back" affair.
Why invite the people if
Their princess won't be there?
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Secure the Border
These truckers blocking bridges
Are a bunch of f*cking jerks.
Lock 'em up or mow 'em down--
Whatever f*cking works.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Thanks, Covid
I might be going overboard
With all the germ aversion.
Last time I went this long
Without sex, I was a virgin.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've never been as healthy
As I've been the last two years,
So I may leave the mask on
After Covid disappears.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This Rogan guy reminds me of
A million other schmucks.
But Spotify is paying him
A hundred million bucks.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Presidents are not supposed
To tear up all their documents,
But maybe Trump has more to hide
Than other White House occupants.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: Merrick Garland
As far as going after Trump,
You don't seem too excited.
What more does he have to do
To get himself indicted?
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't believe that Donald Trump
Is back out on the trail.
If D.O.J. was on the job,
His ass would be in jail.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Now that his career's destroyed,
It doesn't help a lot,
But all investigations
Into Cuomo have been dropped.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's millions who think Donald Trump's
The best of all our presidents.
(But they believe a lot of stuff
Without a shred of evidence.)
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Presidential hopeful Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) |
Anyone who'd let a million
Covid tests expire
Is not the kind of manager
You really want to hire.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You can't do much for public health
By thinking only of yourself,
So get the shot and wear a mask
And show you're not a horse's ass.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When NAFTA closed our factories
From sea to shining sea,
It guaranteed that one day we'd
Be out of PPE.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Some leaders will do anything
To forge their reputation,
Like bombing their own people in
A false flag operation.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sucking up to enemies
And pissing on our friends...
A Russian tool must never be
Our president again.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democracy, goddammit,
Isn't something we should dump.
Not for anybody,
And especially not for Trump.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This Interview is Over
Nine minutes is all Donald Trump
Could stand with NPR.
They questioned his election lies,
And that just went too far.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Melania Auctioning "Iconic" Hat, Autographed
A "portion" goes to charity;
At least that's what they say.
(But when's the last time Mrs. Trump
Gave anything away?)
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time he lies about us
Stealing the election,
He's doing what psychologists
Refer to as projection.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fact they haven't locked him up
For any of his crimes
Is proof enough we're living in
The most corrupt of times.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump Leads in 2024 Polls
I can't imagine why
They lionize the guy.
All I've ever seen him do
Is lie and lie and lie.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The country dodged a bullet
With the Capitol attack.
But Trump could snap his fingers
And the assholes'd be back.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not just any New Year;
It's the last year that we've got
To salvage our democracy
Before it goes to pot.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two weeks after former Pres. Trump tweeted
"LIBERATE MICHIGAN!" during its Covid lock-
down,
armed protestors stormed the state capitol
in
Lansing.
Above: outside Gov. Whitmer's office |
This myth of guns and liberty
Is one big f*cking lie.
Unrestricted guns is how
Democracy will die.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They booed him when he told 'em
That he'd had the booster shot...
Trumpers proving once again,
Intelligent they're not.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senators Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) and Joe Manchin
(D-WV) are obstructing their own party's agenda
|
The Democrats can live without
The Build Back Better Act,
But if they don't do voting rights,
They're f*cked, and that's a fact.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you don't do it now,
Then you'll prob'ly do it never.
Start respecting time
Before you're out of it forever.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Jerkoff Nation, the freedom
to be a jerkoff
is all that matters |
Eight hundred thousand Americans dead,
And millions still won't wear a mask.
Sure would be helpful in slowing the spread;
Sorry it's too much to ask.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When it comes to "late adopters,"
I'm the latest, I'm afraid:
I've never bought a single thing
That Apple's ever made.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Thank you for calling; now go away" |
Customer "Service"
Every time you call for help,
And I mean every time,
They pitch your ass on hanging up
And handling it online.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former L.A. Dodgers Joc Pederson & Corey Seager |
I'm done with buying Dodger merch,
Cuz every time I do,
The player's playing somewhere else
Within a year or two.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's been a month of Sundays
Since my ass has gotten laid.
Covid stole my mojo;
Now I'm always too afraid.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Next Up: Omicron
Covid's not behind us,
As the variants keep showing.
Until the world gets vaccinated,
This'll keep on going.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Peter Brooke, The Times |
It's easy to blame Biden
For what happened in Aghanistan,
But Donald Trump's the asshole
Who surrendered to the Taliban.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Down in the Polls
Everything was going well
When Biden's term began;
Didn't start to fall apart
Until Afghanistan.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cell phone video captured Ahmaud Arbery's murder |
Think of all the lynchings
That have happened over time
When no one had a camera on
To document the crime.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whichever way the verdict goes
In Rittenhouse's case,
The one thing that's for certain is
The judge was a disgrace.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fact that Trump's still drawing crowds
Should not come as a shock.
If people like the lies you tell,
They'll line up down the block.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kyle Rittenhouse is pleading self-defense after
killing two and wounding one in Kenosha WI |
He thought it would be cool
To go out brandishing a gun,
But in the end it only made him
Target Number One.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by David Horsey, Seattle Times |
Just cuz evangelicals
Ask "What would Jesus do?"
Doesn't mean a hill of beans
Unless they do it too.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Will We Defend Taiwan?
"Strategic ambiguity"
Is getting out of hand.
Even we don't seem to know
Exactly where we stand.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Virginia Governor-elect Glenn Youngkin (R) told
voters he'd ban critical race theory from schools |
Youngkin knows that CRT
Is not what's being taught,
But never mind reality;
What matters is they bought.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Biden takes five at Glasgow climate summit |
Dozing off at Joe's old age
Is wholly understandable.
White House staff
Should give his ass
A schedule more handleable.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm tired of seeing Jayapal
On TV every day.
Give the woman what she wants
And make her go away.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
January Sixth was not
A false flag operation.
But leave it up to Fox
To give us
more disinformation.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's bad enough Republicans
Are always in the way,
But Joe's not getting any help
From anyone today.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fifteen hundred people
Are still dying every day,
In case you thought this Covid thing
Had finally gone away.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chanting "F*ck Joe Biden"
At a family-friendly show?
Some of Trump's supporters
Are as low as you can go.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A good Attorney General
Who's not sleeping on the job
Would get the insurrectionist
Who fired up the mob.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Merrick Garland isn't up
To prosecuting Trump,
Then maybe this is someone that
The president should dump.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How jaded anti-vaxxers
In America must seem
To all the people
Round the world
Still waiting for vaccine.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Be nice if Kyrsten Sinema
Would give some indication
Of what she needs
To get behind
Her party's legislation.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Democrats can't unify
Around Joe Biden's plan,
It'll be the biggest failure
In the history of man.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just Do It
Seven hundred thousand dead
Cuz all across the nation,
Millions still won't wear a mask
Or get their vaccination.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Or So We Thought...
They can search that f*cking swamp
Forever and a day.
Brian Laundrie isn't there;
They let him get away.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Duff Moses |
Why has no one big been charged
For January Sixth?
Everybody knows who led
The insurrectionists.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Larry Elder |
Don't call him an "Uncle Tom."
As apt as it may be,
You'll only build his image up
Among the G.O.P.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Radio host Phil Valentine, felled by COVID |
All the anti-vaxxers
On the radio are dying.
Hopefully, some listeners
Will find that clarifying.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't know what's so hard to
Understand for all these mothers:
The virus is the enemy,
Goddammit, not each other.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Modern-day America
Is such a scammer's dream:
People will buy anything
Except a free vaccine.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've outlived all my enemies,
So now I must decide:
Make some more, or leave it at
The assholes who have died.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
On the California recall,
You can count me as a "no."
I don't wanna wake up
To the Larry Elder show.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Vietnam, Afghanistan--
You know the end's arrived
When everyone you partnered with
Is fleeing for their lives.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We don't have much to show for all
The dough we've thrown around,
Standing up these armies that
Are always falling down.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Many of our Afghan friends
Are f*cked without a doubt:
The Taliban is now in charge
Of who'll be getting out.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Takes balls to leave Afghanistan,
Even when you know
That you'll be blamed
For dumb mistakes
From twenty years ago.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
So much for all the military
Progress that we touted.
A rout's a f*cking rout and there's
No doubt that we've been routed.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"You get an M16, you get an M16!" |
Not only can we not get back
The twenty years we fought 'em;
The same is also true for all
The weapons we just bought 'em.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If your state's still opposing masks,
Your governor's a horse's ass.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hindsight's 20/20,
But Jesus F*cking Christ:
A little planning in advance
Would really have been nice.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To see these assholes back in charge
Is sobering, for sure.
Twenty years of shoveling
And still the same manure.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Afghans who assisted us
Are learning, like the Kurds,
That trusting the Americans
Is kind of for the birds.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't know what kind of
"Family values" that you've got,
If you don't love your kids enough
To get the f*cking shot.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The problem isn't Jordan,
As repulsive as he's been.
The problem is the people
Who keep voting him back in.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They fret about their "freedom,"
So they won't get vaccinated.
But I don't know how free they'll feel,
Once they're intubated.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The climate crisis won't be solved,
And Trump won't go to jail.
But I still need
To make believe
The good guys will prevail.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Hitler blew his brains out
In a bunker in Berlin,
Most of us were hoping not
To see his likes again.
But Trump was more ambivalent,
Or so his wife has said:
He kept a book of speeches
By the Führer by his bed.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Quarreling amongst yourselves
And getting nothing done:
Rots of ruck, America,
On staying Number One.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The lowest vaccination rate
In all the U.S.A.
Not the place you'd wanna be
With Delta on the way.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're locking up the perpetrators;
How about the instigators?
That's who should be doing time,
Especially the mastermind.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The number of cases
Is off to the races
Cuz millions won't get the vaccine.
And there we thought Covid
Was gonna be over--
I swear, this is like a bad dream.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Barron Trump and his mother Melania, who is 5'11" |
Barron Trump is trending
Cuz he's really, really tall.
The way the kid is growing,
He'll be seven feet by fall.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Not What Republicans Want
In presidential polling,
Pence is bringing up the rear.
(Put your country over Trump,
And there goes your career.)
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How quaint the "Do Not Call" list seems
In Twenty Twenty-One.
We thought that it would stop the calls;
It's stopped exactly none.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To Trump supporters who have not
Convinced themselves to get the shot:
Trump did and his wife did too,
So what the heck is taking you?
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police officers Michael Fanone and Harry Dunn
leave a disappointing meeting with GOP Leader
Kevin
McCarthy (AP Photo/ J. Scott Applewhite) |
Republicans in Congress
Say they always "back the blue,"
But Capitol policemen
Haven't found that to be true.
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
CNN has given
Jeffrey Toobin back his job.
(The understanding is
He won't be pulling out his knob.)
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
First you take some dummies,
Then you add the internet.
You would not believe
The kind of crap you're gonna get!
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They thought that they'd be pardoned
For the Capitol attack.
(That's some imagination,
Thinking Trump would have your back!)
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) |
What good is a majority
With Democrats like Joe?
Every time we need a "yes,"
It's always f*cking "no."
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nobody's safe until everyone's safe,
When there's a mutating disease.
So if you have not
Gone and gotten the shot,
Stop waiting and go get it, please?
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The traitors think they're patriots,
But patriots they're not.
All they are's the biggest suckers
Donald Trump has got.
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Grown-up Justin Bieber has an
Eerie, vacant look.
(So would you if you had taken
All the drugs he took.)
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It never seems to dawn on them,
He's lying to their face.
These Trumpers are so stupid,
I'm embarrassed for my race.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Married to the Mob
We don't support investigating
January 6th.
The boss would go ballistic,
And we can't afford the risk.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Honest Owner's Manual
Our tools aren't sturdy,
So don't make mistakes.
Everything's plastic,
And everything breaks.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They call it self-expression,
But it's sacrilege, I think--
To look as good as Bieber
And destroy it all with ink.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In both of Trump's election runs,
The polling's been awry.
('Fyer ashamed of who you're voting for,
You're prob'ly gonna lie.)
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Home Repair
You know those Valpak coupons
Where the deals seem so nice?
Throw the f*cking things away;
You never get that price.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Post-Truth America
What good is a commission
To investigate the riot?
Unless it blames Antifa,
The Republicans won't buy it.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hindsight's 20-20,
But if only RBG
Had hung the robe up sooner,
How much better things would be.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mask Confusion
If you're seeking clarity,
Don't look to C.D.C.
They don't even know what their
Position ought to be.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course the country's polarized;
I don't know how it couldn't be,
When half the population's always
Pushing some conspiracy.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) |
What a bunch of scumbags is
The modern G.O.P.
How do you do business with
The likes of M.T.G.?
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Andrew Clyde (R-GA) |
January 6
A big lie takes big liars,
And Andrew Clyde is one,
Claiming the attack was just
Some tourists having fun.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans 2021
They failed to kill democracy
On January 6th,
But they're just getting started,
The unconscionable pricks.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Trainer Bob Baffert with Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit |
He's got a lot of Derby wins,
But how does he explain
All the failed drug tests for
The horses that he's trained?
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
F*ck the anti-maskers
And the anti-vaxxers too.
Blessed are the people who
Do what they're s'posed to do.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cheney on the Ropes
Don't speak truth to power
If you're in the G.O.P.
Their capacity for candor
Isn't what it used to be.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't have a student loan
Or auto warranty,
But tell that to the stupid bots
Who keep on calling me.
They call me when I'm working;
They call me when I'm home.
They call me so damn much
They should be paying for my phone.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Millions won't get vaccinated;
Isn't that absurd?
To get to herd immunity,
We'd need a smarter herd.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fake News
"Obama's coming for your guns!"
(Except he never did.)
And now they're saying Biden's
Banning burgers, God forbid.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Other fellow Democrats whom NY Sen. Kirsten
Gillibrand has called on to resign include MN
Sen. Al
Franken, who did, and VA Gov. Ralph
Northam
and
Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax, who didn't |
Gillibrand Strikes Again
Cuomo's just the latest in
A long, distinguished line
Of less than perfect Democrats
She's heckled to resign.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why'd they have to add the Q
To L, G, B and T?
Had all the bases covered there
Already, seems to me.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These unemployment benefits
Are totally berserk:
Everybody's
staying home
And no one wants to work!
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're ending the war in Afghantistan,
But that's not the end of the Taliban:
Soon as we go,
They'll be back in control,
With the help of our "allies" in Pakistan.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Getting rid of gun control
Was not the brightest move.
You can't have law and order
If the laws have been removed.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Close, But No Cigar
Gaetz is not a "pedophile"
And neither is Roy Moore:
Pre-pubescent children aren't
What they're looking for.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) |
He votes against relief and then
Takes credit when it's passed.
Typical Republican:
He's just a horse's ass.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Supposedly, deregulation
Makes the prices fall.
But that is not what happened
Down in Texas, not at all.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Spa Shooter Kills 8
Officials down in Georgia
Say his motive isn't clear.
Well, I'm in California;
I can see it fine from here.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
At the Border
What would Jesus do
If those kids were coming through?
There's a lot of
"Christians"
Who don't seem to have a clue.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. Kirsten Gillibrand & Chuck Schumer (D-NY) |
Top Democrats Call For Gov. Cuomo's Resignation
Circling the wagons
Is not in their skill set.
You'd think they'd have learned
From Republicans; not yet.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Social Security and Medicare
Label them entitlements;
You're not offending me.
I paid in all my frickin' life,
So I'm entitled, see?
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I must be out of outrage
After Trump and all his crap,
Cuz Cuomo's indiscretions
Seem like nothing next to that.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The truth may not be comfortable,
But here it is again:
Donald Trump's delusional.
He didn't f*cking win.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
America vs. Covid
Millions still won't wear a mask,
Despite the tiny cost.
I'm glad this isn't World War II,
Cuz our side would've lost.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Voting for Republicans
Is really getting old.
All they do's deregulate
And leave us in the cold.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Impeach me once,
Impeach me twice,
Impeach me all you like.
I just want my Twitter back--
I need my f*cking mike!
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Magnanimous in victory
And gracious in defeat'--
Not the kind of standards
Every president can meet.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't believe Wisconsin
Traded Feingold for Ron Johnson.
Feingold was a leading light,
But this guy is like day and night.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Diversity Training
A well-intentioned message
Doesn't always come out right,
Like Coca-Cola telling people
"Try to be less white."
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Senate fell short of the 67 votes needed to
con-
vict ex-Pres. Trump after his second impeachment |
57-43 is usually a win,
But not the way
The Senate works:
The losers win again.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Excuse Our French
Isn't Mitch McConnell just
A total piece of sh*t,
Saying Trump is culpable
But voting to acquit?
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The election wasn't stolen.
Don't listen to these schmucks.
They can't accept the simple truth:
He lost because he sucks.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chris Christie is, by all acounts,
A jolly sorta fella,
But you can tell from fifty yards
He's fulla shitzerella.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I gotta say, Navalny
Is a different kind of cat.
If someone poisoned my ass,
I don't know if I'd be back.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) |
Republicans with new ideas?
I wouldn't hold my breath.
All they ever talk about's
The Left, the Left, the Left.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To: Impeachment Defense Team
Wanna make a case for Trump
That's solid as can be?
Then call a spade a spade for once
And plead insanity.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When I finally got my vaccine,
I thought I had it made.
Didn't count on variants
To rain on my parade.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why Trump Lied About the Election
The biggest motivator yet
For staying in the White House
Is knowing if they throw you out,
You're headed for the big house.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The day we thought would never come
Has finally arrived:
Trump is out and Biden's in.
Democracy survived.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Four hundred thousand Americans dead,
And millions still won't wear a mask.
Sure would be helpful in slowing the spread;
Sorry it's too much to ask.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slain Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick, R.I.P. |
They terrorized the Capitol
And now they gotta pay.
Terrorists don't get a pass
For chanting "USA!"
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fifty miles of border wall
Where there was none before
Is all that Trump has gotten done,
In case you thought there's more.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
True Believers:
Your president's been telling you
A dirty, rotten lie.
He lost the damn election.
Now it's time to say goodbye.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nice Try, Republicans
They wanna blame Antifa for
The riot in D.C.,
As if we didn't see it all
On national TV.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Swindle your shareholders,
Stiff all your contractors,
Screw everybody you know.
None 'a that matters
As long as your ass is
The one that ends up with the dough.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Throwing Trump off Twitter
Makes a lot of sense, no doubt,
Though I might need some new ideas
On what to tweet about.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Not Your Father's G.O.P.
The party of Lincoln, the party of Reagan:
We hear all that crap all the time.
But what with the pardons
They're handing out lately,
It's more like the party of crime.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's bad enough that Russia mounts
A cyberwar attack;
What's worse is that with Trump in charge,
We aren't fighting back.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Putin beats McConnell
In congratulating Joe,
It really makes our government
Look functional, you know?
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of the people? By the people?
For the people? No.
We're here to serve the donor class.
The rest is just for show.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't wear my mask for you
And I'm not gonna lie:
I wear it cuz if I get sick,
I'm scared I'm gonna die.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Save Your Money
He says your contribution
Is to help him "stop the steal."
But actually it's going
In his pocket. What a deal!
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Martial Law, Anyone?
Suspend the constitution,
Says the pardoned Michael Flynn,
And redo the election
So my pardoner can win.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We need some legislation
To control disinformation.
We can't keep letting
Total bullsh*t
Tear apart the nation.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'I don't vet the information
That I put out on this show.'
(That's media malpractice, Sean,
In case you didn't know.)
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A retweet's worth a dozen likes.
Although a like is fine,
Unless a tweet's retweeted,
It will die upon the vine.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
One more scam for old times' sake
Before I have to go:
I promise we can win this thing--
Just send me some more dough!
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Thank you kindly, CNN,
For "Deaths So Far Today."
Nothing like some happy news
To get me on my way.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stop What Steal?
A court requires evidence,
But out here they don't need it.
However lame the argument,
The media repeat it.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Rudy's Closing Argument
A free and fair election's
What this case is all about.
If someone didn't vote for Trump,
Their vote should be thrown out.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Coronavirus President
Will never be forgotten.
Not with a performance
So exceptionally rotten.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Crazy Bernie," "Crazy Nancy,"
Donald likes to say.
(But we all know who's crazier
On any given day.)
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whether it's a worker
Or a president you hire,
It's never fun discovering
You picked yourself a liar.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Lock her up!" "Send her back!"
"Build the wall!" And so on.
It's all a bunch of f*ckin' crap,
But crap is what they go on.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you wanna "save America,"
Don't give to Donald's PAC.
Slam the door behind his ass
And never have him back!
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's gotten used to playing golf
And charging it to us.
Once he has to pay himself,
I doubt he'll play as much.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stop the count! I'm losing ground!
It isn't f*cking fair!
I was winning by a lot.
They shoulda stopped it there.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To orphan children purposely
Is cruel beyond compare.
How can Christians vote for Trump?
There's nothing Christian there.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Dodgers Win World Series; Seager Named MVP
He's stoic, he's heroic,
He's the apple of my eye.
His name is Corey Seager
And I'll love him till I die.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Although I'd like to think that our
Elections can't be rigged,
I'm less and less convinced of that,
The more and more I dig.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's quite a bit more likeable
Than Hillary, for sure,
But there's still a lot of buyers
For the other guy's manure.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Let's elect a happy man;
I'm tired of this grump.
The nation needs an optimist,
Not more of Donald Trump.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump Thought Balloon
Another stolen seat, and now
Another swearing-in.
You schmucks may never recognize
Your government again!
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
COVID
You don't see too much unity
On so-called 'herd immunity.'
Mass murder's what
They call it in
The medical community.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I think all these Republicans
Are dumb as dumb can be.
But judging from my Twitter feed,
They think the same of me.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't tattoo your face or neck;
It marks you as a freak.
Try and get a job like that;
Your odds are gonna reek.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These people think they're patriots,
But patriots should know
That flirting with dictatorship
Is not the way to go.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Michigan Madmen
COVID is the enemy,
Not your governor.
So put your f*cking mask on, please,
And keep your hands off her.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't Collude with COVID
If we'd behaved in World War II
The way we're doing now,
We'd all be speaking Japanese
And learning how to bow.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Where the f*ck's Obama?
The guy's been MIA.
Tell him the election's
Only 20 days away.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Lindsey Graham won't let himself
Be tested pre-debate.
Might be time for someone else
To represent the state.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Brown shoes with a blue suit used to
Mark you as a hick.
But now you see 'em everywhere;
These people don't know dick.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Saying COVID's no big deal,
Trump can go to hell.
He knows they saved his ass with things
That we can't get ourselves.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The reason he took off the mask
When he got up the stairs
Is he was very, very, very,
Very short of air.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The last thing that he cares about
Is who he's making sick.
Like super spreaders everywhere,
He's just a selfish prick.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Debate
I can't believe the POTUS thinks
He gave a great performance.
The gap between perception and
Reality's enormous.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're headed for a civil war
And it will not be fun.
It isn't like us libbies are
The ones with all the guns.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Scott Atlas, M.D.
He's a neuroradiologist,
Not epidemiologist,
So saying he's an expert on
This virus is preposterous.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Two hundred thousand Americans dead,
And millions still won't wear a mask.
Sure would be helpful in slowing the spread;
Sorry it's too much to ask.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hey, Trumper
You might not be a racist
Or deplorable, it's true,
But a lousy judge of character?
Admit it, Jack: that's you.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
She couldn't say the Pledge;
She didn't have a clue.
It wouldn't be too hard, I'll bet,
For Biden's wife to do.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In the West
You'd have to be a moron
Not to wanna wear a mask,
Between coronavirus
And this f*cking smoke and ash.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This country is just dumb enough
For Donald Trump to win.
We proved it once already;
I just hope we don't again.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another day, another lie
(Or two or three or four...
Or five or six or seven, eight,
Or sometimes even more).
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
People know that Democrats
Are big on civil rights.
Problem is, they think that we
Forgot about the whites.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kyle Rittenhouse, 17, killed two in Kenosha WI |
Open carry laws are bad;
They oughta be struck down.
Seems we're at the mercy now
Of any f*cking clown.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Spare me, Mr. President,
Your patriotic pitch.
More and more, it's evident
You're only Putin's bitch.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Talking to the enemy,
You never want to fawn.
And that is where this president
Goes very, very wrong.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to wear a mask
When your head is up your ass.
The longer you don't do it, though,
The longer this'll last.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't go hitting "Unsubscribe,"
Cuz that's their latest scam:
It might release some malware,
So just mark the mail as "Spam."
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
An ugly personality
And policies that suck.
You say you love your president;
All I can say is "Yuck."
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Law and order, law and order's
All he has to say.
It worked for Richard Nixon;
It could work for Trump today,
Cuz 99% of us
Are frightened of a mob.
So quit the f*ckin' riots
Or you'll help him keep his job.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're horrible at running things,
But very good at running.
How they win elections while
They're f*cking us is stunning.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Now that there's a running mate,
The race is getting tighter.
Hope we aren't losing whites
Who wanted someone whiter.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They think that he's a patriot.
That's so beyond the pale!
As if a real patriot
Would wreck the U.S. Mail.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Trump declared the virus
Would just disappear in spring,
You'll never guess who told him that:
His buddy Xi-Jinping.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's putting kids in cages,
So it sounds a little odd
For Trump to say that Biden
Is the one who's 'hurting God.'
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The virus won't just "go away,"
And children aren't immune.
(Ignore what POTUS has to say;
He's crazy as a loon.)
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Think this thing is in the bag
For Biden? Think again:
Republicans are purging voters
Everywhere they can,
And many won't discover it
Until Election Day.
So make sure you're still registered
And don't get turned away.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Millions who have lost their jobs
Have lost their health plans too,
So Medicare For All would be
A timely thing to do.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He wants to kill Obamacare,
No matter who gets screwed--
Amidst a damn pandemic, yet.
That's one demented dude.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fauci's been more right than wrong
And Trump more wrong than right,
So I'm surprised it took this long
For Trump to start a fight.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pandemic, shmandemic--
There's nothing to fear!
We'll have a vaccine
By the end of the year,
With millions of doses
In ready supply.
Trust what I'm telling you;
Why would I lie?
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everywhere he holds events,
This thing gets worse, not better.
He may not have the bug himself,
But Trump's a super spreader.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A f*cking ignoramus
Isn't what the country needs.
Imagine the improvement
If we had a guy who reads.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Little Mermaid statue vandalized in Copenhagen |
In spite of what you might have heard,
I'm not a racist fish.
So put the f*cking paint away
And come and make a wish.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Is Trump a Russian agent?
I think there's something there:
The Russians kill our soldiers
And he doesn't seem to care.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pull your head out, Trumpers,
Or you might regret it later.
If you think a mask is bad,
Just try a ventilator.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't read any news at all
With all these fricking firewalls.
The Times, The Post, they're all the same:
I think they figured out my game.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If 95% of us
Would simply wear a mask,
It wouldn't cost us nothin'
And we'd cut the deaths in half.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tulsa Fizzle
It must offend his ego
That thousands would decide
That seeing him
Means less to them
Than saving their own hides.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I won't miss Aunt Jemima.
Not only's she passé,
But all that sugar
Puts me in a
Coma anyway.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The way he dumped on Clinton,
Always questioning her health,
It's time for Trump to taste some
Of that medicine himself:
Like, why's he need a second hand
To take a sip of water?
And doesn't going down a ramp
Take longer than it oughta?
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tulsa Rally
I wouldn't make you wait
Until this virus thing is gone.
Release my liability
And come and cheer me on!
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Catnip for Trump
It doesn't sound too practical,
"Defunding the police."
As 2020 slogans go,
I like that one the least.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
White House economic advisor Kevin Hassett |
Wipe that smile off your face,
You stupid f*cking jerk.
In case you haven't heard it yet,
There's millions out of work.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stunts and distractions:
That's all that we get.
Still haven't seen real
Leadership yet.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Has everyone forgotten
There's a virus going round?
Floyd won't be the only one
They're putting in the ground.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The city is reopening,
But I'm not sure I buy it.
Too much chance to catch this thing
Or wind up in a riot.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The murder of George Floyd |
The thing about this Chauvin guy
I find the most grotesque:
He's looking at the camera
As he's putting George to death.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What's with all these "liberal tears"
I've heard so much about?
These trolls could use some new ideas;
They've worn the old ones out.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Churches are essential!
They should open right away!
(Not that I'll be going;
There's some golf I need to play.)
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's not a "stable genius."
He doesn't have a plan.
He's just a con
Who's out to con us
Any way he can.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Huffing and puffing, not wearing a mask,
The runner is right in my face.
If common ass courtesy's too much to ask,
I think I'll just shelter in place.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I wouldn't fear a "second wave"
Of COVID in the fall.
(It's not as if the first one
Will be over, after all.)
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Donald Trump would wear a mask,
He'd do a lot of good.
But when's the last time Donald Trump
Did anything he should?
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sure, we'll lose a couple lives,
But let's reopen now.
Everybody's gotta die
From something anyhow.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Along with blaming Trump for all
The crap that's coming down,
I blame the ignoramuses
Who voted for the clown.
They knew he was a birther and
A climate change denier;
That's all you had to know to know
The guy's a f*cking liar.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't take disinfectant and
Inject it in your vein,
No matter what the POTUS says.
The POTUS is insane.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Can'tcha turn the news off, honey?
I've had my fill.
If the COVID doesn't get me,
The anxiety will.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No other POTUS
Before Donald Trump
Wanted to see us
Pay more at the pump.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Half a million cases of
Coronavirus, folks.
(In case you needed proof it's not
A 'Democratic hoax.')
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Workers bury COVID-19 victims, Hart Island, NYC |
How dumb would someone have to be
To still believe in Trump,
Through even this catastrophe?
That takes a real chump.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No one knows who's got it
Cuz you cannot get a test,
They say a vaccination is
A year away at best,
Our doctors and our nurses
Don't have half of what they need,
And best of all, we've got ourselves
A leader who won't lead.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trust me, this elixir
Is the best that's ever been.
Sure to cure what ails ya,
And it's now with chloroquine!
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Harry Truman got it wrong:
The buck does not stop here.
(Unless you're counting all the bucks
I've pocketed, my dear.)
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Back to Work, Everyone"
He doesn't care if you or I
Come down with this infection.
All that Trump's concerned about's
His f*cking reelection.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The polling is fakakta or
The people are fugazi:
Fifty-five percent like how
He's handling this? That's crazy.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Where Are the Masks?
''The governors should get that stuff;
We're not a shipping clerk.'
It sucks to have a president
Who's such a fricking jerk.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No toilet paper anywhere
Means having to adapt.
Just eat more ramen every day;
You'll never have to crap.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know you say it's "allergies"
But kindly keep your space,
And try and cough into your arm
And not into my face.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pandemic
Being anti-social's more
Acceptable these days.
No one's told me lately that
I have to change my ways,
And try and be more open and
More trusting and more free.
Now the well-adjusted are
As paranoid as me.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"I alone can fix it."
Did you really think he could?
Cuz Trump is proving dumber
Than a f*cking piece of wood,
The way he botched the testing kits
And lied about the threat.
If this guy's up to fixing things,
We haven't seen it yet.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Dx
Irony deficiency
And rampant truth decay
Are what afflict, respectively,
The left and right today.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Democrats don't want this race
To keep on dragging on.
They've settled on Joe Biden;
Any chance for Bernie's gone.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is like a pair
Of Lululemon yoga pants.
Anyone who's half aware
Can see through him in half a glance.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Look at all the corporatists
We keep on voting in.
Soon we'll have another chance
To get it wrong again.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We've seen some wealthy candidates,
But not like this before.
They say that he could outspend Trump
A hundred times or more.
But money won't be all it takes
To keep his dreams afloat:
The people have to like ya to
Get off their ass and vote.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get Real, Joan
"A Place for Mom," regrettably,
Costs fifty grand a year.
So till I hit the lottery,
The place for mom is here.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
His ads proclaim repeatedly
That "Mike will get it done."
(That's if he wins some primaries;
So far he's been in none.)
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chicken Little, What Say You?
I hate this f*cking field.
There's no one who's that strong.
And half of 'em, let's face it,
Will be dead before too long.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To lower your triglycerides,
Eat lotsa fatty fish--
Like salmon, trout or mackerel,
Or tuna if you wish.
As for carbohydrates,
Limit those for sure;
And stay away from processed food:
It's basically manure.
NOT INTENDED AS MEDICAL ADVICE / CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What an awful precedent,
To not remove a president
Who's crooked as the day is long
And can't distinguish right from wrong.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) signs oath to "do impartial justice" in the Trump impeachment trial |
A trial should have witnesses;
Would someone tell the Senate?
They swore an oath to seek the truth,
But I don't think they meant it.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Texas Strangers
Perry got glasses
And Cruz grew a beard.
Whatever they're after,
It's comin' out weird.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Traitors for Trump
"I'd rather be a Russian,"
Says the t-shirt on your back.
Then why not move to Russia?
Hell, I'll even help you pack.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If this guy ain't impeachable,
Then I don't know who is.
The crimes of other presidents
Seem minor next to his.*
*Excluding war crimes
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As thousands of Iranians
Shout "Death to the Americans,"
It's hard to buy
The White House line
That Trump has made us safe again.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For the record, Democrats
Aren't mourning Suleimani.
Anybody saying that
Is spreading pure baloney.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
God, I miss the good old days.
The doctors were the best.
All these guys do nowadays
Is send you out for tests.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This'll make you wanna rolf:
The money that we spend on golf
For Donald Trump. It's off the charts--
Like half a million just for carts.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To kill their biggest hero
Ain't no way to "stop a war."
You're giving them a martyr
That they didn't have before.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you guys are so innocent,
The evidence will show it.
But that's why you're withholding it;
You're guilty and you know it.
December, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I hate to see the Democrats
Impeaching him so fast.
Republicans would take their time
And make the damage last.
December, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course there was a quid pro quo!
Get over it, okay?
We do these kinds of crooked deals
Every single day.
December, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not exactly breaking news
That Donald Trump's a crook.
The evidence was always there;
You only had to look.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm sorry I did stop and frisk.
I'm sorry as can be.
And now that that's all over with,
I hope you'll vote for me.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They call me when I'm driving.
They call me when I'm home.
They call me so damn much I wish
I didn't have a phone,
These f*cking robocallers.
They all deserve to die!
I'd vote for anyone who'd hang
The motherf*ckers high.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Michael Bloomberg doesn't stand
A snowball's chance in hell
Of winning down in Alabam,
As any fool can tell.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Impeaching him in English
Is their best decision yet.
I don't know
From quid pro quo;
Extortion, though, I get.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't go live streaming
Your next dental cleaning
And end up like Beto O'Rourke.
Instagram's cool
As a general rule,
But it can make you look like a dork.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
53 trillion?
That sounds kinda high.
This health plan of Warren's
Is not gonna fly
If 53 trillion
Is what it'll take.
The voters'll tell us
To jump in the lake.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Kurds were once our friends,
But that's no longer true.
They'll never trust our ass again
For dumping them; would you?
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In His Head
Who cares about the Kurds?
They're just a bunch 'a turds.
Let someone else
Take care of them;
This war is for the birds.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ukraine
Need a little aid?
How's about a trade:
Help me smear the Bidens
And I'll see that you get paid.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't care if Hunter Biden
Sucks to kingdom come.
All I want's a president
Who isn't f*cking scum.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What a f*cking whore you are,
Attorney General William Barr,
Always giving Trump a pass.
I hope they fry your big fat ass.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you needed further proof
That Donald Trump was full 'a crap,
Boy, did he deliver when
He falsified that weather map.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's just the same old song:
He can't admit he's wrong.
Not the clown
You want around
When trouble comes along.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He thinks he's King of Israel,
A Twitter check will show.
If Trump is that delusional,
It might be time to go.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"I love the poorly educated!"
That's a real quote.
(And so would I,
If they were like
My biggest source of votes.)
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Alabama won't be hit
By Dorian at all,
In spite of what the dotard said;
It isn't dotard's call.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Principled conservatives"
Must be in short supply:
Instead of bringing down the debt,
They're blowin' it sky high.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every day the talking heads
Dispense their latest views.
Problem is that people are
Confusing that with news.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Balkans and the Baltics:
He doesn't know the diff.
Pray to God this faker doesn't
Take us off a cliff.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everyone's entitled to
Their private little zone.
That is why I'll never have
Alexa in my home.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whoever started QAnon
Should really get a prize
For showing how susceptible
We are to stupid lies.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whereas Richard Nixon
Left office in disgrace,
Donald Trump came in that way,
If you recall the case:
Right after the election,
He had to up and pay
Twenty million-plus to make
A fraud suit go away.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"No collusion? No obstruction?"
What a f*cking lie.
No wonder Trump's so thrilled
At seeing
Mueller testify.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time they show his tweets,
They amplify the lies.
Ignoring Trump's the only way
To cut him down to size.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Although I'm not a doctor,
I concur that he's insane.
(How the hell at this late date
Could any doubt remain?)
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump v. the Squad
To say they "hate America"
Is dangerous from the start,
Consid'ring all the whackos who
Could take that sh*t to heart.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Inept, insecure and incompetent,"
The British ambassador said,
Regarding America's president...
And then it was off with his head.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
2020
This dipsh*t of a president
Still has a lot of fans.
I wouldn't bet against him,
As the situation stands.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Treason is the reason
For impeaching Donald Trump:
The guy's in Putin's pocket
And he's been there from the jump.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Joe's principal foe
Has always been Joe;
He was born with a foot in his mouth.
If he gets to be
The next nominee,
Just pray that it doesn't go south.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democrats 2020
Watch who's filling stadiums
And who can't fill a hall:
Knowing who to nominate
Should not be hard at all.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mueller won't indict him
And Pelosi won't impeach.
God forbid the lesson
2020's gonna teach.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If I was on the White House tour
And had some indigestion,
I'd try and pass
Some "freedom gas"
In Donald Trump's direction.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The media are much to blame
For Donald Trump's success.
They clean up in the ratings game
And leave us with the mess.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're calling him a hypocrite,
But I don't think he gives a sh*t.
Mitch McConnell ain't the kind
To pay the public any mind.
Long as there are courts to pack,
The one percent'll have his back.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Choke
'We can't indict the president;
It isn't constitutional.'
Not to be indelicate,
But Mr. Mueller's full of bull.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump obstructed justice
But that's not his main offense:
On Russia he's done bupkis
When we need a strong defense.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#ReadTheReport
It's obvious that Donald Trump
Colluded and obstructed.
Most of us would be in jail
For half the sh*t the f*ck did.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The way to make space
For your personal power
Is laying to waste
Institutional power,
Including the Congress,
The courts and the press:
You can't have more power
If they don't have less.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't campaign on how bad Trump is;
We already know.
Tell us what you'll do for us,
And be specific, Joe.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"This Congress is the most diverse
The country's ever seen."
That's wonderful. Now get to work:
Impeach the tangerine.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A health plan that's affordable's
Available, no jive!
You only have to wait until
You're over 65.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's totally preposterous
To say there's no collusion.
He did it right in front of us;
That wasn't an illusion.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A president who's gay would send
These Trumpers off the edge
(Practically a reason for
Electing Buttigieg).
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
William Barr is lying
When he says the feds were "spying"
On the Trump campaign,
But that's a claim
A lot of chumps are buying.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Kirstjen Nielsen
When putting kids in cages
Ain't enough to show you're tough,
Be glad you're getting fired,
Cuz you've whored yourself enough.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He promised us a healthcare plan
That's "better than Obamacare."
So far, there's no sign of that;
Just bigger problems everywhere.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why's he wear his ties so long?
You know the explanation
Has gotta have a lot to do
With overcompensation.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As much as I respect the
Special Counsel, I'll be blunt:
I never would have thought he'd
Be the kind of guy to punt.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Two years in, you know
What kind of president you've got,
And this one is a wrecking ball;
Much more than that, he's not.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't buy their conclusion
That there was no collusion.
He did it right
Before our eyes;
That wasn't an illusion.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Let's end the electoral college!
We gotta get rid of it now!"
I'm with you there, Senator Warren,
But--not to be difficult--how?
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A scoundrel and a scalawag
Is what he's proved to be.
The day he's out of office
Can't come soon enough for me.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's this feeling of foreboding
With the way that people drive.
Every day I wonder
If I'll make it home alive.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How I'd like to see
This lying S.O.B.
Doing time
For all his crimes,
The way it's s'posed to be.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
AOC for president?
She's definitely bold enough;
Only slight impediment's
The fact that she's not old enough.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't get past the nagging feeling
Something's wrong with Wray,
Though all of Trump's appointments really
Make me feel that way.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I have a little ritual
I probably should hide,
But every day I check the news
To see if Trump has died.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Gov. Northam
At first he said he's sorry
For that photo he was in,
So it's kind of hard to swallow
When he says it isn't him.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump's a Russian asset.
He proves it every time
He cozies up to Putin and
Repeats the party line,
Like, "Mueller's on a witch hunt,"
Or "NATO's obsolete."
You wanna know what Russia thinks?
Just read his latest tweet.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Word on Ed Buck
He likes to prey on young black men
And shoot them up with meth.
Unconscionable, even when
It doesn't lead to death.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
My lawyer is a f*ck up
But I think I'll let him stay.
It's hard to fire anyone
Who'd lie for you that way.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'I never said that Mexico
Was paying for the wall.'
Oh yes, you did, you dirty dog;
A zillion times in all.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Who's the one who looks like Lurch
Who's always in the back,
Counting down the decades till
He gets to lead the pack?
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Climate change is real;
Donald Trump is fake.
If you got it backwards,
Wisen up, for heaven's sake.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#TrumpShutdown
It takes a lot of nerve
To try and stick us for the wall.
The promise was that Mexico
Was paying, after all.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why are they so hesitant
To charge a sitting president?
Let's just get it
Over with,
And then you got your precedent.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The desert's either way too hot
Or else it's way too cold.
So think before you move there,
Cuz it will get f*cking old.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's bad enough you'd wanna call
Your genitals your junk,
But wear it on a t-shirt?
Have some class, ya little punk.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump will have to draft
Another Chief of Staff.
General Kelly's
Had it shoveling
Sh*t on his behalf.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Firm your aging neck!"
"Fix your crepey skin!"
My TV keeps reminding me
What sorry shape I'm in.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He seems to think that no one has
A brain as big as his.
(An ignoramus never knows
How ignorant he is.)
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A classic city slicker,
He conned the country rubes...
And now their very livelihood
Is going down the tubes.
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He "fell in love" with Kim Jong Un;
The problem, folks, is this:
Kim is out to f*ck us and
There won't be any kiss.
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
First he says he'll "drain the swamp,"
And then we get Scott Pruitt.
Next he says he'll "build the wall,"
But still can't seem to do it.
Then he gives us "tax reform,"
And rigs it for the rich.
He says he's kept his promises;
My question would be, which?
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time he runs his mouth,
He tells another lie...
The bigger lie, the better;
That's what people like to buy.
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting
He carps about the "caravan,"
And pretty soon a crazy man
Is killing
Fellow citizens
He thinks are with the boogeyman.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Thank the Lord, I've kept my hair.
It's going grey, but I don't care:
It frames my face
In any case,
And I'm just glad it's f*cking there.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You gotta love 'em, rich or poor:
The 99¢ Only Store
Knows how to keep
The prices cheap,
As everybody else's soar.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
My team may have won the division,
But I got a sneaking suspicion
It's gonna end sadly,
They're doing so badly
With runners in scoring position.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Low Road to the High Court
Kavanaugh's less credible
Than Christine Blasey Ford,
But there's an old tradition here:
Accusers get ignored.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Is this guy the best that we've got?
I get the impression he's not,
The way he's attacking
The Senators asking
Him questions, the impudent snot.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to fathom anybody
Pulling such a stunt.
Don't even have to know her
And you know that she's a c*nt.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Update
Five thousand lies and counting,
According to the Post.
When Donald's under pressure's when
He tends to lie the most.
September, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whoever wrote that op-ed piece
Deserves a lot of credit:
The president who never reads
Was so intrigued, he read it.
September, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Midterm Strategy
'We can't discuss impeachment
Lest we rile up his base.'
(I guess it's also out to call 'em
Stupid to their face?)
September, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Devin Nunes has to go,
And sooner versus later.
It's obvious the f*cking shmoe
Is nothing but a traitor.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why do they put "gluten-free"
On everything these days?
Most food never had it
But it's labeled anyways.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Anomalously warm" is what
The next five years will be.
That's one more bit of lousy news
I didn't need to see.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
An English poet long ago
Said "Ignorance is bliss."
I don't think he was thinking, though,
Of ignorance like this.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Collusion's not a crime"
Is Rudy's latest line.
This Trump defense
Is getting less
Convincing all the time.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A Way Out
Let's just pay his ass to leave;
He's gotta have a price.
Someone who's so greedy
Should
be easy to entice.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Once your common sense
Is overcome by ideology,
Do us all a favor:
Stay away from public policy.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What does Putin have on Trump?
I'm not sure we should care.
Just realize
He's compromised,
And get him out of there.
July, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Once they bought the birther sh*t,
That's all he had to know:
There was no frickin' limit
As to how low he could go.
July, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We lost our local toy store,
Which served us all just fine,
To Toys R Us;
Then they went bust,
And now it's all online.
July, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#Civility
Donald Trump's a racist pig,
In case you hadn't noticed.
Must be plenty like him, though;
He ended up the POTUS.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Separating children from
Their parents at the border...
What criminal behavior in
The name of law and order.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump's delusional
To think he's solved Korea.
A photo op with Kim Jong Un
Is not a panacea.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's nothing like the bond
Between the con man and the conned.
They'll probably stick together
Through impeachment and beyond.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've got bigger hands than Trump
And better eyebrows than Trudeau...
A smaller waist than Merkel;
Maybe I should run the show.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Dilettante
Who needs preparation?
I do it all by feel.
I'll know within a minute
If we're gonna have a deal.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Blessed are the lying f*cks:
For they shall rule the world."
That will be our Bible verse
For next week, boys and girls!
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Any more self-pardon talk
Would not be to his benefit.
All it does is make it clear
He knows he isn't innocent.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm here for my free consultation.
They tell me there's no obligation,
So don't try and close me
And don't try and hose me;
Just give me the damn information.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He lies and lies and lies and lies
And people still believe him.
What's it gonna take for all
These nincompoops to leave him?
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When you've got a racist thought,
Before you go and tweet it,
Let that sucker sit a while;
You'll probably delete it.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Three thousand lies and counting,
According to the Post.
Of all our lying presidents,
This one has lied the most.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you think it's acceptable
To badmouth John McCain
While he's in Arizona
Fighting cancer of the brain,
You might just be the kind of gal
The White House wants to hire.
A total lack of decency--
That's all that we require.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just because you're Christian
Doesn't mean you're not a chump.
Look how evangelicals
Have gone for Donald Trump.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"The good news is,
the Fairness Doctrine's
Dead,"
says Ajit Pai.
The bad news is, the FCC is
Headed by this guy.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody's wanting in on
My Last Will and Testament...
Even those who've treated me like
Nothing short of excrement.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: White House
"Honorable"'s not a word
I'd use for Kim Jong Un.
Would someone brief the president
On all the sh*t he's done?
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Corruption under Trump
Is on a level that's insane.
You'd have to be on drugs
To think the swamp is getting drained.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republican Senators blew it
When they allowed someone like Pruitt
To run EPA;
He was never okay
With its mission, and they f*ckin' knew it.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'I cannot answer anything
You're asking me tonight.
Just put the frickin' book up
So they get the title right.'
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt |
Carson, Pruitt, Zinke--
What a cabinet of thieves,
Ripping off the public
Like they couldn't care who sees.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
E-bicycles, e-tricycles,
E-scooters and the like
Are f*cking up the bike paths where
I used to like to bike.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're getting out of Syria!
No wait, we're staying in.
Check with me tomorrow;
I may change my mind again.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fishy
Russia's still attacking us,
And look how Trump's responded:
Instead of kicking Putin's ass,
The two of them have bonded.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Family Night
Thursdays are germ days at Hometown Buffet.
You wanna stay healthy? You'd best stay away,
Cuz starting at 4, they got kids out the ass
Coughing on everything under the glass.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Conor Lamb is cute as f*ck,
If I may be so bold.
I hope he runs for president
Before he gets too old.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Conor Lamb (D-PA) |
The Democrats have found themselves
A brand new shining knight.
He flipped a district Trump had won
By twenty points. All right!
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Russia offered dirt on Clinton,
Junior said, "I love it."
So claiming there was no collusion...
Donald Trump can shove it.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#EnoughIsEnough
You shouldn't be able to walk in a store
And purchase some horrible weapon of war,
Whatever your background, whatever your age.
Surprising it's still a debate at this stage.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I wish these Russian trolls
Would shut their f*cking holes,
Or Zuckerberg & Company'd
Come up with some controls.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another winter storm they hyped,
And all we got was cold.
This megadrought of megadroughts
Is really getting old.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't believe how MPR
Has cancelled Keillor's show.
The list'ners are the losers here,
I hope they f*cking know.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He won't read the intelligence
They give him every day,
But I guess it's for the better
Cuz that's less he'll give away.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's not your dad's Republican,
This Devin Nunes guy.
Daddy hated Russians and
He loved the FBI.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Sh*thole" |
He's gotta love how cable news
Repeats his every line,
As hungry as he is for our
Attention all the time.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's "he said, she said" with these things,
But one thing that we know:
To squelch his aide's
Harassment claim,
He used the people's dough.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Prognostically Challenged
Bill Kristol has a history
Of never being right,
But you gotta give him credit:
He keeps trying every night.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Bannon's out at Breitbart News,
But soon enough, I'm sure,
The Mercers will find someone else
To peddle their manure.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Marianne Williamson
"Does that make sense?" she asks again,
The thirty-seventh time.
I gotta find the exit
'Fore I lose my frickin' mind.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
TR: Speak softly and carry a big stick.
DT: Tweet ca-ca and act like a big dick.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'My nuclear button is bigger than yours,'
The president taunted his foe.
With both of the principals outta their gourds,
You wonder how far this could go.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump
In my humble view, he's a put-on
Who defiles every stage he sets foot on.
But this ain't a crowd
Where I'd say that out loud;
End up with my head getting stood on.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The country's reputation
Is in tatters overseas.
That's the risk you take when
You entrust it to a sleaze.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No Moore
F*ck Roy and the horse he rode in on!
The good guys have actually won.
And nobody needs his concession;
The race is still over and done.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whatever happened to Martin Bashir?
One crack about Palin, and he's outta here!
Must be a challenge to be on TV...
With my kinda mouth, I'd be out 1-2-3.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They thought he's for the little guy,
Cuz that's how he campaigned.
Just wait until they get to hear
His tax reforms explained.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fat cats are impressed:
This tax bill is the best!
It gives to those it oughta,
And it takes from all the rest.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"You think they'll get the president?"
The son-in-law inquired.
I wouldn't rule it out, my friend;
You never know who's wired.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The "atmospheric river"
Isn't flowing anymore.
The rainy season this year
Isn't like the one before,
When there was so much rainfall
That they said the drought was done.
Now rainy season's back again,
And all we've got is sun.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans are fleeing Moore,
But there's an inconsistency:
How come they're still backing Trump?
He's got the same damn history.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They'll stick with Moore no matter what,
Cuz one thing Alabama's got's
A rebel streak a mile wide;
They love a guy we can't abide.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why ya keep voting Republican?
Y'actually wanna get f*cked again?
Isn't it true
They've done nothin' for you?
Never too late to wake up, my friend.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Harvey Weinstein is a pig,
Then what does that make Trump?
Look at all the women
Oinky Oinker's tried to hump.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To hit into a triple play
With bases loaded, no men out,
Will teach a fella right away
What pain and suff'ring's all about.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Republican side of the aisle
Is so f*ckin' stuck in denial
That all they can do
With this Russiagate news
Is reopen the Hillary file.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Now's not the time for a gun debate.'
Actually, guys, it's a little late...
For those who have died
Because someone decided
That now was the time to deregulate.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This gun law blocking,
science mocking
Backward bunch 'a scum
Would not know civic duty if it
Bit 'em on the bum.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sowing discord sea to sea
Is Donald Trump's forté.
Wonder who the S.O.B.
Is picking on today.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In Florida and Texas,
He was Johnny on the spot.
But down in Puerto Rico,
He's unfortunately not:
The people have no water,
Have no power, have no food...
And all he does is talk about
The debt that they've accrued.
September, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In fifty years, will football be
The game it is today?
Or will the fear of brain disease
Make players stay away?
September, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're out of Tiki torches, sir;
We'll get some more next week.
But sheets are all on sale,
If you'd like to take a peek.
September, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Word of the Day
When Donald Trump's supporters
Are referred to as the "base,"
It could be noun or adjective,
Depending on the case.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
CEOs are dumping Trump
As quickly as they can.
'F he's gonna cost 'em customers,
He's not their kind of man.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
From Rosie O'Donnell
To Mitchell McConnell,
The pattern is always the same:
He needs to be fighting
To keep it exciting,
So havoc's the name of the game.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Putin's puppet's in the house!
Why, only just today,
He thanked his ass
For sending half
Our diplomats away.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've studied these "conservatives"
And how they play the game:
If they can't beat ya with ideas,
They'll call your ass a name.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm done with these panel discussions.
If somebody's still in denial
That Trump is in bed with the Russians,
It's time to be turning the dial.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's more to him than meets the eye,
This new man at the FBI.
He's mostly worked
For bad guys, but
He gets the job; I wonder why.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
According to our president,
The White House is a "dump."
Just another reason for
Evicting Donald Trump.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
From the halls of Montezuma
To the shores of Tripoli,
The toughest job a tough Marine
Is ever gonna see
Is serving as the Chief of Staff
To someone who's berserk.
Good luck to General Kelly,
But we doubt it's gonna work.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: Mr. Trump
It's fun to dump on everyone,
But there's a price to pay:
They won't be there to help ya when
You're needing it someday.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why do Bush and Cheney
Never leave the USA?
They fear they'd be arrested,
Is what many people say.
(Although that sounds appropriate,
It prob'ly isn't true;
There aren't any warrants out
For either of the two.)
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"These colors don't run," goes a popular song,
But I'm not so certain, since Trump's come along.
The flags at the White House, particularly,
Look redder and redder and redder to me.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The money is flowing to Kamala Harris
And tongues are beginning to wag
That this is the one they should put up for POTUS;
She's kind of Obama in drag.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Like father, like son:
Donald Jr.'s a liar.
Each statement he gives
Contradicts the one prior.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Note to Self:
No one's gonna pay ya
For the crap you put on Twitter.
It's one gigantic waste 'a time;
They oughta call it Fritter.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The president's been compromised,
But tell that to his base.
They wouldn't get the picture
If you put it in their face.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
False Advertising
How's it called a "health care" bill?
A health care bill it's not,
If millions stand to lose
The only health care that they've got.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
People like tough-talking assholes,
Dishing it out from the stump.
That's how you get these disasters,
Like W., Christie and Trump.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Although you'd think they'd have a plan
With eight years to prepare,
They haven't gotten much beyond
"Repeal Obamacare."
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Read Cicero on treason;
You will find it quite enlightening.
The traitor he describes is
So familiar that it's frightening.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
GOP Health Care
They can't attack what they can't see,
So let's design it secretly.
If millions stand
To lose their plans,
Like, why upset 'em needlessly?
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Junk Mail
The card says "Happy Father's Day,"
Though I am not a dad.
(That's not their main point, anyway;
They wanna list my pad.)
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The president's a liar,
So I thought I'd make some notes.
It pays to CYA
With all the bullsh*t that he floats.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Other than the fact he lied,
Everything is classified.
Wonder if
We'll ever get
To find out what he has to hide.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
City birds are so confused;
They sing all frickin' night.
They don't know when it's time to snooze
With all this frickin' light.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not that RT doesn't have
Good people on the air.
It's just that, what with who's in charge,
I wouldn't watch 'em there.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These f*cking people go to church
And claim to be devout,
And then they vote for Donald Trump.
Explain what that's about.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Bill O'Reilly's off the air
And Roger Ailes is dead:
Two less guys
The distaff side
Of Fox will have to dread.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There is a there there, nincompoops:
The Russia story's real.
So don't sell out your country to
Protect an old schlemiel.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is such a dolt.
He spilled the beans to Lester Holt
And told him why Jim Comey's gone:
That "Russia thing's" still going on.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How in the hell do you stop
A Russian intelligence op,
When those in control
Have the opposite goal--
Protecting the tool at the top?
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He "thought it would be easier,"
This presidency thing.
That alone should tell ya
He's a f*ckin' ding-a-ling.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Imagine a man with no impulse control
Winning the White House at last,
And getting his hands on the nuclear codes.
Doesn't that sound like a blast?
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mexico, he promised,
Would be paying for the wall.
But now that he's the president,
It's not that way at all:
It's we who have to pay for it,
At fifty billion-plus.
Amazing, with this president,
How little you can trust.
April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know how to spell, but my "smart" phone does not.
It "auto-corrects" everything on the spot,
So nothing makes sense when I'm done with a text.
I wonder what crap they'll be thinking up next.
April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody wants my dough
Since Donald Trump got in.
My name must be on every
Lefty list that's ever been.
Once ya give 'em anything,
They're always back for more.
I wish I were a millionaire,
But most I must ignore.
April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"The president has gone insane.
So what do we do now?"
"It's obvious we gotta get him
Outta there somehow.
The 25th Amendment,
For example, is a way
That Pence could be the president
And Trump would go away."
March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Spare me the upsell, goddammit!
You're pushin' so hard I can't stand it.
I only want
What I told you I want.
If that doesn't suit ya, then cram it!
March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Celebrex and Vesicare
And Nexium and Lyrica:
There's a pill for everything
In modern-day America.
Anyone who visited
And looked at our TV
Would have to think these f*ckers
Are as sick as they can be.
March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anyone can understand
Why no one wants to shake his hand:
It's like you're being lassoed;
It's the rudest sh*t in all the land.
February, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Russia must see Trumpsky as
The answer to their prayers.
They could build the Berlin Wall
Again for all he cares.
February, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're clever, these Republicans,
But what should make us nervous is
They're out to wreck the government
And privatize its services.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
So now it's done: he's president,
And crazy as a loon.
He's gonna make a mess of it;
The question is how soon.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Statistics can be made to lie.
For instance, take the CPI:
It always shows
Inflation's low,
When everybody knows it's high.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans will have themselves
The mother of all booties
If they can shrink the government
And privatize its duties.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Looking Ahead
"Trump is not my president!"
That's really kinda reachin'.
He is the goddam president;
That's why we must impeach him.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
She Should Be President, But...
Her "basket of deplorables"
Remark was kind of dumb.
You don't insult the voters;
That is Rule Number One...
Or tell them they'll be unemployed
As soon as you get in.
It's arrogant to talk that way
And think that you can win.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Volvo has an ad campaign
That leaves me high and dry.
There's someone getting married
And we're s'posed to care, but why?
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Coupons are a way of life;
Ya gotta have the coupon.
But stick with stuff you know you like,
Not crazy crap on Groupon.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He labeled Trump a "phony;"
Now he goes and licks his hand.
If you're ashamed of Romney,
I completely understand.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Our system is so stupid
That it makes you wanna cry.
Democracy it isn't,
But we hang on to the lie.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Pet friendly" isn't something
That I look for on vacation.
The pets are always dogs,
And that's a certain indication
You're gonna be awakened
At a very early hour...
A frightfully good way
To make a holiday go sour.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A word to establishment Democrats:
You could've had Sanders, remember that.
Polls showed that he
Was much stronger than she
Against Trump; don't know what you were lookin' at.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've never liked a candidate
As much as Bernie Sanders.
I got his message right away;
Could never understand hers.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
An OSU student, Abdul,
Drove into a crowd at his school
And then started stabbing 'em.
He won't do that again.
Got what he asked for, the fool.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You'd rather have a candidate
Who fills a frickin' stadium
Than someone who can barely fill
A middle school gymnasium.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We didn't like his temperament
And knew he wasn't fit,
But still we made him president.
Ain't that a bunch 'a sh*t.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A better closing argument
Is something she could use.
It's not as if Beyoncé's
Gonna tell me who to choose.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whatever happened to "must see" TV?
Lately on cable there's nothin' to see
But surrogates shilling for Clinton and Trump.
After a minute, you're ready to jump.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Claim
Subway knew for quite a while
Their spokesman was a pedophile.
He wasn't shy,
This Jared guy--
He said he liked 'em juvenile.
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When a macho man like Donald Trump
Shows up in bobby pins,
You'd think it would be front page news,
But better think again:
Although he looked ridiculous,
The press just let it pass.
(He says they're out to get him,
But for once they saved his ass.)
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
On Hillary, I'll say this:
She may not be the greatest,
But 'least she won't
Be someone who
Makes everybody hate us.
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
At Mexico City press conference, August 31, 2016 |
We have a small suggestion
For the Donald if he wins:
Before he meets with Putin,
He should lose the bobby pins.
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To: Kevin Costner
On Vin Scully Appreciation Day
It's not a f*ckin' funeral,
So lighten up, my friend!
Even Scully looks as if
He wishes this would end.
September, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's gotta be a sign
Our schools are in decline,
If we're too dumb
To see when someone's
Feeding us a line.
September, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We'll never see his tax returns;
He can't afford for us to learn
How little that he's really paid
On all that money that he's made.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"A kinder, gentler Donald Trump?"
Now that I gotta see.
(How long, ya think, before he's back
To total S.O.B.?)
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The online experience blows
When shopping for something like clothes.
But that's all we'll have here,
Cuz after the new year
Our Macy's is going to close.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Why have nukes if you can't use 'em?"
Donald wants to know.
It's not just that he's ignorant;
He's proud to let it show.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
California
Inasmuch as there's no rain,
They oughta scrap the bullet train
And put that money somewhere smart:
Desalination, for a start.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He came to California
And declared,
"There is no drought."
How anyone could buy this sh*t's
What I can't figure out.
July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
That does it; the case is decided:
Ms. Clinton will not be indicted.
(For those who believe
That the system is rigged,
More proof has been kindly provided.)
July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"I'm with her," the buttons say,
But will she be with us?
There's so much in her resume
That makes her hard to trust.
That said, she's facing someone
Who's so totally unworthy,
I guess I'll have to 'be with her'
And make believe it's Bernie.
July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump University should be in quotes;
That isn't in fact what it was.
(You couldn't call something
"Trump Hospital," couldja,
By just putting salesmen in scrubs?)
June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody's somewhere else,
Inside their little phone...
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram;
You're always left alone.
June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#JusticeForHarambe
You're s'posed to be judged by a jury, but wow...
Trial by hashtag is what we have now:
Millions of people expressing their view
On how you f*cked up when you went to the zoo.
June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To get the news from cable news,
You gotta watch the crawl
And mute the endless Trumpathon;
It's no damn help at all.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Superman could see through walls;
Now you can see through Trump:
This promo for his phony school's
Just like him on the stump.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The new Muslim mayor of London
Has got him a little conundrum:
If he wants to fly
To the states by and by,
Will he need permission from Dum Dum?
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is f*cking nuts;
What else should we consider?
Jesus, you could see this putz
Start World War III on Twitter.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What this election's not about
Is Mrs. Clinton's marriage.
(It's odd, a guy who's on his third
Finds so much to disparage.)
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
April showers bring May flowers,
So we used to say...
But that's not how the system works
In places like L.A.,
Where rains are insufficient
To grow anything for sure,
So mostly we're dependent
On the water we "procure."
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Face it, Mr. Sales Pro:
They're always gonna rank ya.
And when it's time to letcha go,
They're never gonna thank ya.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
War on Terror
Think of all the countries
That we've bombed to get these scum:
Everywhere on earth
But where they actually were from.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: Ted Cruz
"Donald Trump's a liberal"?
Hey, let me set you straight:
A liberal would not campaign
On bigotry and hate.
I know that it's your job
To throw him underneath the bus,
But take it from a liberal:
He isn't one of us.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'9-1-1, he's got a gun,
But could be just a kid...
And that could be a toy he's got.'
A lotta good that did.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whenever politicians say
We gotta close the EPA,
That really means
Behind the scenes
They're taking big polluter pay.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The GOP won't break apart if
Trump's the nominee.
They'll act like he's the one they wanted;
Just you wait and see.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another sign the Clinton folks
Are under some duress:
They took a static noise machine
And aimed it at the press,
So no one could determine
What she told the donors there.
(If it was on the up and up,
You wouldn't think they'd care.)
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You think these corporate media dicks
Want money out of politics?
They're making scads
Off all those ads.
It's not a system they would fix.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sour Grapes
He brings the independents in
As Hillary does not.
But that is not rewarded in
The system that we've got:
You have to be a Democrat
To vote for him most places.
If primaries were open,
He'd be winning all those races.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's kinda weird: he wins again,
But Clinton gets more delegates.
It isn't on the up and up,
The way we pick our presidents.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If nature is something to tame,
We're not very good at the game...
Or else we'd be outta
This miserable drought,
Cuz we'd know how to make us some rain.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why Bernie
Our appetite for change is great:
Remember, in 2008
We voted for
An end to war,
Not eight more years of stalemate.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Homeland Insecurity
ISIS really worries me;
Al Qaeda does as well...
And Al-Shabab, and Shish Kabob,
And all those hounds of hell.
But on a daily basis,
The one who scares me more
Is the camo-clad American
With all his guns next door.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tortured Trump
The way he needs to tell us that his penis isn't small,
And everyone's in love with him from NY to Nepal,
You start to see a pattern that's unsettling for sure:
We really want a president this f*cking insecure?!
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get this asshole off the stage!
I'm tired of his act:
His haughty air,
his stupid hair,
Most everything, in fact.
I've had it with the media
Not challenging his lies,
And snubbing Bernie Sanders,
Who could cut him down to size.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Blue Wall of Silence
Good cop, bad cop--which is which?
It's hard to tell, if none'll snitch
When one of theirs commits a crime,
But mum's the word
most every time.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Trump's bankrupted companies,
Screwed over workers,
And hidden what taxes he's paid.'
(That all may be true,
Mr. Romney, but you
Did those very same things, I'm afraid.)
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Decaffeinated coffee,
Non-alcoholic beer...
I don't know what they're good for;
So tell me why they're here?
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
See the most recent Republican brawl?
Somebody's grown him a new set 'a balls!
Best frickin' takedown of Donald to date.
Question now, is it too little, too late?
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump's the next president; how do I know?
Looks like the Democrats aren't gonna show.
Maybe it's burnout,
But this kinda turnout
Is not gonna get 'em where they need to go.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I like to write poems that are based on the news,
But lately the challenge is staying enthused
When most of the news is so awful to see,
You just wanna hide and turn off the TV.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Aliso Canyon Storage Facility
After all the gas it's spewed,
Shouldn't they just shut it down?
Everybody knows they should;
Everyone but Jerry Brown.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Saving "the planet" is such a misnomer;
The planet will still be around.
It's we who are on it that's gonna be goners,
If we don't keep temperatures down.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nugent's only trending
Cuz 'a something dumb he said.
(Not to disappoint you
If you thought that he was dead.)
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pregnant? I'd skip the Olympics in Rio,
Where sewers are open and breeding mosquitoes
With some of the nastiest viruses yet.
Zika is one that you don't wanna get.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cruz Takes Iowa Caucus
They only won by subterfuge:
They told the Carson folks,
'Your candidate has left the race,
So give us all your votes.'
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I got to admit, I'm a little confused
By something that's commonly said:
"He sucks all the oxygen out of the room."
Then why isn't everyone dead?
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
She's shouting--my God, is she shrill!
As a speaker, she's nothin' like Bill.
She's more like a dentist
Who's inside your head
With a big ass electrical drill.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Heckuva Job, Ricky
Just to save a measly buck,
He switched our source of water.
So now it's lead we're drinking up.
Arrest his ass? They oughta.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I thought that our fortunes were set:
The winter was s'posed to be wet.
They promised El Nino;
Reality is, though,
We haven't seen anything yet.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Is Hillary Clinton, like, yesterday's news?
Millenial women seem less than enthused...
"First woman president"
Just isn't gettin' it.
They're gonna need more than gender to choose.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A consummate asshole in ev-er-y way:
So what does our surging support for him say,
That we'd even think of electing his kind?
"Surrounded by assholes" is what comes to mind.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Wages are too high," he says.
"Our country can't compete."
If folks see where he's going there,
He won't be hard to beat.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A no-fly zone in Syria--
Like, what is she, insane?
Let's ratchet up this clusterf*ck
And down a Russian plane.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Govs. Sam Brownback (R-KS) and Chris Christie
(R-NJ) |
Kansas and New Jersey
Had some decent credit once,
Until they both decided
To elect a f*cking dunce
Who cut the corporate taxes
Till there's nothin' comin' in.
(Those "fiscally responsible
Conservatives" again.)
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
With thirty million bucks in ads,
You'd think he'd make a dent.
But Mr. Exclamation Mark
Is still at three percent.
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Proof that our gun laws are rotten:
Their guns were all legally gotten.
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Line up with Israel! Don't be a critic,
Or someone will say that you're anti-Semitic.
(Don't think that that couldn't happen to you;
That's even happened to many a Jew.)
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's something faintly creepy with
That word they're using currently:
"Homeland" this and "homeland" that.
It sounds like Nazi Germany.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I punched my mom and stabbed my friend
But now that I've been saved,
I'd like to be your president.
I'm very well behaved.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Voter turnout is the key
To ending this plutocracy.
It's we who've let
The one percent
Run off with our democracy.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't count on corporate media
To filter out the liars.
Just look at all the time they give
To climate change deniers.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What's in a name? For a "socialist," plenty:
A survey suggests ya got little if any
Chance at the White House
If that's how you're known.
(Might be a label you'd wanna disown.)
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anyone who takes this long
Deciding if he'll run
Is not the guy you're lookin' for,
When all is said and done.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What did they know,
And when did they know it?
They knew we were warming;
Their documents show it.
But thirty years later,
They're still playing dumb,
And funding deniers,
Like absolute scum.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
M S N B C
Ain't what it used to be.
But what the heck
Could we expect?
It's corporate TV.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's so damn annoying, that thing that you do:
Asking me "Right?" every second or two...
Tying me down like I'm buyin' a car
(Seventeen times that you've done it so far).
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even if there were no Isis,
There'd be a refugee crisis.
Try hangin' out
Where there's nothin' but drought.
A place where there's water is priceless.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Must they cover Donald Trump
Every time he takes a dump?
Didn't all his
Birther sh*t
Disqualify him from the jump?
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Uber needs access" to all of my sh*t:
My photos, my contacts, the whole f*cking bit.
I wanted a ride where I'd save on the tab,
But f*ck this malarkey--I'm callin' a cab.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From: H <hrod17@clintonemail.com> |
Was anyone watching the store?
You'd think it'd be hard to ignore
That emails from "H"
Weren't coming from State;
She sent 20,000 or more.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The "Prince of Peace" is what he's called.
(Ironic, that, considering all
The bloody wars that men have fought
With Him on board, or so they thought.)
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've made my choice for president
And nothing can deter me.
The others are irrelevant;
I'm in the tank for Bernie.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You see what's at stake in Alaska,
With everything heating up faster.
So why aren't you willing
To see that by drilling
The Arctic, you're courting disaster?
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stump the Trump
My favorite book's the Bible,
But as far as favorite verse?
I wish I woulda thought 'a that
And gotten one rehearsed.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Quit the NRA! |
Men of conscience should decline
To send this group another dime.
It's getting old,
How it opposes
Any gun law, any time.
August, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They hype us on working from home,
As if we'll like being alone,
And won't go berserk
Having no one to work with
Except via email or phone.
July, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change denier Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) |
If "family values" is their thing,
Then how can all these dingalings
Be leaving to their precious kids
A planet as messed up as this?
June, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You wanna shrink the government,
But who would really win?
If you believe
It's you or me,
You'd better think again.
June, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Justifying the War
"The world's a better place
Without Saddam," or so they say.
(A million dead Iraqis
Might not see it quite that way.)
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The bodies were still being recovered when House Republicans cut Amtrak's budget
by
$260 million
and rejected funding for speed control
technology
that would
have helped prevent
a
horrific train
crash in Philadelphia
the night before
|
What happened was wholly preventable.
That's why it's so damn indefensible
That Congress would cut
Amtrak's budget so much
One day after. It's incomprehensible.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The killing of Osama Bin Laden didn't go as the
White
House said, according to Seymour Hersh |
We may have been misled
By the "hooey" we were fed,
But what isn't in
Dispute is that
The S.O.B. is dead.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whatever the scandal of late,
It always ends up as a "-gate."
I wish they would snuff
The Nixonian suffix;
It doesn't belong on
"deflate."
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Four months after 12 were killed at a Paris maga-
zine over publishing cartoons of Mohammed,
provocateuse Pamela
Geller offered $10,000
for the
'best
Mohammed cartoon' at a TX event,
and got the copycat attack she was looking for |
To bait Islamic terrorists
With cartoons of Mohammed
Is so damn irresponsible,
It makes you wanna vomit.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Obama got elected,
There were pundits who suggested
We were over race; remember that?
Sadly, they were fulla crap.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama says critics of the Trans-Pacific Partnership should judge the trade deal on the
facts, but those facts have been kept secret |
I feel like such a fool!
He's just a corporate tool.
He wouldn't be
For TPP
If he was really cool.
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Great Expectations
She voted for a war
That was our country's darkest hour.
What other dumb decisions
Will she make if she's in power?
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Our money's good as anyone's.
That's why in Indiana,
When people tried to f*ck with us,
Big business went bananas.
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mike Pence (R-IN) signed a law protecting businesses from civil rights lawsuits filed by peo-
ple
they refuse to serve on the basis of "religion"
|
"Religious Freedom Restoration's"
Written, for your information,
So these clowns
Can get around
Our laws against discrimination.
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Progressive Democrats want Sen. Bernie Sanders
(I-VT) to seek their party's presidential nomination
|
A candidate who we can trust
To actually be there for us...
'Fwe weren't asleep,
This guy would leave
Both Bush and Clinton in the dust.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, with daughter Caroline, is
the
first Republican to enter the 2016 presidential race |
A guy who thinks so crazily
And gives a speech so nasally
And looks so odd
Won't win it, but
He thinks he can, amazingly.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The first day of spring should delight us,
But sadly it also reminds us:
We're headed from here
For another dry year,
Cuz the best chance of rain is behind us.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sanctionista
"Extraordinary threat," he says,
"To national security."
So what exactly is the threat?
It's sounding like manure to me:
Is Venezuela gonna blow us
All to smithereens?
Or is this how we destabilize
A socialist regime?
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No slave to truth, Bill O'Reilly |
"The O'Reilly Factor" on Fox News
Whatever else it is, a "no spin zone" it's not.
It's funny they would call it that, considering it's got
An anchor spinning yarns about his acts of derring-do
That actual reporters have determined aren't true.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"There are terrorist attacks all over the world
& we're
talking about closing down Homeland
Security,"
tweeted Rep. Peter King (R-NY).
"This is
like
living
in a world of crazy people."
|
"Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow
Republican"
Republicans seem to've abandoned
Their famous Eleventh Commandment.
It's too hard to keep
When there's so many creeps
In the party, they can't even stand it.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mom, don't even hesitate:
Grab your kid and vaccinate
His ass right now,
Before he's down
With measles (wouldn't that be great).
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why did Brian take to lyin'
When he had it all?
And think he'd get away with it?
That takes a lotta gall.
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jeb Bush was expected to raise $10+ million from
Wall St. donors at a $100,000 per plate dinner at
billionaire Henry Kravis' Park Avenue residence |
You wanna have Jeb Bush's ear
And get to shake his hand?
Then sign up for his dinner here--
It's just a hundred grand.
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If pipelines were impervious
And never ever leaked,
Then Keystone wouldn't worry us,
But as it is, we're freaked.
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'We broke it; we own it.' That's not just
Iraq,
But the whole Middle East, as a matter of fact.
Nothing we've done there has been a success
Since W. snookered us into this mess.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For a country that's so damn religious,
You'd think we'd be asking forgiveness
For all of the blows
We've inflicted on those
Who were minding their own f*cking business.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't think of anything better
Than sitting here dreading the weather.
The TV won't quit
With this megastorm sh*t.
Sit down and we'll stress out together!
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Dissenting from the Supreme Court's decision
upholding Michigan's affirmative action ban,
Justice
Sonia Sotomayor said Chief Justice John
Roberts
was "out of touch with reality" on race
|
Wish there were more like Sotomayor.
She is the justice whom I most adore:
Look how she's able
To take on an a-hole
Like Chief Justice Roberts and give him what for.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'll hear your confession there, Father:
So how many kids did you bother
And tell not to tell
Or they'd all go to Hell?
Was handy, huh, having that collar?
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Years after the deadly failure of a Minneapolis bridge
during rush hour, the American Society of Civil
En-
gineers
still gives U.S.
infrastructure a grade of D+ |
While interest rates are low,
We oughta find the dough
And fix what all needs fixin',
Not just wait for it to go.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
NYC police turned their backs on a live video feed
of Mayor de Blasio eulogizing one of their own |
A clarification before we go
And put all the blame on de Blasio:
Did he shoot those cops?
No, he did not.
Did he choke that guy in the video?
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kim Jong Un character in Sony's "The Interview" |
At Least Change His Name?!
"Comedy" or not,
A movie where the plot's
Assassinate
A head of state
Should never have been shot.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No wonder "stop and frisk"
Has everybody pissed:
They take the cash
Right off your ass
As if it won't be missed.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"I can't breathe" |
The way that Eric Garner died
Was quickly ruled a homicide,
But bring the perp
To justice? Nope,
The prosecutor never tried.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK), known for blocking
bills through "holds," used his last days in
the
Senate to block a $22 million veteran suicide
prevention bill with broad bipartisan support |
Good-bye to Dr. No.
We're glad to see him go!
He got his kicks
From bein' a dick
And holding up the show.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since 1998, 183 University of Virginia students
have been expelled for honor-code violations such
as cheating on exams, but not one for sexual as-
sault, despite multiple reported cases |
An honor system gone awry:
You cannot steal, cheat or lie
And get to stay
At UVA,
But rape, they'll letcha slither by.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
CNN's Don Lemon apologized for his bizarre
questioning of one of Bill Cosby's rape accusers |
'When Cosby made ya give him head,
Why dintcha bite his dick instead?'
'I wasn't sure how that would go.
You try it, Don, and let me know.'
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The thing that I'm most grateful for
On this Thanksgiving Day
Is being free of any urge
To jump into the fray
And battle all the shoppers
Who are gathered at the mall
To get a deal on something
That's forgotten by next Fall.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Suddenly everyone's giving me grief
For sitting on millions in Sandy relief,
But 800 mill is a lot to let go.
Screw everybody; I'm taking it slow.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Too bad they don't give Mulligans...
By voting in Republicans,
Now ninety-nine percent of us
Have no one representing us.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It can't get weirder, can it?
You flat could not invent it:
They block our will
Completely, still
We give 'em back the Senate.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Legislating from the bench"
Is something he was dead against.
But look how soon
He changed his tune,
Once he got himself entrenched.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A spurned WA teenager shot five, then himself |
Who gives a sh*t what his motive was?
Isn't the point that the little skuzz
Would never have done it
If he'd 'a been gunless?
The gun made the difference; it always does.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ebola patient coming through!
I'd give him room if I were you.
(He's blocks away,
But who's to say?
You never know what germs can do.)
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
All the fun people are gonna be deaf!
Nightclubs are beating our eardrums to death.
Why can't they keep it to reasonable noise?
No getting back what a deejay destroys.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We beat the Giants three weeks back
And won the NL West, in fact.
But nowadays that don't mean squat:
Look who's in, and look who's not.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
How to stop saying the word " like" |
When every other word is "like,"
It's hard to even listen.
We sound like we're lobotomized
And half our brains are missin'.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republican Strategy Session
Voting early isn't right;
The folks who do it aren't white.
It's something that we gotta stop,
Or how we gonna stay on top?
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The time for denying it's past:
The planet is heating up fast.
There's much to be done,
But priority one
Is to pull our head out of our ass.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Moving on...to Wall Street?
Retiring U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder
|
Good-bye to Eric Holder.
His record has been mixed...
He fought the fight for civil rights
All right, but then there's this:
He coddled all the banksters,
And let 'em pay a fine;
They crashed the world economy
And no one's doin' time.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A South Carolina trooper was arrested for shooting
an unarmed motorist who was complying with his
order to get his driver's license after being
stopped
for not wearing a seatbelt |
The thing we gotta stop
Is trigger happy cops
Who act like we're
all terrorists
And they're in Special Ops.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Follow the money: Few in Washington have raised
concerns
about the proposed merger of Comcast
& Time Warner Cable, though the combined entity
would control 19 of the top 20 U.S. markets,
with
a
30%
market share in cable & 40% in broadband |
We've long had laws on antitrust
And everyone endorses them,
But spread around sufficient bucks
And nobody enforces them.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Until they see a certain cop
Convicted by a jury,
Don't look for all the sh*t to stop
In Ferguson, Missouri.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Back to Iraq
You don't buy these tribesmen; you rent 'em at best.
Remember when Dubya was pounding his chest,
Proclaiming the surge was
what won us the peace?
What won it was cash, and they'd like some more, please.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
NFL Domestic Violence
This comes as such a big surprise;
They all seem like such decent guys.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Go East, Young Man
Sunny days are lots of fun,
But when there's nothing but the sun,
You can't sustain
A fricking thing.
Without some rain, the West is done.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Heritage Institute called it highly unlikely that
Al Shabab would remain intact as a cohesive terror-
ist group after the U.S. killed its leader in Somalia |
We just killed the leader of some f*cking group.
So that oughta fix 'em; they'll never recoup.
He won't be a martyr whose praises they'll sing;
More likely than not, they'll forget the whole thing.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Islamic State militants added an American journalist
to their hundreds of beheadings across Iraq & Syria
|
ISIS
You're talking some real depravity:
These guys are so bad that they had to be
Expelled from Al Qaeda,
No less, cuz their fighters
Were using "excessive brutality."
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"The War to End All Wars"
Began a hundred years ago,
And even though we won it,
There's an asterisk, you know:
It didn't end all wars;
In fact,
it wasn't even close.
There's more of 'em than ever now,
And we're involved in most.
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Bathtub ring: Water and hydroelectric deliveries are threatened as Lake Mead
on the Colorado River has
fallen
to its
lowest
level since the Hoover Dam
was completed
and the
reservoir filled in the 1930’s |
Forget what you've seen in the past;
This drought's in a singular class--
The kind that could augur
A gallon of water
At more than a gallon of gas.
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We know that there's no precedent
For us to sue the president,
And it won't fly,
But that's all right...
The base will find it resonant.
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Despite having the highest uninsured rate in the
country, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, like most GOP
governors, has refused to expand Medicaid in his
state, though the federal government would pay
100% of the cost now and 90% after three years |
Isn't it inspiring
To see how they're conspiring
To uninsure
The millions who're
Barely, like, surviving?
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A Jewish deli in L.A.
Is where the prez had lunch today.
The talk was small;
No talk at all
Of genocide in Gaza, say.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Four months after a Malaysia Air jet vanished over
the Indian Ocean, one was shot down over Ukraine |
If you're the type who takes a dare,
Then come and fly Malaysia Air.
The kind of year
We're having here,
Your ass could wind up anywhere.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Protesters blocked buses taking Central American detainees--mostly women and children--to a Border Patrol processing center in Southern California |
What would Jesus do
If those kids were comin' through?
Out in Murrieta,
California,
They don't have a clue.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If it doesn't get your goat
They're making it a bitch to vote
And easier to buy a gun,
Then you must be Republican.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
His "all of the above" energy strategy
leaves little
chance that Barack Obama's presidency will be
remembered as "the moment when the rise of the
oceans began to slow and the planet began to heal,"
a vision he tantalized supporters with in 2008
|
Until we say no to Big Oil,
They'll only continue to foil
Our efforts to manage
A liveable planet
(That isn't theirs, dammit, to spoil).
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If your phone were really smart,
When you got in your car,
It'd hop into the trunk
And stay away from where you are.
That ain't gonna happen, though,
So here's a tip for real:
Turn the f*cker off
Before you get behind the wheel.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What if the Boston Marathon bombers hadn't been -identified through surveillance videotape? The U.S.
has had the technology to trace explosives for dec-
ades,
but it goes unused due to NRA opposition |
A right to bear arms or a right to bear bombs?
It's hard to make sense of the NRA's qualms
'Bout tagging explosives so they can be traced,
But they're still opposing it. What a disgrace.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A former Navy officer was found guilty of
raping two women he met through the internet
dating sites ChristianMingle and Match.com |
Sacrosanct and single?
Go on ChristianMingle.
(Just pray it's not
A psychopath
Who's making your heart tingle.)
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
CEO Jeff Bezos shows off Amazon's new smart-
phone,
which can recognize images, products, text
and
audio, and connect users to buy those items |
Amazon's got a new smartphone named Fire.
Its primary object's to make you a buyer
Of every last product and service they've got,
Till every last buck in your wallet is shot.
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two years after Indiana passed an NRA-backed
law allowing citizens to shoot public servants
who
'overstep their authority,' an Indiana couple
assassinated two policemen eating lunch in Las
Vegas and proclaimed the revolution had begun |
NRA members, please tear up your cards:
Don't give one more dime for this f*cking canard
That only more guns can protect us from harm.
There's too many nutbags you're helping to arm.
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A Veterans Administration investigation found sys-
temic problems, with records being manipulated nationwide
to mask long waits for appointments |
We send 'em to Afghanistan
And then on to Iraq.
And just to show we're grateful,
When they finally get back,
We make 'em wait forever
When they need to see a doc.
We thank 'em for their service
But it's sounding like a crock.
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A CA killer spurred new calls for tougher gun laws |
The "lonely young virgin" was resolute:
He'd find him some women to execute,
Cuz he couldn't get none.
But that begs the question:
Why didn't he just call a prostitute?
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Free" trade deals have cost American jobs, and
the
Trans-Pacific Partnership may be the worst one yet |
What a stinking pile of sh*t's
This Trans-Pacific Partnership.
You'd think that they'd
Be off free trade,
With all the damage NAFTA did.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Google's new computerized eyewear may have
more than the $1,500 price tag to overcome |
Don't Be Evil
If someone wearing Google Glass
Should follow you around,
Remove 'em from their head
Before you stomp 'em in the ground.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Egyptians, shown protesting Pres. Mubarek's refu-
sal to step down in 2011, look ready to put another
former military commander in charge: Abdel Fattah
al-Sisi, who
recently vowed that the Muslim
Broth-
erhood
would
"cease to exist" if he were elected |
Egypt in a Nutshell
Once they got democracy,
They voted for theocracy.
When that went bad,
They went right back
To what they'd had: autocracy.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. resumed military aid to Egypt, even as 683
were sentenced to death for killing a police officer,
& the
democratically-elected ex-president
continued
to be
held on charges that carry the death
penalty |
Egypt
With all of the people they've sentenced to die,
I can't for the life of me understand why
Obama would give 'em more milit'ry aid,
Their evil intentions so clearly displayed.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It took nearly an hour for convicted murderer
Clayton Lockett to die in a grisly Oklahoma ex-
ecution that
officials
finally hid from observers
|
A botched execution? Well, f*ckin' boo hoo.
I hear that his victim's was pretty botched too:
The one that he kidnapped and pumped full 'a lead,
And buried alive when she wouldn't play dead.
...I'm not disputing death penalties suck,
But don't ever ask me to cry for this f*ck.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Faith in internet security was shaken by the discov-
ery of "heartbleed," a programming flaw that leaves
encrypted websites vulnerable to hackers |
I thought that little padlock meant
A website was secure.
But that, like so much else these days,
Turned out to be manure.
April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A sick 1-year-old was rescued at sea with her family after they tried to go sailing around the world, de-
spite the infant's having just tested positive for sal-
monella
and
being on three antibiotics and a steroid
for
bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection |
Baby daughter's ailing?
Why not take her sailing!
Salmonella,
Shlamonella--
That's why they got a railing.
April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Equating money with "free speech," the Supreme Court's conservative majority followed its Citizens
United decision allowing corporations
to spend
unlimited sums on election campaigns
by striking
down the
total limits on individuals' contributions
in McCutcheon v. Federal Election Commission |
Take nine random people and put 'em in robes:
I'll bet their decisions are better than those
That Roberts and friends have been able to make.
They can't even learn from their biggest mistake.
April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The CA State Senate suspended Leland Yee and
two other Democrats who are fighting criminal
charges.
Yee,
arrested in an FBI sting, is accused
of
corruption
and conspiracy to traffic in guns
|
California Democrats, corrupt as they can be:
Roderick Wright, then Calderon,
And now there's Leland Yee--
Each one with a rap sheet
That outdoes the one before.
Damn if I know who the hell to vote for anymore.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In California, up to 30 million young salmon will be trucked from inland hatcheries to waters near the
Pacific Ocean after the state's drought has left riv-
ers too dry for them to migrate on their own. Top
scientists issued a dire new climate change warning |
When drought leaves our rivers too dry for the
salmon
To swim to the ocean, it's time to get jammin'
On fixin' this climate before it's too late.
Our food's out there dyin'; how long can we wait?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Searchers have found no sign of Malaysia Flight 370 |
We don't have a whole lot of facts;
We're not even sure it was jacked.
But what we keep wonderin'
Throughout this conundrum
Is whether it could've been hacked.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Breaking News: We have no news
About the missing plane.
We only called it "breaking news"
To suck you in again.
It's just the same old theories,
The same old talking heads,
The same old damn commercials.
I'd watch something else instead.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Not
since Amelia Earhart's plane vanished in 1937
has there been a mystery like Malaysia Flight 370 |
My flight gets in at 6:15
So come and get me, dear.
I'll be down by the baggage claim
(Unless we disappear).
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fracking is depleting water supplies in America's
driest areas, a new report shows |
I'll tell ya why we oughta
Put frackers out to slaughter:
As reservoirs
Keep going down,
We can't afford the water.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama is taking heat for using executive ac-
tions to bypass a do-nothing Congress, but most
of
his recent predecessors used them even more |
"Executive actions are running afoul!
Obama's a tyrant!" Republicans howl.
But what's he to do
When the Congress is truly
Against him on everything? Throw in the towel?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Nearly 20% of U.S. soldiers had a common mental illness before enlisting in the Army, a
study shows |
It's something we thought was immutable--
That soldiers be mentally suitable,
But two out of ten
Are a little unhinged,
And nonetheless seen as recruitable.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In 1996, Defense Secretary William Perry and his Russian and Ukrainian counterparts celebrated the dismantling of a Ukrainian nuclear missile silo by planting sunflowers
in its place. 5,000 USSR-
inherited nuclear weapons were transferred to Rus-
sia,
after both countries signed a pact with the US
and
UK
guaranteeing Ukraine's territorial integrity
|
After you give up your nukes,
How do you put up your dukes
When sooner or later
Your nuclear neighbors
Are acting like absolute pukes?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sec'y of State John Kerry, who voted for the Iraq
War Resolution in 2002, blasted Russia's incursion
in Ukraine: "You just don't invade another country
on phony pretext in order to assert your interests" |
The high ground is lovely to claim,
But wasn't it roughly the same,
Invading Iraq
On our own set of facts
As the Russians have done in Ukraine?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
So long, Sochi |
We caught the whole public relations campaign...
"We're not your old Russia with war on the brain."
But all the p.r.
Doesn't go very far
When the next thing you know they're invading Ukraine.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Paul Tanaka is running to replace Lee Baca as L.A. County Sheriff, though the scandals that engulfed
the department on their watch forced both to quit |
Whoever replaces ex-Sheriff Lee Baca,
We'd better do better than Mr. Tanaka.
Ya need someone new,
Not the old #2,
To fix a department so frickin' facacta.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The failure of the world's largest bitcoin exchange triggered a panic sell-off of the virtual currency |
So bitcoins are worthless? That's gotta be rough
For all of the folks who were into the stuff.
But what was the virtual money's allure?
You had to be crazy to think it's secure.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jordan Davis, 1995-2012 |
The problem down there's
Every Tom, Dick and Harry
Can go get a permit and legally carry,
So people get shot for the stupidest things.
This is the crap that less gun control brings.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Michael Dunn, 47, who killed an unarmed teenager whose rap music annoyed him, shows
disbelief
af-
ter
being convicted on lesser charges. Like
George
Zimmerman and the moviegoer who killed another
for texting, he has a FL concealed weapons permit |
Sunshine State
Hey, turn down that music there!
Stop with those texts!
With middle-aged white guys increasingly vexed,
You'd better watch out when they make a demand...
Before you find out there's a Glock in their hand.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jamie Coots, R.I.P.
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents
&
scorpions, &
over
all the power of the enemy;
&
nothing
shall by
any means hurt you. (Luke 10:19) |
A snake-handling preacher has gone to his grave
Believing that Jesus would be there to save
His ass from a bite,
But it got him, all right.
(Know how some churches
use grape juice for wine?
Maybe their snakes could be rubber next time.)
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 George Zimmerman, acquitted last year of murdering
Trayvon Martin, says he's homeless and has PTSD |
Zimmerman 'suffers from PTSD.'
That's kind of how you'd expect it to be
For someone who murdered an innocent kid.
I'd sure be stressed if I'd done what he did.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The end of snow? Only half of the cities that have
hosted the Winter Olympics may be cold
enough
to host them again by 2050 |
Winter Olympics are fun!
But under a punishing sun,
Scientists say
That we may see the day
When the Winter Olympics are done.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With his office under federal investigation, NJ Gov.
Chris Christie
was shunned by TX Gov.
Rick
Perry
and
candidates in TX &
IL when he travelled
there
to raise funds for
the
Republican Governors
Assn. |
The more that he tries to deceive 'em,
The more that they're starting to leave him.
When Christie says he
Wasn't in on Fort Lee,
Supporters don't even believe him.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When government gets smaller, who wins? |
Wanna shrink government? Some people do...
Mostly the people who haven't thought through
Who'll be the winners if that comes to be;
Dollars to donuts, it's
not you and me.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Most Americans agree with Pres. Obama that the minimum wage should be raised, but the chances
of
Congress doing anything about it are next to nil |
Why am I working full-time,
And still getting treated like slime?
My pay should be fair
But these people don't care
That I'm under the poverty line.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No matter how good all the ass has been,
You don't wanna wed a Kardashian.
They get--like poor Odom--
Some guy by the scrotum,
And soon the whole family is cashin' in.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cultural Exchange
Watching how they can manipulate
Those little tongues when they ululate,
It goes through your head--
If you got one in bed,
You might both need a week to recuperate.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 America has the lowest voter turnout of wealthy
countries, and look what we have to show for it
|
When 3 out of 4 say they haven't done sh*t
To fix all our problems, that oughta be it.
But pros are predicting they'll stay in control...
Cuz most of us won't even go to the polls.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) claims he knew nothing about his associates' closing of George Washington
Bridge lanes to tie up traffic as a political vendetta,
though emails show the plot originated in his office
|
"Abject stupidity?"
That part is true.
But guess who selected those people: it's you!
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pope Francis has the makings of a radical reformer
if
he focuses the same moral outrage on his own
institution that he has on ' trickle-down' economics |
We've needed a pope like this Francis forever,
But didn't expect we'd be seeing him ever.
Course, now comes the part
Where he shows us his range:
A lotta great talk, or some actual change.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The 2005 Porsche Carrera GT that carried Fast
and Furious actor Paul Walker to his death was
going 100+ mph, and was
built without the
sta-
bility
management system most Porsches have |
From 0 to 60 in 4 seconds flat
Is pretty impressive, but how is it that
The people at Porsche forgot to include
A stabilize system for that little dude?
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With less than an inch of rain in the last six
months, 2013 was L.A.'s driest year on record |
In New England it hasn't stopped snowing,
But out West here, anxiety's growing
That we'll never see rain
Or a good snow again--
Not the way that this megadrought's going.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The late Malcolm Mency with Malcolm, Jr. |
Eighteen years old, a new father, in fact,
Walks home one night and gets shot in the back.
Guns should be harder to buy;
Screw the lie
That the Second Amendment is under attack.
When's the last time it got shot in the back?
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If it looks like a redneck and quacks like a redneck,
it's probably a redneck
|
A redneck is what he's supposed to be.
So why is the guy from Duck Dynasty
In trouble these days
Cuz he's dumb about gays?
He knows about ducks, not diversity.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A school shooting near Columbine occurred
just
months after three Colorado legislators lost their
jobs
for
supporting stronger gun laws |
Though everyone's always appalled,
Does anything ever get solved?
When folks we elected
Wrote laws to protect us,
They ended up getting recalled.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
30-year old Kim Jong Un is rattling international
nerves as he
purges N. Korea's senior leadership
|
My uncle was scum. He was worse than a dog.
And just in case anyone's still in a fog
'Bout who's in control here,
Then get through your head:
I didn't like Uncle, now Uncle is dead.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With one eye on the White House, ex-Secretary
of State Hillary
Clinton
did not take the diplo-
matic
risks her successor John Kerry has taken |
The final assessment of Clinton at State:
Despite all the hoopla, she wasn't that great.
She travelled like crazy
But played it too cagey--
A little less daring than Kerry to date.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Russian diplomats in NY claimed poverty to fraudu-
lently collect Medicaid for their pregnant wives and children while shopping at Prada and Tiffany's and taking luxury cruises, the U.S. government charged |
The Russians are coming...to get on the dole.
The FBI says that their diplomats stole
1.5 million in Medicaid perks.
Mere deportation's too good for these jerks!
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The EPA has halted investigations of
environmental damage from hydraulic fracturing,
while privately
warning those affected not to drink their water
|
Fracked
They tell us that putting new wells there
Is good for the general welfare.
I'm sure there'll be gobs
Of incredible jobs;
The problem's they'll all be in healthcare.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If I wanted my voicemail converted to text,
With rampant misspellings and all of the rest,
I'd already have it,
So stop asking, dammit!
What I need's a cell phone that isn't a pest.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The United Nations reported that Afghanistan's
2013
opium harvest was up 50%,
with
land used
for cultivation at an all-time high
|
Afghan Opium Eradication
In spite of the billions of dollars we've spent,
There's nothing to show that we've made any dent.
They pocket the dough
But the poppies still grow;
Their opium crop is up 50%.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu took credit for de-
railing
negotiations to limit Iran's nuclear program |
It's not breaking Israel's heart
Our talks with Iran fell apart.
They'd just as soon bomb 'em
As f*ckin' disarm 'em;
They've beaten that drum from the start.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Killing Lincoln. Killing Jesus.
Killing JFK.
O'Reilly's books are selling,
But I'm waiting for the day
He writes the one we "pinheads"
Would really like to read:
It's Killing Bill O'Reilly.
I'd buy that one, guaranteed.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
President Christie? |
In Jersey, he might be the rage,
But in such a visual age,
How good would it be
For our image if he
Represented us on the world stage?
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
So Healthcare.gov is a wreck.
But what did we f*cking expect?
We can't let the lobbyists
Write all our laws for us,
Then be surprised when they're dreck.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Wanna be famous but don't have a skill?
Find you some innocent people to kill!
That's how you get on the 6:00 News.
Sicker the footage, the more that they'll use."
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hang tough, Obama. Don't give him a thing!
Boehner looks good with his ass in a sling.
Don't be a gentleman; don't be a clown.
This is one guy you should kick when he's down.
October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To: Republicans
Re: Law of the Land
It seems like "Obamacare's" causing you stress.
Stop calling it that. It'll bother you less.
Affordable Care Act--that's easy to say.
Now pick a new battle, and have a nice day.
October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shut down the government? Why the hell not?
It's not like you charlatans ever knew squat
'Bout working together or getting things done.
So shut down the f*cker, and go have some fun!
October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ty Warner, who became a billionaire creating Beanie Babies toys, was charged with federal tax evasion
and has agreed to pay a $53.5 million penalty |
If you bought a Beanie Baby,
This could make you mad:
The fellow who created 'em
Was up to something bad.
Instead of paying taxes,
He was stashing all his loot
In Switzerland. (On second thought,
Those dolls were not that cute.)
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Google's practice of scanning emails to sell adver-
tising violates privacy laws, says a federal lawsuit |
Why would they give you free email?
Here's why they do it at Gmail:
It helps 'em to pick
All the ads that you'll click--
Knowing your every last detail.
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cuba's loss, L.A.'s gain |
Dodgers 2013
Their run-up from last to the best in the league
Began on the day they met Yasiel Puig.
(The talent was there,
But they started to care
When the new guy showed up, cuz he showed
'em up big.)
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though most Americans oppose Pres. Obama's
plan
to launch missile strikes on Syria for its use of
chem-
ical weapons, leaders in Congress support it |
Excuse us for starting to doubt
What all of these wars are about...
How taking more lives'll
Make anything right.
Why can't we just sit this one out?
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Leaked documents show that U.S. spying has gone beyond protecting national security to gaining an
upper hand in international trade dealings |
Makes sense that we'd spy on our foes,
But that's not as far as it goes.
Ed Snowden's revealed
The rest of the deal:
We spy on our friends, and it blows.
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Syria's use of chemical weapons has Pres. Obama seeking Congressional approval for the kind
of mili-
tary action that hasn't deterred enemies in the past |
Little shaky on what you should do?
Tell the country it's not up to you.
Let the Congress decide
On a Syrian strike;
Then those f*ckers are owning it too.
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The more that people use Facebook, the worse
they feel about themselves, according to a new
study conducted
by the University of Michigan
|
The research is in: if you wanna be happy,
Then stay offa Facebook. It makes ya feel crappy.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Time Warner Cable's willingness to suspend CBS
programming for three million customers over a
fee dispute shows the grip monopolies have on
Americans' access to communications
|
"Heavens to Murgatroyd, what can we do?
Time Warner Cable just blocked Channel 2!"
"This is as bullsh*t as bullsh*t can get.
Give me my gun and I'll shoot out the set."
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
  Damaged by sex scandals, New York mayoral can-
didate Anthony Weiner (D) and San Diego
Mayor
Bob
Filner
(D) are resisting public pressure to quit |
Weiner and Filner are peas in a pod:
They say they ain't leavin' for nothin', by God--
Convinced to the end they're surrounded by fans,
As less and less people are shaking their hands.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
87% of the West is in a drought, but nowhere is it
worse than in New Mexico |
Cattle can't graze in New Mexico.
Problem is, there's no place else to go.
The grasses have died
Cuz the soil's so dry,
And the wells that are left ain't got much to go.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Not long after a sexting scandal
drove
him
from Congress, NYC mayoral candidate
Anthony Weiner (D) was at it again |
Civic Pride
The chances are rather remote
New Yorkers would actually vote
For someone so sh*tty,
The whole frickin' city
Would then be the butt of the joke.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama has used semantics to get around laws
that would limit U.S. actions in Libya and Egypt
|
I learned this from Republicans
And use it quite a lot:
Whatever they say something is,
I simply say it's not.
So Libya was not a "war,"
And Egypt's not a "coup."
It drives 'em f*ckin' crazy,
But that's what I like to do.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Senate's immigration bill's $46 billion for border security--ten times the initial proposal--promises a bonanza for the contractors that helped shape it |
Getting a bill through the Senate's a bitch...
Unless you can make all the right people rich.
The new immigration bill's sure to do that:
It's 46 billion, with oodles of fat.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Elections in
Egypt,
Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon, Tu-
nisia
&
Morocco
have all been won by Islamists
|
"Make the world safe for democracy?"
What if they want a theocracy?
We push for elections
Where people's selections
Are never the ones that we wanna see.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
George Zimmerman is on trial for the second-degree murder of unarmed Trayvon Martin, 17, but
it
took
44 days and national outrage before he was charged,
having asserted Florida's "Stand your ground" law |
Dispatchers told Zimmerman, Stand the hell down,
So how can he claim he was "standing his ground"
When he pursued Trayvon and shot him that night?
So much to his story that just isn't right.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Journalist Michael Hastings' death in a fiery solo
crash is consistent with a cyberattack on his car,
said
Richard Clarke, the former chief counter-
terrorism advisor to the National Security
Council |
There's a reporter
Who may have been slaughtered
By cyber-controlling his car...
It's time we explored
What a double-edged sword
All our modern conveniences are.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Edward Snowden, who leaked National Security Agency secrets because he couldn't "allow the U.S.
government to destroy privacy and basic liberties,"
is now holed up in Russia, where journalists
who
probe too much can end up dead in the street; and
seeking asylum in Ecuador, which just made criti-
cism
of the president and other officials a crime |
Snowden's in a "transit lounge,"
While the Russian agents scrounge
Through everything that's in his head
And on his hard drive. Nice job, Ed!
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Both John Roberts and Anthony Kennedy, the
swing votes, respectively,
in the Supreme Court's
5-4 decisions to re-allow same-sex marriage in CA
and overturn the Defense of Marriage Act,
voted
the previous day to void a key part of the Voting
Rights Act which required states & counties with
a history
of
discrimination to
get
federal
approval
to change election laws. Six of
those states
are al-
ready proceeding with new restrictions on voting |
Supreme Court
It's great that they ruled for gay marriage,
But there's still a lot to disparage:
Like how they just hacked
Up the Voting Rights Act.
That "justice" was just a miscarriage.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Choose your poison, East or West.
Tell me which you like the best:
Where it rains most every day,
Or where the rains have gone away.
Flood or fire, take your pick.
Global warming--ain't it sick?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Conservative politicians haven't had a lot of new
ideas lately, but Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) may
be
the
first to suggest they don't even need any |
What they see in Rubio's
A mystery to me
(Besides the fact he's handsome
As a knucklehead can be).
Doesn't think he needs a new idea,
Or that's the pitch--
"The idea's called America,
And it still works." How rich.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Doug LaMalfa (R-CA) is among the lawmak-
ers
who want to slash food stamps in the farm bill
while
protecting crop subsidies
they benefit from |
Food stamps are evil! Folks feed at the trough!
We'll do 'em a favor by cuttin' 'em off!
But helping my farm with a million or two--
That's something I'm charmed to see government do.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wayne LaPierre and the National Rifle Associa-
tion's answer to gun violence is always more guns,
but
with more of such killings than any other
de-
veloped
country,
the U.S. might learn from John
Howard, Australia's conservative prime minister
who
helped rid his country of assault weapons |
NRA
The Second Amendment with no other laws
To regulate guns is a dubious cause,
But they're gonna "fight for our freedom," by God
(To live in a circular firing squad).
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Iraq, the U.S. toppled a Sunni government and
saw it replaced with
a
Shiite one;
in
Syria,
it will
try to do the opposite |
Syria
When polling Americans, here's how it went:
For arming the rebels, 11%.
But getting in wars is what we're all about;
How silly to think we could sit this one out.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), in Congress since 2001 |
American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4
We're known by the battles we pick.
The people who didn't do dick
When W. lied
And so many died
Think this is a scandal? It's sick.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Your body's a fricking sensation--
So what's with the self-mutilation?
The next time you're due
For another tattoo,
How 'boutcha just fight the temptation?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justin Bieber lets it all hang out |
When Bieber goes everywhere showing his bum,
You think he's aware where that style came from?
It started with prisoners giving a sign
They're up, so to speak, for a f*cking good time.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Yasiel Puig's shoulder is improving after he hurt it
in the latest Dodgers brawl with the Diamondbacks |
We finally had hope, in a rookie named Puig.
He's batting .500, the best in the league.
But that could be over--
He injured his shoulder
While fighting. No wonder there's Dodger fatigue.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Snail mail," anyone? A leaker revealed that
the
National Security Agency is tracking
all Americans'
electronic communications |
Could this be the break
That the Post Office needs?
At 46¢, it's a value indeed
To send someone something
That's just for her eyes,
And not just more data
For government spies.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
John Zawahri, 23, killed by police after murdering
five in Santa Monica CA, was armed with
a
.44 cal-
iber handgun, AR-15 semiautomatic rifle, and
40
large-capacity magazines each holding 30 rounds of
ammunition. As a high school student, he'd been ad-
mitted to UCLA's psychiatric ward after a teacher
found him surfing the internet for assault weapons |
Under this endless Republican curse,
Things never get better; they only get worse.
Sickos buy weapons they see on the web,
With nothin' to stop 'em if they got the bread.
Everyone knows that this bullsh*t should stop,
But thanks to Republicans, those bills are blocked.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change threatens
more storms like Sandy,
but
it's not hurting home sales at the Jersey shore |
There's a building boom down at the shore,
As if nothing there happened before.
I wish 'em all luck
But the odds kinda suck
That the ocean won't come through their door.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With an estimated 26,000 service members experi-
encing
'unwanted sexual contact' last year, the sys-
tem is
broken, but top brass don't want to change it |
If I had a daughter, I would be wary
If she said she's joining the military,
With all these assaults
That they can't seem to halt.
What for a father could be more scary?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's weak approach
to filibuster reform may cost Democrats control of
the Senate next year, as they'll have little to show
for their time in "control," with Republicans under Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (l.) routinely blocking
presidential nominees & popular bills such
as universal background checks for gun purchases |
Death by a Thousand Filibusters
The Senate Majority Leader should lead.
Would somebody tell that to Senator Reid?
He's letting Republicans block every bill.
If he doesn't fix this fiasco, who will?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I looked you up on Facebook
Just to see how you've been doing.
[Frankly, it's the cheapest way
To see who you've been screwing.]
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A word to the wise if you're young
And spending your time in the sun:
Before I got into
Protecting my skin,
The damage was already done.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Poverty in the suburbs has soared 64% in the last
decade, a new Brookings Institution study shows |
We dream of suburban prosperity,
But Brookings has found a disparity:
The suburbs have more
Of America's poor
Than our cities do now, in reality.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
South Carolina Republicans shrugged off ex-Gov.
Mark
Sanford's faults & returned him to Congress |
Mark Sanford won his seat back?
That wasn't hard to see:
Here, breathing and Republican
Is all you have to be.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The IRS's acting commissioner resigned over the
agency's profiling of tea party groups applying for
tax exempt status, but the real scandal is that such
501(c)(4) "social welfare" organizations exist at all
|
A 501(c)(4)'s a way
For billionaires to hide
And buy our damn elections.
All their apps should be denied.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John
McCain's (R-AZ) Television Consumer
Freedom Act of 2013 faces stiff industry opposition |
Cable bill hitting you right in the crotch?
Paying for channels you don't even watch?
Then my legislation is perfect for you:
You'd just have to pay for the ones that you do.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Have you ever had a tsunami of shame,
Where
wave after wave crashes over your brain
Of all the mistakes you can't help but recall
That still make you feel about two inches tall?
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A day after Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly said
he felt good about their performance, the best paid
team in baseball lost their fifth straight game and
dropped to last place in the National League West |
The reason the Dodgers are coming up last
Is Mattingly doesn't know how to kick ass.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These primitive people all covered in ink
Who utter the F word as often as blink
And don't lift the seat when they're taking a piss
Are lucky their mommies can't see 'em like this.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Under a bipartisan reform bill, the path to citizen-
ship for 11 million undocumented immigrants would
depend on the Border Patrol halting 90% of illegal
entries, but no one knows how they'd do the math |
Securing the borders is Congress's goal,
'But 90 percent?' says the Border Patrol.
'The problem with that is as plain as can be:
How can we tally the ones we don't see?'
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The right to bear bombs?
The technology to put taggants in explosives to
help track their origin has existed for decades but
been opposed by Wayne LaPierre and the NRA |
If it were not for the NRA,
We'd have a far more efficient way
Of tracking a bomber;
The traceable powder
Itself would be giving the perp away.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Financial Services Committee Chairman Jeb
Hensarling (R-TX) said his panel won't hear the testimony of Consumer Financial Protection Bu-
reau
Director Richard Cordray because
he doesn't
think Pres. Obama legally appointed him, in the
latest Republican move to undermine the agency |
To hell with consumer protection!
Consumers don't fund my election.
I'm sure they're aware
"Let the buyer beware."
That should be sufficient direction.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former First Lady Barbara Bush told NBC that she
doesn't favor a presidential run by son Jeb (l.) |
Should Jeb run for president
Just like his brother?
"We've had enough Bushes."
And that's from their mother.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. John McCain (R-AZ) and Lindsey Graham
(R-SC) called for the Boston marathon bomber sus-
pect to be held as an enemy combatant & tried in a
military tribunal, despite the government's excellent
record of convictions in similar terrorist bombings |
Re: Surviving Boston Bomber
It's creepy the way that they wanna whisk him
To Gitmo to try him on terrorism.
What's painfully plain
About Graham and McCain:
They don't have much faith in our justice system.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Reps. Janice Hahn and Maxine Waters (Ds-CA)
joined flight attendants at LAX Airport protesting
TSA's decision to re-allow small knives and other
potential weapons on planes starting April 25 |
I've always stuck up for the TSA.
Their job is a tough one on any day.
But where are their brains
Letting knives on a plane?
Didn't some major sh*t start that way?
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A gun buyback program
That's gonna succeed
Has gotta be geared
To a gun owner's needs.
You want my assault weapon?
Throw in a prize:
A penis enlargement,
And I name the size.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
4 out of 5 Americans support universal background
checks for gun buyers, but 31 of 100 U.S. Senators
tried to block such a bill from coming to the floor
for debate, including Marco
Rubio (R-FL) |
What kind of moron blocks gun control?
According to every opinion poll,
The bulk of the nation
Supports legislation,
But these little f*cks tried to stop it cold:
Senators Who Voted
To Filibuster S.649:
Barrasso (R-WY)
Begich (D-AK)
Blunt (R-MO)
Boozman (R-AR)
Coats (R-IN)
Cochran (R-MS)
Cornyn (R-TX)
Crapo (R-ID)
Cruz (R-TX)
|
Enzi (R-WY)
Fischer (R-NE)
Grassley (R-IA)
Hatch (R-UT)
Inhofe (R-OK)
Johanns (R-NE)
Johnson (R-WI)
Lee (R-UT)
McConnell (R-KY)
Moran (R-KS)
Murkowski (R-AK)
|
Paul (R-KY)
Portman (R-OH)
Pryor (D-AR)
Risch (R-ID)
Roberts (R-KS)
Rubio (R-FL)
Scott (R-SC)
Sessions (R-AL)
Shelby (R-AL)
Thune (R-SD)
Vitter (R-LA)
|
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Petitions with 2.3 million signatures were delivered
to the White House opposing Pres. Obama's plan to
cut Social Security benefits by tying
them
to a slow-
er moving consumer price index, the Chained CPI |
Base to Obama
We're used to Republicans trying to screw
With Social Security; now we got you?!
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. has stayed at war for 12 years under com-
manders in chief with no military experience of it |
Ya don't know how to fish till you've caught one;
How to shop for a car till you've bought one.
So then how 'bout a law
Where you can't start a war
Unless you have actually fought one?
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even though most Americans favor universal back-
ground checks & an assault weapons ban, their rep-
resentatives in Congress look unlikely to deliver |
See, Newtown was Congress's test.
They failed, but who'd expect less?
You can't get reform
In a town where the norm
Is to go with whoever pays best.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Congress for Slackers
There's an issue you'd rather let slide?
Say it's something the states should decide.
There's a program you'd rather not fund?
Say it's something the states oughta run.
There's a chance you may have to work late?
Put whatever it is on the states,
And we'll see you for drinks around 8.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A guy who's as smart as the boss is
Has not figured out what the cost is
Of killing by drone
From the comfort of home,
With all those "collateral
losses?"
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"My administration is the only thing between you
and the pitchforks," Pres. Obama told top bankers
at
the White House in 2009. Indeed, they've gotten
off
easy under his Justice Department and FDIC |
Banksters
What they've done to the country's a crime.
How come not even one's doin' time?
If you make the connection,
That takes some protection
From pretty damn far up the line.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Defense had the right name before:
They called it Department of War.
(To call it "defense"
Kinda smacks of pretense
When you're in 60 countries or more.)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Washington figures from Leon Panetta to John Mc-
Cain have advocated arming the Syrian rebels, but
now
the L.A. Times reports that some of them are actually being considered for drone hits
by the CIA |
The Syrian rebels--let's arm 'em.
Or better yet, maybe, let's bomb 'em.
(It's comforting news when
Your leaders are clueless
On whether to help 'em or harm 'em.)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The first pope from the Americas is a public rela-
tions boost for the scandal-ridden Vatican, though
whether he'll reform anything remains to be seen |
Pope Francis Charms St. Peter's Square
No wonder they're making a fuss!
A pope who's been taking the bus,
And asks for your blessing?
That's kind of refreshing,
Compared to the previous cuss.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The lasting effect of an urban space
And living in such a congested place
Is slowly but surely
You start to think rurally,
You're so outta love with the human race.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even after the Affordable Care Act was upheld by
the Supreme Court and the Democrats maintained
control of the White House and Senate,
Rep. Paul
Ryan
(R-WI) said the GOP-controlled House
would
vote again to repeal
it (for the 35th time) |
"The Democrat party. Obamacare."
I think they're still tryin' to insult us there.
If only these zeds
Could just get through their heads
That we won and we're not goin' anywhere.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After Cardinal Roger Mahoney's role in concealing clergy sex abuse from authorities was revealed, he
was relieved of public duties but continues to cel-
ebrate Mass and will help choose the new pope |
I moved around priests who were
Preying on boys;
Put 'em where nobody'd
Make any noise.
Now I'm in Rome where we're
Choosing a Pope
(Someone as upright as
I am, I hope).
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many politicians calling for drastic cuts to Ameri-
ca's safety net are supported by corporations that
haven't paid federal income taxes in years |
Back when our leaders were resolute
Not to let people get destitute,
They taxed you and me
And the powers that be.
Not like these corporate prostitutes.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If corporations are people
And prostitution's illegal,
How do our congressmen
Stay outta jail then,
Bein' they're always spread eagle?
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lech Walesa, the leading figure in Poland's over-
throw of communism, said that if gays should be
in Parliament at all, they should sit in the back,
"or even behind a wall" |
It sounds like a bit of hypocrisy
For someone who battled autocracy,
But Lech says that gays
Shouldn't have any place
At the table in Poland's democracy.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
We'll get the government out of your life!
As every billionaire Tea Party backer knows, in-
stitutions that can be wrested from the public do-
main
are big opportunities for the private sector,
from schools to mail delivery to social security |
It's all about privatization.
The more they can strangle the nation,
The more they can run
When we're all out of funds.
There's money in crisis creation.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No band of brothers: Despite the efforts of his old friend John McCain (above) and other Republicans
to derail
his appointment, Chuck Hagel was con-
firmed
as
Secretary of Defense--the first Vietnam
veteran, and
first
enlisted soldier, to hold the post |
Rabid Republicans
The way that they tried to finagle
A way to block Senator Hagel
From heading Defense,
You're left with the sense
They're not all that mentally stable.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) took on Defense Sec-
retary nominee Chuck Hagel in Senate hearings, he looked & sounded like the late Sen. Joe McCarthy |
Ted Cruz has been getting some blowback
For being too much of a throwback
To Joseph McCarthy
(Whose vicious malarkey
Caught up with him; doesn't he know that?)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was reprimanded by others
on the Senate Armed Services Committee for mak-
ing baseless charges against Sen. Chuck Hagel, who
went
on to be confirmed as Secretary of Defense |
Why does a Senator Cruz
Give me a case of the blues?
Cuz he wouldn't be there
If millions did not share
His stupid, maniacal views.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Who wants his name on a grain of rice?
Even if somebody does it nice,
What would ya do with it
Once he gets through with it?
Seems kinda silly at any price.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though it may help him win GOP primaries,
Sen. Marco Rubio's extreme voting record
could hurt him in a general election |
They need someone different, 'n fast,
But look at the votes that he's cast!
He's more 'a the same
With an "o" on his name.
"Republican savior," my ass.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The president's State of the Union address was a
hard
act to
follow for Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL),
whose dry mouth was understandable given the weakness
of his case |
We're always so ready to smirk
At one of their silly ass
quirks
That most of us miss
The insidiousness
Of the arguments outta these jerks.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With a potential loss of a million jobs, the seques-
ter--$85 billion in across-the-board spending cuts
over the next seven months, $1.2
trillion over the
next ten years--will begin
in
March
unless Con-
gress
acts, but it's on break till the end of February |
A ticking time bomb for the nation
Is what you could call sequestration.
A million-plus jobs
Could be lost if these slobs
Don't resolve it, but they're on vacation.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though ex-Vietnam POW Sen. John McCain (R-
AZ)
should understand better than anyone the
high
cost &
low return of lengthy foreign wars, he
continues
to
press for more involvement overseas,
and
to oppose those who think differently,
like
Defense Secretary nominee ex-Sen. Chuck Hagel |
The question we seem to ignore
Is, Why aren't we winning these wars?
And if we can't win 'em,
Then why're we still in 'em,
After four decades or more?
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
To help fight "the insurgency" after U.S. troops exit Afghanistan by the end of 2014, the Pentagon will commit $1.2 billion to more than double the num-
ber
of fighters in the Afghan local police. The rural
force, shown with villagers, has a shady reputation |
Afghanistan: Twelfth Year
We've kabulled together a strategy
To exit this f*cking calamity:
We'll throw some more dough
At their fighters (Who'll go
With the Taliban later, unhappily).
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Oil-funded think tanks have been so successful at
demotivating Americans about climate change
that
the opportunity to slow it may be lost forever |
Don't wanna go work at a big bank.
I see myself more at a think tank:
You just sit around
And pretend you're profound,
And nobody knows you're a big skank.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans
are considering changes to how
elec-
toral
votes are awarded that would have
handed
the
2012 presidential election
to Mitt
Romney,
even
though
he
lost
by nearly five million votes |
"America's changing, I fear--
We can't win the White House from here."
"Nah, we can win big;
We just have to rig
The electoral college, my dear."
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democrats 2016
May I do a little confidin'?
There's somethin' I kinda been hidin'.
Everyone's bettin'
On Hillary Clinton,
But I'm kinda likin' Joe Biden.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get out in the country and F*ck!
Does everyone have a black truck?
Is this a reprise
Of the old Model T's?
Since when does variety suck?
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even though W's gone,
His crowning achievement lives on:
He started a war
There was no reason for,
And handed Iraq to Iran.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was
hired as a contributor by CBS News, which said
she
"will use her insight and vast experience to
ex-
plore
issues facing America at home and abroad" |
How can the "experts" who just stank
Still get a job at a think tank
Or on the TV?
You'd think we would be
Tired of gettin' our chains yanked.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Samuel Pepys of his time--
Except that he does it in rhyme.
There's really no beating
This Robert C. Keating...
The fact that he's broke is a crime!
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Moved to the right by the anti-European Union
UK Independence Party, PM David
Cameron
vowed to seek trade concessions
from
the
EU and
put Britain's continued membership to a
national
vote should his party be returned to power |
Elect me and here's what we'll do:
Decide if we leave the EU.
(I know it's a tease
But the UKIP's
Up my ass, so I need something new.)
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Dave Heineman (R-NE) approved a new
route for the Keystone
XL pipeline that would
carry Canadian tar sands oil
over the Ogallala
aquifer,
one
of the
world's largest
groundwater
supplies.
Pres. Obama will make the final call |
Keystone XL
A pipeline that crosses an aquifer?
The downside sounds rather spectacular,
Since all it would take
Would be one little break
And we're ratf*cked, to use the vernacular.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A court-martialed Marine sergeant pleaded guilty
to desecrating the remains of Taliban fighters in a
video seen worldwide. "I have no excuse," he said |
Believe this Afghanistan mess?
We pissed on their corpses, no less.
Remember that line,
We'd "win hearts and minds?"
Could take a bit longer, we'd guess.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Facing an imminent U.S. credit downgrade,
House GOP leadership announced a plan to extend the
debt ceiling for 3 months without spending
cuts |
"GOP promises debt ceiling fight."
Jesus H. Christ, am I hearing that right?
Don't they all know
From their last little go
What they did to America's borrowing might?
...Or, God forbid, are they just not that bright?
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Interior Secretary Ken Salazar,
who announced he's resigning, enraged environmentalists for letting Shell
Oil drill in the
Arctic Ocean off Alaska, two years
after the Gulf BP disaster occurred on his watch |
Who cares if he's leaving Interior?
His record was kind of inferior
At keeping the Chevrons
And BPs and Exxons
From putting it up our posterior.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the wake of the Newtown CT school massacre,
Pres. Obama announced sweeping, long overdue
proposals to reduce gun violence. Acknowledging
the fight ahead in Congress, he said change would
not
happen unless the American people demand it |
On curbing the violence from guns,
Some movement is better than none.
What's troubling is
It took such little kids
To finally get something done.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change, population growth and destruction
of natural ecosystems are driving us toward
an ir-
reversible change in the biosphere, scientists warn |
Earth
Give me that bottle and pass the joint--
We've already gone past the tipping point.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Continued U.S. support for Afghan Pres. Karzai,
who visited this week, recalls its support of South
Vietnam's corrupt leadership through a long war...
except that one ended by Democrats defunding it |
Obama's been meeting with Karzai.
How come we're still dealing with this guy
And propping him up
When we know he's corrupt?
We'll never get outta this pigsty.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
My bad! Glad we're okay |
Home robbed after teen--this is funny--
Posts pictures of grandmother's money
On Facebook, no less.
It's Grandmother's guess
How someone could raise such a dummy.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The last
debt ceiling fight cost us a credit downgrade
and $19 billion in
higher borrowing costs
over
the
next decade, but here we go again |
GOP Promises New Debt Ceiling Fight
What happened to "loyal opposition?"
This gang could be hanged for sedition,
The way that they messed up
Our credit and showed not
A hint of concern or contrition;
In fact, plan another edition.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Justice Dept.'s prosecutions of Transocean
over
the deadly Gulf oil rig explosion and HSBC
for
Mexican drug money laundering were the
lat-
est
to
end with big fines and no one going to jail |
The worst 'a these corporate crimes
Are settled today with a fine--
'Zif makin' 'em pay
What they make in a day's
Gonna change 'em like, say, doin' time.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What happened to "the fierce urgency of now?"
Though the world faces catastrophe unless green-
house gas emissions
peak
by
2020, Pres. Obama
reportedly will not seek
a carbon tax or any oth-
er
broad
climate
change
measures in his 2nd term |
His foes are so frickin' malevolent,
I hate to be less than benevolent--
But till he gets hopping
On climate change-stopping,
This president's kind of irrelevant.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Buy "this" and you'll get one for nothin'!
That's great unless "this" isn't somethin'
You actually need
And you're lettin' your greed
Make
you take any deal they're runnin'...
If that be the case,
Throw your coupons away
And the savings'll really be stunning.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Money rules Washington--that's nothin' new;
Money is what makes 'em do what they do.
Even the "good" ones who look like they care
Put out for someone or wouldn't be there.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama's offer to cut the inflation adjustment
for Social Security was opposed by many progres-
sives who argued that as a non-contributor to the
deficit, Social Security should be exempt from
the
so-called "fiscal cliff" negotiations |
Social Security
We've paid for it out of our payroll;
The payouts have always been stable;
It's not in the deficit;
So, Mr. President,
Why is it now on the table?
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After CO and WA citizens voted to legalize mari-
juana despite federal law, Seattle's police
depart-
ment
was the first to publish a guide to legal use |
Whether I like it or not,
I gotta get offa the pot.
It's taken the drive
I need to survive--
And something else, but I forgot.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY,
on right), now the least popular senator according
to
Public Policy Polling, hit a new low when he fili-
bustered
his own debt-ceiling bill |
It's always the same with these guys!
They're not givin' up on the lies.
The "cliff" that we're facing
Is of their own making;
That's why they're so widely despised.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With gays now able to serve openly in
the military
and marry in nine states including NY,
West
Point
Chapel held its first same-sex wedding,
between
Penelope Gnesin (l.) &
alumna Brenda Sue
Fulton |
I guess they're appealing enough...
'Fya like taking orders and stuff.
I wouldn't disparage
The service or marriage,
But both of 'em? That'd be rough.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With global carbon pollution up again last year by
3%, scientists say it is unlikely that global warm-
ing
can be limited to 2 °C. Gases released by
melt-
ing permafrost (above) are accelerating the trend |
We'll need a word stronger than "dire"
As carbon emissions go higher,
Cuz face it or else--
As the permafrost melts,
We're throwing more gas on the fire.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Palestinian Pres. Mahmoud Abbas (l.) with United Nations
Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon.
The
UN
General
Assembly voted 138-9 to recognize a Pal-
estinian state, an embarrassing diplomatic defeat
for the U.S. which sided with Israel against it |
It isn't that much of a mystery
Why Uncle Sam's butt is so blistery:
He's Israel's bitch
And he's been on her fist
For most 'a their 60 year history.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America has hundreds of thousands less teachers
than
it had three years ago, thanks to Republican
measures to reduce the deficit at all costs,
even
at
a time of record low borrowing costs |
Republicans vs. Teachers
They're not gonna fund education.
There's too big a f*cking temptation
To cut it to shreds,
When their future depends
On a less than intelligent nation.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since the Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley inquiries
came to light, a lot more has been written
about
the
conduct of Gens. John Allen
(l.) & David Petraeus
toward women
than about their conduct
of
the
U.S.'s longest
war. But the real news is that their
counter-insurgency
strategy in Afghanistan
isn't
working, any more than it did
for the Soviets,
or
for
the
Americans
in Vietnam or French in Algeria |
America's big into pilin' on
When something salacious is goin' on,
But isn't the sin
That these generals don't win
The one we should really be focused on?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What price energy independence? As climate change worsens, should we really be using corn for ethanol
and water for fracking? |
Ya know how they were finally screwed?
They used up all their water and food
Manufacturing gas
(Had their heads up their ass,
But they're gone now, so let's not be rude).
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, is changing the
face of America even hundreds of miles from
where
it's done. In Wisconsin, oil and gas compa-
nies
are paying farmers to mine their land for sand
which,
along with with millions of gallons of water
and
chemicals, is used to blast underground shale
formations and unlock oil and gas |
They're mining my farmland for sand--
Each month I been gettin' ten grand.
Yeah, fracking is scary
But try that with dairy--
'Least something I got's in demand.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), shown with Pres.
Bush
in 2004,
met with reporters to
demand "Watergate-
style"
hearings
on the killings
of four
Americans
in
Benghazi while missing a
classified briefing
on
the
subject
taking place
in
his own committee |
American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4
McCain's gone berserk on Benghazi--
But where in Bumf*ckistan was he
When W. lied
And so many died?
Thinks this is more scandalous, does he?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Democrats welcomed Rep. Nancy Pelosi's
plan to stay as their leader, despite Republicans'
winning control of the House in 2010 and retain-
ing it
this year, when gerrymandering affected
the
outcome more than actual votes did
|
Pelosi's no failure, considering
What kept the House red was redistricting.
If districts had been
Same as 2010,
She'd be Speaker again, and delivering.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Happy Traveler
The way that these places are sold,
You'd think that they treat ya like gold.
But half 'a the time,
Ya can't even find
A fridge that is actually cold.
The f*cker's unplugged,
There's bugs in the rug,
And everything's smellin' like mold.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
All of Fox News's pundits gave the election to Mitt
Romney; Dick Morris (above) predicted a landslide |
OutFoxed
The man who helped Clinton "triangulate"
Thought Romney was just gonna dominate.
And so did Karl Rove
And all 'a those schmoes.
Not one of 'em picked the right candidate.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Florida, voting took hours & counting took days |
Well any day now, we'll know how it went
When Florida voted for president.
Before next election,
Though, let's send the Feds in
And clean up this little embarrassment.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"What time is it?" "Amost half past."
"Well, thank you." "No wait, not so fast:
You're gonna be getting
A survey--please tell 'em
My service was just unsurpassed."
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I stayed on the phone all Election Day,
Just helpin' the prez in my little way...
And though it was fun
(Even more when we won),
Can't wait till this hemorrhoid goes away.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not just the lies and hypocrisy
That made his election so hard to see.
It's also the fact that,
From dumb wars to tax cuts,
We'd already tried all his policies.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The "single most important thing" Republicans
wanted to achieve, said Senate Minority Leader
Mitch McConnell, was for "Pres. Obama
to be
a one-term president." They failed; now what? |
Now be a big boy and don't cry!
Instead of obstruct and deny,
When someone's won twice,
Ya know what'd be nice?
If maybe you worked with the guy.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Ohio, Mitt Romney's false ads charging that the
auto bailout is resulting in GM and Chrysler ship-
ping American jobs to China earned rebukes from
both companies and newspapers throughout the
state, but polls showed him gaining there |
♪♫
Why, oh why, oh why, oh--
Why must he lie to win Ohio?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. economy and credit rating--AAA (Fitch),
Aaa (Moody's), AA (S&P)--remain under pressure
as Washington puts off
dealing
with self-imposed,
extreme budget
pressures until after the election |
Let's stop all this partisan wrangling!
Our triple-A credit is dangling.
Raise taxes a skosh
On the folks with the most,
'N Uncle Sam's pockets 'be jangling.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's idea of handing federal emergency management to the states or private sector may not
sit well with East Coast voters facing a megastorm,
any more than his call to let Detroit go bankrupt
has endeared him to Midwest voters whose
jobs
were saved by someone who did the opposite
|
Let Detroit go bankrupt.
Give FEMA to the states.
Or better yet,
just privatize it.
Wouldn't that be great!
Romney's words should hurt him
If folks are tunin' in;
If he'd 'a been
the president,
What trouble we'd be in.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A hotty in his twenties,
By thirty it's the norm:
He's gainin' weight, losin' hair
And snorin' up a storm.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-IN) argued against abortions in the case of rape; the pregnan-
cy would be "something that God intended to hap-
pen."
Republicans have passed numerous measures restricting women's reproductive rights since 2011
|
Republican Mythology
"Small government?" -What a distortion!
What's small about blocking abortions
For those who are raped?
It's up to the state
You live with your little misfortune?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Los Angeles County's Measure B would require
porn movie actors to wear condoms during filming |
Democracy's something to treasure:
In L.A., we're voting on whether
An X-rated stud
Should have to be gloved.
How's that for a down-ballot measure?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Mitt Romney is gaining in polls just weeks after
the release of a secretly recorded video that showed
him
disparaging almost half of the country |
It's hard to believe we're electing Mitt--
He's already called us a piece of sh*t.
With all that we know,
It's amazing we'd go
And pursue this abusive relationship.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the second debate, Mitt Romney told 31 myths
in 41 minutes of speaking time, topping his first
debate's 27 myths in 38 minutes of speaking time |
My lying's a business decision:
It helps me advance a position
With millions of voters
When few 'a these jokers
Will see the correction/revision.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cold: former Defense
Secretary Donald
Rumsfeld |
Defense Secretary was such a grind
That, just in the interest of savin' time,
My letters consolin'
The kin of the fallen
Were sent through a printer and robosigned.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The tension they're feeling is terrible;
The pressure is really unbearable
As Democrats wait
For the second debate,
To see if this thing is repairable.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since every common deduction would have to be eliminated to partially offset the revenue losses of
Mitt Romney's tax plan, he refuses to give details |
To: Mitt
Your taxes are 'none of our business;'
What's worse is you won't even give us
What loopholes you'd close
For the rest of us schmoes--
As if we would want some specifics!
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Obama supporters saw his lead vanish after a weak
first debate against Mitt Romney |
I'm feeling a little bit nauseous
From seeing Obama so cautious.
He'd better be great
For the second debate,
Or somebody's taking his office.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After a poor first debate performance against Mitt Romney, Pres. Obama could learn from ex-Pres.
Bush who started weakly against John Kerry but
then framed him as a self-serving flipflopper |
We know that he doesn't like drama,
But where in the f*ck was Obama?
When Mitt would attack,
He wouldn't fight back.
'Ze runnin' for here, Dalai Lama?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ann Romney told a Nevada TV station that her
biggest concern if her husband Mitt were to be-
come
president would be his "mental well-being" |
'My husband's a wonderful candidate;
My only concern is his mental state.'
That's some observation
To share with the nation,
Ms. Romney. You care to elaborate?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Still damaged by the video showing their candidate disparaging almost half of American voters, Repub-
licans were caught committing voter fraud in Florida |
I'm not gonna win--I can feel it.
Goddam it, I can't even steal it!
There's nothing like cutting
The people to nothing
And having a camera reveal it.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
People who assume that Mitt Romney is finished
after
being taped making elitist remarks to wealthy
donors should remember how such donors helped
Gov. Scott Walker
(R-WI) survive a similar incident |
Mitt Romney's an asshole, it's plain to see,
But this is no time for complacency.
(If pulling a boner
With plutocrat donors
Were fatal, Scott Walker'd be history.)
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In a secretly taped video, Mitt Romney told donors
that 47% of Americans would vote for Obama be-
cause they "believe they are victims" and feel the government has an obligation to provide healthcare, food, housing, "you name it. My job is not to wor-
ry about those people. I'll never convince them
they should take personal responsibility..." |
Obama just wants to divide us,
But I'll be the one to unite us!
(Except for his voters,
Those f*ckin' free |
News Limericks, Political Limericks 
