|
Trump said that he would drain the swamp,
But boy, was that a lie.
He's filled it full of meme coins,
And they're stacked a mile high.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Peace is not what Putin wants;
He wants to win the war.
So any call for peace talks
Is a call that he'll ignore.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody watching this
Has got the same critique:
Putin's stringing Trump along,
And making him look weak.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This man's in charge of public health,
But doesn't have the sense
Not to swim in sewage water.
That's what you call dense.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Health & Human Services Sec'y Robert Kennedy, Jr.
|
Who cares about bacteria?
If fun is what you seek,
Take the family swimming in
A sewage-tainted creek.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
MTailor has commercials
That they know you're gonna watch.
It's advertising genius
How they focus on the crotch.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wellness influencer Casey Means |
Just to show how standards
Aren't what they used to be,
Trump's pick for surgeon general's
Not a practicing MD.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Trump posted an image of himself as pope, 4 days after telling Canadians to vote for him as PM |
No ifs, ands or buts:
The president is nuts,
And that would be the headline
If the press had any guts.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ted Cruz has a podcast,
And Gavin Newsom too,
But is that what the electorate
Elected them to do?
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Dave Granlund |
A hundred days in office,
And Trump's numbers are abysmal.
I only wish six months ago
They coulda been this dismal.
May, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You say you guys are talking,
But the truth is pretty clear:
China isn't coming
To the table, Donald dear.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shelves may soon be empty,
As they were when Covid came.
Two mismanaged crises,
And the president's the same.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You know your reputation
Must've fallen pretty far
When less and less consumers
Will admit they bought your car.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's picking fights with everyone
From Harvard to Ukraine.
I don't get the feeling that
This president is sane.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chairman Powell is warning we'll have
Tariff-fueled inflation.
That has Donald Trump so mad,
He's talking termination.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rumeysa Ozturk was snatched off the street and is
in prison awaiting deportation for writing an op-ed |
The way that Trump is making
Foreign students disappear,
Good luck on getting anybody
Smart to study here.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No wonder there's no market
For these stupid Cybertrucks:
All you get's the finger for
Your hundred thousand bucks.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Republicans in Congress
Had some balls (which they do not),
They could put a stop to all these
Stupid tariffs on the spot.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's Donald Trump's economy.
There's no one else to blame.
Say what you will of Biden;
He was never this insane.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even if he brought back
Manufacturing, so what?
Humans wouldn't get those jobs;
They'd all be done by bot.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm supposed to "trust in Trump?"
I'm sorry, but no way...
Not with him behaving
More insanely every day.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tariffs aren't good for us;
The president's a liar.
Obviously, everybody's
Prices will go higher.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump is slapping tariffs now
On every single nation,
Even little islands that
Have zero population.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Elon Musk put $25 million into a failed bid
to
tilt Wisconsin's Supreme Court to the right |
He tried to buy Wisconsin,
But they weren't having that.
My only hope for Elon
Is he gets to keep the hat.
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
His first term was chaotic,
So how could we have been
So f*cking idiotic
That we'd bring him back again?
April, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Dodgers' new World Series ring's
Not only big and bright;
'Twould also come in very, very
Handy in a fight.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He treats our allies badly,
And our enemies the best.
Sucks to have a POTUS
Who's a traitor to the West.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Defense Sec'y shared attack plans in a chat app |
Given Hegseth's history
Of drinking on the job,
The screw-ups make you wonder
If he's still a drunken slob.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The president's a criminal,
So let's not be surprised:
He's running a protection racket
Right before our eyes.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shutting down the government
Would not have been too bright.
It's we who would have paid for it,
So Schumer got it right.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When people take for granted
That democracy will last,
It's not that hard to kill it
If you do it really fast.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's pretty damn depressing
When a president's advisor
Doesn't have to hide that he's
A Nazi sympathizer.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mark McKinnon's got a hat
That's always f*cking there.
I don't know what the motive is,
Cuz Mark's still got his hair.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
With all the sh*t they're pulling,
They'll lose in '26.
But then, of course, Republicans
Will tell us it was fixed.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The coverage they're giving Trump's
Too measured, by and large.
Why not tell it like it is?
A lunatic's in charge.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I pity all the people
Who bought Teslas in the past,
Now that Musk has been revealed
As such a horse's ass.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Here's a scheme that anyone
With capital can join:
Wanna bribe the president?
Just buy his crypto coin.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump's not on our side: he wants
An agency deleted
That gave back 20 billion
To consumers who'd been cheated.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The premise is they're going after
Waste, fraud and abuse,
But the truth is it's fakakta how
They're cutting people loose.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
His base's gullibility's
What Trump depends upon.
If they could pull their heads out,
There's no question he'd be gone.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pay more attention
If you're still a fan:
Our first traitor president's
Not his own man.
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Dismantling the government
Is what he means to do.
Do these reporters realize
They're covering a coup?
March, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's nothing in this dirty world
That drives me more berserk
Than chronic liars putting
Honest people out of work.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How easy to despise him
When you start to realize
The pleasure he is taking
In destroying people's lives.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump is known to cheat at golf,
And Elon Musk at games.
So now we have
two presidents
With cheating on their brains.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If all the decent prosecutors
Up and quit their jobs,
We won't have anybody left
But Bove and his slobs.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's been a rash of crashes
Since Inauguration Day.
Maybe not the greatest time
To gut the FAA?
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The planet's richest person
Should have better things to do
Than showing us how many
Starving people he can screw.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Canada's our friend,
And Russia is our foe.
But these are facts
That Donald Trump
Does not appear to know.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Watching them together,
There was never any doubt
That Trump would side with Putin
And be selling Ukraine out.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump-supporting Christians
Are a paradox to me.
What's he got in common
With the man from Galilee?
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Clarence Thomas swearing in
Pam Bondi as AG
Paints as clear a picture of
Corruption as you'll see.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When lots of stupid voters
Are exactly what you need,
Defunding education
Makes a lot of sense indeed.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He said he'd lower grocery bills,
But that was just a lie.
It's hard to see how anyone
Could still believe the guy.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Water is so precious here,
To waste it is insane.
But Trump just went and flushed
Two billion gallons down the drain.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Trump-nocchio" by Dana Ellyn |
The Washington Post used to count all his lies,
Some thirty-odd thousand in all.
But that was the first term and now that he's back,
I don't see them counting at all.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump can do most anything
And do it with impunity,
Ever since his crooked Court
Awarded him immunity.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
His second term's so awful
In so many, many ways,
We'll look back on the first one
As the f*cking good old days.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt |
The woman at the podium's
A hottie to be sure,
But all you're gonna get from her
Is steaming hot manure.
February, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Senate Republicans
Already, they've approved a drunk
To run the D.O.D.,
So whoever else they vote for
Will be no surprise to me.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
J6 Pardons
Now that he's freed all the thugs
Who killed and injured cops,
I can't support the motherf*cker;
This is where it stops.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Independent watchdogs
Are anathema to Trump.
When you're f*cking crooked,
They're the first ones that you dump.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I lied to all those people
That I won the last election,
So of course I owed 'em pardons
For their little insurrection.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pete Hegseth |
Thanks to fifty Senators
Without a lick of sense,
A drunkard will be running
The Department of Defense.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've seen a lot of Datelines,
And the lesson they instill
Is never get your life insured
Or have a f*cking will.
Or meet up on a dating app:
That's fraught with peril too.
Watch enough 'a Dateline,
And that's all you'll wanna do.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
X is where I truly can
Say anything I wanna say.
That's because I'm shadow banned,
And no one sees it anyway.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No sooner had he promised
To defend the Constitution,
Than Trump was freeing felons
From his failed revolution.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump could name a chimpanzee
To head a federal agency,
And no one in the GOP
Would dare oppose the nominee.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wildfires destroyed thousands of L.A.-area homes |
We're not the only people
Who know what it's like in hell.
Remember, this is pretty much
How Gaza looks as well.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Please don't fly your stupid drone
In an active fire zone.
All we need is one less plane
Putting water on the flames.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Merrick Garland, take a bow:
Behold what you have wrought.
You took too long to prosecute,
And now it's come to naught.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Congress Certifies Election
This J6 was peaceful,
Not like Twenty Twenty-One.
Imagine, though, the difference
If the Democrats had won.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I guess I'm just old-fashioned:
I don't wear any ink,
And coloring my nails
Would look ludicrous, I think.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) |
He schtupped a 17-year-old
(A working girl at that).
If that makes him a "pedophile,"
I'll eat my f*cking hat.
January, 2025
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Trump says he'll pardon Capitol rioters on Day One |
As soon as he's done swearing
To defend the Constitution,
He plans to free the felons
From his failed revolution.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
UnitedHealthcare's CEO
Did not deserve to die,
And neither do the people
These insurance firms deny.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Accused murderer of UnitedHealthcare's CEO |
I agree, Luigi Mangione's really hot,
But can the adulation, folks:
A hero he is not.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump and all his cronies aren't
There for you and me.
They're there to raid the cookie jar;
Some crumbs are all we'll see.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Till last September, drones were not
Allowed to fly at night.
Can't we just go back to that?
We'd all be less uptight.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If the world's greatest milit'ry
Can't figure out
What's flying around
Freaking everyone out,
It doesn't say much
For our readiness, guys.
We're failing the test
Before everyone's eyes.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Linda McMahon is Trump's pick for Secretary of Education, a department he has vowed to abolish |
Here's a novel mission for
A nominee, indeed:
Destroy the very agency
He's naming you to lead.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Syria has shaken off
A 54 year curse.
But now that the Assads are gone,
Could things get even worse?
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Next Secretary of Defense?
'I promise to stop drinking
If I run the D.O.D.'
Hegseth's closing argument
Sounds pretty weak to me.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'll never buy a Tesla;
Of that you can be sure.
I've had enough of Elon Musk
And all of his manure.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Next Ambassador to France
Charles Kushner is a piece of sh*t
And if you don't agree,
Maybe you should catch up on
His legal history.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course he gave a pardon
To his only living son.
And if you were the president,
It's what you would have done.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The country went for Donald Trump
By one point and a half,
So now he's got a giant mandate?
Please don't make me laugh.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're used to politicans
Wearing flags on their lapel,
But that's not self-promotional
Enough for Kash Patel.
December, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Have we seen any benefit
From cutting corporate taxes?
It's not as if they're less inclined
To stick it up our asses.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This has all the makings
Of a catastrophic mess.
No way an anti-vaxxer
Should be running HHS.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Reps. Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI), Matt Gaetz (R-FL) |
Trump's appointing people
Who aren't qualified a bit.
This must be what Bannon meant
By "flood the zone with sh*t."
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'll never get the money back
I gave to her campaign,
And now I'm s'posed to give 'em more?
These people are insane.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hopefully, the time for coddling
Criminals is past:
L.A. D.A. George Gascón's
Been voted out at last.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Americans aren't ready for
A woman at the top.
They'd rather have a fat old guy
Who lies to them non-stop.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If voters had been smarter,
This could all have been prevented.
Instead, we've picked a president
Who's totally demented.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Election 2024
I've had enough of focus groups
And surrogates and such.
Just get the damn thing over with.
It's stressing me too much.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Nicolle Wallace, Deadline: White House, MSNBC |
And Now for this Word
Every time an anchor tells me
"Don't go anywhere,"
I'm glad I've got a good remote
To get me outta there.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lyle & Erik Menendez killed their parents in 1989 |
Clemency?
Even if their father was
The basest of the base,
It's no excuse for shooting
Their poor mother in the face.
November, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The candidate forgot to remove his bobby pins for
a meeting with the Mexican president on August
31,
2016 (see 0:37 through 0:46 of linked video) |
Here's an image Donald Trump
Would rather we forget.
Pass along to anyone
Who hasn't seen it yet.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Donald Trump will keep us safe,"
Declares the TV spot.
But did he keep us safe from COVID?
Obviously not.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Lincoln should have cut a deal
To end the Civil War?'
Donald Trump's so full of sh*t,
I can't take any more.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Biden's sending hurricanes
To red states? What a claim.
Congresswoman Taylor Greene's
Apparently insane.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is right about
An "enemy within,"
Except he hasn't figured out
The enemy is him.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Millions couldn't give a sh*t
If Trump's a fascist threat:
A fascist is exactly what
They hope they're gonna get.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Harris should be careful with
Her "politics of joy."
When voters aren't happy,
They are easy to annoy.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump's a lying dirtbag.
What else is there to say?
He proves that he's a lying dirtbag
Every single day.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If only more Americans
Were seeing what I'm seeing:
Donald Trump is simply a
Disgusting human being.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I figure on Election Night,
I'm going to need a sedative:
Trump's a raving lunatic,
And yet he's still competitive.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Men, if you're nostalgic for
A woman's right to choose,
The only way to get it back's
For Donald Trump to lose.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He lied from start to finish
Of the recent veep debate,
But if style's all you're grading,
He did absolutely great.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Justice Delayed
He led an insurrection,
But for years he's skated free.
If Trump wins this election,
I'll be blaming the AG.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Israel rigs pagers
So they blow up on command,
They're killing noncombatants too
(As if that isn't planned).
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Obamacare was saved by Trump,'
Is Vance's latest claim.
But saving it and failing to
Repeal it aren't the same.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
J.D. Vance
He's always lying, whether in
Debate or on the stump.
That's why he's the perfect pick
To run with Donald Trump.
October, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
NC lieutenant governor and candidate for governor |
Meet Mark Robinson
Trump may say he's 'MLK
On steroids,' but that's crap.
A self-proclaimed black Nazi's
What he is, and that's a fact.
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Wake Up, Guys
Just another reason for
Abandoning the cult:
If you get somebody pregnant now,
You're stuck with the result.
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
F*ck elective surgery.
Don't touch me with that knife,
Unless it's really surgery
I need to save my life.
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
VP Harris bested ex-Pres. Trump in their TV debate |
With all the years we've had to sit
And listen to his lies,
Isn't it a joy to see her
Cut him down to size?
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The way to beat inflation's
Not with tariffs, that's for sure.
Be nice to see solutions
'Stead of all of this manure.
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Could you have a hit like
"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother,"
Now that algorithms
Have us hating one another?
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democracy: worth saving,
Or a relic we should lose?
This is it, America.
The time has come to choose.
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Presidential candidates Jill Stein and Cornel West |
Republicans are doing
All they can to help these two,
Cuz any vote for one 'a them's
A vote for you-know-who.
September, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Luckily, though Bobby is
Suspending his campaign,
His voters have a place to go
That's equally insane.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
John Roberts testifies at his confirmation hearing
to
be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, 9/15/05
|
By now we know that Roberts
Is a phony through and through.
He's not just 'calling balls and strikes'
The way he said he'd do;
He's undermining some of our
Most fundamental rights.
By now we know that Roberts,
To be blunt about it, bites.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If peace is what they're after,
Why did Israel decide
To kill the chief negotiator
For the other side?
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time he talks about her
Stealing the election,
He's doing what psychologists
Refer to as projection.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Calling Trump "transactional"
Whitewashes it a bit.
The word is he's a double-dealing
Total piece of sh*t.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. swimmer holds nine Olympic gold medals |
If I had half the body
Caeleb Dressel does, I think
The last thing I would want to do
Is mess it up with ink.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A frightening collection
Of unpopular positions.
The only thing it doesn't do
Is bring back Prohibition.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I love my country madly,
So it's really hard to take
That millions of my countrymen
Would fall for such a fake.
August, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gaza |
"Israel's entitled
To defend itself," it's true,
But tell me, does this really
Look like self-defense to you?
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pundits wonder why a sense of
Gloom pervades the nation:
Cuz we're all getting killed
By all this runaway inflation.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Will beating Trump be easy?
No, it certainly will not.
But Democrats are feeling
Now at least they have a shot.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, the brainchild of Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), has
returned
$20 billion to Americans cheated by banks |
Despite all her detractors,
Warren's done a lot of good.
They call her Pocahontas,
But she's more like Robin Hood.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Joe Manchin left the party,
But with Biden standing down,
He'd like to be our nominee
For president, the clown.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump getting hurt, but not critically,
Probably helps him politically.
He's "s'posed to be dead"
But he gets up instead:
That's pretty impressive, admittedly.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time I try and fix
A problem, I get robbed.
Wish I knew an honest man
Who'd do an honest job.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Debate From Hell
Trump could not stop lying
From the time he took the stage,
And all they wanna dwell on
Is how Biden showed his age.
July, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why they hold elections in Iran,
I do not know.
Whoever wins, the Ayatollah's
Gonna run the show.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There comes a time in every race
For passing the baton,
But what to do in Biden's case?
He won't stop holding on.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump says he was "tortured"
In the Fulton County Jail.
Polygraph the S.O.B.
I guarantee he'll fail.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From Ingram Pinn illustration in the Financial Times |
No wonder all our enemies
Want Trump to win again.
His only foreign policy
Was pissing on our friends.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Israel in Gaza's like
The U.S. in Iraq:
Once you lose the world's respect,
It's hard to get it back.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's killing noncombatants
By the hundreds every week,
And Congress is inviting
Netanyahu here to speak?
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The president's son was convicted of three felonies |
Trump's claims of persecution
Are a little overdone.
Hunter Biden shows the feds
Will f*ck with anyone.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Donald Trump should lose again,
His ego is so big,
He won't accept reality;
He'll say the race was "rigged."
And millions will believe him
Like they always f*cking do,
Even if there's not a shred
Of evidence it's true.
June, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Honestly, I didn't think
This day would ever come.
F*ckin' took forever, but
They finally got the bum.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everyone's bombarding me
To get me on their app,
So they can sell my data.
I'm so tired of this crap.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Trump says Bobby Jr.
Isn't really anti-vax,
It's obvious his derrière
Is where he gets his facts.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP Reps. Doug Mills & Byron Donalds (FL) & former presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy
supporting Donald Trump outside NY courthouse |
I can't imagine any more
Degrading thing to do
Than shilling for a charlatan
And dressing like him too.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ) is accused of taking
bribes in exchange for helping Egypt and Qatar |
Here's a man who prob'ly isn't
Long for married life:
He says he never took a bribe;
It must've been his wife.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Way too high in sodium
And way too high in fat.
It is a tasty sandwich, though;
I have to give it that.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. |
Is it just coincidence
A worm attacked his brain,
And ever since he's saying stuff
That's more and more insane?
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No offense, but if I had
The looks of David Beckham,
I don't think I'd be doing
Everything I could to wreck 'em.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You gotta love this picture
For the clarity it brings:
Which one is the puppet here,
And which one pulls the strings?
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Keep in mind, whenever there's
A home you wanna buy:
"Everything was done to code"
Is probably a lie.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
All these guys who wanna ban
Abortion at six weeks
Had better hope to holy hell
The condom never leaks.
May, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Trump VP hopeful Gov. Kristi Noem (R-SD) |
It's bad enough the governor
Would shoot her little dog,
But then to go and brag about it's
Really f*ckin' odd.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Christina Bobb |
Oh, the Irony
The lawyer they've got at the RNC
In charge of "election integrity"
Has just been indicted;
She's one of those cited
In Trump's fake elector conspiracy.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No Soliciting
I don't wanna sign your petition,
Or buy what you're trying to sell.
I'm not gonna join your religion,
So kindly stop ringing my bell!
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This whole "two-state solution"
Is becoming null and void.
It's hard to have two states when
One's already been destroyed.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As if things weren't bad enough
With all of this inflation,
The 99¢ Only Stores
Are ceasing operation.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Luckily for Johnson,
Even though he's getting weaker,
No one in his party
Even wants his job as Speaker.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hey, Joe
You can't deny, for many folks
It's Issue Number One.
Close the border; keep your job.
Otherwise, you're done.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You've got abortion on your side;
Now how about the border?
Suspending new asylum claims
Would seem to be in order.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
F*ck Joe Biden's "outrage"
Over Israel's campaign.
As long as he keeps arming them,
Results will be the same.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The only Bible in the world
That's Donald Trump-endorsed
Is the only one that pays him
Any royalty, of course.
April, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Three weeks before the start of his NYC hush money trial, Trump attended the wake of a slain officer there |
The same day Trump is telling us
He'll bring back law and order,
He's siccing his supporters on
His trial judge's daughter.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If I was getting blamed for all
This runaway inflation,
I'd make a show of taking on
The greedy corporations.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When it comes to email overload,
Rockport can't be beat.
They're decent shoes, but they must think
I've got a hundred feet.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Can't Post $454M Bond
The vultures are circling Donald J. Trump,
But haven't we seen this before?
Whenever we're thinking he's run out of luck,
There's always a little bit more.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't you get tired of all of the lies
They're constantly airing on Fox?
You keep lapping up
All that feculent stuff,
And finally your little brain rots.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just what you'd expect to hear
From Mr. Insurrection:
He's promising a "bloodbath"
If he loses the election.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's threatening to nuke us,
So would someone tell me why
Republicans in Congress
Won't stand up against the guy?
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The defects in his character
Are there for all to see.
We know what Donald Trump is;
Now the question's what are we?
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cops are on the front lines
Every day, so tell me why,
In terms of backing gun control,
They're all so f*cking shy.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You shouldn't have to say that
What Hamas did was despicable,
But better safe than sorry
When you're criticizing Israel.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nice Job, Republicans
If voters had been smarter,
This could all have been prevented.
Instead, they've picked a candidate
Who's totally demented.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Oh, but how I miss the days
I used to make the scene.
Sad to say, the good times now
Are few and far between.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Now he says "our country is a joke."
I disagree.
(But let's not prove his point
And reelect the S.O.B.)
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Dropping food into Gaza's
The least we can do,
Having made all the bombs
Being dropped on 'em too.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Florida Surgeon General Ladapo and Gov. DeSantis |
Florida vs. the Measles
Besides a decent governor,
Which currently they lack,
They need a surgeon general
Who's not a f*cking quack.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't care if Fani Willis
Slept with Nathan Wade.
With all the stress they're going through,
At least they're getting laid.
March, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What good is the perfect case
Prepared by DOJ
When all the courts are helping Trump
Delay, delay, delay?
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Duff Moses |
After his shenanigans
On January Sixth,
To think we'd want him back again
Is absolutely sick.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Alexander Smirnov (center) |
In case you bought the story
That Joe Biden took a bribe,
The FBI informant
Was a Russian tool who lied.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I get the need to fund Ukraine;
No argument with that.
But Israel's another case;
I wouldn't give 'em crap.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Curbing antisemitism
Won't get any easier
With Netanyahu's army acting
Sleazier and sleazier.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't be down on Biden
Cuz you're trippin' on his age.
Jagger's eighty too,
And they still let him on the stage.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hypertension got you down?
Don't take Irbesartan.
The constipation's so profound,
You'll barely manage fartin'.
NOT INTENDED AS MEDICAL ADVICE / CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Has everyone forgotten
The unnecessary deaths?
Reelecting Trump would be
As reckless as it gets.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nikki is to Donald Trump
What Teddy was to Carter:
The intraparty challenger
Who makes November harder.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If no one is above the law,
As no one is, presumably,
Then why's it take so f*cking long
To rule on Trump's immunity?
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When genocide is playing out
Before your very eyes,
Anyone enabling it
Is easy to despise.
February, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The media are failing
In their coverage of Trump
If they don't spell out how insane
He's gotten on the stump.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just a Thought, Republicans
If Donald Trump's too addled
To keep Haley and Pelosi straight,
Maybe this is not the guy
You want to be your candidate.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Pensacola FL, there's always another book to ban |
You really have to wonder
What's the matter with these fools,
Pulling all the dictionaries
Out of public schools.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans don't even want
A border deal, you know?
They'd rather leave the current mess
And blame it all on Joe.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Age difference: 3½ years |
Biden may be eighty-one,
But Trump is right behind.
Anyway, the younger one's
The one who's lost his mind.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why we still back Israel
In Gaza, I don't know.
The only way to stop this sh*t's
By cutting off their dough.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's little wonder why so many
Brick and mortar stores are gone,
What with all the people buying
Everything on Amazon.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cable's always looking for
A storyline to chase.
They're covering the caucuses
As if there's still a race.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
By the way, there's nothing in
The U.S. Constitution
Suggesting that a president's
Immune from prosecution.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Rarely have I ever seen
A photograph so creepy.
This is f*cking genocide,
And we're still backing Bibi?
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Source: Washington Post / U. of Maryland poll |
One in four Americans
Believe the FBI
Was behind the insurrection,
Which is just a f*cking lie.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The reason Trump loves Xi Jinping's
Not hard to understand:
He lives for any chance he gets
To shake a smaller hand.
January, 2024
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What the hell's with Haley?
Does it take a lot of bravery
To just come out and say
The Civil War was over slavery?
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hey, Bigmouth
Spouting Adolf Hitler is
A vile thing to do.
If anybody's 'poisoning
Our country's blood,' it's you.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Colorado gets it right:
He led an insurrection,
So therefore is disqualified
From running for election.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They won't do sh*t on climate change.
They won't do sh*t on guns.
They won't do sh*t on anything
Of consequence, the bums.
They'd rather spread conspiracies
And waste their precious time
Investigating Biden
For imaginary crimes.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They ran the House Republicans,
But not for very long.
One by one the young guns fell,
And now the last is gone.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Let's impeach Joe Biden!
It's true we have no case,
But we're not seeking justice here;
We're ginning up the base.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
IDF
"Not targeting civilians?"
What a bunch of rot.
If that's not who they're targeting,
They're sure a lousy shot.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
|
Biden's not responsible
For all of this inflation.
The problem is we're being gouged
By greedy corporations.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Israel told Gazans
They'd be safer in the South.
Ask the noncombatants there
How that's been working out.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The House voted 311-114 to expel George Santos
(R-NY), only the sixth member ever given the boot |
Sayonara, Santos
He's threatening the congressmen
Who helped to bring him down.
Maybe he should save his breath
For court, the f*cking clown.
December, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
God forbid we're dumb enough
To re-elect the autocrat.
I don't care how old he is:
I'm voting for the democrat.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They go by "Moms for Liberty,"
But that's a bit misleading.
Their idea of liberty's
To censor what you're reading.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The provocateuse & would-be WH press secretary |
'Laura Loomer's not someone
That Donald Trump should hire.
She's mentally unstable
And a documented liar.'
--Per Marjorie Taylor Greene
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's up there praising Xi Jinping
And Kim and Putin too,
And not a single "patriot"
Is brave enough to boo.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Zelensky's not a Nazi;
He's actually a Jew.
But how like Ramaswamy
To go mixing up the two.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Have you listened to him lately?
It might be worth your time,
Cuz more and more it's obvious
He's lost his f*cking mind.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Israel today's
As democratic as it gets
(If you don't count the millions
Who are trapped behind a fence).
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New Speaker of the House Mike Johnson (R-LA) |
At Your Service, Plutocrats
"Fiscally responsible"
Would not describe this Speaker.
Instead of funding IRS,
He's tryin' to make it weaker.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Compared to other Beatles songs,
It isn't very good.
Just cuz you can finish something
Doesn't mean you should.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You can't keep up with all the lies
This lunatic creates.
Now he's telling everyone
He won all fifty states.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've nothing bad to say about
Joe Biden in the main,
But running for another term
At eighty is insane.
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Bibi Netanyahu says
Hamas must be wiped out.
For years he gave 'em cover, though,
So what's that all about?
November, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's one thing the Israelis
Will accomplish with this war:
Hamas will be recruiting
Like it's never done before.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why the hell would Christians
Wanna flock to such a bum?
Check the seven deadly sins,
And Trump has every one.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
IDF Spokesperson Lt. Col. Jonathan Conricus |
Don't go blaming Israel
For blowing up that hospital.
Our bombs leave bigger craters,
So we know we're not responsible.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Israel dropped 6,000+ bombs
on Gaza in six days
in
retaliation for a brutal surprise attack by Hamas |
Israel
The terrorists who hit 'em
Are the ones they need to whack,
Not the poor civilians
Who weren't in on the attack.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Look how catastrophically
A government can fail
When its leader is preoccupied
With staying out of jail.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I would've thought some Democrats
Would vote to keep him in.
He's awful, but whoever's next
Could well be worse than him.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We've never had more fiscally
Responsible a president
(If you don't count the trillions that
He added to the deficit).
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I love Paris in the fall,
But not so much this year.
With all the bedbugs they've got there,
I think I'll stay right here.
October, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He may be entertaining,
But his act is wearing thin.
I definitely wouldn't
Want to sit through it again.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) arriving for work |
One thing I don't think
The U.S. Senate oughta do
Is set aside the dress code
On account of you-know-who.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
300,000+ migrants crossed the border in August,
the highest monthly total ever (Source: USCBP) |
We have to stop the chaos
At the border, and here's how:
Suspend all new asylum claims,
And do it f*cking now.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Beware the man who walks his dog
While staring at his phone.
He's miss what Fido leaves behind
(And it won't be a bone).
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Go, Joe, go!" |
Besides the fact he's eighty
And his son just got indicted,
I'm glad he's gonna run again.
Could not be more excited.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) & her date were eject-
ed from a Denver theater after numerous complaints |
Seems as if the congresswoman's
One and only function's
To embarrass all the voters
From Pueblo to Grand Junction.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Clay Bennett,
Chattanooga Times Free Press |
Despite His Claims
The Presidential Records Act
Did not give Trump the right, in fact,
To take a bunch
Of secret stuff
And then refuse to give it back.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It drives me f*cking crazy
How he's always saying "like."
Get this man a voice coach, please,
And get him talking right.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
McCarthy may be Speaker now,
But how long can it last?
His party's full of wingnuts
Who could take him down, and fast.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
With lithium batteries everywhere,
It's riskier now to go anywhere.
You never know when
One'll blow up again
And there's no f*cking way to get outta there.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
From the Arabs with their oil
To the plumber on the make,
Everybody's out to take
As much as they can take.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) is still refusing to
lift
his hold on hundreds of military promotions |
The Marines don't have a commandant,
But Tommy doesn't care.
There should be a statue for
The asshole in Red Square.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justice Thomas and the ever-attentive Harlan Crow |
It's hard to make believe the Court
Is ethical and honest,
Knowing there's a billionaire
In bed with Clarence Thomas.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A Wall Street Journal poll showed Trump beating DeSantis by 46 points among Republican voters |
DeSantis may recover
But the chances aren't high.
The more that people see of him,
The more they hate the guy.
September, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The streets are filled with criminals
Who oughta be in jail,
And now the city wants to go
Eliminating bail?
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This is why you never let
The perp provide the stat.
If Trump is only 215,
I'll eat a MAGA hat.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's been a long time coming,
So the sound of it's sublime:
Inmate Number
PO1135809.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mr. Ramaswamy says
That climate change is bunk.
Heard enough already from
This lying little punk?
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You can write off Vivek
Ramaswamy from the jump:
He wants to raise the voting age
And pardon Donald Trump.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopeful Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) |
You question a guy's masculinity
When he's bragging about his virginity.
But that's how he got
To be Senator Scott:
No question it paid off politically.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A game of catch with Donald Trump
Would not last very long:
You'd throw the ball right to him,
And he'd say you threw it wrong.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If AI can do anything
The way these people say,
Let's see it pay the mortgage
When it takes my job away.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's true that Trump could shoot someone
And Trumpers wouldn't care.
But that does not say much for them,
And I'll just leave it there.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fulton Co. District Attorney Fani Willis indicted
ex-Pres. Trump and 18 others on 41 felony
counts
for trying to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia
|
She teased a Trump indictment
Over twenty months ago.
Waiting for Ms. Willis
Is like waiting for Godot.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of all the things on earth that
Should have never been invented,
An AR gun for children
Takes the cake for most demented.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The facts are indisputable,
But Trumpers still deny
That the one who tried to steal
The election was their guy.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"We're going to start slitting throats
On Day One," says DeSantis
(Which kind of gives you some idea
Of what a creep the man is).
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't destroy democracy
For one disgruntled schmo.
Your country needs you back again.
It's time to let him go.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Donald Trump was charged with four felonies
regarding his attempt to steal the 2020 election |
Prison's not so bad, old boy.
I'm sure you'll find romance
As soon as you start showing 'em
That sexy little dance.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even though, objectively,
He's done a lot of good,
Biden isn't getting half
The credit that he should.
August, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They won't give Biden credit
For a single thing he's done.
All they wanna talk about's
His cockamamie son.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From Pat Bagley cartoon in the Salt Lake Tribune |
GOP
There's nothing more absurd than how
They say they're tough on crime.
Aren't they the party blocking
Gun laws all the time?
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Elon Musk bought Twitter,
He predicted great success.
But what's he turned it into now?
A literal Brand X.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#NoMoreTrump
In case we need reminding as
The temperatures get higher,
It's a lousy time to reelect
A climate change denier.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The president who tried to give us
Government by mob
Is hoping we'll be dumb enough
To give him back his job.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They lied about Seth Rich.
They lied about Ray Epps.
They lied about Dominion
And Smartmatic and the rest.
But here's the thing: if Fox is all
You're watching all the time,
You could spend a lifetime never
Knowing they've been lyin'.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm sorry, but I'm never
Calling someone "they" or "them."
It's just too ungrammatical;
That's just the way I am.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL)
|
Putin should be giving
Tommy Tuberville a prize,
For gumming up our military
Right before our eyes.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We thought that Joe McCarthy
Was as bad as it could get,
But that's because Jim Jordan
Hadn't gone to Congress yet.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As Temperatures Soar
Here's a law that ranks among
The sickest ever written:
Mandatory water breaks
In Texas are forbidden.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's awful homes are falling down
In Rolling Hills Estates.
They didn't know how right they were,
Whoever named the place.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Forget that he stole secrets
And was sharing them to boot;
Millions of Americans
Would reelect the coot.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How the hell can Santos
Blame his problems on the press?
Earth to Mr. Santos:
You're the one who made the mess.
July, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Yevgeny Prigozhin was offered exile in Belarus
in return for ending his army's march on Moscow |
It's hard to make predictions on
What Putin's gonna do,
But I would bet Prigozhin's dead
Before the year is through.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
That Mar-a-Lago toilet
Is so low down to the floor,
I hope the Secret Service
Keeps a forklift by the door.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Daddy never hugged me, even
When my mummy passed.'
Life is tough all over, Harry.
Blow it out your ass.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Tween all of these mass shootings
And the germs that are about,
No wonder there's a lot of us
Who aren't going out.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Transgender actress Dylan Mulvaney |
I feel bad for Dylan.
She thinks she's such a hit,
And then she does a beer ad
And their sales go to sh*t.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Government secrets stacked in a Mar-a-Lago bath-
room: evidence from 37-count Trump indictment |
The right should worry less about
How "D.O.J.'s been weaponized,"
And more about how national
Security's been compromised.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The thrill I felt at Donald Trump's
Indictment was erased
As soon as I saw Cannon
Would be sitting on the case.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Honestly, I didn't think
This day would ever come.
Trump is finally being charged.
I hope they get the bum.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The documents they found are not
The only ones he's got.
He took a bunch of boxes to
Bedminster, did he not?
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's crazy that DeSantis,
In the midst of a campaign,
Can't decide the right
Pronunciation of his name.
June, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Looking at this travesty,
One thing could not be clearer:
Kevin's top priority
Should be a full-length mirror.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Now that Musk is running it,
It's really sad to see:
Twitter is a sh*thole next to
What it used to be.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As much as I hate Donald Trump,
I really love the way
He's making life for Ron DeSantis
Harder every day.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What good is a f*cking pet
You pet at your own peril?
Next time I adopt a cat,
I'll specify "no ferals."
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mauricio Garcia killed eight and wounded 10 at a
suburban Dallas mall before being killed by police |
Allen TX Shooter
Not only did he hate the world
(That's obvious as hell);
A brown-skinned white supremacist
Would hate himself as well.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Lost Art
Children can't write cursively,
And that's a real shame.
I wonder if you wrote it
If they'd even know their name.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wowing them at CNN's BS Fest, AKA Town Hall |
The Enablers
More sick'ning than the man himself
With all his smears and lies
Are the suckers in the audience.
That's who I most despise.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's just so much to hate about
This godforsaken gun:
Exit wounds the size of f*ckin'
Oranges, for one.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What a bunch of f*cking dicks.
It's always about politics.
They never care about the debt
Until a Dem is president.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We had to leave Afghanistan;
That war could not be won.
Was messy how we did it,
But at least it's f*cking done.
May, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tucker Carlson's out at Fox,
But viewers, don't despair:
If toxic talk is what you want,
Sean Hannity's still there.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Senate should have never let
The weapons ban expire.
You can't depend on background checks
When someone has no priors.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Bobby Jr.'s in the race,
But he won't be the choice.
It's not just that he's anti-vax;
It's also just the voice.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Big Lie Costs Fox $787.5 Million
Seems to me the network
Should be putting "News" in quotes,
Given the extent of
All the bullsh*t it promotes.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another Third Party
"No Labels" has no business
On the ballot in my view.
Helping the Republicans
Is all they're gonna do.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Dalai Lama asking
A young boy to suck his tongue
Kinda makes you wonder
Where the f*cker's coming from.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Income inequality's
The trend that doesn't stop.
It's always a recession now,
Unless you're at the top.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Al Gore was the target of
A lotta right-wing crap.
But everything he warned about
Is happening, in fact.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fifty years in Florida
And now they're on the outs?
Disney's not the party here
That's acting Mickey Mouse.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you think you're getting news from Fox,
Then take another gander:
Most of what they're telling you
Is straight out propaganda.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump's assorted crimes
Are way beyond the pale
(Not that I'm suggesting here
He'll ever go to jail).
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
COVID
killed 1,779 Americans last week ( CDC) |
Lingering Pandemic Paranoia
There's a movie out in theatres now
I really wanna see.
I'll have to wait and stream it, though,
Cuz I have LPP.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why are all these talking heads
Still calling Trump "the president?"
It's not an honor he deserves,
As should be f*cking evident.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Imagine being so naive
You never figure out
That Trump is lying every time
He opens up his mouth.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know it's up to Biden
And it isn't up to me,
But I don't think that Garland's
Got the balls to be AG.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Trump campaign raised $4 million in the first
24 hours after his NY indictment on fraud charges |
No defendant's sure of what
The future's gonna bring,
But ever since they charged him,
All he's hearing is ka-ching.
April, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump Indictment Watch
Is not must-see TV.
Wake me when they lock him up;
That's all I wanna see.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's easy to condemn what
Russia's doing to Ukraine,
But isn't what we did to
The Iraqis much the same?
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A sorer bunch 'a losers
You will not find anywhere.
They can't accept the fact that
They were beaten fair and square.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In the mood for Russian
Propaganda? You're in luck!
All you have to do is
Get your news from Traitor Tuck.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Congress has killed better things,
So wouldn't it be fine
If they finally got around
To killing Daylight Savings Time?
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
All the legal experts say
That Trump should be indicted.
But since they're not the ones in charge,
Let's not get too excited.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fox does not require
Every story to be true.
As long as what you're saying's
Good for ratings, that'll do.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's nothing educational
About this kind of show.
They tell you what you wanna hear,
Not what you need to know.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know I'd find it easier
To watch her every night
If she didn't always interrupt
Her sentences with Right?.
March, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Far be it for me to judge,
But what the f*ck's with Buttigieg?
As soon as they blew up that train,
He shoulda been there taking names.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Garland's just the latest in
A long parade of chumps:
Prosecutors through the years
Who never nailed Trump.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
a  |
It's sad: of all the candidates
Republicans could choose,
The only hero in the race
Is almost sure to lose.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Haley Joins 2024 Race
They worked together beautifully
When she was his ambassador,
But far as Donald Trump's concerned,
That should've been the last of her.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) heckling
Pres. Biden during State of the Union address |
How could someone let herself
Behave like such an ass?
She oughta be embarrassed,
But she doesn't have the class.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Good luck, Nikki Haley,
But if I may be succinct,
I'm looking at your chances
And your chances really stink.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't just "track" the spy balloon
That's moseying around.
It's got no business being here.
For God's sake, shoot it down!
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Moving down to Florida?
Think twice before you go.
Assholes like DeSantis don't
Elect themselves, you know.
February, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Five Memphis policemen were fired & charged
with the second degree murder of Tyre Nichols
|
Our Street Crime Unit officers
Are young and in their prime.
The only problem is that they're
Committing all the crime.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tyre Nichols, 29, fatally beaten by Memphis police |
Even when the cops involved
Are all as black as night,
Standards seem to suffer when
A "suspect" isn't white.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lucky survivor on Mt. Baldy, 10,000 ft. above L.A. |
Hiking on the mountain now?
That's really kinda dicey.
Every step could be your last
When everything's this icy.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You still pay lower prices
At the 99¢ Only Store,
But there aren't many items
That are 99¢ anymore.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
George Santos AKA Kitara Ravache, Rio, 2008 |
So what if he's a double-dealin',
Ponzi schemin' louse?
At least we finally get to have
A drag queen in the House.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What I would like to know
(Along with where he got the loot)
Is why he always has to wear
A sweater with a suit.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Caveat Scriptor
Once you write a tell-all book,
Assume all hope is gone
For any kind of future with
The ones you're telling on.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A fraud like Mr. Santos
Would have never got this far
If opposition research
Had been halfway up to par.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Robert Hur will lead DOJ's Biden documents probe |
Mueller was the first one,
And now we're up to four.
At some point, special counsels
Aren't that special anymore.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They give their wealthy donors
Every tax break they can get,
So don't believe 'em when they say
They care about the debt.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not enough to mess with
Our democracy at home.
Bannon won't be happy till
They all get overthrown.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) became the new House
Speaker after 15 ballots and bitter GOP infighting
|
I don't know how the prospects
For this Congress could be bleaker,
When the party that's in charge
Can't even pick a friggin' Speaker.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When the going gets tough, get out |
A lot of folks'll keep a job
Until they're past their prime.
Not the late Pope Benedict;
He knew when to resign.
January, 2023
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Our borders aren't "open"
But when liars say they are,
Migrants hear the message and
They come from near and far.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These Florida seniors supporting Rick Scott
Are not as informed as they oughta be,
Or else they would know not to vote for a schmo
Who wants to end Social Security.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
George Santos has the kind of skills
Republicans require:
Not only can he raise the dough,
But boy, is he a liar.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The weather in Los Angeles
Is better than in Buffalo,
'Specially when it's brought to us
By one Brianna Ruffalo.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The House J6 Committee made a compelling case to charge the ex-president with four federal crimes in-
cluding insurrection, but will the DOJ do anything?
|
Referring Trump for charges
After all this time is great,
Except, of course, it doesn't
Carry any legal weight.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Hi, I'm Cayla. I'm going to spy on you" |
These smart toys are a menace
With the data they're accruing.
Ripping out the mic is what
Your children should be doing.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Clayton Kershaw |
Twenty million dollars
For a year? That's pretty rich.
Now all we have to hope is
He's not injured and can pitch.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They and them are pronouns
That refer to two or more.
Why's that controversial now?
It never was before.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sam Brinton was terminated as Deputy Assistant Secretary of Spent Fuel and Waste Management
after being arrested for stealing women's luggage |
I don't know how this guy
Got a job at D.O.E.,
Unless whoever vetted him
Was high on LSD.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Kent Stermon's to DeSantis as
Vince Foster was to Hill and Bill:
Officially, it's suicide,
But speculate, you know we will.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration by Leif Parsons, The New York Times |
Why aren't they requiring masks
When you get on a plane?
With all the crap that's going 'round,
It's patently insane.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. City Councilman Kevin DeLeon remains in
office after being recorded disparaging colleagues |
DeLeon isn't stepping down,
And I don't think he should.
He's said he's sorry's many times
As anybody could.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With a 37% approval rating among Arizona Demo-
crats, Sen. Kyrsten Sinema became an independent |
Staying in the party,
She'd have paid too high a cost.
Whoever would've challenged her,
She knows she would've lost.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just because a drag queen may
Be coming to your town
Doesn't mean you have to take
The power system down.
(You're not gonna like it if
They catch your ass, you know.
Maybe you should just relax
And go enjoy the show.)
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Losers in denial: Donald Trump and Kari Lake
|
Their thumbs can hardly get it up;
Their smiles are looking strained.
Telling lies around the clock
Must really leave you drained.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Arkansas gov.-elect meets the press |
What the f*ck's with Sarah Sanders?
Someone needs some better handlers.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He never faked a bone spur,
Or tried to mount a coup.
Nixon was a choir boy
Compared to you-know-who.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The sorest loser in the world's
Come up with a solution
So he can still be president:
Rip up the Constitution.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's something these reporters do
That irks me to the core:
Stop calling Trump "the president."
He isn't anymore!
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't see Walker winning
In the Georgia Senate race:
For one, he lives in Dallas,
And for two, he's a disgrace.
December, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Local police inspired little confidence
with
their
initial comments after four University of Idaho
students were found murdered in their beds |
Until you've caught the psychopath
Who killed our friends so brutally,
Please don't come and tell us there's
'No threat to the community.'
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course he hosted Kanye West
And Nick Fuentes too.
What else would you expect a troll
Like Donald Trump to do?
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans are very good
At pushing all our buttons,
But what have they accomplished
For us? Absolutely nothin'.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Colorado shooter
Would prefer the pronoun "they."
But going where he's going,
I don't think he'll have a say.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't know my NFTs
From L.S./M.F.T.
All I know's it look like
One big giant scam to me.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cyrptocurrency investor |
I wonder how I let myself
Make such a dumb mistake...
Using real money
To buy money that was fake.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mueller redux? Veteran federal prosecutor Jack
Smith was named
to lead Trump criminal probes |
Makes sense, a special counsel,
Expecially when you've got
A weak attorney general
Who's afraid to take his shot.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They like to say they're tough on crime,
But that one's getting old.
If they were really tough on crime,
We'd have some gun control.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Elon Musk a few days after buying Twitter
(Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)
|
I can't deny the quiet
Satisfaction that it always brings
When fabulously wealthy men
Do fabulously stupid things.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans in Washington
Are such a bunch 'a schmucks.
I hate the lying, cheating, whining,
Backward-looking f*cks.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Jesus, as you prob'ly know,
The drought here is insane...
So thank you for our blessings,
But we need some frickin' rain.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fickle Republicans
They called Barack a Muslim
And they wouldn't ever quit.
But Mehmet really is one,
And they couldn't give a sh*t.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Powerball's two billion now;
How high's it gonna go?
I wish someone would win the thing
So I could keep my dough.
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Disinformed
What's your favorite fantasy:
The vaccine has a chip in it,
Democrats drink babies' blood,
Or Trump is still the president?
November, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Many think that letting him
Debate at all was nuts,
But one thing that it showed us
Is that Fetterman's got guts.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Pennsylvania Democrats
Had gone with Conor Lamb,
They'd be on the road to victory
Instead of in a jam.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He Paid How Much?!
For those of us who've never been
In love with Elon Musk,
There's always hope that Twitterland
Is where he bites the dust.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A Justice is supposed to know
What ethics are about.
If this was any other court,
They would've thrown him out.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
That poor Liz Truss's term was jinxed
Was clear from early on.
No sooner had she met the Queen
Than--poof--the Queen was gone.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hobbs Refuses to Debate Lake In AZ Gov. Race
Bad decision, Katie Hobbs:
In many voters' eyes,
A candidate who won't debate
Does not deserve the prize.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mookie Betts |
What a year the Dodgers had!
I thought they'd never quit.
Oh, to win so many games
And see it turn to sh*t.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Demonizing Chechens is
How Putin rose to power,
So isn't it ironic they're
His soldiers of the hour.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Look at MBS and Putin
Sticking it to Biden--
Cutting oil production when
The price was finally sliding.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Herschel Walker says he's for
A nationwide abortion ban,
Even though abortion's how
He limited the Walker clan.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For me, it's just another sign
The culture's in the crapper
When everybody black and white
Is talking like a rapper.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
While we were stuck in foreign wars,
China forged ahead.
If only we'd not 'stayed the course,'
And chosen theirs instead.
October, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Texas AG Ken Paxton jumped in a truck driven
by his wife to avoid being served a subpoena |
Attorneys General generally
Aren't running from the law,
But ask the process server
Down in Texas what he saw.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Herschel says he's "not that smart,"
A quote that's gonna stick...
So how will that make voters look
If this is who they pick?
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Aileen Cannon's rulings
Have been biased from the jump.
She's no impartial jurist;
She's an advocate for Trump.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you don't think Americans
Are into monarchy,
Then why are we all looking at
The same thing on TV?
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Publishers Clearing House
Seven thousand bucks a week
For life is quite a prize.
The question is how long they let
Your lucky ass survive.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) |
Republicans love assholes.
That's why they vote 'em in.
The bigger flaming jerk you are,
The bigger you can win.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hot-Headed Herschel
I always figured Walker
Had a touch of CTE,
But come to find he's struggled
All his life with DID.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What the f*ck's it gonna take
For Trump to go to jail?
You wouldn't think with all his crimes
He'd be that hard to nail.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A picture's worth a thousand words,
And this one's no exception:
Look at all the stolen stuff
They found in Trump's possession.
September, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Rick Scott (R-FL) |
He criticizes Biden for
Vacationing in Delaware,
While on a yacht in Italy.
This guy's a horse's derrière.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A flag has no say over where it's displayed,
So pity the red, white and blue.
If I was a prop for a traitor like Trump,
I wouldn't be happy, would you?
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How dare he fly Old Glory
At his Mar-a-Lago home.
If he's gonna sell our secrets,
Let him use a skull and bones.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Will Georgia be a laughing-stock?
The odds are rather high,
If they're gonna throw out Warnock
For the crazy football guy.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They finally got their way and killed
A woman's right to choose.
So now there's lots of races that
Republicans could lose.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. Ron Johnson (WI) & Marco Rubio (FL) were among Republicans blocking a $35 cap on insulin |
If they won't cap your insulin
At thirty-five a pop,
Then why ya still supporting them?
If I were you, I'd stop.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Usually with Jordan,
There's no shutting up the turd.
But when he witnessed sex abuse,
He never said a word.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Woman protests FBI raid at Mar-a-Lago in Florida
|
Whatever he's accused of,
Trumpers sing the same old song:
It's all a f*cking witch-hunt;
Donald Trump can do no wrong.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's no defending all the hours
Donald Trump was quiet,
And didn't do a frigging thing
To try and stop the riot.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Lately it's becoming clear
That Trump is not the hero here.
Anyone who's still confused
Should try and watch some real news.
August, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you bought cryptocurrency
Cuz someone famous told you to,
Promise your dependents that's
The lamest thing you'll ever do.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fact we can't protect our kids
From shooters is a scandal.
But what do we expect when all
Our gun laws are dismantled?
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A shooter killed seven and wounded 48 in Illinois |
Land of the Free
It doesn't feel like freedom
If you have to be afraid
Of dying while you watch an
Independence Day parade.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
t 
Samuel Alito, United States Supreme Court |
It really burns my britches
How we call them "Justices."
As if these sons of bitches
Even know what justice is.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What's with "neoliberals?"
You hear that word a lot.
I thought they were the good guys,
But apparently they're not.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
SCOTUS picked the perfect time
To hobble EPA,
As temperatures around the world
Get higher every day.
July, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm the kind of voter
That you prob'ly want to keep.
I may not be the wokest,
But at least I'm not asleep.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Never has our highest court
Polled lower than today.
You can't just go bestowing rights,
Then taking them away.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If
Roberts wants to save
The reputation of the court,
There's someone whose career
He should be trying to abort.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shooting down our gun laws when
The problem's so immense...
I can't believe our highest court's
So low on common sense.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's never easy learning that
Your hero is a heel,
But guess who kept the money that
You sent to "stop the steal."
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What a country! Even if
You start an insurrection,
No one's gonna stop ya if
You run for reelection.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Attorney General William Barr testifies to House Select Committee investigating January 6th |
With everybody saying he's
Untethered from reality,
The best defense for Donald Trump
Is gonna be insanity.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even if a deal in
The Senate is arranged,
All we're gonna get from them
Is incremental change.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Right to Life
If you're against abortion
But you're fine with all these guns,
I do not for the life of me
Know where you're coming from.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You'd think that this would be the time
For gun control to pass,
But even a Uvalde doesn't
Get them off their ass.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's easy to focus on chickensh*t cops
Who didn't make much of a stand,
But this'll take more than cojones to stop:
We need an assault weapons ban.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Fox is "fair and balanced,"
Then please explain to me
Why no one gets a decent shake
Unless they're G.O.P.
June, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Never trust a turncoat,
Like for instance J.D. Vance.
He knew that Trump was trouble;
Now he sees him as his chance.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You look at how Uvalde cops
Performed that day, and wow--
It's not exactly Walker
Texas Rangers, is it now?
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Imagine these officers armed to the teeth,
Knowing a shooter's inside,
Thinking the time to step into the breach
Is after the children have died.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Loudermilk was giving tours
On Insurrection Eve,
Why's he still in Congress?
Shouldn't traitors have to leave?
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Again
Who gives a sh*t what his motive was?
Isn't the point that the little skuzz
Would never have done it
If he'd 'a been gunless?
The gun made the difference; it always does.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. mayoral candidate Rep. Karen Bass (D-CA) |
Her record is impressive and
Her promises beguiling,
But how ya s'posed to trust someone
Who's always f*cking smiling?
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. mayoral candidate developer Rick Caruso |
"Rick Caruso, Democrat,"
It says in every mailer.
But Rick was not a Democrat
Until he ran for mayor.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Trump's not held accountable
For anything he's done,
His chances of returning are
Infinity to one.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These people aren't patriots,
At least as far as I can see.
A real f*cking patriot
Would stick up for democracy.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you met him in an alley,
You would prob'ly turn and run.
But Pennsylvania Democrats
Say Fetterman's the one.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Prowling the stage in a loincloth,
Ted Nugent was something to see.
But now you would not even know him:
He's ugly as ugly can be.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Brett Kavanaugh at SCOTUS confirmation hearing
|
He told the Senate Roe v. Wade
Was "settled law"; however,
Now he says that doesn't mean
It's settled law forever.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Victory Day was s'posed to bring
Some massive escalation,
But luckily they settled for
The standard celebration.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) |
Kavanaugh and Gorsuch
Took Ms. Collins for a ride.
They said they'd honor Roe v. Wade,
But what a shock: they lied.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'll prob'ly get in trouble
For expressing what I think,
But if your body's perfect,
Please don't f*ck it up with ink.
May, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) |
It's pretty damn discouraging,
What's happ'ning on the Hill.
You can't have a democracy
If you don't have goodwill.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 University of Pennsylvania's Lia Thomas, née Will |
Letting Lia swim against
The women isn't fair.
She's bigger and she's faster
And she's still a he down there.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Somewhere off Odessa
At the bottom of the sea,
The flagship of the Russian fleet
Is where it's s'posed to be.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hating Russia's always been
An easy thing to do.
I grew up to Khrushchev saying
"We will bury you."
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, SCOTUS-confirmed
|
Republicans don't give a sh*t
What history will say.
They knew that they were full of it
And slimed her anyway.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Breaking news from Ukraine..." |
It's obvious why watching
This disaster is so tough:
For all we may be doing,
We're not doing near enough.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Steve Bannon's arrest on fraud charges, August 2020 |
His goal is to "dismantle
The administrative state"--
Bad for normal people,
But for criminals it's great.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No one likes a tattletale;
It makes 'em insecure.
If this guy wants to party,
He'll be on his own for sure.
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Manchin thinks he's good at
Making deals with these jerks.
When's he gonna notice that
It never freakin' works?
April, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) |
The Senator is looking like
A double-crossing dirty rat
To all the folks who voted for her
Thinking she's a Democrat.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Speaking of Alopecia
If you braid your child's hair
As tight as it can be,
You'll only give 'em hair loss
By the time they're 23.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For anyone who didn't see
The Oscar night unpleasantness,
Here it is without the bleeps,
In all of its inelegance.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Not only is he not deterred
By anything we try,
But saying what we won't do is
Emboldening the guy.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) |
What kind of Putin parrot says
"Zelensky is a thug"?
If only there was half a brain
Behind the handsome mug.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shooting at civilians.
Shooting at the press.
Shooting at a power plant
That's nuclear, no less.
You can call it "Putin's war,"
But let's just keep in mind:
It takes a lot of Russians
To commit this many crimes.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) salutes Capitol protesters
on January 6, 2021, before they riot and he
objects
to Electoral College results (Photo: Francis Chung) |
What's an insurrectionist
Still doing in the Senate?
Congress put a ban on that;
I thought they really meant it.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) with Supreme Court nominee Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson |
Now they're saying Jackson is
Supported by dark money.
Coming from Republicans,
That's really kind of funny.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Making Daylight Savings Time
The standard time all year,
The way the Senate wants to do,
Is not a good idea.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. |
I've had it up to here with all
This anti-vaccine crap.
If all ya got's conspiracies,
Then kindly shut your yap.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Taking all their yachts away
Is only so fulfilling.
The problem with the sanctions is
They haven't stopped the killing.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If your idea of tyranny's
A stupid little mask,
Talk to some Ukrainians:
They'll straighten out your ass.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you haven't figured out by now
That Trump is fulla shit,
Spare me your opinions, pal;
I couldn't care a bit.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The latest rain prediction
Was just another flop.
They always get our hopes up
And it doesn't rain a drop.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson |
Every time I see the guy,
I have to stop and stare:
An actual world leader
Who has never combed his hair.
March, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Remember which Americans
Were cheering Putin on
When innocent Ukranians
Start dying from his bombs.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They call themselves "conservatives"
But they don't have a clue.
You can't say you're for freedom
And then root for Putin too.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 |
99¢ Only Store:
It's time to change your name.
A dollar twenty-nine
And ninety-nine
Are not the same.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Conspiracist
Saget dying from a fall?
I'm not buying that at all.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 From "Dreading" by Danielle Pamp |
As much as I would like to think
This Covid thing is done,
I'm waiting for another f*cking
Variant to come.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Coronation Someday
It's fitting that they're planning on
A "scaled back" affair.
Why invite the people if
Their princess won't be there?
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Secure the Border
These truckers blocking bridges
Are a bunch of f*cking jerks.
Lock 'em up or mow 'em down--
Whatever f*cking works.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Thanks, Covid
I might be going overboard
With all the germ aversion.
Last time I went this long
Without sex, I was a virgin.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've never been as healthy
As I've been the last two years,
So I may leave the mask on
After Covid disappears.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This Rogan guy reminds me of
A million other schmucks.
But Spotify is paying him
A hundred million bucks.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Presidents are not supposed
To tear up all their documents,
But maybe Trump had more to hide
Than other White House occupants.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: Merrick Garland
As far as going after Trump,
You don't seem too excited.
What more does he have to do
To get himself indicted?
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't believe that Donald Trump
Is back out on the trail.
If D.O.J. was on the job,
His ass would be in jail.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Now that his career's destroyed,
It doesn't help a lot,
But all investigations
Into Cuomo have been dropped.
February, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's millions who think Donald Trump's
The best of all our presidents.
(But they believe a lot of stuff
Without a shred of evidence.)
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Presidential hopeful Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) |
Anyone who'd let a million
Covid tests expire
Is not the kind of manager
You really want to hire.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You can't do much for public health
By thinking only of yourself,
So get the shot and wear a mask
And show you're not a horse's ass.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When NAFTA closed our factories
From sea to shining sea,
It guaranteed that one day we'd
Be out of PPE.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Some leaders will do anything
To forge their reputation,
Like bombing their own people in
A false flag operation.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sucking up to enemies
And pissing on our friends...
A Russian tool must never be
Our president again.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democracy, goddammit,
Isn't something we should dump.
Not for anybody,
And especially not for Trump.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This Interview is Over
Nine minutes is all Donald Trump
Could stand with NPR.
They questioned his election lies,
And that just went too far.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Melania Auctioning "Iconic" Hat, Autographed
A "portion" goes to charity;
At least that's what they say.
(But when's the last time Mrs. Trump
Gave anything away?)
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time he lies about us
Stealing the election,
He's doing what psychologists
Refer to as projection.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fact they haven't locked him up
For any of his crimes
Is proof enough we're living in
The most corrupt of times.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump Leads in 2024 Polls
I can't imagine why
They lionize the guy.
All I've ever seen him do
Is lie and lie and lie.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The country dodged a bullet
With the Capitol attack.
But Trump could snap his fingers
And the assholes'd be back.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not just any New Year;
It's the last year that we've got
To salvage our democracy
Before it goes to pot.
January, 2022
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two weeks after former Pres. Trump tweeted
"LIBERATE MICHIGAN!" during its Covid lock-
down,
armed protestors stormed the state capitol
in
Lansing.
Above: outside Gov. Whitmer's office |
This myth of guns and liberty
Is one big f*cking lie.
Unrestricted guns is how
Democracy will die.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They booed him when he told 'em
That he'd had the booster shot...
Trumpers proving once again,
Intelligent they're not.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senators Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) and Joe Manchin
(D-WV) are obstructing their own party's agenda
|
The Democrats can live without
The Build Back Better Act,
But if they don't do voting rights,
They're f*cked, and that's a fact.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you don't do it now,
Then you'll prob'ly do it never.
Start respecting time
Before you're out of it forever.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Jerkoff Nation, the freedom
to be a jerkoff
is all that matters |
Eight hundred thousand Americans dead,
And millions still won't wear a mask.
Sure would be helpful in slowing the spread;
Sorry it's too much to ask.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When it comes to "late adopters,"
I'm the latest, I'm afraid:
I've never bought a single thing
That Apple's ever made.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Thank you for calling; now go away" |
Customer "Service"
Every time you call for help,
And I mean every time,
They pitch your ass on hanging up
And handling it online.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former L.A. Dodgers Joc Pederson & Corey Seager |
I'm done with buying Dodger merch,
Cuz every time I do,
The player's playing somewhere else
Within a year or two.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's been a month of Sundays
Since my ass has gotten laid.
Covid stole my mojo;
Now I'm always too afraid.
December, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Next Up: Omicron
Covid's not behind us,
As the variants keep showing.
Until the world gets vaccinated,
This'll keep on going.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Peter Brooke, The Times |
It's easy to blame Biden
For what happened in Aghanistan,
But Donald Trump's the asshole
Who surrendered to the Taliban.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Down in the Polls
Everything was going well
When Biden's term began;
Didn't start to fall apart
Until Afghanistan.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cell phone video captured Ahmaud Arbery's murder |
Think of all the lynchings
That have happened over time
When no one had a camera on
To document the crime.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whichever way the verdict goes
In Rittenhouse's case,
The one thing that's for certain is
The judge was a disgrace.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fact that Trump's still drawing crowds
Should not come as a shock.
If people like the lies you tell,
They'll line up down the block.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kyle Rittenhouse is pleading self-defense after
killing two and wounding one in Kenosha WI |
He thought it would be cool
To go out brandishing a gun,
But in the end it only made him
Target Number One.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by David Horsey, Seattle Times |
Just cuz evangelicals
Ask "What would Jesus do?"
Doesn't mean a hill of beans
Unless they do it too.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Will We Defend Taiwan?
"Strategic ambiguity"
Is getting out of hand.
Even we don't seem to know
Exactly where we stand.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Virginia Governor-elect Glenn Youngkin (R) told
voters he'd ban critical race theory from schools |
Youngkin knows that CRT
Is not what's being taught,
But never mind reality;
What matters is they bought.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Biden takes five at Glasgow climate summit |
Dozing off at Biden's age
Is kind of understandable.
White House staff
Should give his ass
A schedule more handleable.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm tired of seeing Jayapal
On TV every day.
Give the woman what she wants
And make her go away.
November, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
January Sixth was not
A false flag operation.
But leave it up to Fox
To give us
more disinformation.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's bad enough Republicans
Are always in the way,
But Joe's not getting any help
From anyone today.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fifteen hundred people
Are still dying every day,
In case you thought this Covid thing
Had finally gone away.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chanting "F*ck Joe Biden"
At a family-friendly show?
Some of Trump's supporters
Are as low as you can go.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A good Attorney General
Who's not sleeping on the job
Would get the insurrectionist
Who fired up the mob.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Merrick Garland isn't up
To prosecuting Trump,
Then maybe this is someone that
The president should dump.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How jaded anti-vaxxers
In America must seem
To all the people
Round the world
Still waiting for vaccine.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Be nice if Kyrsten Sinema
Would give some indication
Of what she needs
To get behind
Her party's legislation.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Democrats can't unify
Around Joe Biden's plan,
It'll be the biggest failure
In the history of man.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just Do It
Seven hundred thousand dead
Cuz all across the nation,
Millions still won't wear a mask
Or get their vaccination.
October, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Or So We Thought...
They can search that f*cking swamp
Forever and a day.
Brian Laundrie isn't there;
They let him get away.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From cartoon by Duff Moses |
Why has no one big been charged
For January Sixth?
Everybody knows who led
The insurrectionists.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Larry Elder |
Don't call him an "Uncle Tom."
As apt as it may be,
You'll only build his image up
Among the G.O.P.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Radio host Phil Valentine, felled by COVID |
All the anti-vaxxers
On the radio are dying.
Hopefully, some listeners
Will find that clarifying.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't know what's so hard to
Understand for all these mothers:
The virus is the enemy,
Goddammit, not each other.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Modern-day America
Is such a scammer's dream:
People will buy anything
Except a free vaccine.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've outlived all my enemies,
So now I must decide:
Make some more, or leave it at
The assholes who have died.
September, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
On the California recall,
You can count me as a "no."
I don't wanna wake up
To the Larry Elder show.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
640 refugees packed a US cargo plane leaving Kabul |
Vietnam, Afghanistan--
You know the end's arrived
When everyone you partnered with
Is running for their lives.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We don't have much to show for all
The dough we've thrown around,
Standing up these armies that
Are always falling down.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Many of our Afghan friends
Are f*cked without a doubt:
The Taliban is now in charge
Of who'll be getting out.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Takes balls to leave Afghanistan,
Even when you know
That you'll be blamed
For dumb mistakes
From twenty years ago.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
So much for all the military
Progress that we touted.
A rout's a f*cking rout and there's
No doubt that we've been routed.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"You get an M16, you get an M16!" |
Not only can we not get back
The twenty years we fought 'em;
The same is also true for all
The weapons we just bought 'em.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If your state's still opposing masks,
Your governor's a horse's ass.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hindsight's 20-20,
But Jesus F*cking Christ:
A little planning in advance
Would really have been nice.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To see these assholes back in charge
Is sobering, for sure.
Twenty years of shoveling
And still the same manure.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Afghans who assisted us
Are learning, like the Kurds,
That trusting the Americans
Is kind of for the birds.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't know what kind of
"Family values" that you've got,
If you don't love your kids enough
To get the f*cking shot.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The problem isn't Jordan,
As repulsive as he's been.
The problem is the people
Who keep voting him back in.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They fret about their "freedom,"
So they won't get vaccinated.
But I don't know how free they'll feel,
Once they're intubated.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The climate crisis won't be solved,
And Trump won't go to jail.
But I still need
To make believe
The good guys will prevail.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Hitler blew his brains out
In a bunker in Berlin,
Most of us were hoping not
To see his likes again.
But Trump was more ambivalent,
Or so his wife has said:
He kept a book of speeches
By the Führer by his bed.
August, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Quarreling amongst yourselves
And getting nothing done:
Rots of ruck, America,
On staying Number One.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The lowest vaccination rate
In all the U.S.A.
Not the place you'd wanna be
With Delta on the way.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're locking up the perpetrators;
How about the instigators?
That's who should be doing time,
Especially the mastermind.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The number of cases
Is off to the races
Cuz millions won't get the vaccine.
And there we thought Covid
Was gonna be over--
I swear, this is like a bad dream.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Barron Trump and his mother Melania, who is 5'11" |
Barron Trump is trending
Cuz he's really, really tall.
The way the kid is growing,
He'll be seven feet by fall.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Not What Republicans Want
In presidential polling,
Pence is bringing up the rear.
(Put your country over Trump,
And there goes your career.)
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How quaint the "Do Not Call" list seems
In Twenty Twenty-One.
We thought that it would stop the calls;
It's stopped exactly none.
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To Trump supporters who have not
Convinced themselves to get the shot:
Trump did and his wife did too,
So what the heck is taking you?
July, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police officers Michael Fanone and Harry Dunn
leave a disappointing meeting with GOP Leader
Kevin
McCarthy (AP Photo/ J. Scott Applewhite) |
Republicans in Congress
Say they always "back the blue,"
But Capitol policemen
Haven't found that to be true.
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
CNN has given
Jeffrey Toobin back his job.
(The understanding is
He won't be pulling out his knob.)
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
First you take some dummies,
Then you add the internet.
You would not believe
The kind of crap you're gonna get!
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They thought that they'd be pardoned
For the Capitol attack.
(That's some imagination,
Thinking Trump would have your back!)
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) |
What good is a majority
With Democrats like Joe?
Every time we need a "yes,"
It's always f*cking "no."
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nobody's safe until everyone's safe,
When there's a mutating disease.
So if you have not
Gone and gotten the shot,
Stop waiting and go get it, please?
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The traitors think they're patriots,
But patriots they're not.
All they are's the biggest suckers
Donald Trump has got.
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Grown-up Justin Bieber has an
Eerie, vacant look.
(So would you if you had taken
All the drugs he took.)
June, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It never seems to dawn on them,
He's lying to their face.
These Trumpers are so stupid,
I'm embarrassed for my race.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Married to the Mob
We don't support investigating
January 6th.
The boss would go ballistic,
And we can't afford the risk.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Honest Owner's Manual
Our tools aren't sturdy,
So don't make mistakes.
Everything's plastic,
And everything breaks.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They call it self-expression,
But it's sacrilege, I think--
To look as good as Bieber
And destroy it all with ink.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In both of Trump's election runs,
The polling's been awry.
('Fyer ashamed of who you're voting for,
You're prob'ly gonna lie.)
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Home Repair
You know those Valpak coupons
Where the deals seem so nice?
Throw the f*cking things away;
You never get that price.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Post-Truth America
What good is a commission
To investigate the riot?
Unless it blames Antifa,
The Republicans won't buy it.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hindsight's 20-20,
But if only RBG
Had hung the robe up sooner,
How much better things would be.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mask Confusion
If you're seeking clarity,
Don't look to C.D.C.
They don't even know what their
Position ought to be.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course the country's polarized;
I don't know how it couldn't be,
When half the population's always
Pushing some conspiracy.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) |
What a bunch of scumbags is
The modern G.O.P.
How do you do business with
The likes of M.T.G.?
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Andrew Clyde (R-GA) |
January 6
A big lie takes big liars,
And Andrew Clyde is one,
Claiming the attack was just
Some tourists having fun.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans 2021
They failed to kill democracy
On January 6th,
But they're just getting started,
The unconscionable pricks.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Trainer Bob Baffert with Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit |
He's got a lot of Derby wins,
But how does he explain
All the failed drug tests for
The horses that he's trained?
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
F*ck the anti-maskers
And the anti-vaxxers too.
Blessed are the people who
Do what they're s'posed to do.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cheney on the Ropes
Don't speak truth to power
If you're in the G.O.P.
Their capacity for candor
Isn't what it used to be.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't have a student loan
Or auto warranty,
But tell that to the stupid bots
Who keep on calling me.
They call me when I'm working;
They call me when I'm home.
They call me so damn much
They should be paying for my phone.
May, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Millions won't get vaccinated;
Isn't that absurd?
To get to herd immunity,
We'd need a smarter herd.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fake News
"Obama's coming for your guns!"
(Except he never did.)
And now they're saying Biden's
Banning burgers, God forbid.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Other fellow Democrats whom NY Sen. Kirsten
Gillibrand has called on to resign include MN
Sen. Al
Franken, who did, and VA Gov. Ralph
Northam
and
Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax, who didn't |
Gillibrand Strikes Again
Cuomo's just the latest in
A long, distinguished line
Of less than perfect Democrats
She's heckled to resign.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why'd they have to add the Q
To L, G, B and T?
Had all the bases covered there
Already, seems to me.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These unemployment benefits
Are totally berserk:
Everybody's
staying home
And no one wants to work!
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're ending the war in Afghantistan,
But that's not the end of the Taliban:
Soon as we go,
They'll be back in control,
With the help of our "allies" in Pakistan.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Getting rid of gun control
Was not the brightest move.
You can't have law and order
If the laws have been removed.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Close, But No Cigar
Gaetz is not a "pedophile"
And neither is Roy Moore:
Pre-pubescent children aren't
What they're looking for.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) |
He votes against relief and then
Takes credit when it's passed.
Typical Republican:
He's just a horse's ass.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Supposedly, deregulation
Makes the prices fall.
But that is not what happened
Down in Texas, not at all.
April, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Spa Shooter Kills 8
Officials down in Georgia
Say his motive isn't clear.
Well, I'm in California;
I can see it fine from here.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
At the Border
What would Jesus do
If those kids were coming through?
There's a lot of
"Christians"
Who don't seem to have a clue.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. Kirsten Gillibrand & Chuck Schumer (D-NY) |
Top Democrats Call For Gov. Cuomo's Resignation
Circling the wagons
Is not in their skill set.
You'd think they'd have learned
From Republicans; not yet.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Social Security and Medicare
Label them entitlements;
You're not offending me.
I paid in all my frickin' life,
So I'm entitled, see?
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I must be out of outrage
After Trump and all his crap,
Cuz Cuomo's indiscretions
Seem like nothing next to that.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The truth may not be comfortable,
But here it is again:
Donald Trump's delusional.
He didn't f*cking win.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
America vs. Covid
Millions still won't wear a mask,
Despite the tiny cost.
I'm glad this isn't World War II,
Cuz our side would've lost.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Voting for Republicans
Is really getting old.
All they do's deregulate
And leave us in the cold.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Impeach me once,
Impeach me twice,
Impeach me all you like.
I just want my Twitter back--
I need my f*cking mike!
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Magnanimous in victory
And gracious in defeat'--
Not the kind of standards
Every president can meet.
March, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't believe Wisconsin
Traded Feingold for Ron Johnson.
Feingold was a leading light,
But this guy is like day and night.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Diversity Training
A well-intentioned message
Doesn't always come out right,
Like Coca-Cola telling people
"Try to be less white."
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Senate fell short of the 67 votes needed to
con-
vict ex-Pres. Trump after his second impeachment |
57-43 is usually a win,
But not the way
The Senate works:
The losers win again.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Excuse Our French
Isn't Mitch McConnell just
A total piece of sh*t,
Saying Trump is culpable
But voting to acquit?
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The election wasn't stolen.
Don't listen to these schmucks.
They can't accept the simple truth:
He lost because he sucks.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chris Christie is, by all acounts,
A jolly sorta fella,
But you can tell from fifty yards
He's fulla shitzerella.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I gotta say, Navalny
Is a different kind of cat.
If someone poisoned my ass,
I don't know if I'd be back.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) |
Republicans with new ideas?
I wouldn't hold my breath.
All they ever talk about's
The Left, the Left, the Left.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To: Impeachment Defense Team
Wanna make a case for Trump
That's solid as can be?
Then call a spade a spade for once
And plead insanity.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When I finally got my vaccine,
I thought I had it made.
Didn't count on variants
To rain on my parade.
February, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why Trump Lied About the Election
The biggest motivator yet
For staying in the White House
Is knowing if they throw you out,
You're headed for the big house.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The day we thought would never come
Has finally arrived:
Trump is out and Biden's in.
Democracy survived.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Four hundred thousand Americans dead,
And millions still won't wear a mask.
Sure would be helpful in slowing the spread;
Sorry it's too much to ask.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slain Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick, R.I.P. |
They terrorized the Capitol
And now they gotta pay.
Terrorists don't get a pass
For chanting "USA!"
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fifty miles of border wall
Where there was none before
Is all that Trump has gotten done,
In case you thought there's more.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
True Believers:
Your president's been telling you
A dirty, rotten lie.
He lost the damn election.
Now it's time to say goodbye.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nice Try, Republicans
They wanna blame Antifa for
The riot in D.C.,
As if we didn't see it all
On national TV.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Swindle your shareholders,
Stiff all your contractors,
Screw everybody you know.
None 'a that matters
As long as your ass is
The one that ends up with the dough.
January, 2021
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Throwing Trump off Twitter
Makes a lot of sense, no doubt,
Though I might need some new ideas
On what to tweet about.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Not Your Father's G.O.P.
The party of Lincoln, the party of Reagan:
We hear all that crap all the time.
But what with the pardons
They're handing out lately,
It's more like the party of crime.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's bad enough that Russia mounts
A cyberwar attack;
What's worse is that with Trump in charge,
We aren't fighting back.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Putin beats McConnell
In congratulating Joe,
It really makes our government
Look functional, you know?
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of the people? By the people?
For the people? No.
We're here to serve the donor class.
The rest is just for show.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't wear my mask for you
And I'm not gonna lie:
I wear it cuz if I get sick,
I'm scared I'm gonna die.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Save Your Money
He says your contribution
Is to help him "stop the steal."
But actually it's going
In his pocket. What a deal!
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Martial Law, Anyone?
Suspend the constitution,
Says the pardoned Michael Flynn,
And redo the election
So my pardoner can win.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We need some legislation
To control disinformation.
We can't keep letting
Total bullsh*t
Tear apart the nation.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'I don't vet the information
That I put out on this show.'
(That's media malpractice, Sean,
In case you didn't know.)
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A retweet's worth a dozen likes.
Although a like is fine,
Unless a tweet's retweeted,
It will die upon the vine.
December, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
One more scam for old times' sake
Before I have to go:
I promise we can win this thing--
Just send me some more dough!
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Thank you kindly, CNN,
For "Deaths So Far Today."
Nothing like some happy news
To get me on my way.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stop What Steal?
A court requires evidence,
But out here they don't need it.
However lame the argument,
The media repeat it.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Rudy's Closing Argument
A free and fair election's
What this case is all about.
If someone didn't vote for Trump,
Their vote should be thrown out.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Coronavirus President
Will never be forgotten.
Not with a performance
So exceptionally rotten.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Crazy Bernie," "Crazy Nancy,"
Donald likes to say.
(But we all know who's crazier
On any given day.)
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whether it's a worker
Or a president you hire,
It's never fun discovering
You picked yourself a liar.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Lock her up!" "Send her back!"
"Build the wall!" And so on.
It's all a bunch of f*ckin' crap,
But crap is what they go on.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you wanna "save America,"
Don't give to Donald's PAC.
Slam the door behind his ass
And never have him back!
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's gotten used to playing golf
And charging it to us.
Once he has to pay himself,
I doubt he'll play as much.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stop the count! I'm losing ground!
It isn't f*cking fair!
I was winning by a lot.
They shoulda stopped it there.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To orphan children purposely
Is cruel beyond compare.
How can Christians vote for Trump?
There's nothing Christian there.
November, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Dodgers Win World Series; Seager Named MVP
He's stoic, he's heroic,
He's the apple of my eye.
His name is Corey Seager
And I'll love him till I die.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Although I'd like to think that our
Elections can't be rigged,
I'm less and less convinced of that,
The more and more I dig.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's quite a bit more likeable
Than Hillary, for sure,
But there's still a lot of buyers
For the other guy's manure.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Let's elect a happy man;
I'm tired of this grump.
The nation needs an optimist,
Not more of Donald Trump.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump Thought Balloon
Another stolen seat, and now
Another swearing-in.
You schmucks may never recognize
Your government again!
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
COVID
You don't see too much unity
On so-called 'herd immunity.'
Mass murder's what
They call it in
The medical community.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I think all these Republicans
Are dumb as dumb can be.
But judging from my Twitter feed,
They think the same of me.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't tattoo your face or neck;
It marks you as a freak.
Try and get a job like that;
Your odds are gonna reek.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These people think they're patriots,
But patriots should know
That flirting with dictatorship
Is not the way to go.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Michigan Madmen
COVID is the enemy,
Not your governor.
So put your f*cking mask on, please,
And keep your hands off her.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't Collude with COVID
If we'd behaved in World War II
The way we're doing now,
We'd all be speaking Japanese
And learning how to bow.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Where the f*ck's Obama?
The guy's been MIA.
Tell him the election's
Only 20 days away.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Lindsey Graham won't let himself
Be tested pre-debate.
Might be time for someone else
To represent the state.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Brown shoes with a blue suit used to
Mark you as a hick.
But now you see 'em everywhere;
These people don't know dick.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Saying COVID's no big deal,
Trump can go to hell.
He knows they saved his ass with things
That we can't get ourselves.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The reason he took off the mask
When he got up the stairs
Is he was very, very, very,
Very short of air.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The last thing that he cares about
Is who he's making sick.
Like super spreaders everywhere,
He's just a selfish prick.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Debate
I can't believe the POTUS thinks
He gave a great performance.
The gap between perception and
Reality's enormous.
October, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're headed for a civil war
And it will not be fun.
It isn't like us libbies are
The ones with all the guns.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Scott Atlas, M.D.
He's a neuroradiologist,
Not epidemiologist,
So saying he's an expert on
This virus is preposterous.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Two hundred thousand Americans dead,
And millions still won't wear a mask.
Sure would be helpful in slowing the spread;
Sorry it's too much to ask.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hey, Trumper
You might not be a racist
Or deplorable, it's true,
But a lousy judge of character?
Admit it, Jack: that's you.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
She couldn't say the Pledge;
She didn't have a clue.
It wouldn't be too hard, I'll bet,
For Biden's wife to do.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In the West
You'd have to be a moron
Not to wanna wear a mask,
Between coronavirus
And this f*cking smoke and ash.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This country is just dumb enough
For Donald Trump to win.
We proved it once already;
I just hope we don't again.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another day, another lie
(Or two or three or four...
Or five or six or seven, eight,
Or sometimes even more).
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
People know that Democrats
Are big on civil rights.
Problem is, they think that we
Forgot about the whites.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kyle Rittenhouse, 17, killed two in Kenosha WI |
Open carry laws are bad;
They oughta be struck down.
Seems we're at the mercy now
Of any f*cking clown.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Spare me, Mr. President,
Your patriotic pitch.
More and more, it's evident
You're only Putin's bitch.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Talking to the enemy,
You never want to fawn.
And that is where this president
Goes very, very wrong.
September, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to wear a mask
When your head is up your ass.
The longer you don't do it, though,
The longer this'll last.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't go hitting "Unsubscribe,"
Cuz that's their latest scam:
It might release some malware,
So just mark the mail as "Spam."
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
An ugly personality
And policies that suck.
You say you love your president;
All I can say is "Yuck."
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Law and order, law and order's
All he has to say.
It worked for Richard Nixon;
It could work for Trump today,
Cuz 99% of us
Are frightened of a mob.
So quit the f*ckin' riots
Or you'll help him keep his job.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're horrible at running things,
But very good at running.
How they win elections while
They're f*cking us is stunning.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Now that there's a running mate,
The race is getting tighter.
Hope we aren't losing whites
Who wanted someone whiter.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They think that he's a patriot.
That's so beyond the pale!
As if a real patriot
Would wreck the U.S. Mail.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Trump declared the virus
Would just disappear in spring,
You'll never guess who told him that:
His buddy Xi-Jinping.
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's putting kids in cages,
So it sounds a little odd
For Trump to say that Biden
Is the one who's 'hurting God.'
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The virus won't just "go away,"
And children aren't immune.
(Ignore what POTUS has to say;
He's crazy as a loon.)
August, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Think this thing is in the bag
For Biden? Think again:
Republicans are purging voters
Everywhere they can,
And many won't discover it
Until Election Day.
So make sure you're still registered
And don't get turned away.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Millions who have lost their jobs
Have lost their health plans too,
So Medicare For All would be
A timely thing to do.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He wants to kill Obamacare,
No matter who gets screwed--
Amidst a damn pandemic, yet.
That's one demented dude.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fauci's been more right than wrong
And Trump more wrong than right,
So I'm surprised it took this long
For Trump to start a fight.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pandemic, shmandemic--
There's nothing to fear!
We'll have a vaccine
By the end of the year,
With millions of doses
In ready supply.
Trust what I'm telling you;
Why would I lie?
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everywhere he holds events,
This thing gets worse, not better.
He may not have the bug himself,
But Trump's a super spreader.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A f*cking ignoramus
Isn't what the country needs.
Imagine the improvement
If we had a guy who reads.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Little Mermaid statue vandalized in Copenhagen |
In spite of what you may have heard,
I'm not a racist fish.
So put the f*cking paint away
And come and make your wish.
July, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Is Trump a Russian agent?
I think there's something there:
The Russians kill our soldiers
And he doesn't seem to care.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pull your head out, Trumpers,
Or you might regret it later.
If you think a mask is bad,
Just try a ventilator.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't read any news at all
With all these fricking firewalls.
The Times, The Post, they're all the same:
I think they figured out my game.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If 95% of us
Would simply wear a mask,
It wouldn't cost us nothin'
And we'd cut the deaths in half.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tulsa Fizzle
It must offend his ego
That thousands would decide
That seeing him
Means less to them
Than saving their own hides.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I won't miss Aunt Jemima.
Not only's she passé,
But all that sugar
Puts me in a
Coma anyway.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The way he dumped on Clinton,
Always questioning her health,
It's time for Trump to taste some
Of that medicine himself:
Like, why's he need a second hand
To take a sip of water?
And doesn't going down a ramp
Take longer than it oughta?
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tulsa Rally
I wouldn't make you wait
Until this virus thing is gone.
Release my liability
And come and cheer me on!
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Catnip for Trump
It doesn't sound too practical,
"Defunding the police."
As 2020 slogans go,
I like that one the least.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
White House economic advisor Kevin Hassett |
Wipe that smile off your face,
You stupid f*cking jerk.
In case you haven't heard it yet,
There's millions out of work.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stunts and distractions:
That's all that we get.
Still haven't seen real
Leadership yet.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Has everyone forgotten
There's a virus going round?
Floyd won't be the only one
They're putting in the ground.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The city is reopening,
But I'm not sure I buy it.
Too much chance to catch this thing
Or wind up in a riot.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The murder of George Floyd |
The thing about this Chauvin guy
I find the most grotesque:
He's looking at the camera
As he's putting George to death.
June, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What's with all these "liberal tears"
I've heard so much about?
These trolls could use some new ideas;
They've worn the old ones out.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Churches are essential!
They should open right away!
(Not that I'll be going;
There's some golf I need to play.)
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's not a "stable genius."
He doesn't have a plan.
He's just a con
Who's out to con us
Any way he can.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Huffing and puffing, not wearing a mask,
The runner is right in my face.
If common ass courtesy's too much to ask,
I think I'll just shelter in place.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I wouldn't fear a "second wave"
Of COVID in the fall.
(It's not as if the first one
Will be over, after all.)
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Donald Trump would wear a mask,
He'd do a lot of good.
But when's the last time Donald Trump
Did anything he should?
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sure, we'll lose a couple lives,
But let's reopen now.
Everybody's gotta die
From something anyhow.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Along with blaming Trump for all
The crap that's coming down,
I blame the ignoramuses
Who voted for the clown.
They knew he was a birther and
A climate change denier;
That's all you had to know to know
The guy's a f*cking liar.
May, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't take disinfectant and
Inject it in your vein,
No matter what the POTUS says.
The POTUS is insane.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Can'tcha turn the news off, honey?
I've had my fill.
If the COVID doesn't get me,
The anxiety will.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No other POTUS
Before Donald Trump
Wanted to see us
Pay more at the pump.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Half a million cases of
Coronavirus, folks.
(In case you needed proof it's not
A 'Democratic hoax.')
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Workers bury COVID-19 victims, Hart Island, NYC |
How dumb would someone have to be
To still believe in Trump,
Through even this catastrophe?
That takes a real chump.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No one knows who's got it
Cuz you cannot get a test,
They say a vaccination is
A year away at best,
Our doctors and our nurses
Don't have half of what they need,
And best of all, we've got ourselves
A leader who won't lead.
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trust me, this elixir
Is the best that's ever been.
Sure to cure what ails ya,
And it's now with chloroquine!
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Harry Truman got it wrong:
The buck does not stop here.
(Unless you're counting all the bucks
I've pocketed, my dear.)
April, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Back to Work, Everyone"
He doesn't care if you or I
Come down with this infection.
All that Trump's concerned about's
His f*cking reelection.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The polling is fakakta or
The people are fugazi:
Fifty-five percent like how
He's handling this? That's crazy.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Where Are the Masks?
''The governors should get that stuff;
We're not a shipping clerk.'
It sucks to have a president
Who's such a fricking jerk.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No toilet paper anywhere
Means having to adapt.
Just eat more ramen every day;
You'll never have to crap.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know you say it's "allergies"
But kindly keep your space,
And try and cough into your arm
And not into my face.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pandemic
Being anti-social's more
Acceptable these days.
No one's told me lately that
I have to change my ways,
And try and be more open and
More trusting and more free.
Now the well-adjusted are
As paranoid as me.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"I alone can fix it."
Did you really think he could?
Cuz Trump is proving dumber
Than a f*cking piece of wood,
The way he botched the testing kits
And lied about the threat.
If this guy's up to fixing things,
We haven't seen it yet.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Dx
Irony deficiency
And rampant truth decay
Are what afflict, respectively,
The left and right today.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Democrats don't want this race
To keep on dragging on.
They've settled on Joe Biden;
Any chance for Bernie's gone.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is like a pair
Of Lululemon yoga pants.
Anyone who's half aware
Can see through him in half a glance.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Look at all the corporatists
We keep on voting in.
Soon we'll have another chance
To get it wrong again.
March, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We've seen some wealthy candidates,
But not like this before.
They say that he could outspend Trump
A hundred times or more.
But money won't be all it takes
To keep his dreams afloat:
The people have to like ya to
Get off their ass and vote.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get Real, Joan
"A Place for Mom," regrettably,
Costs fifty grand a year.
So till I hit the lottery,
The place for mom is here.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
His ads proclaim repeatedly
That "Mike will get it done."
(That's if he wins some primaries;
So far he's been in none.)
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Chicken Little, What Say You?
I hate this f*cking field.
There's no one who's that strong.
And half of 'em, let's face it,
Will be dead before too long.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To lower your triglycerides,
Eat lotsa fatty fish--
Like salmon, trout or mackerel,
Or tuna if you wish.
As for carbohydrates,
Limit those for sure;
And stay away from processed food:
It's basically manure.
NOT INTENDED AS MEDICAL ADVICE / CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What an awful precedent,
To not remove a president
Who's crooked as the day is long
And can't distinguish right from wrong.
February, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) signs oath to "do impartial justice" in the Trump impeachment trial |
A trial should have witnesses;
Would someone tell the Senate?
They swore an oath to seek the truth,
But I don't think they meant it.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Texas Strangers
Perry got glasses
And Cruz grew a beard.
Whatever they're after,
It's comin' out weird.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Traitors for Trump
"I'd rather be a Russian,"
Says the t-shirt on your back.
Then why not move to Russia?
Hell, I'll even help you pack.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If this guy ain't impeachable,
Then I don't know who is.
The crimes of other presidents
Seem minor next to his.*
*Excluding war crimes
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As thousands of Iranians
Shout "Death to the Americans,"
It's hard to buy
The White House line
That Trump has made us safe again.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For the record, Democrats
Aren't mourning Suleimani.
Anybody saying that
Is spreading pure baloney.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
God, I miss the good old days.
The doctors were the best.
All these guys do nowadays
Is send you out for tests.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This'll make you wanna rolf:
The money that we spend on golf
For Donald Trump. It's off the charts--
Like half a million just for carts.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To kill their biggest hero
Ain't no way to "stop a war."
You're giving them a martyr
That they didn't have before.
January, 2020
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you guys are so innocent,
The evidence will show it.
But that's why you're withholding it;
You're guilty and you know it.
December, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I hate to see the Democrats
Impeaching him so fast.
Republicans would take their time
And make the damage last.
December, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Of course there was a quid pro quo!
Get over it, okay?
We do these kinds of crooked deals
Every single day.
December, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not exactly breaking news
That Donald Trump's a crook.
The evidence was always there;
You only had to look.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm sorry I did stop and frisk.
I'm sorry as can be.
And now that that's all over with,
I hope you'll vote for me.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They call me when I'm driving.
They call me when I'm home.
They call me so damn much I wish
I didn't have a phone,
These f*cking robocallers.
They all deserve to die!
I'd vote for anyone who'd hang
The motherf*ckers high.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Michael Bloomberg doesn't stand
A snowball's chance in hell
Of winning down in Alabam,
As any fool can tell.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Impeaching him in English
Is their best decision yet.
I don't know
From quid pro quo;
Extortion, though, I get.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't go live streaming
Your next dental cleaning
And end up like Beto O'Rourke.
Instagram's cool
As a general rule,
But it can make you look like a dork.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
53 trillion?
That sounds kinda high.
This health plan of Warren's
Is not gonna fly
If 53 trillion
Is what it'll take.
The voters'll tell us
To jump in the lake.
November, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Kurds were once our friends,
But that's no longer true.
They'll never trust our ass again
For dumping them; would you?
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In His Head
Who cares about the Kurds?
They're just a bunch 'a turds.
Let someone else
Take care of them;
This war is for the birds.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ukraine
Need a little aid?
How's about a trade:
Help me smear the Bidens
And I'll see that you get paid.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't care if Hunter Biden
Sucks to kingdom come.
All I want's a president
Who isn't f*cking scum.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What a f*cking whore you are,
Attorney General William Barr,
Always giving Trump a pass.
I hope they fry your big fat ass.
October, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you needed further proof
That Donald Trump was full 'a crap,
Boy, did he deliver when
He falsified that weather map.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's just the same old song:
He can't admit he's wrong.
Not the clown
You want around
When trouble comes along.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He thinks he's King of Israel,
A Twitter check will show.
If Trump is that delusional,
It might be time to go.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"I love the poorly educated!"
That's a real quote.
(And so would I,
If they were like
My biggest source of votes.)
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Alabama won't be hit
By Dorian at all,
In spite of what the dotard said;
It isn't dotard's call.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Principled conservatives"
Must be in short supply:
Instead of bringing down the debt,
They're blowin' it sky high.
September, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every day the talking heads
Dispense their latest views.
Problem is that people are
Confusing that with news.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Balkans and the Baltics:
He doesn't know the diff.
Pray to God this faker doesn't
Take us off a cliff.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everyone's entitled to
Their private little zone.
That is why I'll never have
Alexa in my home.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whoever started QAnon
Should really get a prize
For showing how susceptible
We are to stupid lies.
August, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whereas Richard Nixon
Left office in disgrace,
Donald Trump came in that way,
If you recall the case:
Right after the election,
He had to up and pay
Twenty million-plus to make
A fraud suit go away.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"No collusion? No obstruction?"
What a f*cking lie.
No wonder Trump's so thrilled
At seeing
Mueller testify.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time they show his tweets,
They amplify the lies.
Ignoring Trump's the only way
To cut him down to size.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Although I'm not a doctor,
I concur that he's insane.
(How the hell at this late date
Could any doubt remain?)
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump v. the Squad
To say they "hate America"
Is dangerous from the start,
Consid'ring all the whackos who
Could take that sh*t to heart.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Inept, insecure and incompetent,"
The British ambassador said,
Regarding America's president...
And then it was off with his head.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
2020
This dipsh*t of a president
Still has a lot of fans.
I wouldn't bet against him,
As the situation stands.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Treason is the reason
For impeaching Donald Trump:
The guy's in Putin's pocket
And he's been there from the jump.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Joe's principal foe
Has always been Joe;
He was born with a foot in his mouth.
If he gets to be
The next nominee,
Just pray that it doesn't go south.
July, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democrats 2020
Watch who's filling stadiums
And who can't fill a hall:
Knowing who to nominate
Should not be hard at all.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mueller won't indict him
And Pelosi won't impeach.
God forbid the lesson
2020's gonna teach.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If I was on the White House tour
And had some indigestion,
I'd try and pass
Some "freedom gas"
In Donald Trump's direction.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The media are much to blame
For Donald Trump's success.
They clean up in the ratings game
And leave us with the mess.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're calling him a hypocrite,
But I don't think he gives a sh*t.
Mitch McConnell ain't the kind
To pay the public any mind.
Long as there are courts to pack,
The one percent'll have his back.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Choke
'We can't indict the president;
It isn't constitutional.'
Not to be indelicate,
But Mr. Mueller's full of bull.
June, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump obstructed justice
But that's not his main offense:
On Russia he's done bupkis
When we need a strong defense.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#ReadTheReport
It's obvious that Donald Trump
Colluded and obstructed.
Most of us would be in jail
For half the sh*t the f*ck did.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The way to make space
For your personal power
Is laying to waste
Institutional power,
Including the Congress,
The courts and the press:
You can't have more power
If they don't have less.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't campaign on how bad Trump is;
We already know.
Tell us what you'll do for us,
And be specific, Joe.
May, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"This Congress is the most diverse
The country's ever seen."
That's wonderful. Now get to work:
Impeach the tangerine.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A health plan that's affordable's
Available, no jive!
You only have to wait until
You're over 65.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's totally preposterous
To say there's no collusion.
He did it right in front of us;
That wasn't an illusion.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A president who's gay would send
These Trumpers off the edge
(Practically a reason for
Electing Buttigieg).
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
William Barr is lying
When he says the feds were "spying"
On the Trump campaign,
But that's a claim
A lot of chumps are buying.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Kirstjen Nielsen
When putting kids in cages
Ain't enough to show you're tough,
Be glad you're getting fired,
Cuz you've whored yourself enough.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He promised us a healthcare plan
That's "better than Obamacare."
So far, there's no sign of that;
Just bigger problems everywhere.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why's he wear his ties so long?
You know the explanation
Has gotta have a lot to do
With overcompensation.
April, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
As much as I respect the
Special Counsel, I'll be blunt:
I never would have thought he'd
Be the kind of guy to punt.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Two years in, you know
What kind of president you've got,
And this one is a wrecking ball;
Much more than that, he's not.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't buy their conclusion
That there was no collusion.
He did it right
Before our eyes;
That wasn't an illusion.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Let's end the electoral college!
We gotta get rid of it now!"
I'm with you there, Senator Warren,
But--not to be difficult--how?
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A scoundrel and a scalawag
Is what he's proved to be.
The day he's out of office
Can't come soon enough for me.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's this feeling of foreboding
With the way that people drive.
Every day I wonder
If I'll make it home alive.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How I'd like to see
This lying S.O.B.
Doing time
For all his crimes,
The way it's s'posed to be.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
AOC for president?
She's definitely bold enough;
Only slight impediment's
The fact that she's not old enough.
March, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't get past the nagging feeling
Something's wrong with Wray,
Though all of Trump's appointments really
Make me feel that way.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I have a little ritual
I probably should hide,
But every day I check the news
To see if Trump has died.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Gov. Northam
At first he said he's sorry
For that photo he was in,
So it's kind of hard to swallow
When he says it isn't him.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump's a Russian asset.
He proves it every time
He cozies up to Putin and
Repeats the party line:
Like, "Mueller's on a witch hunt,"
Or "NATO's obsolete."
You wanna know what Russia thinks?
Just read Trump's latest tweet.
February, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Word on Ed Buck
He likes to prey on young black men
And shoot them up with meth.
Unconscionable, even when
It doesn't lead to death.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
My lawyer is a f*ck up
But I think I'll let him stay.
It's hard to fire anyone
Who'd lie for you that way.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'I never said that Mexico
Was paying for the wall.'
Oh yes, you did, you dirty dog;
A zillion times in all.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Who's the one who looks like Lurch
Who's always in the back,
Counting down the decades till
He gets to lead the pack?
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Climate change is real;
Donald Trump is fake.
If you got it backwards,
Wisen up, for heaven's sake.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#TrumpShutdown
It takes a lot of nerve
To try and stick us for the wall.
The promise was that Mexico
Was paying, after all.
January, 2019
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why are they so hesitant
To charge a sitting president?
Let's just get it
Over with,
And then you got your precedent.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The desert's either way too hot
Or else it's way too cold.
So think before you move there,
Cuz it will get f*cking old.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's bad enough you'd wanna call
Your genitals your junk,
But wear it on a t-shirt?
Have some class, ya little punk.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump will have to draft
Another Chief of Staff.
General Kelly's
Had it shoveling
Sh*t on his behalf.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Firm your aging neck!"
"Fix your crepey skin!"
My TV keeps reminding me
What sorry shape I'm in.
December, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He seems to think that no one has
A brain as big as his.
(An ignoramus never knows
How ignorant he is.)
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A classic city slicker,
He conned the country rubes...
And now their very livelihood
Is going down the tubes.
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He "fell in love" with Kim Jong Un;
The problem, folks, is this:
Kim is out to f*ck us and
There won't be any kiss.
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
First he says he'll "drain the swamp,"
And then we get Scott Pruitt.
Next he says he'll "build the wall,"
But still can't seem to do it.
Then he gives us "tax reform,"
And rigs it for the rich.
He says he's kept his promises;
My question would be, which?
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Every time he runs his mouth,
He tells another lie...
The bigger lie, the better;
That's what people like to buy.
November, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting
He carps about the "caravan,"
And pretty soon a crazy man
Is killing
Fellow citizens
He thinks are with the boogeyman.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Thank the Lord, I've kept my hair.
It's going grey, but I don't care:
It frames my face
In any case,
And I'm just glad it's f*cking there.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You gotta love 'em, rich or poor:
The 99¢ Only Store
Knows how to keep
The prices cheap,
As everybody else's soar.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
My team may have won the division,
But I got a sneaking suspicion
It's gonna end sadly,
They're doing so badly
With runners in scoring position.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Low Road to the High Court
Kavanaugh's less credible
Than Christine Blasey Ford,
But there's an old tradition here:
Accusers get ignored.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Is this guy the best that we've got?
I get the impression he's not,
The way he's attacking
The Senators asking
Him questions, the impudent snot.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to fathom anybody
Pulling such a stunt.
Don't even have to know her
And you know that she's a c*nt.
October, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Update
Five thousand lies and counting,
According to the Post.
When Donald's under pressure's when
He tends to lie the most.
September, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whoever wrote that op-ed piece
Deserves a lot of credit:
The president who never reads
Was so intrigued, he read it.
September, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Midterm Strategy
'We can't discuss impeachment
Lest we rile up his base.'
(I guess it's also out to call 'em
Stupid to their face?)
September, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Devin Nunes has to go,
And sooner versus later.
It's obvious the f*cking shmoe
Is nothing but a traitor.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why do they put "gluten-free"
On everything these days?
Most food never had it
But it's labeled anyways.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Anomalously warm" is what
The next five years will be.
That's one more bit of lousy news
I didn't need to see.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
An English poet long ago
Said "Ignorance is bliss."
I don't think he was thinking, though,
Of ignorance like this.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Collusion's not a crime"
Is Rudy's latest line.
This Trump defense
Is getting less
Convincing all the time.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A Way Out
Let's just pay his ass to leave;
He's gotta have a price.
Someone who's so greedy
Should
be easy to entice.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Once your common sense
Is overcome by ideology,
Do us all a favor:
Stay away from public policy.
August, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What does Putin have on Trump?
I'm not sure we should care.
Just realize
He's compromised,
And get him out of there.
July, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Once they bought the birther sh*t,
That's all he had to know:
There was no frickin' limit
As to how low he could go.
July, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We lost our local toy store
(Which served us all just fine)
To Toys R Us,
Then they went bust,
And now it's all online.
July, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#Civility
Donald Trump's a racist pig,
In case you hadn't noticed.
Must be plenty like him, though;
He ended up the POTUS.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Separating children from
Their parents at the border...
What criminal behavior in
The name of law and order.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump's delusional
To think he's solved Korea.
A photo op with Kim Jong Un
Is not a panacea.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's nothing like the bond
Between the con man and the conned.
They'll probably stick together
Through impeachment and beyond.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've got bigger hands than Trump
And better eyebrows than Trudeau...
A smaller waist than Merkel;
Maybe I should run the show.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Dilettante
Who needs preparation?
I do it all by feel.
I'll know within a minute
If we're gonna have a deal.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Blessed are the lying f*cks:
For they shall rule the world."
That will be our Bible verse
For next week, boys and girls!
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Any more self-pardon talk
Would not be to his benefit.
All it does is make it clear
He knows he isn't innocent.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm here for my free consultation.
They tell me there's no obligation,
So don't try and close me
And don't try and hose me;
Just give me the damn information.
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He lies and lies and lies and lies
And people still believe him.
What's it gonna take for all
These nincompoops to leave him?
June, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When you've got a racist thought,
Before you go and tweet it,
Let that sucker sit a while;
You'll probably delete it.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Three thousand lies and counting,
According to the Post.
Of all our lying presidents,
This one has lied the most.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If you think it's acceptable
To badmouth John McCain
While he's in Arizona
Fighting cancer of the brain,
You might just be the kind of gal
The White House wants to hire.
A total lack of decency--
That's all that we require.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Just because you're Christian
Doesn't mean you're not a chump.
Look how evangelicals
Have gone for Donald Trump.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"The good news is,
the Fairness Doctrine's
Dead,"
says Ajit Pai.
The bad news is, the FCC is
Headed by this guy.
May, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody's wanting in on
My Last Will and Testament...
Even those who've treated me like
Nothing short of excrement.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: White House
"Honorable"'s not a word
I'd use for Kim Jong Un.
Would someone brief the president
On all the sh*t he's done?
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Corruption under Trump
Is on a level that's insane.
You'd have to be on drugs
To think the swamp is getting drained.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republican Senators blew it
When they allowed someone like Pruitt
To run EPA;
He was never okay
With its mission, and they f*ckin' knew it.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'I cannot answer anything
You're asking me tonight.
Just put the frickin' book up
So they get the title right.'
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt |
Carson, Pruitt, Zinke--
What a cabinet of thieves,
Ripping off the public
Like they couldn't care who sees.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
E-bicycles, e-tricycles,
E-scooters and the like
Are f*cking up the bike paths where
I used to like to bike.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're getting out of Syria!
No wait, we're staying in.
Check with me tomorrow;
I may change my mind again.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Fishy
Russia's still attacking us,
And look how Trump's responded:
Instead of kicking Putin's ass,
The two of them have bonded.
April, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Family Night
Thursdays are germ days at Hometown Buffet.
You wanna stay healthy? You'd best stay away,
Cuz starting at 4, they got kids out the ass
Coughing on everything under the glass.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Conor Lamb is cute as f*ck,
If I may be so bold.
I hope he runs for president
Before he gets too old.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Conor Lamb (D-PA) |
The Democrats have found themselves
A brand new shining knight.
He flipped a district Trump had won
By twenty points. All right!
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Russia offered dirt on Clinton,
Junior said, "I love it."
So claiming there was no collusion...
Donald Trump can shove it.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#EnoughIsEnough
You shouldn't be able to walk in a store
And purchase some horrible weapon of war,
Whatever your background, whatever your age.
Surprising it's still a debate at this stage.
March, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I wish these Russian trolls
Would shut their f*cking holes,
Or Zuckerberg & Company'd
Come up with some controls.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another winter storm they hyped,
And all we got was cold.
This megadrought of megadroughts
Is really getting old.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't believe how MPR
Has cancelled Keillor's show.
The list'ners are the losers here,
I hope they f*cking know.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He won't read the intelligence
They give him every day,
But I guess it's for the better
Cuz that's less he'll give away.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He's not your dad's Republican,
This Devin Nunes guy.
Daddy hated Russians and
He loved the FBI.
February, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Sh*thole" |
He's gotta love how cable news
Repeats his every line,
As hungry as he is for our
Attention all the time.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's "he said, she said" with these things,
But one thing that we know:
To squelch his aide's
Harassment claim,
He used the people's dough.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Prognostically Challenged
Bill Kristol has a history
Of never being right,
But you gotta give him credit:
He keeps trying every night.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Bannon's out at Breitbart News,
But soon enough, I'm sure,
The Mercers will find someone else
To peddle their manure.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Marianne Williamson
"Does that make sense?" she asks again,
The thirty-seventh time.
I gotta find the exit
'Fore I lose my frickin' mind.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
TR: Speak softly and carry a big stick.
DT: Tweet ca-ca and act like a big dick.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'My nuclear button is bigger than yours,'
The president taunted his foe.
With both of the principals outta their gourds,
You wonder how far this could go.
January, 2018
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump
In my humble view, he's a put-on
Who defiles every stage he sets foot on.
But this ain't a crowd
Where I'd say that out loud;
End up with my head getting stood on.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The country's reputation
Is in tatters overseas.
That's the risk you take when
You entrust it to a sleaze.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No Moore
F*ck Roy and the horse he rode in on!
The good guys have actually won.
And nobody needs his concession;
The race is still over and done.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whatever happened to Martin Bashir?
One crack about Palin, and he's outta here!
Must be a challenge to be on TV...
With my kinda mouth, I'd be out 1-2-3.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They thought he's for the little guy,
Cuz that's how he campaigned.
Just wait until they get to hear
His tax reforms explained.
December, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The fat cats are impressed:
This tax bill is the best!
It gives to those it oughta,
And it takes from all the rest.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"You think they'll get the president?"
The son-in-law inquired.
I wouldn't rule it out, my friend;
You never know who's wired.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The "atmospheric river"
Isn't flowing anymore.
The rainy season this year
Isn't like the one before,
When there was so much rainfall
That they said the drought was done.
Now rainy season's back again,
And all we've got is sun.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans are fleeing Moore,
But there's an inconsistency:
How come they're still backing Trump?
He's got the same damn history.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They'll stick with Moore no matter what,
Cuz one thing Alabama's got's
A rebel streak a mile wide;
They love a guy we can't abide.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why ya keep voting Republican?
Y'actually wanna get f*cked again?
Isn't it true
They've done nothin' for you?
Never too late to wake up, my friend.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If Harvey Weinstein is a pig,
Then what does that make Trump?
Look at all the women
Oinky Oinker's tried to hump.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To hit into a triple play
With bases loaded, no men out,
Will teach a fella right away
What pain and suff'ring's all about.
November, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Republican side of the aisle
Is so f*ckin' stuck in denial
That all they can do
With this Russiagate news
Is reopen the Hillary file.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Now's not the time for a gun debate.'
Actually, guys, it's a little late...
For those who have died
Because someone decided
That now was the time to deregulate.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This gun law blocking,
science mocking
Backward bunch 'a scum
Would not know civic duty if it
Bit 'em on the bum.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sowing discord sea to sea
Is Donald Trump's forté.
Wonder who the S.O.B.
Is picking on today.
October, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In Florida and Texas,
He was Johnny on the spot.
But down in Puerto Rico,
He's unfortunately not:
The people have no water,
Have no power, have no food...
And all he does is talk about
The debt that they've accrued.
September, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
In fifty years, will football be
The game it is today?
Or will the fear of brain disease
Make players stay away?
September, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We're out of Tiki torches, sir;
We'll get some more next week.
But sheets are all on sale,
If you'd like to take a peek.
September, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Word of the Day
When Donald Trump's supporters
Are referred to as the "base,"
It could be noun or adjective,
Depending on the case.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
CEOs are dumping Trump
As quickly as they can.
'F he's gonna cost 'em customers,
He's not their kind of man.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
From Rosie O'Donnell
To Mitchell McConnell,
The pattern is always the same:
He needs to be fighting
To keep it exciting,
So havoc's the name of the game.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Putin's puppet's in the house!
Why, only just today,
He thanked his ass
For sending half
Our diplomats away.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've studied these "conservatives"
And how they play the game:
If they can't beat ya with ideas,
They'll call your ass a name.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'm done with these panel discussions.
If somebody's still in denial
That Trump is in bed with the Russians,
It's time to be turning the dial.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's more to him than meets the eye,
This new man at the FBI.
He's mostly worked
For bad guys, but
He gets the job; I wonder why.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
According to our president,
The White House is a "dump."
Just another reason for
Evicting Donald Trump.
August, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
From the halls of Montezuma
To the shores of Tripoli,
The toughest job a tough Marine
Is ever gonna see
Is serving as the Chief of Staff
To someone who's berserk.
Good luck to General Kelly,
But we doubt it's gonna work.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: Mr. Trump
It's fun to dump on everyone,
But there's a price to pay:
They won't be there to help ya when
You're needing it someday.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why do Bush and Cheney
Never leave the USA?
They fear they'd be arrested,
Is what many people say.
(Although that sounds appropriate,
It prob'ly isn't true;
There aren't any warrants out
For either of the two.)
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"These colors don't run," goes a popular song,
But I'm not so certain, since Trump's come along.
The flags at the White House, particularly,
Look redder and redder and redder to me.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The money is flowing to Kamala Harris
And tongues are beginning to wag
That this is the one they should put up for POTUS;
She's kind of Obama in drag.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Like father, like son:
Donald Jr.'s a liar.
Each statement he gives
Contradicts the one prior.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Note to Self:
No one's gonna pay ya
For the crap you put on Twitter.
It's one gigantic waste 'a time;
They oughta call it Fritter.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The president's been compromised,
But tell that to his base.
They wouldn't get the picture
If you put it in their face.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
False Advertising
How's it called a "health care" bill?
A health care bill it's not,
If millions stand to lose
The only health care that they've got.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
People like tough-talking assholes,
Dishing it out from the stump.
That's how you get these disasters,
Like W., Christie and Trump.
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Although you'd think they'd have a plan
With eight years to prepare,
They haven't gotten much beyond
"Repeal Obamacare."
July, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Read Cicero on treason;
You will find it quite enlightening.
The traitor he describes is
So familiar that it's frightening.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
GOP Health Care
They can't attack what they can't see,
So let's design it secretly.
If millions stand
To lose their plans,
Like, why upset 'em needlessly?
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Junk Mail
The card says "Happy Father's Day,"
Though I am not a dad.
(That's not their main point, anyway;
They wanna list my pad.)
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The president's a liar,
So I thought I'd make some notes.
It pays to CYA
With all the bullsh*t that he floats.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Other than the fact he lied,
Everything is classified.
Wonder if
We'll ever get
To find out what he has to hide.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
City birds are so confused;
They sing all frickin' night.
They don't know when it's time to snooze
With all this frickin' light.
June, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not that RT doesn't have
Good people on the air.
It's just that, what with who's in charge,
I wouldn't watch 'em there.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These f*cking people go to church
And claim to be devout,
And then they vote for Donald Trump.
Explain what that's about.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Bill O'Reilly's off the air
And Roger Ailes is dead:
Two less guys
The distaff side
Of Fox will have to dread.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There is a there there, nincompoops:
The Russia story's real.
So don't sell out your country to
Protect an old schlemiel.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is such a dolt.
He spilled the beans to Lester Holt
And told him why Jim Comey's gone:
That "Russia thing's" still going on.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
How in the hell do you stop
A Russian intelligence op,
When those in control
Have the opposite goal--
Protecting the tool at the top?
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He "thought it would be easier,"
This presidency thing.
That alone should tell ya
He's a f*ckin' ding-a-ling.
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Imagine a man with no impulse control
Winning the White House at last,
And getting his hands on the nuclear codes.
Doesn't that sound like a blast?
May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mexico, he promised,
Would be paying for the wall.
But now that he's the president,
It's not that way at all:
It's we who have to pay for it,
At fifty billion-plus.
Amazing, with this president,
How little you can trust.
April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know how to spell, but my "smart" phone does not.
It "auto-corrects" everything on the spot,
So nothing makes sense when I'm done with a text.
I wonder what crap they'll be thinking up next.
April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody wants my dough
Since Donald Trump got in.
My name must be on every
Lefty list that's ever been.
Once ya give 'em anything,
They're always back for more.
I wish I were a millionaire,
But most I must ignore.
April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"The president has gone insane.
So what do we do now?"
"It's obvious we gotta get him
Outta there somehow.
The 25th Amendment,
For example, is a way
That Pence could be the president
And Trump would go away."
March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Spare me the upsell, goddammit!
You're pushin' so hard I can't stand it.
I only want
What I told you I want.
If that doesn't suit ya, then cram it!
March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Celebrex and Vesicare
And Nexium and Lyrica:
There's a pill for everything
In modern-day America.
Anyone who visited
And looked at our TV
Would have to think these f*ckers
Are as sick as they can be.
March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anyone can understand
Why no one wants to shake his hand:
It's like you're being lassoed;
It's the rudest sh*t in all the land.
February, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Russia must see Trumpsky as
The answer to their prayers.
They could build the Berlin Wall
Again for all he cares.
February, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They're clever, these Republicans,
But what should make us nervous is
They're out to wreck the government
And privatize its services.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
So now it's done: he's president,
And crazy as a loon.
He's gonna make a mess of it;
The question is how soon.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Statistics can be made to lie.
For instance, take the CPI:
It always shows
Inflation's low,
When everybody knows it's high.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans will have themselves
The mother of all booties
If they can shrink the government
And privatize its duties.
January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Looking Ahead
"Trump is not my president!"
That's really kinda reachin'.
He is the goddam president;
That's why we must impeach him.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
She Should Be President, But...
Her "basket of deplorables"
Remark was kind of dumb.
You don't insult the voters;
That is Rule Number One...
Or tell them they'll be unemployed
As soon as you get in.
It's arrogant to talk that way
And think that you can win.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Volvo has an ad campaign
That leaves me high and dry.
There's someone getting married
And we're s'posed to care, but why?
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Coupons are a way of life;
Ya gotta have the coupon.
But stick with stuff you know you like,
Not crazy crap on Groupon.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He labeled Trump a "phony;"
Now he goes and licks his hand.
If you're ashamed of Romney,
I completely understand.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Our system is so stupid
That it makes you wanna cry.
Democracy it isn't,
But we hang on to the lie.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Pet friendly" isn't something
That I look for on vacation.
The pets are always dogs,
And that's a certain indication
You're gonna be awakened
At a very early hour...
A frightfully good way
To make a holiday go sour.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A word to establishment Democrats:
You could've had Sanders, remember that.
Polls showed that he
Was much stronger than she
Against Trump; don't know what you were lookin' at.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've never liked a candidate
As much as Bernie Sanders.
I got his message right away;
Could never understand hers.
December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
An OSU student, Abdul,
Drove into a crowd at his school
And then started stabbing 'em.
He won't do that again.
Got what he asked for, the fool.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You'd rather have a candidate
Who fills a frickin' stadium
Than someone who can barely fill
A middle school gymnasium.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We didn't like his temperament
And knew he wasn't fit,
But still we made him president.
Ain't that a bunch 'a sh*t.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A better closing argument
Is something she could use.
It's not as if Beyoncé's
Gonna tell me who to choose.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whatever happened to "must see" TV?
Lately on cable there's nothin' to see
But surrogates shilling for Clinton and Trump.
After a minute, you're ready to jump.
November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Claim
Subway knew for quite a while
Their spokesman was a pedophile.
He wasn't shy,
This Jared guy--
He said he liked 'em juvenile.
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When a macho man like Donald Trump
Shows up in bobby pins,
You'd think it would be front page news,
But better think again:
Although he looked ridiculous,
The press just let it pass.
(He says they're out to get him,
But for once they saved his ass.)
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
On Hillary, I'll say this:
She may not be the greatest,
But 'least she won't
Be someone who
Makes everybody hate us.
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
At Mexico City press conference, August 31, 2016 |
We have a small suggestion
For the Donald if he wins:
Before he meets with Putin,
He should lose the bobby pins.
October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To: Kevin Costner
On Vin Scully Appreciation Day
It's not a f*ckin' funeral,
So lighten up, my friend!
Even Scully looks as if
He wishes this would end.
September, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's gotta be a sign
Our schools are in decline,
If we're too dumb
To see when someone's
Feeding us a line.
September, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We'll never see his tax returns;
He can't afford for us to learn
How little that he's really paid
On all that money that he's made.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"A kinder, gentler Donald Trump?"
Now that I gotta see.
(How long, ya think, before he's back
To total S.O.B.?)
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The online experience blows
When shopping for something like clothes.
But that's all we'll have here,
Cuz after the new year
Our Macy's is going to close.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Why have nukes if you can't use 'em?"
Donald wants to know.
It's not just that he's ignorant;
He's proud to let it show.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
California
Inasmuch as there's no rain,
They oughta scrap the bullet train
And put that money somewhere smart:
Desalination, for a start.
August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
He came to California
And declared,
"There is no drought."
How anyone could buy this sh*t's
What I can't figure out.
July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
That does it; the case is decided:
Ms. Clinton will not be indicted.
(For those who believe
That the system is rigged,
More proof has been kindly provided.)
July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"I'm with her," the buttons say,
But will she be with us?
There's so much in her resume
That makes her hard to trust.
That said, she's facing someone
Who's so totally unworthy,
I guess I'll have to 'be with her'
And make believe it's Bernie.
July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump University should be in quotes;
That isn't in fact what it was.
(You couldn't call something
"Trump Hospital," couldja,
By just putting salesmen in scrubs?)
June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Everybody's somewhere else,
Inside their little phone...
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram;
You're always left alone.
June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
#JusticeForHarambe
You're s'posed to be judged by a jury, but wow...
Trial by hashtag is what we have now:
Millions of people expressing their view
On how you f*cked up when you went to the zoo.
June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To get the news from cable news,
You gotta watch the crawl
And mute the endless Trumpathon;
It's no damn help at all.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Superman could see through walls;
Now you can see through Trump:
This promo for his phony school's
Just like him on the stump.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The new Muslim mayor of London
Has got him a little conundrum:
If he wants to fly
To the states by and by,
Will he need permission from Dum Dum?
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Donald Trump is f*cking nuts;
What else should we consider?
Jesus, you could see this putz
Start World War III on Twitter.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What this election's not about
Is Mrs. Clinton's marriage.
(It's odd, a guy who's on his third
Finds so much to disparage.)
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
April showers bring May flowers,
So we used to say...
But that's not how the system works
In places like L.A.,
Where rains are insufficient
To grow anything for sure,
So mostly we're dependent
On the water we "procure."
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Face it, Mr. Sales Pro:
They're always gonna rank ya.
And when it's time to letcha go,
They're never gonna thank ya.
May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
War on Terror
Think of all the countries
That we've bombed to get these scum:
Everywhere on earth
But where they actually were from.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Attn: Ted Cruz
"Donald Trump's a liberal"?
Hey, let me set you straight:
A liberal would not campaign
On bigotry and hate.
I know that it's your job
To throw him underneath the bus,
But take it from a liberal:
He isn't one of us.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'9-1-1, he's got a gun,
But could be just a kid...
And that could be a toy he's got.'
A lotta good that did.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whenever politicians say
We gotta close the EPA,
That really means
Behind the scenes
They're taking big polluter pay.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The GOP won't break apart if
Trump's the nominee.
They'll act like he's the one they wanted;
Just you wait and see.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Another sign the Clinton folks
Are under some duress:
They took a static noise machine
And aimed it at the press,
So no one could determine
What she told the donors there.
(If it was on the up and up,
You wouldn't think they'd care.)
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You think these corporate media dicks
Want money out of politics?
They're making scads
Off all those ads.
It's not a system they would fix.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sour Grapes
He brings the independents in
As Hillary does not.
But that is not rewarded in
The system that we've got:
You have to be a Democrat
To vote for him most places.
If primaries were open,
He'd be winning all those races.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's kinda weird: he wins again,
But Clinton gets more delegates.
It isn't on the up and up,
The way we pick our presidents.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If nature is something to tame,
We're not very good at the game...
Or else we'd be outta
This miserable drought,
Cuz we'd know how to make us some rain.
April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why Bernie
Our appetite for change is great:
Remember, in 2008
We voted for
An end to war,
Not eight more years of stalemate.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Homeland Insecurity
ISIS really worries me;
Al Qaeda does as well...
And Al-Shabab, and Shish Kabob,
And all those hounds of hell.
But on a daily basis,
The one who scares me more
Is the camo-clad American
With all his guns next door.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tortured Trump
The way he needs to tell us that his penis isn't small,
And everyone's in love with him from NY to Nepal,
You start to see a pattern that's unsettling for sure:
We really want a president this f*cking insecure?!
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get this asshole off the stage!
I'm tired of his act:
His haughty air,
his stupid hair,
Most everything, in fact.
I've had it with the media
Not challenging his lies,
And snubbing Bernie Sanders,
Who could cut him down to size.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Blue Wall of Silence
Good cop, bad cop--which is which?
It's hard to tell, if none'll snitch
When one of theirs commits a crime,
But mum's the word
most every time.
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'Trump's bankrupted companies,
Screwed over workers,
And hidden what taxes he's paid.'
(That all may be true,
Mr. Romney, but you
Did those very same things, I'm afraid.)
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Decaffeinated coffee,
Non-alcoholic beer...
I don't know what they're good for;
So tell me why they're here?
March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
See the most recent Republican brawl?
Somebody's grown him a new set 'a balls!
Best frickin' takedown of Donald to date.
Question now, is it too little, too late?
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Trump's the next president; how do I know?
Looks like the Democrats aren't gonna show.
Maybe it's burnout,
But this kinda turnout
Is not gonna get 'em where they need to go.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I like to write poems that are based on the news,
But lately the challenge is staying enthused
When most of the news is so awful to see,
You just wanna hide and turn off the TV.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Aliso Canyon Storage Facility
After all the gas it's spewed,
Shouldn't they just shut it down?
Everybody knows they should;
Everyone but Jerry Brown.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Saving "the planet" is such a misnomer;
The planet will still be around.
It's we who are on it that's gonna be goners,
If we don't keep temperatures down.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Nugent's only trending
Cuz 'a something dumb he said.
(Not to disappoint you
If you thought that he was dead.)
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Pregnant? I'd skip the Olympics in Rio,
Where sewers are open and breeding mosquitoes
With some of the nastiest viruses yet.
Zika is one that you don't wanna get.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cruz Takes Iowa Caucus
They only won by subterfuge:
They told the Carson folks,
'Your candidate has left the race,
So give us all your votes.'
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I got to admit, I'm a little confused
By something that's commonly said:
"He sucks all the oxygen out of the room."
Then why isn't everyone dead?
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
She's shouting--my God, is she shrill!
As a speaker, she's nothin' like Bill.
She's more like a dentist
Who's inside your head
With a big ass electrical drill.
February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Heckuva Job, Ricky
Just to save a measly buck,
He switched our source of water.
So now it's lead we're drinking up.
Arrest his ass? They oughta.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I thought that our fortunes were set:
The winter was s'posed to be wet.
They promised El Nino;
Reality is, though,
We haven't seen anything yet.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Is Hillary Clinton, like, yesterday's news?
Millenial women seem less than enthused...
"First woman president"
Just isn't gettin' it.
They're gonna need more than gender to choose.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A consummate asshole in ev-er-y way:
So what does our surging support for him say,
That we'd even think of electing his kind?
"Surrounded by assholes" is what comes to mind.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Wages are too high," he says.
"Our country can't compete."
If folks see where he's going there,
He won't be hard to beat.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A no-fly zone in Syria--
Like, what is she, insane?
Let's ratchet up this clusterf*ck
And down a Russian plane.
January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Govs. Sam Brownback (R-KS) and Chris Christie
(R-NJ) |
Kansas and New Jersey
Had some decent credit once,
Until they both decided
To elect a f*cking dunce
Who cut the corporate taxes
Till there's nothin' comin' in.
(Those "fiscally responsible
Republicans" again.)
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
With thirty million bucks in ads,
You'd think he'd make a dent.
But Mr. Exclamation Mark
Is still at three percent.
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Proof that our gun laws are rotten:
Their guns were all legally gotten.
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Line up with Israel! Don't be a critic,
Or someone will say that you're anti-Semitic.
(Don't think that that couldn't happen to you;
That's even happened to many a Jew.)
December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's something faintly creepy with
That word they're using currently:
"Homeland" this and "homeland" that.
It sounds like Nazi Germany.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I punched my mom and stabbed my friend
But now that I've been saved,
I'd like to be your president.
I'm very well behaved.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Voter turnout is the key
To ending this plutocracy.
It's we who've let
The one percent
Run off with our democracy.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Don't count on corporate media
To filter out the liars.
Just look at all the time they give
To climate change deniers.
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What's in a name? For a "socialist," plenty:
A survey suggests ya got little if any
Chance at the White House
If that's how you're known.
(Might be a label you'd wanna disown.)
November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anyone who takes this long
Deciding if he'll run
Is not the guy you're lookin' for,
When all is said and done.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What did they know,
And when did they know it?
They knew we were warming;
Their documents show it.
But thirty years later,
They're still playing dumb,
And funding deniers,
Like absolute scum.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
M S N B C
Ain't what it used to be.
But what the heck
Could we expect?
It's corporate TV.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's so damn annoying, that thing that you do:
Asking me "Right?" every second or two...
Tying me down like I'm buyin' a car
(Seventeen times that you've done it so far).
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even if there were no Isis,
There'd be a refugee crisis.
Try hangin' out
Where there's nothin' but drought.
A place where there's water is priceless.
October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Must they cover Donald Trump
Every time he takes a dump?
Didn't all his
Birther sh*t
Disqualify him from the jump?
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Uber needs access" to all of my sh*t:
My photos, my contacts, the whole f*cking bit.
I wanted a ride where I'd save on the tab,
But f*ck this malarkey--I'm callin' a cab.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From: H <hrod17@clintonemail.com> |
Was anyone watching the store?
You'd think it'd be hard to ignore
That emails from "H"
Weren't coming from State;
She sent 20,000 or more.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The "Prince of Peace" is what he's called.
(Ironic, that, considering all
The bloody wars that men have fought
With Him on board, or so they thought.)
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I've made my choice for president
And nothing can deter me.
The others are irrelevant;
I'm in the tank for Bernie.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You see what's at stake in Alaska,
With everything heating up faster.
So why aren't you willing
To see that by drilling
The Arctic, you're courting disaster?
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Stump the Trump
My favorite book's the Bible,
But as far as favorite verse?
I wish I woulda thought 'a that
And gotten one rehearsed.
September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Quit the NRA! |
Men of conscience should decline
To send this group another dime.
It's getting old,
How it opposes
Any gun law, any time.
August, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
They hype us on working from home,
As if we'll like being alone,
And won't go berserk
Having no one to work with
Except via email or phone.
July, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change denier Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) |
If "family values" is their thing,
Then how can all these dingalings
Be leaving to their precious kids
A planet as messed up as this?
June, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
You wanna shrink the government,
But who would really win?
If you believe
It's you or me,
You'd better think again.
June, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Justifying the War
"The world's a better place
Without Saddam," or so they say.
(A million dead Iraqis
Might not see it quite that way.)
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The bodies were still being recovered when House Republicans cut Amtrak's budget
by
$260 million
and rejected funding for speed control
technology
that would
have helped prevent
a
horrific train
crash in Philadelphia
the night before
|
What happened was wholly preventable.
That's why it's so damn indefensible
That Congress would cut
Amtrak's budget so much
One day after. It's incomprehensible.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The killing of Osama Bin Laden didn't go as the
White
House said, according to Seymour Hersh |
We may have been misled
By the "hooey" we were fed,
But what isn't in
Dispute is that
The S.O.B. is dead.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Whatever the scandal of late,
It always ends up as a "-gate."
I wish they would snuff
The Nixonian suffix;
It doesn't belong on
"deflate."
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Four months after 12 were killed at a Paris maga-
zine over publishing cartoons of Mohammed,
provocateuse Pamela
Geller offered $10,000
for the
'best
Mohammed cartoon' at a TX event,
and got the copycat attack she was looking for |
To bait Islamic terrorists
With cartoons of Mohammed
Is so damn irresponsible,
It makes you wanna vomit.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When Obama got elected,
There were pundits who suggested
We were over race; remember that?
Sadly, they were fulla crap.
May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama says critics of the Trans-Pacific Partnership should judge the trade deal on the
facts, but those facts have been kept secret |
I feel like such a fool!
He's just a corporate tool.
He wouldn't be
For TPP
If he was really cool.
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Great Expectations
She voted for a war
That was our country's darkest hour.
What other dumb decisions
Will she make if she's in power?
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Our money's good as anyone's.
That's why in Indiana,
When people tried to f*ck with us,
Big business went bananas.
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mike Pence (R-IN) signed a law protecting businesses from civil rights lawsuits filed by peo-
ple
they refuse to serve on the basis of "religion"
|
"Religious Freedom Restoration's"
Written, for your information,
So these clowns
Can get around
Our laws against discrimination.
April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Progressive Democrats want Sen. Bernie Sanders
(I-VT) to seek their party's presidential nomination
|
A candidate who we can trust
To actually be there for us...
'Fwe weren't asleep,
This guy would leave
Both Bush and Clinton in the dust.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, with daughter Caroline, is
the
first Republican to enter the 2016 presidential race |
A guy who thinks so crazily
And gives a speech so nasally
And looks so odd
Won't win it, but
He thinks he can, amazingly.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The first day of spring should delight us,
But sadly it also reminds us:
We're headed from here
For another dry year,
Cuz the best chance of rain is behind us.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Sanctionista
"Extraordinary threat," he says,
"To national security."
So what exactly is the threat?
It's sounding like manure to me:
Is Venezuela gonna blow us
All to smithereens?
Or is this how we destabilize
A socialist regime?
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No slave to truth, Bill O'Reilly |
"The O'Reilly Factor" on Fox News
Whatever else it is, a "no spin zone" it's not.
It's funny they would call it that, considering it's got
An anchor spinning yarns about his acts of derring-do
That actual reporters have determined aren't true.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"There are terrorist attacks all over the world
& we're
talking about closing down Homeland
Security,"
tweeted Rep. Peter King (R-NY).
"This is
like
living
in a world of crazy people."
|
"Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow
Republican"
Republicans seem to've abandoned
Their famous Eleventh Commandment.
It's too hard to keep
When there's so many creeps
In the party, they can't even stand it.
March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mom, don't even hesitate:
Grab your kid and vaccinate
His ass right now,
Before he's down
With measles (wouldn't that be great).
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Why did Brian take to lyin'
When he had it all?
And think he'd get away with it?
That takes a lotta gall.
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jeb Bush was expected to raise $10+ million from
Wall St. donors at a $100,000 per plate dinner at
billionaire Henry Kravis' Park Avenue residence |
You wanna have Jeb Bush's ear
And get to shake his hand?
Then sign up for his dinner here--
It's just a hundred grand.
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If pipelines were impervious
And never ever leaked,
Then Keystone wouldn't worry us,
But as it is, we're freaked.
February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
'We broke it; we own it.' That's not just
Iraq,
But the whole Middle East, as a matter of fact.
Nothing we've done there has been a success
Since W. snookered us into this mess.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
For a country that's so damn religious,
You'd think we'd be asking forgiveness
For all of the blows
We've inflicted on those
Who were minding their own f*cking business.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I can't think of anything better
Than sitting here dreading the weather.
The TV won't quit
With this megastorm sh*t.
Sit down and we'll stress out together!
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Dissenting from the Supreme Court's decision
upholding Michigan's affirmative action ban,
Justice
Sonia Sotomayor said Chief Justice John
Roberts
was "out of touch with reality" on race
|
Wish there were more like Sotomayor.
She is the justice whom I most adore:
Look how she's able
To take on an a-hole
Like Chief Justice Roberts and give him what for.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I'll hear your confession there, Father:
So how many kids did you bother
And tell not to tell
Or they'd all go to Hell?
Was handy, huh, having that collar?
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Years after the deadly failure of a Minneapolis bridge
during rush hour, the American Society of Civil
En-
gineers
still gives U.S.
infrastructure a grade of D+ |
While interest rates are low,
We oughta find the dough
And fix what all needs fixin',
Not just wait for it to go.
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
NYC police turned their backs on a live video feed
of Mayor de Blasio eulogizing one of their own |
A clarification before we go
And put all the blame on de Blasio:
Did he shoot those cops?
No, he did not.
Did he choke that guy in the video?
January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kim Jong Un character in Sony's "The Interview" |
At Least Change His Name?!
"Comedy" or not,
A movie where the plot's
Assassinate
A head of state
Should never have been shot.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No wonder "stop and frisk"
Has everybody pissed:
They take the cash
Right off your ass
As if it won't be missed.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"I can't breathe" |
The way that Eric Garner died
Was quickly ruled a homicide,
But bring the perp
To justice? Nope,
The prosecutor never tried.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK), known for blocking
bills through "holds," used his last days in
the
Senate to block a $22 million veteran suicide
prevention bill with broad bipartisan support |
Good-bye to Dr. No.
We're glad to see him go!
He got his kicks
From bein' a dick
And holding up the show.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since 1998, 183 University of Virginia students
have been expelled for honor-code violations such
as cheating on exams, but not one for sexual as-
sault, despite multiple reported cases |
An honor system gone awry:
You cannot steal, cheat or lie
And get to stay
At UVA,
But rape, they'll letcha slither by.
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
CNN's Don Lemon apologized for his bizarre
questioning of one of Bill Cosby's rape accusers |
'When Cosby made ya give him head,
Why dintcha bite his dick instead?'
'I wasn't sure how that would go.
You try it, Don, and let me know.'
December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The thing that I'm most grateful for
On this Thanksgiving Day
Is being free of any urge
To jump into the fray
And battle all the shoppers
Who are gathered at the mall
To get a deal on something
That's forgotten by next Fall.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Suddenly everyone's giving me grief
For sitting on millions in Sandy relief,
But 800 mill is a lot to let go.
Screw everybody; I'm taking it slow.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Too bad they don't give Mulligans...
By voting in Republicans,
Now ninety-nine percent of us
Have no one representing us.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It can't get weirder, can it?
You flat could not invent it:
They block our will
Completely, still
We give 'em back the Senate.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Legislating from the bench"
Is something he was dead against.
But look how soon
He changed his tune,
Once he got himself entrenched.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A spurned WA teenager shot five, then himself |
Who gives a sh*t what his motive was?
Isn't the point that the little skuzz
Would never have done it
If he'd 'a been gunless?
The gun made the difference; it always does.
November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ebola patient coming through!
I'd give him room if I were you.
(He's blocks away,
But who's to say?
You never know what germs can do.)
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
All the fun people are gonna be deaf!
Nightclubs are beating our eardrums to death.
Why can't they keep it to reasonable noise?
No getting back what a deejay destroys.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We beat the Giants three weeks back
And won the NL West, in fact.
But nowadays that don't mean squat:
Look who's in, and look who's not.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
How to stop saying the word " like" |
When every other word is "like,"
It's hard to even listen.
We sound like we're lobotomized
And half our brains are missin'.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republican Strategy Session
Voting early isn't right;
The folks who do it aren't white.
It's something that we gotta stop,
Or how we gonna stay on top?
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The time for denying it's past:
The planet is heating up fast.
There's much to be done,
But priority one
Is to pull our head out of our ass.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Moving on...to Wall Street?
Retiring U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder
|
Good-bye to Eric Holder.
His record has been mixed...
He fought the fight for civil rights
All right, but then there's this:
He coddled all the banksters,
And let 'em pay a fine;
They crashed the world economy
And no one's doin' time.
October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A South Carolina trooper was arrested for shooting
an unarmed motorist who was complying with his
order to get his driver's license after being
stopped
for not wearing a seatbelt |
The thing we gotta stop
Is trigger happy cops
Who act like we're
all terrorists
And they're in Special Ops.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Follow the money: Few in Washington have raised
concerns
about the proposed merger of Comcast
& Time Warner Cable, though the combined entity
would control 19 of the top 20 U.S. markets,
with
a
30%
market share in cable & 40% in broadband |
We've long had laws on antitrust
And everyone endorses them,
But spread around sufficient bucks
And nobody enforces them.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Until they see a certain cop
Convicted by a jury,
Don't look for all the sh*t to stop
In Ferguson, Missouri.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Back to Iraq
You don't buy these tribesmen; you rent 'em at best.
Remember when Dubya was pounding his chest,
Proclaiming the surge was
what won us the peace?
What won it was cash, and they'd like some more, please.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
NFL Domestic Violence
This comes as such a big surprise;
They all seem like such decent guys.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Go East, Young Man
Sunny days are lots of fun,
But when there's nothing but the sun,
You can't sustain
A fricking thing.
Without some rain, the West is done.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Heritage Institute called it highly unlikely that
Al Shabab would remain intact as a cohesive terror-
ist group after the U.S. killed its leader in Somalia |
We just killed the leader of some f*cking group.
So that oughta fix 'em; they'll never recoup.
He won't be a martyr whose praises they'll sing;
More likely than not, they'll forget the whole thing.
September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Islamic State militants added an American journalist
to their hundreds of beheadings across Iraq & Syria
|
ISIS
You're talking some real depravity:
These guys are so bad that they had to be
Expelled from Al Qaeda,
No less, cuz their fighters
Were using "excessive brutality."
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"The War to End All Wars"
Began a hundred years ago,
And even though we won it,
There's an asterisk, you know:
It didn't end all wars;
In fact,
it wasn't even close.
There's more of 'em than ever now,
And we're involved in most.
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Bathtub ring: Water and hydroelectric deliveries are threatened as Lake Mead
on the Colorado River has
fallen
to its
lowest
level since the Hoover Dam
was completed
and the
reservoir filled in the 1930’s |
Forget what you've seen in the past;
This drought's in a singular class--
The kind that could augur
A gallon of water
At more than a gallon of gas.
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
We know that there's no precedent
For us to sue the president,
And it won't fly,
But that's all right...
The base will find it resonant.
August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Despite having the highest uninsured rate in the
country, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, like most GOP
governors, has refused to expand Medicaid in his
state, though the federal government would pay
100% of the cost now and 90% after three years |
Isn't it inspiring
To see how they're conspiring
To uninsure
The millions who're
Barely, like, surviving?
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A Jewish deli in L.A.
Is where the prez had lunch today.
The talk was small;
No talk at all
Of genocide in Gaza, say.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Four months after a Malaysia Air jet vanished over
the Indian Ocean, one was shot down over Ukraine |
If you're the type who takes a dare,
Then come and fly Malaysia Air.
The kind of year
We're having here,
Your ass could wind up anywhere.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Protesters blocked buses taking Central American detainees--mostly women and children--to a Border Patrol processing center in Southern California |
What would Jesus do
If those kids were comin' through?
Out in Murrieta,
California,
They don't have a clue.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If it doesn't get your goat
They're making it a bitch to vote
And easier to buy a gun,
Then you must be Republican.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
His "all of the above" energy strategy
leaves little
chance that Barack Obama's presidency will be
remembered as "the moment when the rise of the
oceans began to slow and the planet began to heal,"
a vision he tantalized supporters with in 2008
|
Until we say no to Big Oil,
They'll only continue to foil
Our efforts to manage
A liveable planet
(That isn't theirs, dammit, to spoil).
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If your phone were really smart,
When you got in your car,
It'd hop into the trunk
And stay away from where you are.
That ain't gonna happen, though,
So here's a tip for real:
Turn the f*cker off
Before you get behind the wheel.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What if the Boston Marathon bombers hadn't been -identified through surveillance videotape? The U.S.
has had the technology to trace explosives for dec-
ades,
but it goes unused due to NRA opposition |
A right to bear arms or a right to bear bombs?
It's hard to make sense of the NRA's qualms
'Bout tagging explosives so they can be traced,
But they're still opposing it. What a disgrace.
July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A former Navy officer was found guilty of
raping two women he met through the internet
dating sites ChristianMingle and Match.com |
Sacrosanct and single?
Go on ChristianMingle.
(Just pray it's not
A psychopath
Who's making your heart tingle.)
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
CEO Jeff Bezos shows off Amazon's new smart-
phone,
which can recognize images, products, text
and
audio, and connect users to buy those items |
Amazon's got a new smartphone named Fire.
Its primary object's to make you a buyer
Of every last product and service they've got,
Till every last buck in your wallet is shot.
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two years after Indiana passed an NRA-backed
law allowing citizens to shoot public servants
who
'overstep their authority,' an Indiana couple
assassinated two policemen eating lunch in Las
Vegas and proclaimed the revolution had begun |
NRA members, please tear up your cards:
Don't give one more dime for this f*cking canard
That only more guns can protect us from harm.
There's too many nutbags you're helping to arm.
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A Veterans Administration investigation found sys-
temic problems, with records being manipulated nationwide
to mask long waits for appointments |
We send 'em to Afghanistan
And then on to Iraq.
And just to show we're grateful,
When they finally get back,
We make 'em wait forever
When they need to see a doc.
We thank 'em for their service
But it's sounding like a crock.
June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A CA killer spurred new calls for tougher gun laws |
The "lonely young virgin" was resolute:
He'd find him some women to execute,
Cuz he couldn't get none.
But that begs the question:
Why didn't he just call a prostitute?
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Free" trade deals have cost American jobs, and
the
Trans-Pacific Partnership may be the worst one yet |
What a stinking pile of sh*t's
This Trans-Pacific Partnership.
You'd think that they'd
Be off free trade,
With all the damage NAFTA did.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Google's new computerized eyewear may have
more than the $1,500 price tag to overcome |
Don't Be Evil
If someone wearing Google Glass
Should follow you around,
Remove 'em from their head
Before you stomp 'em in the ground.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Egyptians, shown protesting Pres. Mubarek's refu-
sal to step down in 2011, look ready to put another
former military commander in charge: Abdel Fattah
al-Sisi, who
recently vowed that the Muslim
Broth-
erhood
would
"cease to exist" if he were elected |
Egypt in a Nutshell
Once they got democracy,
They voted for theocracy.
When that went bad,
They went right back
To what they'd had: autocracy.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. resumed military aid to Egypt, even as 683
were sentenced to death for killing a police officer,
& the
democratically-elected ex-president
continued
to be
held on charges that carry the death
penalty |
Egypt
With all of the people they've sentenced to die,
I can't for the life of me understand why
Obama would give 'em more milit'ry aid,
Their evil intentions so clearly displayed.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It took nearly an hour for convicted murderer
Clayton Lockett to die in a grisly Oklahoma ex-
ecution that
officials
finally hid from observers
|
A botched execution? Well, f*ckin' boo hoo.
I hear that his victim's was pretty botched too:
The one that he kidnapped and pumped full 'a lead,
And buried alive when she wouldn't play dead.
...I'm not disputing death penalties suck,
But don't ever ask me to cry for this f*ck.
May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Faith in internet security was shaken by the discov-
ery of "heartbleed," a programming flaw that leaves
encrypted websites vulnerable to hackers |
I thought that little padlock meant
A website was secure.
But that, like so much else these days,
Turned out to be manure.
April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A sick 1-year-old was rescued at sea with her family after they tried to go sailing around the world, de-
spite the infant's having just tested positive for sal-
monella
and
being on three antibiotics and a steroid
for
bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection |
Baby daughter's ailing?
Why not take her sailing!
Salmonella,
Shlamonella--
That's why they got a railing.
April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Equating money with "free speech," the Supreme Court's conservative majority followed its Citizens
United decision allowing corporations
to spend
unlimited sums on election campaigns
by striking
down the
total limits on individuals' contributions
in McCutcheon v. Federal Election Commission |
Take nine random people and put 'em in robes:
I'll bet their decisions are better than those
That Roberts and friends have been able to make.
They can't even learn from their biggest mistake.
April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The CA State Senate suspended Leland Yee and
two other Democrats who are fighting criminal
charges.
Yee,
arrested in an FBI sting, is accused
of
corruption
and conspiracy to traffic in guns
|
California Democrats, corrupt as they can be:
Roderick Wright, then Calderon,
And now there's Leland Yee--
Each one with a rap sheet
That outdoes the one before.
Damn if I know who the hell to vote for anymore.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In California, up to 30 million young salmon will be trucked from inland hatcheries to waters near the
Pacific Ocean after the state's drought has left riv-
ers too dry for them to migrate on their own. Top
scientists issued a dire new climate change warning |
When drought leaves our rivers too dry for the
salmon
To swim to the ocean, it's time to get jammin'
On fixin' this climate before it's too late.
Our food's out there dyin'; how long can we wait?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Searchers have found no sign of Malaysia Flight 370 |
We don't have a whole lot of facts;
We're not even sure it was jacked.
But what we keep wonderin'
Throughout this conundrum
Is whether it could've been hacked.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Breaking News: We have no news
About the missing plane.
We only called it "breaking news"
To suck you in again.
It's just the same old theories,
The same old talking heads,
The same old damn commercials.
I'd watch something else instead.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Not
since Amelia Earhart's plane vanished in 1937
has there been a mystery like Malaysia Flight 370 |
My flight gets in at 6:15
So come and get me, dear.
I'll be down by the baggage claim
(Unless we disappear).
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fracking is depleting water supplies in America's
driest areas, a new report shows |
I'll tell ya why we oughta
Put frackers out to slaughter:
As reservoirs
Keep going down,
We can't afford the water.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama is taking heat for using executive ac-
tions to bypass a do-nothing Congress, but most
of
his recent predecessors used them even more |
"Executive actions are running afoul!
Obama's a tyrant!" Republicans howl.
But what's he to do
When the Congress is truly
Against him on everything? Throw in the towel?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Nearly 20% of U.S. soldiers had a common mental illness before enlisting in the Army, a
study shows |
It's something we thought was immutable--
That soldiers be mentally suitable,
But two out of ten
Are a little unhinged,
And nonetheless seen as recruitable.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In 1996, Defense Secretary William Perry and his Russian and Ukrainian counterparts celebrated the dismantling of a Ukrainian nuclear missile silo by planting sunflowers
in its place. 5,000 USSR-
inherited nuclear weapons were transferred to Rus-
sia,
after both countries signed a pact with the US
and
UK
guaranteeing Ukraine's territorial integrity
|
After you give up your nukes,
How do you put up your dukes
When sooner or later
Your nuclear neighbors
Are acting like absolute pukes?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sec'y of State John Kerry, who voted for the Iraq
War Resolution in 2002, blasted Russia's incursion
in Ukraine: "You just don't invade another country
on phony pretext in order to assert your interests" |
The high ground is lovely to claim,
But wasn't it roughly the same,
Invading Iraq
On our own set of facts
As the Russians have done in Ukraine?
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
So long, Sochi |
We caught the whole public relations campaign...
"We're not your old Russia with war on the brain."
But all the p.r.
Doesn't go very far
When the next thing you know they're invading Ukraine.
March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Paul Tanaka is running to replace Lee Baca as L.A. County Sheriff, though the scandals that engulfed
the department on their watch forced both to quit |
Whoever replaces ex-Sheriff Lee Baca,
We'd better do better than Mr. Tanaka.
Ya need someone new,
Not the old #2,
To fix a department so frickin' facacta.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The failure of the world's largest bitcoin exchange triggered a panic sell-off of the virtual currency |
So bitcoins are worthless? That's gotta be rough
For all of the folks who were into the stuff.
But what was the virtual money's allure?
You had to be crazy to think it's secure.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jordan Davis, 1995-2012 |
The problem down there's
Every Tom, Dick and Harry
Can go get a permit and legally carry,
So people get shot for the stupidest things.
This is the crap that less gun control brings.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Michael Dunn, 47, who killed an unarmed teenager whose rap music annoyed him, shows
disbelief
af-
ter
being convicted on lesser charges. Like
George
Zimmerman and the moviegoer who killed another
for texting, he has a FL concealed weapons permit |
Sunshine State
Hey, turn down that music there!
Stop with those texts!
With middle-aged white guys increasingly vexed,
You'd better watch out when they make a demand...
Before you find out there's a Glock in their hand.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jamie Coots, R.I.P.
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents
&
scorpions, &
over
all the power of the enemy;
&
nothing
shall by
any means hurt you. (Luke 10:19) |
A snake-handling preacher has gone to his grave
Believing that Jesus would be there to save
His ass from a bite,
But it got him, all right.
(Know how some churches
use grape juice for wine?
Maybe their snakes could be rubber next time.)
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 George Zimmerman, acquitted last year of murdering
Trayvon Martin, says he's homeless and has PTSD |
Zimmerman 'suffers from PTSD.'
That's kind of how you'd expect it to be
For someone who murdered an innocent kid.
I'd sure be stressed if I'd done what he did.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The end of snow? Only half of the cities that have
hosted the Winter Olympics may be cold
enough
to host them again by 2050 |
Winter Olympics are fun!
But under a punishing sun,
Scientists say
That we may see the day
When the Winter Olympics are done.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With his office under federal investigation, NJ Gov.
Chris Christie
was shunned by TX Gov.
Rick
Perry
and
candidates in TX &
IL when he travelled
there
to raise funds for
the
Republican Governors
Assn. |
The more that he tries to deceive 'em,
The more that they're starting to leave him.
When Christie says he
Wasn't in on Fort Lee,
Supporters don't even believe him.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When government gets smaller, who wins? |
Wanna shrink government? Some people do...
Mostly the people who haven't thought through
Who'll be the winners if that comes to be;
Dollars to donuts, it's
not you and me.
February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Most Americans agree with Pres. Obama that the minimum wage should be raised, but the chances
of
Congress doing anything about it are next to nil |
Why am I working full-time,
And still getting treated like slime?
My pay should be fair
But these people don't care
That I'm under the poverty line.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
No matter how good all the ass has been,
You don't wanna wed a Kardashian.
They get--like poor Odom--
Some guy by the scrotum,
And soon the whole family is cashin' in.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Cultural Exchange
Watching how they can manipulate
Those little tongues when they ululate,
It goes through your head--
If you got one in bed,
You might both need a week to recuperate.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 America has the lowest voter turnout of wealthy
countries, and look what we have to show for it
|
When 3 out of 4 say they haven't done sh*t
To fix all our problems, that oughta be it.
But pros are predicting they'll stay in control...
Cuz most of us won't even go to the polls.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) claims he knew nothing about his associates' closing of George Washington
Bridge lanes to tie up traffic as a political vendetta,
though emails show the plot originated in his office
|
"Abject stupidity?"
That part is true.
But guess who selected those people: it's you!
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pope Francis has the makings of a radical reformer
if
he focuses the same moral outrage on his own
institution that he has on ' trickle-down' economics |
We've needed a pope like this Francis forever,
But didn't expect we'd be seeing him ever.
Course, now comes the part
Where he shows us his range:
A lotta great talk, or some actual change.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The 2005 Porsche Carrera GT that carried Fast
and Furious actor Paul Walker to his death was
going 100+ mph, and was
built without the
sta-
bility
management system most Porsches have |
From 0 to 60 in 4 seconds flat
Is pretty impressive, but how is it that
The people at Porsche forgot to include
A stabilize system for that little dude?
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With less than an inch of rain in the last six
months, 2013 was L.A.'s driest year on record |
In New England it hasn't stopped snowing,
But out West here, anxiety's growing
That we'll never see rain
Or a good snow again--
Not the way that this megadrought's going.
January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The late Malcolm Mency with Malcolm, Jr. |
Eighteen years old, a new father, in fact,
Walks home one night and gets shot in the back.
Guns should be harder to buy;
Screw the lie
That the Second Amendment is under attack.
When's the last time it got shot in the back?
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If it looks like a redneck and quacks like a redneck,
it's probably a redneck
|
A redneck is what he's supposed to be.
So why is the guy from Duck Dynasty
In trouble these days
Cuz he's dumb about gays?
He knows about ducks, not diversity.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A school shooting near Columbine occurred
just
months after three Colorado legislators lost their
jobs
for
supporting stronger gun laws |
Though everyone's always appalled,
Does anything ever get solved?
When folks we elected
Wrote laws to protect us,
They ended up getting recalled.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
30-year old Kim Jong Un is rattling international
nerves as he
purges N. Korea's senior leadership
|
My uncle was scum. He was worse than a dog.
And just in case anyone's still in a fog
'Bout who's in control here,
Then get through your head:
I didn't like Uncle, now Uncle is dead.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With one eye on the White House, ex-Secretary
of State Hillary
Clinton
did not take the diplo-
matic
risks her successor John Kerry has taken |
The final assessment of Clinton at State:
Despite all the hoopla, she wasn't that great.
She travelled like crazy
But played it too cagey--
A little less daring than Kerry to date.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Russian diplomats in NY claimed poverty to fraudu-
lently collect Medicaid for their pregnant wives and children while shopping at Prada and Tiffany's and taking luxury cruises, the U.S. government charged |
The Russians are coming...to get on the dole.
The FBI says that their diplomats stole
1.5 million in Medicaid perks.
Mere deportation's too good for these jerks!
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The EPA has halted investigations of
environmental damage from hydraulic fracturing,
while privately
warning those affected not to drink their water
|
Fracked
They tell us that putting new wells there
Is good for the general welfare.
I'm sure there'll be gobs
Of incredible jobs;
The problem's they'll all be in healthcare.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If I wanted my voicemail converted to text,
With rampant misspellings and all of the rest,
I'd already have it,
So stop asking, dammit!
What I need's a cell phone that isn't a pest.
December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The United Nations reported that Afghanistan's
2013
opium harvest was up 50%,
with
land used
for cultivation at an all-time high
|
Afghan Opium Eradication
In spite of the billions of dollars we've spent,
There's nothing to show that we've made any dent.
They pocket the dough
But the poppies still grow;
Their opium crop is up 50%.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu took credit for de-
railing
negotiations to limit Iran's nuclear program |
It's not breaking Israel's heart
Our talks with Iran fell apart.
They'd just as soon bomb 'em
As f*ckin' disarm 'em;
They've beaten that drum from the start.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Killing Lincoln. Killing Jesus.
Killing JFK.
O'Reilly's books are selling,
But I'm waiting for the day
He writes the one we "pinheads"
Would really like to read:
It's Killing Bill O'Reilly.
I'd buy that one, guaranteed.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
President Christie? |
In Jersey, he might be the rage,
But in such a visual age,
How good would it be
For our image if he
Represented us on the world stage?
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
So Healthcare.gov is a wreck.
But what did we f*cking expect?
We can't let the lobbyists
Write all our laws for us,
Then be surprised when they're dreck.
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"Wanna be famous but don't have a skill?
Find you some innocent people to kill!
That's how you get on the 6:00 News.
Sicker the footage, the more that they'll use."
November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Hang tough, Obama. Don't give him a thing!
Boehner looks good with his ass in a sling.
Don't be a gentleman; don't be a clown.
This is one guy you should kick when he's down.
October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
To: Republicans
Re: Law of the Land
It seems like "Obamacare's" causing you stress.
Stop calling it that. It'll bother you less.
Affordable Care Act--that's easy to say.
Now pick a new battle, and have a nice day.
October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Shut down the government? Why the hell not?
It's not like you charlatans ever knew squat
'Bout working together or getting things done.
So shut down the f*cker, and go have some fun!
October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ty Warner, who became a billionaire creating Beanie Babies toys, was charged with federal tax evasion
and has agreed to pay a $53.5 million penalty |
If you bought a Beanie Baby,
This could make you mad:
The fellow who created 'em
Was up to something bad.
Instead of paying taxes,
He was stashing all his loot
In Switzerland. (On second thought,
Those dolls were not that cute.)
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Google's practice of scanning emails to sell adver-
tising violates privacy laws, says a federal lawsuit |
Why would they give you free email?
Here's why they do it at Gmail:
It helps 'em to pick
All the ads that you'll click--
Knowing your every last detail.
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cuba's loss, L.A.'s gain |
Dodgers 2013
Their run-up from last to the best in the league
Began on the day they met Yasiel Puig.
(The talent was there,
But they started to care
When the new guy showed up, cuz he showed
'em up big.)
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though most Americans oppose Pres. Obama's
plan
to launch missile strikes on Syria for its use of
chem-
ical weapons, leaders in Congress support it |
Excuse us for starting to doubt
What all of these wars are about...
How taking more lives'll
Make anything right.
Why can't we just sit this one out?
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Leaked documents show that U.S. spying has gone beyond protecting national security to gaining an
upper hand in international trade dealings |
Makes sense that we'd spy on our foes,
But that's not as far as it goes.
Ed Snowden's revealed
The rest of the deal:
We spy on our friends, and it blows.
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Syria's use of chemical weapons has Pres. Obama seeking Congressional approval for the kind
of mili-
tary action that hasn't deterred enemies in the past |
Little shaky on what you should do?
Tell the country it's not up to you.
Let the Congress decide
On a Syrian strike;
Then those f*ckers are owning it too.
September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The more that people use Facebook, the worse
they feel about themselves, according to a new
study conducted
by the University of Michigan
|
The research is in: if you wanna be happy,
Then stay offa Facebook. It makes ya feel crappy.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Time Warner Cable's willingness to suspend CBS
programming for three million customers over a
fee dispute shows the grip monopolies have on
Americans' access to communications
|
"Heavens to Murgatroyd, what can we do?
Time Warner Cable just blocked Channel 2!"
"This is as bullsh*t as bullsh*t can get.
Give me my gun and I'll shoot out the set."
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
  Damaged by sex scandals, New York mayoral can-
didate Anthony Weiner (D) and San Diego
Mayor
Bob
Filner
(D) are resisting public pressure to quit |
Weiner and Filner are peas in a pod:
They say they ain't leavin' for nothin', by God--
Convinced to the end they're surrounded by fans,
As less and less people are shaking their hands.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
87% of the West is in a drought, but nowhere is it
worse than in New Mexico |
Cattle can't graze in New Mexico.
Problem is, there's no place else to go.
The grasses have died
Cuz the soil's so dry,
And the wells that are left ain't got much to go.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Not long after a sexting scandal
drove
him
from Congress, NYC mayoral candidate
Anthony Weiner (D) was at it again |
Civic Pride
The chances are rather remote
New Yorkers would actually vote
For someone so sh*tty,
The whole frickin' city
Would then be the butt of the joke.
August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama has used semantics to get around laws
that would limit U.S. actions in Libya and Egypt
|
I learned this from Republicans
And use it quite a lot:
Whatever they say something is,
I simply say it's not.
So Libya was not a "war,"
And Egypt's not a "coup."
It drives 'em f*ckin' crazy,
But that's what I like to do.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Senate's immigration bill's $46 billion for border security--ten times the initial proposal--promises a bonanza for the contractors that helped shape it |
Getting a bill through the Senate's a bitch...
Unless you can make all the right people rich.
The new immigration bill's sure to do that:
It's 46 billion, with oodles of fat.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Elections in
Egypt,
Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon, Tu-
nisia
&
Morocco
have all been won by Islamists
|
"Make the world safe for democracy?"
What if they want a theocracy?
We push for elections
Where people's selections
Are never the ones that we wanna see.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
George Zimmerman is on trial for the second-degree murder of unarmed Trayvon Martin, 17, but
it
took
44 days and national outrage before he was charged,
having asserted Florida's "Stand your ground" law |
Dispatchers told Zimmerman, Stand the hell down,
So how can he claim he was "standing his ground"
When he pursued Trayvon and shot him that night?
So much to his story that just isn't right.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Journalist Michael Hastings' death in a fiery solo
crash is consistent with a cyberattack on his car,
said
Richard Clarke, the former chief counter-
terrorism advisor to the National Security
Council |
There's a reporter
Who may have been slaughtered
By cyber-controlling his car...
It's time we explored
What a double-edged sword
All our modern conveniences are.
July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Edward Snowden, who leaked National Security Agency secrets because he couldn't "allow the U.S.
government to destroy privacy and basic liberties,"
is now holed up in Russia, where journalists
who
probe too much can end up dead in the street; and
seeking asylum in Ecuador, which just made criti-
cism
of the president and other officials a crime |
Snowden's in a "transit lounge,"
While the Russian agents scrounge
Through everything that's in his head
And on his hard drive. Nice job, Ed!
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Both John Roberts and Anthony Kennedy, the
swing votes, respectively,
in the Supreme Court's
5-4 decisions to re-allow same-sex marriage in CA
and overturn the Defense of Marriage Act,
voted
the previous day to void a key part of the Voting
Rights Act which required states & counties with
a history
of
discrimination to
get
federal
approval
to change election laws. Six of
those states
are al-
ready proceeding with new restrictions on voting |
Supreme Court
It's great that they ruled for gay marriage,
But there's still a lot to disparage:
Like how they just hacked
Up the Voting Rights Act.
That "justice" was just a miscarriage.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Choose your poison, East or West.
Tell me which you like the best:
Where it rains most every day,
Or where the rains have gone away.
Flood or fire, take your pick.
Global warming--ain't it sick?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Conservative politicians haven't had a lot of new
ideas lately, but Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) may
be
the
first to suggest they don't even need any |
What they see in Rubio's
A mystery to me
(Besides the fact he's handsome
As a knucklehead can be).
Doesn't think he needs a new idea,
Or that's the pitch--
"The idea's called America,
And it still works." How rich.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Doug LaMalfa (R-CA) is among the lawmak-
ers
who want to slash food stamps in the farm bill
while
protecting crop subsidies
they benefit from |
Food stamps are evil! Folks feed at the trough!
We'll do 'em a favor by cuttin' 'em off!
But helping my farm with a million or two--
That's something I'm charmed to see government do.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wayne LaPierre and the National Rifle Associa-
tion's answer to gun violence is always more guns,
but
with more of such killings than any other
de-
veloped
country,
the U.S. might learn from John
Howard, Australia's conservative prime minister
who
helped rid his country of assault weapons |
NRA
The Second Amendment with no other laws
To regulate guns is a dubious cause,
But they're gonna "fight for our freedom," by God
(To live in a circular firing squad).
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Iraq, the U.S. toppled a Sunni government and
saw it replaced with
a
Shiite one;
in
Syria,
it will
try to do the opposite |
Syria
When polling Americans, here's how it went:
For arming the rebels, 11%.
But getting in wars is what we're all about;
How silly to think we could sit this one out.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), in Congress since 2001 |
American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4
We're known by the battles we pick.
The people who didn't do dick
When W. lied
And so many died
Think this is a scandal? It's sick.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Your body's a fricking sensation--
So what's with the self-mutilation?
The next time you're due
For another tattoo,
How 'boutcha just fight the temptation?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justin Bieber lets it all hang out |
When Bieber goes everywhere showing his bum,
You think he's aware where that style came from?
It started with prisoners giving a sign
They're up, so to speak, for a f*cking good time.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Yasiel Puig's shoulder is improving after he hurt it
in the latest Dodgers brawl with the Diamondbacks |
We finally had hope, in a rookie named Puig.
He's batting .500, the best in the league.
But that could be over--
He injured his shoulder
While fighting. No wonder there's Dodger fatigue.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Snail mail," anyone? A leaker revealed that
the
National Security Agency is tracking
all Americans'
electronic communications |
Could this be the break
That the Post Office needs?
At 46¢, it's a value indeed
To send someone something
That's just for her eyes,
And not just more data
For government spies.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
John Zawahri, 23, killed by police after murdering
five in Santa Monica CA, was armed with
a
.44 cal-
iber handgun, AR-15 semiautomatic rifle, and
40
large-capacity magazines each holding 30 rounds of
ammunition. As a high school student, he'd been ad-
mitted to UCLA's psychiatric ward after a teacher
found him surfing the internet for assault weapons |
Under this endless Republican curse,
Things never get better; they only get worse.
Sickos buy weapons they see on the web,
With nothin' to stop 'em if they got the bread.
Everyone knows that this bullsh*t should stop,
But thanks to Republicans, those bills are blocked.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change threatens
more storms like Sandy,
but
it's not hurting home sales at the Jersey shore |
There's a building boom down at the shore,
As if nothing there happened before.
I wish 'em all luck
But the odds kinda suck
That the ocean won't come through their door.
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With an estimated 26,000 service members experi-
encing
'unwanted sexual contact' last year, the sys-
tem is
broken, but top brass don't want to change it |
If I had a daughter, I would be wary
If she said she's joining the military,
With all these assaults
That they can't seem to halt.
What for a father could be more scary?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's weak approach
to filibuster reform may cost Democrats control of
the Senate next year, as they'll have little to show
for their time in "control," with Republicans under Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (l.) routinely blocking
presidential nominees & popular bills such
as universal background checks for gun purchases |
Death by a Thousand Filibusters
The Senate Majority Leader should lead.
Would somebody tell that to Senator Reid?
He's letting Republicans block every bill.
If he doesn't fix this fiasco, who will?
June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I looked you up on Facebook
Just to see how you've been doing.
[Frankly, it's the cheapest way
To see who you've been screwing.]
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A word to the wise if you're young
And spending your time in the sun:
Before I got into
Protecting my skin,
The damage was already done.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Poverty in the suburbs has soared 64% in the last
decade, a new Brookings Institution study shows |
We dream of suburban prosperity,
But Brookings has found a disparity:
The suburbs have more
Of America's poor
Than our cities do now, in reality.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
South Carolina Republicans shrugged off ex-Gov.
Mark
Sanford's faults & returned him to Congress |
Mark Sanford won his seat back?
That wasn't hard to see:
Here, breathing and Republican
Is all you have to be.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The IRS's acting commissioner resigned over the
agency's profiling of tea party groups applying for
tax exempt status, but the real scandal is that such
501(c)(4) "social welfare" organizations exist at all
|
A 501(c)(4)'s a way
For billionaires to hide
And buy our damn elections.
All their apps should be denied.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John
McCain's (R-AZ) Television Consumer
Freedom Act of 2013 faces stiff industry opposition |
Cable bill hitting you right in the crotch?
Paying for channels you don't even watch?
Then my legislation is perfect for you:
You'd just have to pay for the ones that you do.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Have you ever had a tsunami of shame,
Where
wave after wave crashes over your brain
Of all the mistakes you can't help but recall
That still make you feel about two inches tall?
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A day after Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly said
he felt good about their performance, the best paid
team in baseball lost their fifth straight game and
dropped to last place in the National League West |
The reason the Dodgers are coming up last
Is Mattingly doesn't know how to kick ass.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These primitive people all covered in ink
Who utter the F word as often as blink
And don't lift the seat when they're taking a piss
Are lucky their mommies can't see 'em like this.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Under a bipartisan reform bill, the path to citizen-
ship for 11 million undocumented immigrants would
depend on the Border Patrol halting 90% of illegal
entries, but no one knows how they'd do the math |
Securing the borders is Congress's goal,
'But 90 percent?' says the Border Patrol.
'The problem with that is as plain as can be:
How can we tally the ones we don't see?'
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The right to bear bombs?
The technology to put taggants in explosives to
help track their origin has existed for decades but
been opposed by Wayne LaPierre and the NRA |
If it were not for the NRA,
We'd have a far more efficient way
Of tracking a bomber;
The traceable powder
Itself would be giving the perp away.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Financial Services Committee Chairman Jeb
Hensarling (R-TX) said his panel won't hear the testimony of Consumer Financial Protection Bu-
reau
Director Richard Cordray because
he doesn't
think Pres. Obama legally appointed him, in the
latest Republican move to undermine the agency |
To hell with consumer protection!
Consumers don't fund my election.
I'm sure they're aware
"Let the buyer beware."
That should be sufficient direction.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former First Lady Barbara Bush told NBC that she
doesn't favor a presidential run by son Jeb (l.) |
Should Jeb run for president
Just like his brother?
"We've had enough Bushes."
And that's from their mother.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. John McCain (R-AZ) and Lindsey Graham
(R-SC) called for the Boston marathon bomber sus-
pect to be held as an enemy combatant & tried in a
military tribunal, despite the government's excellent
record of convictions in similar terrorist bombings |
Re: Surviving Boston Bomber
It's creepy the way that they wanna whisk him
To Gitmo to try him on terrorism.
What's painfully plain
About Graham and McCain:
They don't have much faith in our justice system.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Reps. Janice Hahn and Maxine Waters (Ds-CA)
joined flight attendants at LAX Airport protesting
TSA's decision to re-allow small knives and other
potential weapons on planes starting April 25 |
I've always stuck up for the TSA.
Their job is a tough one on any day.
But where are their brains
Letting knives on a plane?
Didn't some major sh*t start that way?
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A gun buyback program
That's gonna succeed
Has gotta be geared
To a gun owner's needs.
You want my assault weapon?
Throw in a prize:
A penis enlargement,
And I name the size.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
4 out of 5 Americans support universal background
checks for gun buyers, but 31 of 100 U.S. Senators
tried to block such a bill from coming to the floor
for debate, including Marco
Rubio (R-FL) |
What kind of moron blocks gun control?
According to every opinion poll,
The bulk of the nation
Supports legislation,
But these little f*cks tried to stop it cold:
Senators Who Voted
To Filibuster S.649:
Barrasso (R-WY)
Begich (D-AK)
Blunt (R-MO)
Boozman (R-AR)
Coats (R-IN)
Cochran (R-MS)
Cornyn (R-TX)
Crapo (R-ID)
Cruz (R-TX)
|
Enzi (R-WY)
Fischer (R-NE)
Grassley (R-IA)
Hatch (R-UT)
Inhofe (R-OK)
Johanns (R-NE)
Johnson (R-WI)
Lee (R-UT)
McConnell (R-KY)
Moran (R-KS)
Murkowski (R-AK)
|
Paul (R-KY)
Portman (R-OH)
Pryor (D-AR)
Risch (R-ID)
Roberts (R-KS)
Rubio (R-FL)
Scott (R-SC)
Sessions (R-AL)
Shelby (R-AL)
Thune (R-SD)
Vitter (R-LA)
|
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Petitions with 2.3 million signatures were delivered
to the White House opposing Pres. Obama's plan to
cut Social Security benefits by tying
them
to a slow-
er moving consumer price index, the Chained CPI |
Base to Obama
We're used to Republicans trying to screw
With Social Security; now we got you?!
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. has stayed at war for 12 years under com-
manders in chief with no military experience of it |
Ya don't know how to fish till you've caught one;
How to shop for a car till you've bought one.
So then how 'bout a law
Where you can't start a war
Unless you have actually fought one?
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even though most Americans favor universal back-
ground checks & an assault weapons ban, their rep-
resentatives in Congress look unlikely to deliver |
See, Newtown was Congress's test.
They failed, but who'd expect less?
You can't get reform
In a town where the norm
Is to go with whoever pays best.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Congress for Slackers
There's an issue you'd rather let slide?
Say it's something the states should decide.
There's a program you'd rather not fund?
Say it's something the states oughta run.
There's a chance you may have to work late?
Put whatever it is on the states,
And we'll see you for drinks around 8.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A guy who's as smart as the boss is
Has not figured out what the cost is
Of killing by drone
From the comfort of home,
With all those "collateral
losses?"
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"My administration is the only thing between you
and the pitchforks," Pres. Obama told top bankers
at
the White House in 2009. Indeed, they've gotten
off
easy under his Justice Department and FDIC |
Banksters
What they've done to the country's a crime.
How come not even one's doin' time?
If you make the connection,
That takes some protection
From pretty damn far up the line.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Defense had the right name before:
They called it Department of War.
(To call it "defense"
Kinda smacks of pretense
When you're in 60 countries or more.)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Washington figures from Leon Panetta to John Mc-
Cain have advocated arming the Syrian rebels, but
now
the L.A. Times reports that some of them are actually being considered for drone hits
by the CIA |
The Syrian rebels--let's arm 'em.
Or better yet, maybe, let's bomb 'em.
(It's comforting news when
Your leaders are clueless
On whether to help 'em or harm 'em.)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The first pope from the Americas is a public rela-
tions boost for the scandal-ridden Vatican, though
whether he'll reform anything remains to be seen |
Pope Francis Charms St. Peter's Square
No wonder they're making a fuss!
A pope who's been taking the bus,
And asks for your blessing?
That's kind of refreshing,
Compared to the previous cuss.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The lasting effect of an urban space
And living in such a congested place
Is slowly but surely
You start to think rurally,
You're so outta love with the human race.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even after the Affordable Care Act was upheld by
the Supreme Court and the Democrats maintained
control of the White House and Senate,
Rep. Paul
Ryan
(R-WI) said the GOP-controlled House
would
vote again to repeal
it (for the 35th time) |
"The Democrat party. Obamacare."
I think they're still tryin' to insult us there.
If only these zeds
Could just get through their heads
That we won and we're not goin' anywhere.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After Cardinal Roger Mahoney's role in concealing clergy sex abuse from authorities was revealed, he
was relieved of public duties but continues to cel-
ebrate Mass and will help choose the new pope |
I moved around priests who were
Preying on boys;
Put 'em where nobody'd
Make any noise.
Now I'm in Rome where we're
Choosing a Pope
(Someone as upright as
I am, I hope).
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many politicians calling for drastic cuts to Ameri-
ca's safety net are supported by corporations that
haven't paid federal income taxes in years |
Back when our leaders were resolute
Not to let people get destitute,
They taxed you and me
And the powers that be.
Not like these corporate prostitutes.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If corporations are people
And prostitution's illegal,
How do our congressmen
Stay outta jail then,
Bein' they're always spread eagle?
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lech Walesa, the leading figure in Poland's over-
throw of communism, said that if gays should be
in Parliament at all, they should sit in the back,
"or even behind a wall" |
It sounds like a bit of hypocrisy
For someone who battled autocracy,
But Lech says that gays
Shouldn't have any place
At the table in Poland's democracy.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
We'll get the government out of your life!
As every billionaire Tea Party backer knows, in-
stitutions that can be wrested from the public do-
main
are big opportunities for the private sector,
from schools to mail delivery to social security |
It's all about privatization.
The more they can strangle the nation,
The more they can run
When we're all out of funds.
There's money in crisis creation.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No band of brothers: Despite the efforts of his old friend John McCain (above) and other Republicans
to derail
his appointment, Chuck Hagel was con-
firmed
as
Secretary of Defense--the first Vietnam
veteran, and
first
enlisted soldier, to hold the post |
Rabid Republicans
The way that they tried to finagle
A way to block Senator Hagel
From heading Defense,
You're left with the sense
They're not all that mentally stable.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) took on Defense Sec-
retary nominee Chuck Hagel in Senate hearings, he looked & sounded like the late Sen. Joe McCarthy |
Ted Cruz has been getting some blowback
For being too much of a throwback
To Joseph McCarthy
(Whose vicious malarkey
Caught up with him; doesn't he know that?)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was reprimanded by others
on the Senate Armed Services Committee for mak-
ing baseless charges against Sen. Chuck Hagel, who
went
on to be confirmed as Secretary of Defense |
Why does a Senator Cruz
Give me a case of the blues?
Cuz he wouldn't be there
If millions did not share
His stupid, maniacal views.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Who wants his name on a grain of rice?
Even if somebody does it nice,
What would ya do with it
Once he gets through with it?
Seems kinda silly at any price.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though it may help him win GOP primaries,
Sen. Marco Rubio's extreme voting record
could hurt him in a general election |
They need someone different, 'n fast,
But look at the votes that he's cast!
He's more of the same
With an "o" on his name.
"Republican savior," my ass.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The president's State of the Union address was a
hard
act to
follow for Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL),
whose dry mouth was understandable given the weakness
of his case |
We're always so ready to smirk
At one of their silly ass
quirks
That most of us miss
The insidiousness
Of the arguments outta these jerks.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With a potential loss of a million jobs, the seques-
ter--$85 billion in across-the-board spending cuts
over the next seven months, $1.2
trillion over the
next ten years--will begin
in
March
unless Con-
gress
acts, but it's on break till the end of February |
A ticking time bomb for the nation
Is what you could call sequestration.
A million-plus jobs
Could be lost if these slobs
Don't resolve it, but they're on vacation.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though ex-Vietnam POW Sen. John McCain (R-
AZ)
should understand better than anyone the
high
cost &
low return of lengthy foreign wars, he
continues
to
press for more involvement overseas,
and
to oppose those who think differently,
like
Defense Secretary nominee ex-Sen. Chuck Hagel |
The question we seem to ignore
Is, Why aren't we winning these wars?
And if we can't win 'em,
Then why're we still in 'em,
After four decades or more?
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
To help fight "the insurgency" after U.S. troops exit Afghanistan by the end of 2014, the Pentagon will commit $1.2 billion to more than double the num-
ber
of fighters in the Afghan local police. The rural
force, shown with villagers, has a shady reputation |
Afghanistan: Twelfth Year
We've kabulled together a strategy
To exit this f*cking calamity:
We'll throw some more dough
At their fighters (Who'll go
With the Taliban later, unhappily).
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Oil-funded think tanks have been so successful at
demotivating Americans about climate change
that
the opportunity to slow it may be lost forever |
Don't wanna go work at a big bank.
I see myself more at a think tank:
You just sit around
And pretend you're profound,
And nobody knows you're a big skank.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans
are considering changes to how
elec-
toral
votes are awarded that would have
handed
the
2012 presidential election
to Mitt
Romney,
even
though
he
lost
by nearly five million votes |
"America's changing, I fear--
We can't win the White House from here."
"Nah, we can win big;
We just have to rig
The electoral college, my dear."
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democrats 2016
May I do a little confidin'?
There's somethin' I kinda been hidin'.
Everyone's bettin'
On Hillary Clinton,
But I'm kinda likin' Joe Biden.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get out in the country and F*ck!
Does everyone have a black truck?
Is this a reprise
Of the old Model T's?
Since when does variety suck?
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even though W's gone,
His crowning achievement lives on:
He started a war
There was no reason for,
And handed Iraq to Iran.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was
hired as a contributor by CBS News, which said
she
"will use her insight and vast experience to
ex-
plore
issues facing America at home and abroad" |
How can the "experts" who just stank
Still get a job at a think tank
Or on the TV?
You'd think we would be
Tired of gettin' our chains yanked.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Samuel Pepys of his time--
Except that he does it in rhyme.
There's really no beating
This Robert C. Keating...
The fact that he's broke is a crime!
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Moved to the right by the anti-European Union
UK Independence Party, PM David
Cameron
vowed to seek trade concessions
from
the
EU and
put Britain's continued membership to a
national
vote should his party be returned to power |
Elect me and here's what we'll do:
Decide if we leave the EU.
(I know it's a tease
But the UKIP's
Up my ass, so I need something new.)
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Dave Heineman (R-NE) approved a new
route for the Keystone
XL pipeline that would
carry Canadian tar sands oil
over the Ogallala
aquifer,
one
of the
world's largest
groundwater
supplies.
Pres. Obama will make the final call |
Keystone XL
A pipeline that crosses an aquifer?
The downside sounds rather spectacular,
Since all it would take
Would be one little break
And we're ratf*cked, to use the vernacular.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A court-martialed Marine sergeant pleaded guilty
to desecrating the remains of Taliban fighters in a
video seen worldwide. "I have no excuse," he said |
Believe this Afghanistan mess?
We pissed on their corpses, no less.
Remember that line,
We'd "win hearts and minds?"
Could take a bit longer, we'd guess.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Facing an imminent U.S. credit downgrade,
House GOP leadership announced a plan to extend the
debt ceiling for 3 months without spending
cuts |
"GOP promises debt ceiling fight."
Jesus H. Christ, am I hearing that right?
Don't they all know
From their last little go
What they did to America's borrowing might?
...Or, God forbid, are they just not that bright?
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Interior Secretary Ken Salazar,
who announced he's resigning, enraged environmentalists for letting Shell
Oil drill in the
Arctic Ocean off Alaska, two years
after the Gulf BP disaster occurred on his watch |
Who cares if he's leaving Interior?
His record was kind of inferior
At keeping the Chevrons
And BPs and Exxons
From putting it up our posterior.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the wake of the Newtown CT school massacre,
Pres. Obama announced sweeping, long overdue
proposals to reduce gun violence. Acknowledging
the fight ahead in Congress, he said change would
not
happen unless the American people demand it |
On curbing the violence from guns,
Some movement is better than none.
What's troubling is
It took such little kids
To finally get something done.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change, population growth and destruction
of natural ecosystems are driving us toward
an ir-
reversible change in the biosphere, scientists warn |
Earth
Give me that bottle and pass the joint--
We've already gone past the tipping point.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Continued U.S. support for Afghan Pres. Karzai,
who visited this week, recalls its support of South
Vietnam's corrupt leadership through a long war...
except that one ended by Democrats defunding it |
Obama's been meeting with Karzai.
How come we're still dealing with this guy
And propping him up
When we know he's corrupt?
We'll never get outta this pigsty.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
My bad! Glad we're okay |
Home robbed after teen--this is funny--
Posts pictures of grandmother's money
On Facebook, no less.
It's Grandmother's guess
How someone could raise such a dummy.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The last
debt ceiling fight cost us a credit downgrade
and $19 billion in
higher borrowing costs
over
the
next decade, but here we go again |
GOP Promises New Debt Ceiling Fight
What happened to "loyal opposition?"
This gang could be hanged for sedition,
The way that they messed up
Our credit and showed not
A hint of concern or contrition;
In fact, plan another edition.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Justice Dept.'s prosecutions of Transocean
over
the deadly Gulf oil rig explosion and HSBC
for
Mexican drug money laundering were the
lat-
est
to
end with big fines and no one going to jail |
The worst of these corporate crimes
Are settled today with a fine,
As if making them pay
What they make in a day's
Gonna change 'em like, say, doing time.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What happened to "the fierce urgency of now?"
Though the world faces catastrophe unless green-
house gas emissions
peak
by
2020, Pres. Obama
reportedly will not seek
a carbon tax or any oth-
er
broad
climate
change
measures in his 2nd term |
His foes are so frickin' malevolent,
I hate to be less than benevolent--
But till he gets hopping
On climate change-stopping,
This president's kind of irrelevant.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Buy "this" and you'll get one for nothin'!
That's great unless "this" isn't somethin'
You actually need
And you're lettin' your greed
Make
you take any deal they're runnin'...
If that be the case,
Throw your coupons away
And the savings'll really be stunning.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Money rules Washington--that's nothin' new;
Money is what makes 'em do what they do.
Even the "good" ones who look like they care
Put out for someone or wouldn't be there.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama's offer to cut the inflation adjustment
for Social Security was opposed by many progres-
sives who argued that as a non-contributor to the
deficit, Social Security should be exempt from
the
so-called "fiscal cliff" negotiations |
Social Security
We've paid for it out of our payroll;
The payouts have always been stable;
It's not in the deficit;
So, Mr. President,
Why is it now on the table?
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After CO and WA citizens voted to legalize mari-
juana despite federal law, Seattle's police
depart-
ment
was the first to publish a guide to legal use |
Whether I like it or not,
I gotta get offa the pot.
It's taken the drive
I need to survive--
And something else, but I forgot.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY,
on right), now the least popular senator according
to
Public Policy Polling, hit a new low when he fili-
bustered
his own debt-ceiling bill |
It's always the same with these guys!
They're not givin' up on the lies.
The "cliff" that we're facing
Is of their own making;
That's why they're so widely despised.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With gays now able to serve openly in
the military
and marry in nine states including NY,
West
Point
Chapel held its first same-sex wedding,
between
Penelope Gnesin (l.) &
alumna Brenda Sue
Fulton |
I guess they're appealing enough...
'Fya like taking orders and stuff.
I wouldn't disparage
The service or marriage,
But both of 'em? That'd be rough.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With global carbon pollution up again last year by
3%, scientists say it is unlikely that global warm-
ing
can be limited to 2 °C. Gases released by
melt-
ing permafrost (above) are accelerating the trend |
We'll need a word stronger than "dire"
As carbon emissions go higher,
Cuz face it or else--
As the permafrost melts,
We're throwing more gas on the fire.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Palestinian Pres. Mahmoud Abbas (l.) with United Nations
Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon.
The
UN
General
Assembly voted 138-9 to recognize a Pal-
estinian state, an embarrassing diplomatic defeat
for the U.S. which sided with Israel against it |
It isn't that much of a mystery
Why Uncle Sam's butt is so blistery:
He's Israel's bitch
And he's been on her fist
For most 'a their 60 year history.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America has hundreds of thousands less teachers
than
it had three years ago, thanks to Republican
measures to reduce the deficit at all costs,
even
at
a time of record low borrowing costs |
Republicans vs. Teachers
They're not gonna fund education.
There's too big a f*cking temptation
To cut it to shreds,
When their future depends
On a less than intelligent nation.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since the Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley inquiries
came to light, a lot more has been written
about
the
conduct of Gens. John Allen
(l.) & David Petraeus
toward women
than about their conduct
of
the
U.S.'s longest
war. But the real news is that their
counter-insurgency
strategy in Afghanistan
isn't
working, any more than it did
for the Soviets,
or
for
the
Americans
in Vietnam or French in Algeria |
America's big into pilin' on
When something salacious is goin' on,
But isn't the sin
That these generals don't win
The one we should really be focused on?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What price energy independence? As climate change worsens, should we really be using corn for ethanol
and water for fracking? |
Ya know how they were finally screwed?
They used up all their water and food
Manufacturing gas
(Had their heads up their ass,
But they're gone now, so let's not be rude).
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, is changing the
face of America even hundreds of miles from
where
it's done. In Wisconsin, oil and gas compa-
nies
are paying farmers to mine their land for sand
which,
along with with millions of gallons of water
and
chemicals, is used to blast underground shale
formations and unlock oil and gas |
They're mining my farmland for sand--
Each month I been gettin' ten grand.
Yeah, fracking is scary
But try that with dairy--
'Least something I got's in demand.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), shown with Pres.
Bush
in 2004,
met with reporters to
demand "Watergate-
style"
hearings
on the killings
of four
Americans
in
Benghazi while missing a
classified briefing
on
the
subject
taking place
in
his own committee |
American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4
McCain's gone berserk on Benghazi--
But where in Bumf*ckistan was he
When W. lied
And so many died?
Thinks this is more scandalous, does he?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Democrats welcomed Rep. Nancy Pelosi's
plan to stay as their leader, despite Republicans'
winning control of the House in 2010 and retain-
ing it
this year, when gerrymandering affected
the
outcome more than actual votes did
|
Pelosi's no failure, considering
What kept the House red was redistricting.
If districts had been
Same as 2010,
She'd be Speaker again, and delivering.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Happy Traveler
The way that these places are sold,
You'd think that they treat ya like gold.
But half 'a the time,
Ya can't even find
A fridge that is actually cold.
The f*cker's unplugged,
There's bugs in the rug,
And everything's smellin' like mold.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
All of Fox News's pundits gave the election to Mitt
Romney; Dick Morris (above) predicted a landslide |
OutFoxed
The man who helped Clinton "triangulate"
Thought Romney was just gonna dominate.
And so did Karl Rove
And all 'a those schmoes.
Not one of 'em picked the right candidate.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Florida, voting took hours & counting took days |
Well any day now, we'll know how it went
When Florida voted for president.
Before next election,
Though, let's send the Feds in
And clean up this little embarrassment.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"What time is it?" "Amost half past."
"Well, thank you." "No wait, not so fast:
You're gonna be getting
A survey--please tell 'em
My service was just unsurpassed."
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I stayed on the phone all Election Day,
Just helpin' the prez in my little way...
And though it was fun
(Even more when we won),
Can't wait till this hemorrhoid goes away.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not just the lies and hypocrisy
That made his election so hard to see.
It's also the fact that,
From dumb wars to tax cuts,
We'd already tried all his policies.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The "single most important thing" Republicans
wanted to achieve, said Senate Minority Leader
Mitch McConnell, was for "Pres. Obama
to be
a one-term president." They failed; now what? |
Now be a big boy and don't cry!
Instead of obstruct and deny,
When someone's won twice,
Ya know what'd be nice?
If maybe you worked with the guy.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Ohio, Mitt Romney's false ads charging that the
auto bailout is resulting in GM and Chrysler ship-
ping American jobs to China earned rebukes from
both companies and newspapers throughout the
state, but polls showed him gaining there |
♪♫
Why, oh why, oh why, oh--
Why must he lie to win Ohio?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. economy and credit rating--AAA (Fitch),
Aaa (Moody's), AA (S&P)--remain under pressure
as Washington puts off
dealing
with self-imposed,
extreme budget
pressures until after the election |
Let's stop all this partisan wrangling!
Our triple-A credit is dangling.
Raise taxes a skosh
On the folks with the most,
'N Uncle Sam's pockets 'be jangling.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's idea of handing federal emergency management to the states or private sector may not
sit well with East Coast voters facing a megastorm,
any more than his call to let Detroit go bankrupt
has endeared him to Midwest voters whose
jobs
were saved by someone who did the opposite
|
Let Detroit go bankrupt.
Give FEMA to the states.
Or better yet,
just privatize it.
Wouldn't that be great!
Romney's words should hurt him
If folks are tunin' in;
If he'd 'a been
the president,
What trouble we'd be in.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A hotty in his twenties,
By thirty it's the norm:
He's gainin' weight, losin' hair
And snorin' up a storm.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-IN) argued against abortions in the case of rape; the pregnan-
cy would be "something that God intended to hap-
pen."
Republicans have passed numerous measures restricting women's reproductive rights since 2011
|
Republican Mythology
"Small government?" -What a distortion!
What's small about blocking abortions
For those who are raped?
It's up to the state
You live with your little misfortune?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Los Angeles County's Measure B would require
porn movie actors to wear condoms during filming |
Democracy's something to treasure:
In L.A., we're voting on whether
An X-rated stud
Should have to be gloved.
How's that for a down-ballot measure?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Mitt Romney is gaining in polls just weeks after
the release of a secretly recorded video that showed
him
disparaging almost half of the country |
It's hard to believe we're electing Mitt--
He's already called us a piece of sh*t.
With all that we know,
It's amazing we'd go
And pursue this abusive relationship.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the second debate, Mitt Romney told 31 myths
in 41 minutes of speaking time, topping his first
debate's 27 myths in 38 minutes of speaking time |
My lying's a business decision:
It helps me advance a position
With millions of voters
When few 'a these jokers
Will see the correction/revision.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cold: former Defense
Secretary Donald
Rumsfeld |
Defense Secretary was such a grind
That, just in the interest of savin' time,
My letters consolin'
The kin of the fallen
Were sent through a printer and robosigned.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The tension they're feeling is terrible;
The pressure is really unbearable
As Democrats wait
For the second debate,
To see if this thing is repairable.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since every common deduction would have to be eliminated to partially offset the revenue losses of
Mitt Romney's tax plan, he refuses to give details |
To: Mitt
Your taxes are 'none of our business;'
What's worse is you won't even give us
What loopholes you'd close
For the rest of us schmoes--
As if we would want some specifics!
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Obama supporters saw his lead vanish after a weak
first debate against Mitt Romney |
I'm feeling a little bit nauseous
From seeing Obama so cautious.
He'd better be great
For the second debate,
Or somebody's taking his office.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After a poor first debate performance against Mitt Romney, Pres. Obama could learn from ex-Pres.
Bush who started weakly against John Kerry but
then framed him as a self-serving flipflopper |
We know that he doesn't like drama,
But where in the f*ck was Obama?
When Mitt would attack,
He wouldn't fight back.
'Ze runnin' for here, Dalai Lama?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ann Romney told a Nevada TV station that her
biggest concern if her husband Mitt were to be-
come
president would be his "mental well-being" |
'My husband's a wonderful candidate;
My only concern is his mental state.'
That's some observation
To share with the nation,
Ms. Romney. You care to elaborate?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Still damaged by the video showing their candidate disparaging almost half of American voters, Repub-
licans were caught committing voter fraud in Florida |
I'm not gonna win--I can feel it.
Goddam it, I can't even steal it!
There's nothing like cutting
The people to nothing
And having a camera reveal it.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
People who assume that Mitt Romney is finished
after
being taped making elitist remarks to wealthy
donors should remember how such donors helped
Gov. Scott Walker
(R-WI) survive a similar incident |
Mitt Romney's an asshole, it's plain to see,
But this is no time for complacency.
(If pulling a boner
With plutocrat donors
Were fatal, Scott Walker'd be history.)
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In a secretly taped video, Mitt Romney told donors
that 47% of Americans would vote for Obama be-
cause they "believe they are victims" and feel the government has an obligation to provide healthcare, food, housing, "you name it. My job is not to wor-
ry about those people. I'll never convince them
they should take personal responsibility..." |
Obama just wants to divide us,
But I'll be the one to unite us!
(Except for his voters,
Those f*ckin' freeloaders--
If they have a beef, they can bite us.)
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A BioWatch unit in Grand Central Station, NYC
Congress is re-evaluating the nation's false alarm-
prone, billion dollar system
for detecting biological attacks |
BioWatch says that we're under attack!
Problem, though, is that it always says that.
Nerves would be soothed
If it just wasn't used;
Plus we'd be savin' a whole lotta jack.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
U.S. Marines were not guarding the consulate in Benghazi where Ambassador Christopher Stevens
and three others were killed, a year after the U.S.
helped save the city from destruction by Khadaffi |
(Sit down when you read this.) Apparently,
Marines weren't guarding our embassy.
Four people are dead
As we outsourced instead--
To Libyans. That makes no sense to me.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mitt Romney, you're sounding so sad for us--
Like everything's going so bad for us.
Don't think we can take
Four more years of this, mate.
We're sorry, you're just not the dad for us.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Used yellow bracelet, cheap
The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency banned cyclist
Lance Armstrong for life and disqualified him for
any competitive results since 1998, including
seven
Tour de France wins
|
Now that they've busted Lance Armstrong,
What's gonna happen to Livestrong?
Will tons 'a donations
Still fund his foundation
When everyone knows that he went wrong?
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When someone wants no more to do with you,
Grow up and move on like you're s'posed to do.
See, they've had enough
Of what you're callin' love;
Find some other nudnick to give it to.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The devil made 'em do it...
Since Pres. Obama's election, 17 Republican-
controlled states have passed restrictive voting
laws, including Pennsylvania, where the House
GOP
leader boasted that the new voter ID re-
quirement
would
win the state for Mitt Romney |
If none of your trickle-down policies
Are workin' out for the majority,
You might wanna go
Make it harder to vote,
And say you're protectin' democracy.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
With all of the negative hue and cry
From Romney and now this Paul Ryan guy,
You don't wanna take
What they're sayin' on faith,
When so much to date's been a blatant lie.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
In July Sen. Claire McCaskill's (D-MO) re-election campaign spent $2 million on TV ads promoting
Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) as the true conservative
in the GOP primary (she felt he'd be her weakest
opponent); Akin won & promptly lost support
of
the
Republican party after his comments on rape |
McCaskill's a smart politician:
In search of some weak competition,
She put two mill down
On the Tea Party clown.
So far it's worked just as she's wishin'.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the Republicans' latest outreach to women,
Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) said
that "legitimate rape" rarely results in pregnancy.
In 2009, he and VP pick Rep. Paul Ryan
(R-
WI)
cosponsored a "personhood" bill that would
have
outlawed
abortion & many birth control pills |
With all of the crap they've espoused,
No wonder they're still going south
With female voters;
These GOP jokers
Need chastity belts for the mouth.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's running mate Paul Ryan has had
a long and fruitful relationship with rightwing
billionaires
David and Charles Koch (pron. coke) |
Before you hop into this bloke's bed,
Remember, you can't trust a Koch head.
The billionaire brothers
Have dibs on this mother--
Good bang for the buck, so they've both said.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tea Party
They weren't in much of a sweat
With all of the federal debt
That Bush left behind...
But then keep in mind,
A black wasn't president yet.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Census studies have shown that Social Security
reduces the portion of elderly living in poverty
from nearly one in two to fewer than one in eight.
Had Republicans succeeded in privatizing the pro-
gram in
2005, results would have been disastrous
with the 2008 meltdown,
but they're still trying |
"The Democrats want your dependency
On programs like Social Security..."
It's hard to be civil
With all of the drivel
That passes for truth in the GOP.
It takes more than skill at
Invective to lift an
Entire age group out of poverty.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
235 out of 241 House and 40 out of 47 Senate Republicans voted for the Paul Ryan budget
replacing Medicare with a
voucher system; all Democrats voted no. No "path to prosperity,"
the budget plan would devastate the middle class |
To: Romney-Ryan Voters
Don't all you people have mothers,
Or fathers, or sisters, or brothers?
If they don't have Medicare
After you've wrecked it there,
What's your Plan B for each other?
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The GOP candidate trend of picking polarizing
running mates continued with Mitt Romney's se-
lection of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), who wants to
privatize Social Security and Medicare |
Veepstakes
Paul Ryan's not running for president;
In time we'll know what his selection meant.
Like Palin before him,
It's hard to ignore him--
But look at how well that election went.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Pres. Obama granted five states' requests for more flexibility over welfare-to-work requirements,
a Romney campaign ad claimed,
"Under Obama's
plan, you wouldn't have to work...They just send
you a welfare check." The loaded claim is false |
We're not gonna win on the facts,
So why don't we pick on the blacks?
We'll talk about welfare
And food stamps and day care.
We'll
Gingrich it up to the max.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Afghanistan, American troops
are
being killed
by the men they're
training
to
take
over for
them
|
If we are not seein' the signs
It's really and truly the time
To get all our men
Out of Afghanistan,
Then maybe we're totally blind.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police around war-weary Fort Lewis-McChord WA
are
"having more and more issues with the military" |
If we send 'em on tour after tour
Till their brains are facacta from war,
Then we shouldn't be stunned
What they do with their guns
When they're back on American shores.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
For irony, you can't top the lethal drone president
winning a peace prize named after the armaments
maker who invented dynamite, Alfred Nobel |
That peace prize he got was sensational,
But not in the least transformational...
Or he'd not condone
Making killing by drone
Into something so non-aberrational.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Indispensable--that's MSNBC's Daily Rundown |
Chuck Todd has a riveting scoop:
They're serving beef vegetable soup
In the White House today.
Thank you, Chuckles, I say,
For keepin' us dupes in the loop.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't think that most would agree
Free trade's what they said it would be.
With all of the jobs
And the factories lost,
It certainly hasn't been free.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
James Holmes, who murdered 12 & wounded 58
in a Colorado movie theatre before police inter-
vened in under two minutes, had tear gas, body
armor, two Glock handguns, a 12-gauge shotgun,
an AR-15 assault rifle, 3,000 rounds of ammo for
the
handguns, 3,000 rounds for the assault rifle,
& 350
shells for the shotgun, all purchased legally |
Don't know where support for it went.
In '90, was 80%.
But now less than half
Of us think we should have
Better gun control; look what it's meant.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big family trees: something in common after all
|
While neither one looks like a "pig" to us,
Their family trees aren't ambiguous:
These one-woman men
Clearly descend
From highly prolific polygamists.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In their remarks about the mass shooting in Aurora
CO that left 12 dead and 58 wounded, few politi-
cians said anything about restoring common sense
gun laws that would help prevent such tragedies |
They're "shocked" and they're "saddened," they say,
And for all of the victims they'll "pray."
(Then they'll vote down the laws
That could change this because
They're all scared of the damn NRA.)
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As Mitt Romney refused to release further tax
returns, speculation grew about what he's hiding |
You figure there's gotta be somethin'
That's keepin' Mitt Romney from comin'
Clean on his taxes,
And I'll bet the catch is
In some years he didn't pay nothin'.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many of the politicians
complaining that the
Olympic team's Opening
Day uniforms were
made
in China have voted for trade bills
that
have resulted in almost all of the clothing
sold
in
the
U.S.
being
made
somewhere else |
To: Ralph Lauren
A beret's not American, dear.
And a blazer should cover the rear.
But the number one crime
With your outfits this time
Is you made 'em in China, not here.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Would we find this ol' bar such a bore
If we left all our phones at the door?
We might look at each other
And talk to each other--
You know, like we used to before.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Justice Dept. filed suit against "America's
toughest sheriff" Joe Arpaio in AZ, alleging his
department discriminates against Latinos, uses
excessive force, runs its jail unconstitutionally
and
has taken
illegal action to silence critics |
"America's sheriff?" My ass!
Arpaio's a little miscast,
When most of the cops
In the country could top
His integrity, honor and class.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With no draft, America's
wars
are largely seen as
someone else's problem, and protests are sparse |
Young people don't march against war
The way that they used to before.
See, there's been a change
Since the Vietnam days:
You don't have to go anymore.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When NC State Rep. Becky Carney (D-Charlotte) mistakenly pushed "green" to override the gover-
nor's veto of a bill allowing fracking, she was not
allowed to change her vote; fracking is now legal |
A North Carolina state rep
(And fracking opponent, no less)
Made quite a mistake
When the voting went late
And she meant to say "no" but said "yes"--
So fracking there won
By a margin of one.
How she sleeps now is anyone's guess.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After the Supreme Court upheld it,
Mitt
Romney
vowed to "act to repeal
Obamacare"
on his first
day
if elected president, despite having signed a re-
markably similar law as Massaschusetts governor |
He keeps on insisting that "Romneycare"
Is nothing at all like "Obamacare,"
But then when you pause
To examine the laws,
They're almost identical everywhere!
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans and corporate Democrats--
Forgive me, but what kinda choice is that?
They both gave us NAFTA
And not long thereafter
Dismantled Glass-Steagall, the dirty rats.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With evidence of hundreds of civilian casualties
from U.S. drone attacks, more is being learned about
Pres. Obama's " kill list" & authorization of "signa-
ture strikes"
based
on a person's pattern of behavior
|
It's not a behavioral pattern we like,
So blow him away with a "signature strike."
And do it by drone
From the comfort of home...
It might be a place where we're kinda disliked.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Conservatives rejoiced when union-busting Gov.
Scott Walker (R-WI) survived a recall election,
outspending his challenger 7 to 1,
mostly with
outsized out-of-state donations.
Pro-business
rhetoric aside, his job
creation record is terrible |
Gone, Wisconsin
Analysis? What's to belabor?
The one percent beat up on labor.
There wasn't much love
For this job-cuttin' Guv
Till they spent his ass back into favor.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With hundreds of civilian casualties from CIA
drone
strikes, it's hard to believe that drones are
making America safer, as newly embittered
militants
take the place of every person killed |
We're doing our killing by robot,
And what propaganda now they've got:
"You're not man enough
To come fight us!" and stuff.
We are home for dinner, though; that's hot.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When CEO Jamie Dimon testified before the Senate Banking Committee about JPMorgan's huge trading losses, Sen. Jim DeMint
(R-SC) said, "We
can hard-
ly sit in judgment of you losing $2 billion.
We lose
twice that everyday here
in Washington." Members
have received $582,000 from
the bank since 2007 |
A banker lost billions again,
But kept all his Senator friends.
He's too big to fail
And too big to jail.
He keeps all the checks comin' in.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
| Oh, President Romney, it cannot be--
You've outsourced America totally!
It isn't called "outsource"--
I like to say "right source."
Now what did you dummies expect of me?
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though prolonged exposure to extra-loud music
causes
irreversible hearing damage including tinni-
tus,
nightclubs and authorities aren't controlling it |
When it's LOUD it gets everyone swingin'.
I mean, look at 'em dancin' and singin'!
(Course, they don't realize
For the rest of their lives
That their ears'll be constantly ringin'.)
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 24-year old Oxnard CA high school substitute
teacher
was arrested and held in
lieu
of $500,000
bail on suspicion of "sexting"
with a
male student |
For sexting the guy of her dreams
(She's
24, he's 17),
A teacher's in jail
At half a mill bail.
Is that not a little extreme?
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans continued to benefit from the Supreme
Court's Citizens United decision allowing unlimited
corporate spending on elections, as anti-labor Gov.
Scott Walker (R-WI) successfully fought
a
recall
effort with $30 million to spend vs. his Democratic
challenger's
$4 million |
This Citizens case is a honey:
Now limitless corporate money
Keeps flowin' our way
And winning the day!
Why, even November looks sunny--
And our guy's so bad it's not funny!
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a
plant," said Rick Santorum in Biloxi on March 12
|
The self-serving energy giants
Discrediting climate change science
Can only succeed
When they've got what they need:
Enough of us chumps in alliance.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A new law subjecting Tennessee teachers to a $500
fine
if
they
discuss any "gateway sexual activity"
with students was signed by the Republican gov-
ernor
there; critics say its language is too broad |
"Don't teach holding hands down in Tennessee,
Cuz that leads to sexual activity."
Less gov'ment? My ass!
All these laws that they pass
Are Orwellian, they're so Big Brotherly.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After risky derivatives trades cost JPMorgan Chase
$2 billion,
CEO Jamie Dimon said, "We'll take
all
proper
corrective action, and that may very well
include
clawbacks"
[salary cuts for those involved].
Dodd-Frank Wall Street reforms that Dimon has
fought would have prevented the loss;
Rep. Frank
noted that the bank has lost "five times the amount
they claim financial regulation is costing them"
|
To: Jamie Dimon, CEO--
From: Barney Frank, LMFAO
You just blew up billions 'a greenbacks.
You think you can handle the blowback
By giving execs
A slap on the wrist,
Or whatchamacallit, a "clawback?"
This won't go away
By cuttin' their pay!
Policin' yourself has its drawbacks.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wooing evangelicals at Liberty University, VA,
Mitt Romney (r.), with Chancellor Jerry Falwell,
Jr., brought a commencement crowd of 30,000 to
its
feet when he said that "marriage is a relation-
ship between
one man and one woman," three
days
after
Pres.
Obama endorsed gay marriage |
This campaign is all about liberty!
Gay marriage, though, doesn't seem right to me.
So if I'm elected
I won't be protectin'
No liberties I wouldn't like to see.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"We'll work with you, Mr. President" |
Republicans to Democrats:
WE'VE GOT AN IDEA--PLEASE ADAPT IT
And then when you do, we'll attack it:
The mandate, for instance,
To carry insurance
That Romney
made law when he backed it;
The cap and trade system
For carbon emissions
We said would be good for the planet;
The Dream Act for children--
We loved that solution
Until you did, too; now we pan it...
You gettin' the picture?
We're nothin' but dicks here.
Don't look for good faith, cuz we banned it.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans spend over $34 billion a year on alterna-
tive medicine, though there is little evidence to sup-
port homeopathy as an effective treatment for any
specific condition, & homeopathic remedies aren't
evaluated by the FDA for safety or effectiveness |
Nine out of ten skeptics all agree:
"Homeopathic" spells quackery--
A product that's lacking
In FDA backing
And won't be worth crap as a remedy.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A massive crowd jammed Bastille Square in Paris to
celebrate the victory of François Hollande, as other
European elections also showed stiffening resistance
to austerity policies that have weakened economies
there (as Republicans push the same policies here) |
Enough of this crazy austerity--
We can't cut our way to prosperity!
So why don't we try
The Socialist guy?
He might have a heart--that's a rarity.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney warned in 2008 that a government
bailout of ailing auto giants General Motors and
Chrysler would do more harm than good; now
pro-
ven wrong, he told WEWS, "I'll still
take a lot
of
credit
for the fact that
this industry's come back" |
Mitt Campaigns in Detroit
'Give credit where credit is due:
I helped save your industry too.'
But in your op-ed,
Go bankrupt, you said--
A bailout's the worst thing to do.
'Oh, let's not rehash
That stuff from the past--
Just vote for Mitt Romney. Woo hoo!'
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Despite losing his 2006 reelection bid by
18
per-
centage points, ex-Sen. Rick Santorum
(R-PA)
again let a divisive social agenda
trump his eco-
nomic message in 2012 |
Remember Santorum's 2006 fight?
He lost in a landslide--too far to the right.
(To use an election
To
fight contraception...
Is he that religious, or just not that bright?)
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Richard Grenell, the recently hired foreign
policy spokesman for Mitt Romney, resigned
after
pressure from anti-gay conservatives
had the
campaign keeping him under wraps |
Attn: Log Cabin Republicans
Mitt's spokesman's been sent on his way...
Conservatives found him too gay.
(Ya think that these bozos'll
Help you tomorrow
When they can't accept you today?)
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's Bain Capital, which made billions
while bankrupting nearly
one-fourth of the compa-
nies
it invested in, is skewered in the film, "When
Mitt Romney Came to Town" |
See, flushing your job down the toilet
And stuffing the dough in our wallet
Is so big at Bain
We gave it a name:
"Creative destruction," we call it.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Twleve Secret Service and twelve military personnel traveling in advance of the president were implicated
in a prostitution scandal in Colombia; the Secret Ser-
vice is investigating similar reports from El Salvador |
What Could Go Wrong?
The music is makin' her wiggle--
My Spanish is makin' her giggle...
I got me a night
Before POTUS arrives,
And I'm where the hookers are legal!
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The nation's top prosecutor, Attorney General
Eric Holder, has
not handed down a major criminal
indictment in some of
the biggest cases of our time, including the sub-prime mortgage meltdown,
BP
oil spill, disappearance of $1.6 billion in
customer
funds at MF Global, and
gas price manipulation |
So how many years, is it three
He's had as Obama's AG?
You'd think with the crimes
We've seen in his time--
From torture to banks to BP--
That somebody's tail
Would end up in jail,
But that would take competency.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
"Wives should be off-limits," Pres. Obama said
after
a pundit told CNN that Ann Romney "has
never worked a day in her life." Mrs. Romney (l.,
with
Mrs. Obama at The Women's Conference
2007)
responded, "I made a choice to stay home
&
raise
five boys. Believe me, it was
hard
work" |
To say that a mother of five
Has not "worked a day in her life"
Means someone's forgotten
How ugly it got when
They messed with your candidate's wife.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After going from last to second place, ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) quit the race for the Republican presidential nomination rather than risk a primary
loss in his home state, which retired him in 2006 | The schmuck we abhorred
With the pluck we adored
Is finally leavin' the scene...
We'll never forget
How he took it to Mitt--
He was kind of a Democrat's dream.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A car used to honk for a reason;
It opened by puttin' the keys in.
Now everything works
With a beep or a chirp,
And nobody's gettin' their zzz's in.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 3-month investigation for the Sunday Times of
London revealed that the CIA's drone campaign in
Pakistan has killed hundreds of civilians, including
at least 50
in follow-up strikes on those helping
victims, and more than 20 in
attacks on funerals |
We killed some civilians? I hate that!
Like just what we need is more bug splat...
So who do you like
In the playoffs tonight?
And don't tell me nobody--F*ck that!
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know it's not easy to swallow
A goal so incredibly hollow,
But I want more tweeps
To be followin' me
Than the number of tweeps that
I follow.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Beware of extreme ideology
Where people just see what they wanna see
And often assert
They're doin' God's work
(As if He would work homicidally).
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Thou shalt not kill
The same month that saw the tenth anniversary of
the first of hundreds of civilians to be killed by un-
manned drones (a tall Afghan who turned out not
to be Osama bin Laden) also saw the killing of un-
armed black teen Trayvon Martin by a FL vigilante
who thought him suspicious. Amidst national out-
rage, it took 44 days for the shooter to be charged
|
Since we're in the "Christian tradition,"
Since when did God give us permission--
From drones overseas
To this Florida sleaze--
To kill people based on suspicion?
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A number of supermarket chains have stopped
selling meat with "pink slime," made by putting
the scraps left after butchering through a centri-
fuge
to separate out the fat, and treating them
with ammonium hydroxide gas to kill the bacteria |
Hey, this "lean textured beef" tastes just fine!
How come everyone calls it "pink slime?"
Have you seen how it looks
'Fore it's added and cooked?
Oh, my goodness. Does someone want mine?
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Mitt Romney described himself as "severely conservative," it sounded like a medical condition |
"Poor Mitt is severely conservative--
Let's get him a really good purgative."
"He'll need three or four,
Or possibly more--
That ass is so tight it's preservative."
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Mormon Church has vowed to stop its post-
humous baptisms of non-Mormons without family
permission. These have included
Mahatma Ghandi,
journalist Daniel
Pearl, Barack Obama's mother,
and perpetrators and victims of the Nazi
Holocaust
from Adolf Hitler to Anne Frank |
Persistent's the way that they're bred;
They've got a religion to spread.
And if you're not buyin',
They won't give up tryin'--
They'll sign ya up after you're dead.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An NFL investigation found that from
2009,
when they won the Super Bowl, to
2011,
the New
Orleans Saints operated a
bounty
system in which
players
got bonuses for hard
hits
&
deliberately injuring opposing players |
"HEY, daddy, how was the game today?
D'they really give you guys bounty pay
Whenever you pound
Someone into the ground
And hurt 'em so bad they get hauled away?"
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These cuts wouldn't be so draconian
If we hadn't voted Republican.
We're stuck with this debt
Cuz the f*ckers won't let
The millionaires' taxes go up again.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rick Santorum likened Pres. Obama to a drug
dealer who wants to get Americans "hooked" on
another entitlement program: healthcare reform |
There's no greater threat to our liberty
Than programs like Social Security,
Obamacare, Student Aid,
Medicare, Medicaid,
Sapping our strength and our dignity!
(Now that should get dummies to vote for me.)
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Mitt Romney did what he had to do last night,"
said
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor after
the
candidate (above) beat Rick Santorum by 1% in
the Ohio primary after
outspending him there 4:1 |
"Oh, winning Ohio was lots of fun!
We outspent Santorum there four to one
And did what we had to do!
Margin? What's that to you?
One percent's plenty where I come from."
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No Republicans strongly condemned
Rush Lim-
baugh for calling a female law student
a "'slut" &
a "prostitute" after
she testified in
favor of the
healthcare law's birth-control
rule, despite their
own past support for contraception mandates |
They've really gone off on a bender:
Republicans versus a gender.
When Limbaugh called Fluke a slut,
They couldn't rustle up
One real man to defend her.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
♫ I'm a Steamroller, Baby ♫
The more voters learn about how Mitt Romney
made his money, the more money's needed to keep
him viable. In his home state of Michigan, he out-
spent Rick Santorum 2:1 to win a primary by 3% |
How could Americans calmly
Trust in a President Romney,
When most of his bucks
Come from people he's f*cked?
We'd have to be totally balmy.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Frank McCourt's deal with Major League Baseball, which forces him to sell the L.A. Dodgers by April
30, lets him keep the stadium's parking lots and
build parking structures on them if he chooses;
several potential buyers have withdrawn their bids
|
He's selling the Dodgers--hooray!
But keeping the parking, you say?
Then hold the confetti--
I'm too busy dreading
When parking costs more than the game.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newt Gingrich told CBS that he and Rick
Santorum
are "much more conservative"
Republicans than "Gov. Romney, who
represents a
kind of Northeastern moderatism" |
We won't fight "Obama-type socialism"
With Mitt Romney's "Northeastern moderatism."
Wow, Gingrich has taken
The word moderation
And made it sound something like communism.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kyle Stanley kisses trophy after winning the 2012
Waste Management Phoenix Open golf tournament |
The squeamish among us were hopin'
The PGA people were jokin'
When they said the name
Of the big desert game:
Waste Management (yuck!) Phoenix Open.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The teller will not count your cash for you;
He has a machine that he puts it through.
And then if you thank him,
He'll tell ya "No problem"--
As if a "You're welcome"'s
too hard to do.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Google, Twitter and others were found to be cap-
turing info by circumventing users' privacy settings |
If Google or some other company
Is tracking you more than you'd like to see,
Remember, their stock
Would do nothing but drop
If you truly had any privacy.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
235 out of 241 House and 40 out of 47 Senate Republicans voted for the Paul Ryan budget
replacing Medicare with a
voucher system; all Democrats voted no |
If you give a damn about Medicare,
You can't vote Republican anywhere.
If they get both Houses,
We'll all just get vouchers
And many won't make it, but they don't care.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), who says states
should have the right to outlaw contraception,
now leads Mitt Romney in national GOP polls |
The country should disallow birth control?
And keep on dismantling gun control?
And ease the restrictions
On toxic emissions?
(And what, use a little more self-control?)
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) vows to veto a
gay marriage bill, & wants a voter referendum
instead: "If it goes on the ballot, it will lose" |
If you wanna boost the economy
And do something good for humanity,
Then follow the course
Of the state of New York
And legalize marriage equality.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Imagine Mitt Romney giving a stump speech
to
his favorite Americans--the corporations |
"We're saving the soul of America!
So join with us, Bank of America!
And U.S. Bank too--
You're red, white and blue--
And all of our friends at ComericA!
And TD Ameritrade--
Join with our great crusade!
God bless Ameriprise...All of ya!"
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Clock watchers: Super Bowl XLVI's accidental
winning touchdown was unopposed by the
Patriots
and unwanted
by
the Giants at the time |
You can't say this game was a bore.
It went to the Giants by four--
But what made it fun
Was the way that they won
On a touchdown they tried not to score.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Apprentice host Donald Trump endorsed ex-
Bain Capital CEO Mitt Romney for president.
Many whose lives have been touched by either
man have heard
the same thing: "You're fired" |
Well, how about that--Trump's endorsing Mitt!
It kinda makes sense though now, doesn't it?
Since Romney's his equal
At firing people
And getting paid millions for doin' it...
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If Pres. Obama is a "Saul Alinsky radical" as Newt
Gingrich claims, he has plenty of company: the
Chicago community organizer's Rules for Radicals
has been adopted
by political activists on the left
and right, including members of the tea party and
James O'Keefe, who studied it pre-ACORN sting |
What in tarnation does Newt see
In tyin' the prez to Alinsky?
Obama was ten
When the guy cashed it in;
It's not like they're Lenin and Trotsky.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Rep. Randy "Duke"
Cunningham (R-CA),
serving eight years in prison for taking
$2.4
million in
bribes, wrote to Newt Gingrich, "I
have
80% of
inmates that would vote for you"
|
The insiders don't want him nominated,
But outside the beltway, Newt celebrated
Endorsements that came
From Palin and Cain
And Duke Cunningham, who's incarcerated.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As House Speaker, Newt Gingrich led the charge
to impeach Pres. Clinton for perjury in covering
up
an affair with an intern, as he too was having
an affair with an intern, his current wife Callista
|
She looks like she kissed Warren Beatty
Or just won a date with Tom Brady,
But it's even better--
This little go-getter
Is dreaming of being First Lady.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jon Huntsman (l.) called Mitt Romney a "well-lubricated weather vane" who's "been on three
sides of every major issue," then dropped out
of
the GOP presidential race and endorsed him |
When Huntsman decided to quit,
His ringing endorsement of Mitt--
On top of the scorn
That he'd heaped all along--
Was phony as phony could get
(And naturally, didn't do sh*t).
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two days after Marianne Gingrich told ABC
News he'd asked her for an open marriage
before
their divorce, former House Speaker Newt
Gingrich (R-GA) won the South Carolina GOP
primary
by a wide margin over Mitt Romney |
Newt's second ex-wife is revealing
One heck of a flawed human being.
But voters don't mind;
A lot of 'em find
A dickhead immensely appealing.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rick Perry (shown), Jon Huntsman, Michele
Bachmann & Herman Cain all suspended
their
campaigns, to keep raising money postmortem |
You're done but you don't wanna end it;
Then people with money won't send it.
Pretend your campaign's
Gonna come back again--
The best word to use is
"suspend" it.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) |
The choice that regrettably wasn't--
He starts to make sense, then he doesn't...
Like tryin' to repeal
The entire New Deal,
When common sense tells ya we mustn't.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though Mitt Romney blames Pres. Obama for
the current job shortage, Massachusetts ranked
47th in jobs growth while he
was
governor (Jan.
2003-Jan. 2007, U.S. Labor Dept.).
Romney
did
not seek a second term
| Mitt says he will fix the economy
And while that is something we'd like to see,
His record as guv
At creating new jobs
Was kind of disastrous, actually.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Msgr. Kevin McAuliffe was sentenced to three
years in prison for stealing $650,000 from his
Las Vegas-area parish over ten years to gamble |
Priest
Steals $650K From Parish to Gamble
This wasn't child endangerment--
Only a little embezzlement.
A priest in our time
With a celibate crime--
What a refreshing development!
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The cell phone has done for fidelity
What ATMs did for frugality.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) mistakenly endorsed
Pres. Obama at a Mitt Romney rally in S. Carolina |
The geezer's still good for some drama:
McCain said to vote for Obama
When Mitt had to tell him
'It's ME that you're sellin'!'
Who booked me in THIS blunderama?!
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to imagine how strong we'd be
If we could just take all the energy
We spend buttin' heads
And put it instead
Toward beatin' the pants off the enemy.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's remark that "I like being able
to
fire people" is his biggest gift to Democrats
since
his "Corporations are people, my friend" |
'I like being able to fire folks.'
(If voters are listenin', this guy is toast.)
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What could go wrong, Jon Huntsman?
The former Utah governor on a coffee
shop
counter in NH, where he finished third
in
the
GOP
presidential primary and soon dropped out |
The candidate's standing on glass.
Who cares if he
might break his ass?
If he should fall through,
It's the harm he could do
To those pastries--they're really world class.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Good dog |
Some dog owners may find this critical,
But life in the city gets pitiful
With all of the barking
And excrement-hopping;
It's folks without dogs make it liveable.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The persistent ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
squeaked out a win in the Iowa presidential cau-
cus after polling near the bottom for the past year |
You'd think it would dawn on Santorum
How easy it's been to ignore him
Perpetually dressed
In an old sweater vest,
As if he was tryin' to bore 'em.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justice Clarence Thomas failed to report his wife's income on Supreme Court financial disclosure
forms as she made $686,589 from the rightwing
Heritage Foundation between 2003 and 2007.
He
will soon rule on the new healthcare law, which
the
Heritage Foundation & Mrs. Thomas oppose |
No wonder we're all doubting Thomas:
His filings were f*cking dishonest!
He kept checking "none"
For spousal income
As she made a killing, we promise.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Book Review
Oh no, not another rehash
Of why the economy crashed,
By someone who didn't
Remotely predict it
But has to come up with some cash.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
To pay for the two-month payroll tax cut, mort-
gages sold to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for
the next ten years will include a fee that raises
the borrowing cost for a 30-year, $200,000 loan
by $4,000, or $11 a month, at today's rates |
Your congressman may not have mentioned
You'll pay for your tax cut extension
As part of the loan
When you get your next home.
He hopes you're not paying attention.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Republicans agreed to extend a payroll
tax
cut benefiting 160 million workers, for two months |
After a terrible run,
A showdown the Democrats won?!
A measly eight weeks
Of more payroll relief,
But a small win is better than none.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newt Gingrich said as president he'd ignore
Supreme Court decisions he opposed, and would
press for impeaching judges or even abolishing
certain
courts if he disagreed with their rulings |
When I'm your Commander in Chief,
The courts won't intimidate me.
If I think they're wrong,
I just won't go along
With their stupid elitist decree.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The American Civil Liberties Union is calling on
Pres. Obama to veto the National Defense Auth-
orization
Act, which allows a
president to detain
U.S. citizens
indefinitely without charge or trial |
If you don't like the ACLU,
Are you sure that you know what they do?
They stand up and fight
For Americans' rights--
Conceivably, someone like you.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
They'll feel our pain: Mitt Romney tried to wager $10,000 in a Republican debate; rival
Newt Gingrich disclosed having
Tiffany credit lines of $1.5 million |
I can't believe Newt Gingrich slammed
Mitt Romney for betting ten grand,
When he himself owed
Fifty times that or so
On a super sized Tiffany plan.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"At the end of the day..."
"Boots on the ground..."
"Kickin' the can down the road..."
With the endless clichés
Goin' around,
My f*ckin' head could explode.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An RQ-170 Sentinel, the most advanced drone in
the U.S. arsenal, crash-landed in Iran with sophis-
ticated technology that could be exploited by that
country and its allies China and Russia |
Iran got its hands on our drone.
How long till they're making a clone
And flying around
Without making a sound,
And killing and maiming from home?
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Herman Cain's (l.) 999 tax plan surely
dies with his candidacy, but all the GOP candidates favor
regres-
sive changes
to the tax code.
Newt Gingrich (r.)
wants to end capital gains and estate taxes, and
cut corporate income taxes from 35% to 12.5% |
With Cain out, it looks like they won't install
A 9% sales tax after all.
But when will these farts
Think of anything smart,
Like taxing the folks with the wherewithal?
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The weakness of the field challenging Pres. Obama
was evident in the latest WMUR Granite State NH
poll, in which only 16% of likely Republican vot-
ers said they were firmly committed to a candidate |
The choices are so f*ckin' sad,
Obama's not lookin' so bad.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Just as the Tea Party moved Republicans to the
right, a non-violent Occupy movement can push
Democrats in the other direction--to fight harder
for the 99% of Americans who
are poorly served
by "free trade" economics & pay-to-play politics |
They picked up our tents for collection
And pepper-sprayed our "insurrection."
But we're not downhearted--
We're just getting started.
Now let's Occupy an election.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
One year before
the presidential election, the
Republican hopefuls are Mitt Romney, Rick Perry,
Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachman,
Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman
|
Let's run down the GOP wannabes,
Cuz one of 'em's gonna be nominee:
Mitt Romney's a flipflopper,
Perry's a clodhopper,
Herman's a bedhopper (probably);
While Newt is a prostitute,
Bachmann's an absolute
Nut job, and Paul's a catastrophe;
And Mr. Santorum
And Number Two Mormon
Don't wanna be last, but one has to be.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What if an actress discovered
Her husband in bed with another,
And she blew her top
And "slipped" off their yacht,
And drowned screamin' out to those mothers?
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police pepper-sprayed Occupy protestors on both coasts, including these students at the University
of
CA, Davis, and an 84-year old Seattle woman | Tasers aren't lethal so they're okay,
And we feel the same about pepper spray.
So freeze, boys and girls,
Cuz you're in our world--
And we don't think you should protest today.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The "super committee's" failure followed lobby-
ist Grover Norquist's boast that GOP leaders in
both houses of Congress had assured him they
would not
raise any taxes to reduce the deficit |
Why have Republicans fought off
Every idea that's been thought of
To bring some more green
To the revenue stream?
(You don't think they could have been bought off?!)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Whoever gets to oppose Pres. Obama, it won't be a
fair fight. Republicans have tightened election laws
in key states that will make it harder for millions to
vote next year--esp. students, minorities & seniors |
Karl Rove Pep Talk
Our guys make a lousy impression,
But I got a little confession:
Our side's gonna win
The White House again.
We'll do it with voter suppression.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If the rest of the world watched the Republican
debates, everyone would build a bomb shelter |
Déjà Vu
Let's go to war with Iran
Before they come up with a bomb.
A quick, clean attack--
Not like Iraq,
Afghanistan or Viet Nam...
A surgical strike--
That's what we like.
Blow 'em to hell and be gone!
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mike McQueary (l.) said that when he saw fellow
Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky raping a 10-year
old boy in the shower in 2002, he told his boss Joe Paterno (r.), who in turn told his, but no one
there
ever reported that or similar incidents to police |
We've all had to work with some beasts,
But not as disgusting as these:
Big guys who could take
A child bein' raped,
And not even call the police.
(And not even one was a priest.)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the end, it wasn't a scandal like his relationship
with teen stripper Ruby that brought down Italy's
Prime Minister Silvio Berusconi, but his country's
$2.6 trillion debt after a decade of low growth |
Oh sure, he was fulla baloney,
But we're gonna miss Berlusconi.
That last little girl
Was outta this world.
(You wouldn't do that? You're a phony!)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain continued
to deny allegations that he sexually harassed
women, as
one accuser graphically described a
near-assault
and another
called him a "monster" |
"A little heads-up for the press:
That wasn't my hand up her dress.
'Twas my evil twin
And you should talk to him,
But he's dead now so give it a rest!"
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An L.A. County jury convicted Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, of invol-
untary manslaughter, rejecting his defense that the
singer died by his own hand while left unattended |
When someone starts blaming the victim,
It must feel great to convict him--
Especially a doc
Who's fed you a crock
On someone who can't contradict him.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Reviewing your Privacy Policy,
There's only one problem that I can see:
It's in the fine print
So you might have to squint...
It says you don't have any privacy.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justin Bieber, 17, was sued by Maria
Yeater,
20,
who falsely claimed the singer fathered
her
3-month
old son
backstage
after an L.A.
concert
last
year.
The suit was soon dropped |
False Alarm
Ah, life has been good to our laddie--
He's driven the little girls batty.
But that could be over--
Now one has come forward
To claim he's her little boy's daddy.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama's job-creation advisors include job-
cutters like Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of GE,
which
has closed 31 U.S. locations and cut 22,000
jobs
in the last four years while expanding overseas |
The president's gurus on jobs
Are giving the president gobs
Of worthless advice,
While in real life
They're cutting us working-class slobs.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Aghan Pres. Hamid Karzai told Pakistani TV
that
his country would side with Pakistan
in
a
hypothetical war against the United States |
Hamid Karzai flipped us off again
When he declared that Afghanistan
Would stand with its neighbor
Against the invader
If we had a showdown with Pakistan.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Libyan
dictator Moammar Khadaffi, killed in the
street by NATO-supported rebels, was offered
U.S. arms by Sen.
John McCain only two years
before, a
Wikileaks cable shows |
We promised Khadaffi some arms,
And then we destroyed him with bombs.
But then, that's the thing
With this whole Arab spring:
We don't know which side that we're on.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As a result of the Supreme Court 's Citizen United decision, groups like Karl Rove's American Cross-
roads
will face no spending limits in
their efforts
to unseat Pres. Obama in 2012. Rove's
super
PAC
has received
90% of its
contributions
this
year
from three billionaires |
We're such a distractable bunch,
I just have a cynical hunch
We'll base who we vote for
On ads that are paid for
By those who are eating our lunch.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In another mass shooting, Scott Dekraai killed his
ex-wife and seven others in a Seal Beach CA hair
salon where she worked |
Do people resistant to gun control
Rethink their position when some asshole
Goes crazy and wastes
Everyone in the place?
Or what's their solution, more self-control?
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney (R) served one term as governor of
Mass. & has been running for president ever since |
Republican voters, let's have some fun
And count the elections Mitt Romney's won:
With all of his dough
You might think it'd be mo',
But 2002 was the only one.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Michelle Bachmann (above), Herman Cain and
Ron
Paul have all won recent straw polls |
Iowa
So which unelectable asshole
Will win the Republican straw poll?
It won't be whoever
They run in November,
But let's hear the meaningless drum roll.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With 23 million Americans unable to find full-
time work, Republicans continue to
oppose
any
jobs legislation |
Jobs bill? They'll never pass one.
They'll kill it like the last one.
And while they pan
Obama's plan,
At least he f*ckin' has one!
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Anti-labor candidates like Gov. Scott Walker (R-
WI) won big in 2010, the first post- Citizens Unit-
ed election allowing unlimited
corporate spending |
It doesn't take much analyzing:
Government by advertising
Doesn't work--
Ya get the jerks
The plutocrats are merchandising.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"How do Republicans get us
Voting against our own interests?"
"It's not all that tough
When you're spending enough,
And lying like nobody's business."
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A homeowner lights his tap water on fire for film-
maker Josh Fox (shown) in the HBO documentary Gasland. Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to ac-
cess natural gas deposits, was exempted from the
Clean Water Act by the Bush administration |
There's gas underfoot--let's get cracking!
Your land's where we're gonna be fracking.
Just sign this right here
And your future's secure!
(But oh, if your children start hacking
And coughing up blood
And contaminate crud,
You might wanna think about packing.)
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie
(R-NJ)
|
Chris Christie continues to balk
At all of the president talk.
They want him to run,
But sonuva gun--
It's hard enough even to walk.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Although the majority of Americans favor a
single-
payer Medicare-for-all system, which
could
actually reduce the deficit, that was not a priority
of the 4,525 lobbyists
who influenced the new
health bill (eight for each member of Congress) |
Imagine, instead of "Obamacare,"
A plan that was popular everywhere.
The Dems would be stronger
If they had fought longer
For everyone's right to have Medicare.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Given that folks in the GOP
Wanna end Social Security
And Medicare too,
Here's what you do:
Vote Democratic exclusively
(Or stop getting older immediately).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are calling Pres. Obama's plan to
raise taxes on millionaires "class warfare," even
though billionaire
Warren Buffett proposed it,
saying he pays a lower rate than his secretary |
They won't raise the tax rate on millionaires
(Proposed, don't forget, by a billionaire).
"Class warfare!" they call it,
And they're gonna stall it
(While they kick the crap out of Medicare).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Taxpayers are losing $535 million on a Dept. of
Energy loan to a now-bankrupt solar panel maker
whose largest investor is the family foundation
of a billionaire Obama contributor. The loan was
pushed
through after the White House OMB
warned
that it was "NOT ready for prime time" |
Their loan had a federal guarantee,
So now that Solyndra's in bankruptcy,
They'll leave us the bill
For 500 mill.
No wonder they call it "green" energy.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) claims he wants
to save Social Security, and hammers
Gov. Rick
Perry (R-TX) for calling it a 'Ponzi scheme,' but
his own book makes basically the same charge |
The queerest damn marriage you'll ever see:
Romney and Social Security.
His rival's so radical,
He's lookin' practical,
Saying--with utter hypocrisy--
He's not here to bury it,
Only to vary it.
Social Security, R.I.P.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama emailed his data base a chance to have dinner with him for a minimum contribution of $5 |
Inbox
Barack makes me feel like a winner!
He's askin', "Can we meet for dinner?"
Oh wait, there's a catch--
It's a lottery, natch.
I'll pass. Let him find a beginner.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With pensions disappearing and investments suf-
fering, Social Security has paid seniors guaranteed
benefits for 76 years, but Gov. Rick Perry (R-
TX)
calls it a "monstrous lie" &
"Ponzi scheme" |
The way you find out it's a "Ponzi scheme":
It stops paying out [so it doesn't seem
That Social Security
Merits that imagery,
Since it pays out like a f*cking dream].
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans want more tax cuts for "job
crea-
tors"
even though the
last 10 years have seen
the
largest tax cuts [and deficits] in history, &
less
private sector
job creation than the 1930's |
Joblessness numbers are up again,
Thanks to those feckless Republicans
Who will not say yes
To a "jobs bill" unless
It's all tax cuts that nobody ever spends.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
18,000 wildfires have charred 3.4 million acres in
Texas this year, and Gov. Rick Perry, who has
made
a name blasting federal spending,
wants
more
help from Washington (having cut his
state's
volunteer fire dept. funding by 75%)
|
"Let's stop all this government spending!
(But don't even think of suspending
The aid we require
To put out these fires--
Now what were ya thinkin' of sending?)"
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK), who resigned
during her first term, continues to
tease
supporters about running for president |
"Run, Sarah, run!" goes the crowd.
Excuse me for laughing out loud,
But how couldja vote
For that pig in a poke,
Without being totally plowed?
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fed Chairman Bernanke and top economists
warned of more job losses if Republican budget
cuts became reality. Now that it's happening,
why isn't Pres. Obama
connecting
the dots? |
The key to Republican strategy:
Keep cutting until the economy
Is so f*cking bad
A job can't be had
(Except for the president's, naturally).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama rescheduled a jobs speech to a Joint Session of Congress after House Speaker Boehner
(R-OH) objected to the date
|
His use of executive power
Is looking like Amateur Hour.
He'd better learn fast
How to kick ass--
The base is beginning to sour.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
During its " Fast & Furious" program, 2,000 guns
were illegally purchased under ATF surveillance
in Arizona & then lost by agents trying to track
them. One was used to kill a U.S. Border Patrol
agent; others turned up at crime scenes in Mexico |
Your program went way past injurious.
Some good people died, and we're curious:
Who thought that those guns
Wouldn't hurt anyone?
Think fast, ATF, cuz we're furious.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) |
Disaster aid oughta be there for us
To help us through something calamitous,
But Cantor objects:
'Don't send it unless
We hurt someone else with more spending cuts.'
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 5.8 earthquake centered near Mineral VA
damaged D.C.'s Washington Monument and
National Cathedral but caused no casualties |
If I were a jerk like Pat Robertson,
I'd say that the earthquake in Washington
Was God's little scare
For the lobbyists there,
And all their corruptible congressmen.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big Brother is watching you, and pitching you |
First they came up with phrenology,
Then it was on to psychology...
And now the new game
For reading your brain
Is face recognition technology.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Is America ready for another anti-science
president working for Texas oil interests?
|
These skeptics on climate change, naturally,
Don't always communicate factually:
One warming denier
(Whose state is on fire)
Says we're in a "cooling trend," actually.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has also said
that the American Revolution
started in NH &
the
Founding Fathers
worked
to end slavery
|
Happy Birthday to Elvis! I lied--
August 16th's the day that he died
34 years ago
So I blew it, I know...
Can't the press ever let these things slide?!
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN) dropped out of
the Republican presidential race |
Think nobody's missin' Pawlenty?
Hey, Starbucks is missin' him plenty.
Wherever he'd speak,
Their sales'd peak--
You'd give your eye teeth for a Venti.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newsweek's treatment of Michele Bach-
mann resembles that of Ross Perot in 1992 |
A hit job by Newsweek's not new;
They did it to Ross Perot too.
It means the establishment
Running the government
Wants someone other than you.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Critics of Gen. David Petraeus' counterinsurgency strategy say it didn't work for the French in Alger-
ia, Americans in Vietnam or Soviets in Afghanistan
|
America's patience is thinning
With wars that we know we're not winning.
The generals may say
Things are goin' our way
But success wouldn't take so much spinning.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As mandated by the debt ceiling bill, a "super committee" of six Republicans and six Democrats
has three months to recommend $1.5 trillion in
additional deficit reductions over the next decade |
Of course expectations are sh*tty
For Congress's "Super Committee."
This debt-trimming's nuts
When it's all done with cuts
And no help from the corporate kitty.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. govern-
ment's credit rating from AAA to AA+ for the
first time in history, saying that 'political brink-
manship [has made] America's governance and
policy-making less stable, effective & predictable' |
Triple-A rated like Canada,
Germany, France or Australia?
Those were the days--
Now we're just Double-A,
Like our friends in Japan and Slovenia.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Now that default is averted, Pres. Obama says
he'll focus on jobs. But the debt deal he just
signed, with $2 trillion in cuts & no new reve-
nue,
is predicted
to
make joblessness worse |
When faced with Republican brinkmanship,
Our president's known for his blinkmanship--
And each time he caves,
It's harder to save
An evermore rapidly sinkin' ship.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Like new
|
They traded Furcal and it hurt.
Now what do I do with the shirt?
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
There's something about these people...
|
Hey, I'm patriotic, are you?
Do you hate our government too?
Then come and join up
With our Tea Party club.
Just look for the red, white and blue.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even victory will look like defeat if Senate
Majority Leader Harry Reid's (D-NV) deficit-
reduction
bill passes. Entailing no new revenue
in deference to the Republicans, its budget
cuts
are predicted to further weaken the
economy |
They'll pass the Reid plan or they won't;
We're damned if they do or they don't.
With trillions in cuts
And no revenue, f*ck!
It's not what we need or we want.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House freshmen Republicans who want huge
budget cuts with no new revenue say they're
willing
to let the U.S. default to get their way
|
To make us default for no reason
Is not patriotic; it's treason.
But if we can't hang
The Tea Party gang,
We'd settle for kickin' their knees in.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Facing an ethics investigation and questions about
his behavior, Rep. David Wu
(D-OR) announced
he's resigning from Congress |
The pressure to go was humongous,
So David Wu's out of the Congress.
And though
very few
Will miss Mr. Wu,
We'll all miss those tiger pajamas.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are using the August 2 debt ceiling
deadline and looming default to try to force
Draconian budget cuts with no increase in
tax
revenue
from the wealthy and corporations |
Their "compromise" is an abortion,
With spending cuts out of proportion
To revenue gains.
(The technical name
For what they are doin's "extortion.")
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Tea Party Republicans like Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) would apparently rather see
the U.S. default on its debt for the first time in
history than vote to raise the debt ceiling to cov-
er appropriations Congress has already made |
It's dangerous when children have too much tea:
The caffeine can lead to catastrophe.
Their brains are so small
They can't handle it all,
And many lose touch with reality.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) |
President Palin?
She walked off the job in Alaska,
And yet we've heard nobody ask her:
If you couldn't handle
The "Troopergate" scandal,
Then what makes you think you could master
The leadership skills
It would take, if you will,
To handle a real disaster?
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Prof. Elizabeth Warren will return to Harvard
after setting up the Consumer Financial
Protec-
tion Bureau which she conceived, and
which Republicans
are trying to put out of business
|
They never got tired of tarrin'
Professor Elizabeth Warren.
She fought a good fight
But for those on the right,
Consumer protection is foreign.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fears of "Carmageddon" kept L.A. traffic light
as
a
freeway closed
for bridge demolition
|
How to survive Carmageddon,
The weekend that everyone's dreadin':
Avoid the Westside
Cuz
there's no 405,
Or walk to wherever you're headin'.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rupert Murdoch shut down the UK's 168-year
old News of the World and dropped his bid for
BSkyB amid revelations that his "journalists"had
hacked thouasands of cell phones |
His people were hacking away
To gather the scoop of the day...
You think Rupert knew it?
There's one way to prove it:
Let's see what his phone has to say.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tech talk |
I don't wanna say this out loud,
But what in the f*ck is a "cloud?"
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell
(R-KY, on r.) said "the single most important
thing
we want to achieve is for Pres. Obama
to
be a
one-term president"--fodder for Demo-
cratic
charges
that
Republicans are deliberately sabotaging the economy
for political gain |
F*ck their Republican puffery!
They don't even want a recovery--
Till Twenty-Thirteen,
Ya know what I mean?
It's not like their wallets are suffering.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Millions were outraged when a jury found Casey Anthony not
guilty of murdering her
two-year old daughter, but one man saw opportunity |
One guy held a sign, "Casey, marry me!"
'N that's when I thought, What insanity!
If that little wretch
Were the last woman left,
I'd rather have sex with Sean Hannity.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Franklin Roosevelt used huge government
action to lift the economy & create jobs, but to-
day's opposition is doing everything possible
to shrink the government, even risking default |
Our second worst downturn in history,
And government's really the enemy?
If FDR's watching,
He knows that we're botching
Our only good shot at recovery.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) quit bipartisan negotiations to raise the debt ceiling
over his side's opposition to ending tax breaks
and
loopholes for the wealthy and corporations |
Eric Cantor. That name, to me,
Is exactly what it should be...
Though the spelling is bad;
He really should add
An apostrophe 'fore the "t".
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Defense Dept. is the only government
agency
that will receive a double-digit increase
in its
budget
for
fiscal year 2012 |
With all of the cutting that's going on,
You'd think they could cut at the Pentagon
...Now that Bin Laden,
The Soviet Union
And Cheney and Rumsfeld are finally gone.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans, who voted to raise the debt ceiling
seven times under Pres. Bush, oppose raising it
now even though their own Ryan budget adds
$6
trillion to the deficit over the next ten years |
Ten times since Two Thousand One--
Now that was a helluva run
For raising the debt limit,
Back when our government
Knew how to walk and chew gum.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans, who won midterm elections over frustration with the economy, seem determined
to make it even worse by insisting on spending
cuts
only to reduce the deficit |
The deficit isn't what got us here,
And lately it's up in the stratosphere
Cuz people ain't workin'!
(Ain't that what you jerks in
D.C. were supposed to be fixin' there?)
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama tends to sell his side short and
exact little in return for early concessions, as
shown
in the healthcare and budget debates |
He promised us change in 2008,
But "president's" harder than "candidate"--
And while he's sincere,
It's increasingly clear:
He doesn't know how to negotiate.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Maybe Tracy Morgan's onstage rants are a ploy
to guarantee a return booking, for the apology |
What's eating Tracy today?
'He's worried his kid'll be gay?
Or he'll meet a woman
With retarded children?'
Like, who is this, Andrew Dice Clay?!
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pilots working at U.S. computer screens are con-
ducting lethal drone attacks in at least 6 countries |
Drone Pilots Wanted: Work From Home
See the world, fighting for Uncle Sam!
You'll bomb Iraq and Afghanistan,
Then on to Libya,
Yemen, Somalia--
Don't forget, save some for Pakistan.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rupert Murdoch's Midas touch was nowhere to
be seen with his six-year ownership of
Myspace |
Myspace
He paid more than what, half a billion?
And sold it for 35 million?
Yeah, Murdoch's so steamed
At his management team,
They're lucky he's not a Sicilian.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Having the Ft. Calhoun Nuclear Plant surrounded
by water & Los Alamos Labs by fire
at the same
time, just weeks after Fukishima, reminds us
how
vulnerable nuclear facilities
are to natural disasters |
Osama bin Laden is toast
But he never scared me the most--
There's so much more danger
From ol' Mother Nature
No terrorist even comes close.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Impeached ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was convicted on 17 counts of corruption, including
trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Jurors
were convinced by recorded evidence, though his
lawyer had argued he was just thinking out loud |
Blagojevich really got trounced--
They got him on 17 counts.
That hair's gotta go--
Hey, it's beautiful, bro,
But where you're gonna go they just pounce.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans, wake up and face the facts,
And watch where you're swingin' that f*ckin' ax!
The budget's a bitch?
Then talk to the rich.
You're not gonna balance it on our backs.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ya ever gone out like an innocent
And wondered what V.I.P. really meant?
Like, who's on that side
Of the velvet divide?
Just fools who paid more for the same event.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No compromise: Republicans would rather end
Social
Security
and Medicare
than end tax
cuts
and loopholes
for
the wealthy
and corporations
|
At scaring us silly, they're really great:
Obamacare! Death panels! Nanny state!
But scarier still
Are their own frickin' bills--
Read 'em and try not to emigrate.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. Dodgers Matt Kemp & Andre Ethier, both
batting over .300,
celebrate a win. If owner Frank
McCourt cannot make
payroll after draining
$100
million from the team for his personal use,
Major League Baseball could seize
it &
put it up for sale |
The Dodgers won three in a row
But that's the exception, I know--
More often they play
Like they might not get paid
And nobody's runnin' the show.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Golf is a good walk spoiled"--Mark Twain |
Obama and Boehner played golf
And some of us wanted to rolf
(It's such a disgrace
When a man shaves his legs,
And none of our problems get solved).
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Body shop costs have skyrocked since NHTSA weakened bumper standards under the Reagan administration. 13% of the new cars sold
in the
U.S. last month did not come with spare tires |
My car isn't new--I don't care--
I love it because it's so rare.
See, this baby has
What new ones don't have:
A bumper, a trunk and a spare.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Calling it a misguided attempt to isolate Israel,
Pres. Obama is lobbying allies to vote against
a Palestinian state resolution in the U.N. |
Why does our President spend his time
Lining up votes against Palestine?
We know who he's pleasin'
But some in the region
May see "hope and change" as an empty line.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Grover Norquist, whose Americans for Tax
Reform has exacted a no-tax pledge from most
of the Republicans in Congress, may be losing
influence as many awaken to fiscal realities and
seek to close loopholes like the ethanol tax credit |
Hey, nobody voted for Grover,
Whose influence oughta be over:
The once-middle class
Is flat on its ass;
His bitches are rollin' in clover.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Bipartisan pressure is building to end
the
$6
billion annual tax credit
for ethanol. The U.S.
currently diverts 38% of its corn crop to
make
biofuels,
raising food prices around the
world
|
Folks on the left and right both agree:
Let's end the ethanol subsidy
And give Uncle Sam
Six billion clams,
And let corn be what it's supposed to be.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tea Party favorite Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MI) used the second GOP debate to announce her run |
It's clear that they're all on a mission
To hold the most rightwing position,
So don't be surprised
If one of 'em tries
To reintroduce Prohibition.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) |
Rick Perry is some kind of optimist:
He thinks we'll forget he's secessionist,
And how his state's busted,
And how we all trusted
The last piece 'a sh*t Texas sent to us.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The stall made famous by a then-sitting Senator |
"I'm not gonna quit," and he meant it--
So Larry Craig stayed in the Senate,
Where all his old friends
Shunned him right to the end.
(Congressman Weiner, you get it?)
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Anthony Weiner
(D-NY) |
Abundantly clear from this Weiner mess:
There's nowhere to hide from your kinkiness
When all of your sexting
And all of your texting's
Just one click away from the internets.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New York's kinky ex-Congressmen (l. to r.):
The Tickler, the Flexer & the Weiner |
Eric Massa and Christopher Lee
And this Anthony Weiner are three
Of the horniest gents
That New York's ever sent
Down to Washington frickin' D.C.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Before exposing Anthony Weiner, blogger
Andrew Breitbart posted a misleadingly edited
video of
USDA
official
Shirley Sherrod, which
showed
her as a
racist
and got her fired |
Just because Weiner admitted it
Doesn't make Breitbart legitimate:
Remember who got
Shirley Sherrod
Fired, the way she was edited.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Treasury Dept. will be unable to pay its
bills after August 2 if Republicans block raising
the debt ceiling. Economists say a first-ever U.S.
default would be catastrophic |
Alas, our Republican potentates
Are not mathematical heavyweights:
If they get their way
And the U.S. can't pay,
Imagine what happens to interest rates.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After a week of denials, Rep. Anthony Weiner
(D-NY) apologized for sharing eponymous photos
with women online, and said he would not resign,
until he did so ten days later
|
The obvious lesson of Weinergate
For every political candidate:
When you're overheated
You don't have to tweet it--
Just go home and beat it, you reprobate.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the mother of all loss leaders, Amazon sold
440,000 new Lady Gaga albums at 99 ¢
in two
days (paying $8.40 for each
digital
copy it sold) |
Of all the unusual events...
New Gaga for 99 cents!
For buyers it's fun
But the industry's stunned--
Like, where will the prices go next?
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As governor, Mitt Romney (R-MA) signed a re-
quirement that everyone have health insurance, a
mainstream Republican idea, as was end-of-life counseling, until both became demonized within
The
Patient
Protection & Affordable Care Act
|
Flipflopicans
The mandate for coverage was their idea,
But these days they call it "Obamacare."
And end-of-life counseling?
That also was their thing,
Until it became the "death panel" scare.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Talk radio's like karaoke.
Yeah, once in a while you get lucky
And hear someone great
But they're not worth the wait,
Cuz everyone else is so sucky.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
CA preacher Harold Camping says his prophecy
that the world would end was off by five months
and
that Judgment Day will actually come Oct. 21 |
Now that the world isn't over,
He's moved the date up to October...
Although he may find
Not many inclined
To give the End Times a do-over.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu was unknowing-
ly recorded in 2001 saying "America is a thing
you
can move very easily." He proved it with
his
lecture to a Joint Session of Congress |
This wasn't just any old yahoo:
No, this was the great Netanyahu!
They stood thirty times
To applaud all his lines,
That not one meshuggenah saw through.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopefuls from Gingrich
to
Huntsman to Pawlenty feel required to say
they
would have voted for the House budget,
even
though most Americans oppose its radical
plan
to end Medicare. A Democrat won a special congressional
election
in NY on the issue |
They've finally come up with the best
Republican loyalty test:
'If you won't kill Medicare,
You won't go anywhere.'
This Democrat is impressed!
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When you hear an interview show,
It's really important to know
Who's human or not.
The typical bot
Begins every answer with So...
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mitch Daniels is not gonna run,
But why's everybody so stunned?
The guy's pretty smart:
He knew in his heart
That Frank Perdue couldn't have won.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A week before Israeli PM Netanyahu's conten-
tious White House visit, veteran dealmaker
former Sen.
George Mitchell (D-ME) resigned
as
Special Envoy on Middle East peace after
28 months
of fruitless negotiations |
George Mitchell, who brought peace to Ireland,
Has thrown in the towel on the Holy Land.
He thought he knew stubborn
From workin' in Dublin,
But this was more than even he could stand.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Risking a first-ever federal default, Republicans
vow to
block raising
the nation's
debt limit
un-
less
they get $2 trillion
in budget
cuts. Ending
Bush
tax cuts for
the
rich
is "not
on the table" |
You'll have to explain how these hooligans,
Whose unprecedented shenanigans
Could cause the U.S.
To default on its debts,
Are such patriotic Americans.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) addresses a
town
hall meeting on how to trim government fat |
"Don't knock Christie's weight--nuthin's wrong--
Hey, the guy's just a little big-boned!"
"But if tightenin' the belt's
Good for everyone else,
Don't you think he could try that at home?"
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) and
wife Maria Shriver separated after she learned
he'd fathered a child over a decade ago with a
longtime member of their household staff. On
his last day in office, he reduced prison
time
for a crony's son involved in a fatal stabbing |
That Arnold's a walkin' disaster
Whose stock couldn't sink any faster--
From cuttin' the sentence
Of Esteban Nunez
To secretly fath'rin' a bastard.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two Republicans who announced they would not
seek the presidency (Trump and Huckabee) would
have
had to give up lucrative TV deals to run |
For President, who do you wanna see,
Besides all the latest don't-wannabes?
The Donald and Barbour
Are going no farther,
And neither is Iron Mike Huckabee.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
A.Q. Khan (l.) who admitted selling nuclear se-
crets to Iran, N. Korea & Libya, was released
from
house arrest in 2009 and never prosecuted
by Pakistan; IMF chief/French pol Dominique
Strauss-Kahn (r.) was arrested in NYC
for
the sexual assault of a hotel maid (his second
wife's god-daughter made a similar charge) |
Just pity the people named Kahn:
A Paki sold nuclear bombs,
And now a top frog
Is arrested and charged
With failing to keep his pants on.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Princes William (l.) and Harry |
Why don't these handsome young brothers
Look a bit more like each other?
(If you need a clue,
It's not cuz the two
Didn't both have the same mother.)
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Imagine if former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
had declared his presidential ambitions
on
CraigsList
instead of
Twitter |
Hypocrite prone to philander,
Pander, meander 'n slander,
Is looking for work
With plenty 'a perks
(President, or something grander).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
First-term Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) is being
wooed to run for president by some top Iowa
Republican donors unhappy with the field
|
"So what's his appeal again?"
"He's comfortable in his own skin."
"Well jeepers, why not?
He's certainly got
Enough to be comfortable in!"
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
60 Minutes alleged that parts of Greg Morten-
son's book "Three Cups of Tea" (such as being
kidnapped by the Taliban) are not true, and
that
donations and book proceeds are going not
toward
building Afghan schools, but to him |
I'm making us three cups of tea--
Here's one for you, 'n two for me.
I'll tell you my tale
In daring detail--
Just don't take it literally.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Photo: Irfan Khan, © Los Angeles Times
The Dalai Lama
at the
University of
Southern California |
Get ready for gridiron drama:
The Trojans got the Dalai Lama!
He takes the ball, meditates,
Fakes a pass, levitates...
Touchdown! He's wavin' to mama!
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
9 years, 7 months and 20 days after Septem-
ber
11, 2001, U.S. forces killed Al
Qaeda
leader Osama bin Laden in a mansion
near
the
Pakistan Military Academy |
Obama's poll numbers should rise
With Osama bin Laden's demise:
We'd rather be workin'
But puttin' that jerk in
The ground* is a pleasant surprise
(*Or the sea, as we've since been advised).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN), who said Republi-
cans should declare 'a truce on social issues,' will
sign a bill
making Indiana the first state to cut off
all
government funding for Planned Parenthood
|
"I got an idea that's really good:
Let's do away with Planned Parenthood!
Young women won't miss
A program like this
'F they just stay away from young peckerwoods."
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Their birther baloney is baseless.
Their posters are totally tasteless.
And now their crusade
Is "Show us your grades!"
(Ya think that these folks might be racists?)
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Top brass were fired last year after an investiga-
tion
by
the Army inspector general found that
at
least
211 graves were mislabeled at Arlington
National Cemetery. But it's worse than that... |
Imagine a family's anxiety
At Arlington National Cemet'ry.
Your loved one is there--
You just hope they cared
To bury him where he's supposed to be.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) and other Republicans
faced angry town hall meetings over
their
budget
plan giving more tax breaks
to the
rich
while
shredding Medicare |
You notice the people ain't buyin'
The GOP budget by Ryan?
They wanted "less government;"
They didn't know it meant
Medicare actually dyin'.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wolves face renewed hunting now that a rider
attached to the budget bill requires them to be
removed
from the endangered species list in
Montana and Idaho,
to the cheers of hunters
and
ranchers and the alarm of conservationists |
We wolves are attracted to elk--
We hunt 'em like nobody else.
But we're in the sights
Of the two-legged types,
Who wanna keep that to themselves.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Attendance
at
tea
party rallies has dropped
sharply since
the
attempted assassination of
Rep.
Gabrielle Giffords
(D-AZ)
that left six
dead and 13
injured in
Tucson |
Tea Party leaders are bummin'--
Lately the crowds aren't comin'.
Why aren't they there?
Maybe they're scared--
Too many gun nuts among 'em!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This year Good Friday and Earth Day
Happen to fall on the same day--
The Son and the Earth
Awaiting rebirth,
Bearing our sins in the same way.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
POTUS Envy
After saying everything he could to discredit the
president, Donald Trump is expected to drop out
of the race before voters can say, "You're fired" |
The way Donald Trump has been lusting
For POTUS's job is disgusting.
If only he'd run--
It'd be so much fun
To watch Donald's rump take a dusting.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"I'll betcha that Donald Trump's nailed some babes, huh? Let's vote for him"
|
There's way more of us than of them...
So why do the rich always win?
Cuz too many simpletons
Vote for Republicans,
Thinkin' these guys are their friends.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Social Security benefits (already too low) won't
have to be cut if the earnings cap is removed and
all annual earnings and bonuses are subject to
FICA & Medicare tax, not just the first $100,000 |
The Social Security con:
They claim it'll run out of funds.
But just take the cap
Off the earnings we tax,
And problem solved. Please pass it on.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Initializing installation...Restore point created... |
Is Microsoft feeling okay?
There’s two or three updates a day
(Dunno if they’re workin’--
We're always restartin’
And never on line anyway).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jolly good weapons of mass distraction |
"Prince William is marrying--wow!"
"And that affects you and me how?
You're getting excited
Cuz we've been invited
Or you're just a silly girl now?"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Come in, tower? Come in? |
These cutbacks don't come without risks.
Air passengers understand this:
Like one air controller
Asleep in a tower
With 8 hours off between shifts.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anonymous posters are fulla sh*t--
The cowardly clowns of the internet.
Their serving 'a slime
Stays frozen in time
(With spelling so bad who knows what they meant).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Energy companies that wrote big checks to
GOP candidates were rewarded when House
Republicans cut $1.6 billion from
the
Environmental
Protection Agency's budget |
"1.6 billion from EPA--
That's makin' progress, now wouldn'ya say?"
(True, big polluters
Are our biggest rooters
But we woulda made these cuts anyway.)
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After they sabotaged
the revenue stream by ex-
tending
tax cuts for
the
wealthiest Americans, Republicans framed the budget battle as the
need
to cut "wasteful spending" |
The budget for this year is finally done,
But our little Tea Party's just begun.
Our purpose is clear--
Less taxes each year--
So watch as we reach out and f*ck someone.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Your tax [cuts for the rich] dollars at work |
It's all so confusing at first,
This fight for the federal purse...
But follow the dough
And that's how you'll know--
It's Robin Hood, just in reverse.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration © Mother Jones
America got punked by a party promising jobs
|
America to GOP
Tax cuts at the top, we're not buying.
They're one of the reasons we're dying.
We know what you'll say
Cuz we hear it each day
But they don't
create jobs, so stop lying.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Having challenged Pres. Obama's birth certificate, Donald Trump is rumored to keep his under his hair
|
Why Donald Trump should be President:
"Why wouldja even be hesitant?
I got the dough
And a big TV show,
'N I'm not an illegal resident."
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Seniors who want to cut government
spending
are age-exempt from Republican proposals
to
slash
Social
Security and Medicare benefits
|
These cuts to entitlements bite!
('Fyou're grandfathered in, you're all right...
That's why many seniors
Are with the extremists:
They don't have a dog in this fight).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Photo: Luis Sinco, © Los Angeles Times
While many on the right cheered for a government shutdown, the
military had a good reason not to
|
We're screwed by a Congress of clowns--
No pay unless they come around.
I guess for the Right
We're yesterday's fight:
"Support the troops," meet "Shut 'er down!"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Keep the government off our back!
Vote Republican |
WATCH out cuz here's what you're gonna win
If you keep voting Republican:
Your Social Security,
Medicare--those'll be
Gone by the time that they should kick in.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michelle
Bachmann (R-MN) has used
vio-
lent
anti-government rhetoric to rally teabaggers |
Bachmann and Palin and Jim DeMint
Constantly run down the government.
Hey, if you shmucks
Hate it so much,
Don't feel ya still have to run for it!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Transocean, which lost nine employees in the oil
rig explosion that fouled the Gulf of Mexico,
increased
bonus pay
for safety in 2010 |
"Hitherto under the onus
Of everyone wanting to stone us,
The management team
Is living the dream:
Everyone's getting a bonus!"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Opposed by the same enemies, Pres. Obama's conciliatory style is the opposite
of FDR's
|
So how do you like him so far?
He's fine, but he's no FDR...
Who 'welcomed the hatred'
Of those he berated
And knew 'em for just what they are.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Here we go again... |
The Libyan rebels? Let's arm 'em,
Before that Khaddafi can harm 'em.
It's not like Afghanistan:
Those guns'll never then
End up bein' used against our men.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It's one year since Tilikum, a killer whale involved
in two prior deaths, grabbed experienced trainer
Dawn Brancheau
into the water and killed her in
front
of a
Florida audience |
That SeaWorld disaster was chilling--
A killer whale
really went killing.
Its trainer is dead.
But let it be said:
At least it lived up to its billing.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Selling vodka to robots |
That trendy new vodka is really hot--
Their billboards all say R.U. BOT OR NOT?
(The people decrying
They're not are just lying,
Cuz robots around here is all we got.)
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin offered illuminating commentary
following Pres. Obama's Libya speech |
Are we in a war or a skirmish?
Give up, cuz you're not so bookwormish?
What Libya is,
According to Ms.
Palin, is really a "squirmish."
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Areas for improvement |
Base to Obama
Untangle our ass overseas
And focus on joblessness, please.
And oh, one more thing:
When you're speaking,
F*ckin' stop droppin' your g's!
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Army Spc. Jeremy Worlock
was sentenced to 24
years in prison for the random murder of three
unarmed Afghan civilians.
He and others
in
his
unit posed smiling with Afghan corpses in
photographs
just published
in Der Spiegel
|
"Hearts and minds, that's what we have to win!"
Okay, but where is that happenin'?
It seems in Afghanistan,
Iraq and Pakistan,
We're as disliked as we've ever been.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Then-Pres. Bush was photographed smirking to
the
press corps after his admission that he
should
not have said "Bring 'em on" when asked about
possible attacks on American forces in Iraq |
Forty-four hundred and forty-four
Americans dead in Iraqi War
Through March 27,
2011;
The wounded are thirty-two thousand more.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With the news from Japan getting worse, news
junkies can be forgiven for
having
a one-track mind
|
Don't give me the news from Namibia
Or endless political trivia.
I just want the poop
On those Japanese nukes.
I don't give a sh*t about Libya.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Labour Party leader Ed Miliband bashes
the
Tories with glee in Prime Minister's Questions |
The Democrats need a new firebrand
Like Labour of Britain's Ed Miliband.
The guy takes no sh*t
From Conservative twits,
And gives it right back, 'spite their upper hand.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Long flight |
Don't take your shoes off on the plane!
The gases could set us aflame!
The rest of us care
What we breathe in this air...
Goddam it, did you fart again?!
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Hours after the UN approved a No Fly Zone in
Libya, Nobel Peace Prize winner Pres. Obama
took
the
United States into another war
|
Oh whoopee, we're going to war!
(Have I seen this movie before?)
We're stretched pretty thin
With the two that we're in,
But why don't we get in one more?
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Japan struggled to prevent a nuclear meltdown after
an earthquake and tsunami
damaged six reactors |
Poor earthlings, they can't disembark.
The future they're facing is stark.
One bright spot, however:
They'll save lots of power
There once they all glow in the dark.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
How many jobs will be lost if Republicans get
their $60 billion in budget cuts? Between
200,000
(per Bernanke) to over 700,000, ac-
cording to other economists. Meanwhile
there's no evidence that the cuts would increase
employment or boost economic activity |
If Republican cuts all go down, then
Jobs lost 'll be hundreds of thousands.
That's why we should balk
At the deficit hawks
Compounding our joblessness problems.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) gave $140 million in
tax breaks to corporations just before he an-
nounced
this fiscal year's deficit of $137 million,
then signed
a bill curbing collective bargaining
rights for public employees, except the
unions
that supported
his election | In Walker we've come to despise
The hidden agenda and lies,
But we shoulda known
He's bad to the bone--
It's all in those deadly dull eyes.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Socializing |
A socially handicapped zone
where everyone stares at his phone
i'm giving this bar
only one star
i could be this bored at home
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Returning presidential hopeful ex-Gov. Mike
Huckabee
(R-AR), an ordained Southern Baptist minister, claimed in a radio interview that
Pres.
Obama
was raised in Kenya, where the Mau
Mau revolution inspired his
anti-Western feelings |
Don't care if he's fat or he's thin,
If he's saved or he's drownin' in sin.
All I care about
Is just keepin' him out
Of the White House forever. Amen.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA), who is
exploring a presidential run, called on House
Republicans "to move a bill to create a venue for
state bankruptcy," so states can escape their pen-
sion obligations to firemen, cops and teachers
|
Newt Gingrich can fix the economy:
Have states all declare they're in bankruptcy!
It's easy, it's fast--
Everyone gets the shaft!
These problems ain't hard as they seem to be.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Production was suspended on the top TV
show over Charlie Sheen's behavior |
For Two and a Half Men to last,
You just have to change up the cast.
The little boy grew,
So try somethin' new--
Like Charlie Sheen playing the Half.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Libyan dictator Moammar Khadaffi blamed
Osama
bin Laden for the revolt against his rule,
and
said young
protesters
were fueled by milk
and
Nescafé
spiked
with hallucinogenic drugs |
Al Qaeda put drugs in my Nescafé!
Now fighting is all I can do all day!
(Think after I topple
Khadaffi, some Snapple
With extra drugs in it would be okay?)
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Service with a smile
Illus. by Maggie Delbon, © Enterprise Media
|
When thanking somebody, "You're welcome"
Has sadly turned into "No problem"--
A grudging reply
That sounds like a lie
(And maybe that's why it's so common).
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) was the first
Republican governor to scapegoat teacher
unions for state budget shortages, but the
real
culprit is unemployment |
Our teachers are lower than dog sh*t.
Whatever the problem, they caused it.
Why, sonuvabitch,
They're all gettin' rich!
Let's lower their pay till they all quit.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Meet the new, fiscally responsible Republicans |
Republican Guide to Fiscal Responsibility
Step 1: Kill the surplus with tax cuts
Step 2: Fight two wars till they bust us
Step 3, this is key:
Straightfacedly
Explain how the Democrats f*cked us.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Rightwing billionaires Charles (l.) & David Koch founded & largely fund Americans For Prosperity,
a political advocacy group opposing the stimulus package, climate change legislation, health care
reform, collective bargaining rights, paying taxes... |
Americans For, what, Prosperity?
You Koch brothers gotta be kiddin' me!
The minimum wage
Puts you guys in a rage!
Your front isn't what it pretends to be.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) spent 20 minutes on
the phone with a man he thought was billionaire rightwing contributor David Koch (pron. coke),
discussing
his efforts to bust Wisconsin unions |
"Scott Walker." "Hi Scott, David Koch"
[Imposter who taped while they spoke,
Just kicking 'round plans
To f*ck Everyman,
With Scott never getting the joke].
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans For Prosperity, funded by the Koch brothers, is bussing Tea Partiers to Madison to
support Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) against those
demonstrating to keep collective bargaining rights.
The billionaire Kochs have much to gain from his
union-busting efforts, & the middle class much
to
lose: it fared best when unions were strong
|
The Tea Party's mixed up again:
They think that Scott Walker's their friend
And unions are bad
So bring on the scabs...
But guess who'll get f*cked in the end.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration © Mother Jones
Just weeks after they blocked all bills until tax
cuts were extended for the wealthy [adding al-
most $1 trillion to the deficit], Republicans are
ready to shut down the government if Demo-
crats don't agree to draconian spending cuts
|
The rich got their tax cuts, so now
It's time to shut government down
(It's hard to believe
We voted for these
Banana Republican clowns).
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The latest Glenn Beck fantasy has both Presidents
Bush conspiring with American leftists to place
the seat of Islamic world government in Babylon |
Glenn Beck's latest off'ring of fear and hate
Has something to do with a "caliphate"
(You must turn on Fox
If you wanna watch
A crazy man mentally masturbate).
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In his speech at Cairo University in June, 2009,
Pres. Obama lectured the government: "You
must maintain
your power through consent
[and] place the interests of your people...above
your party....Elections alone do not make true
democracy."
An audience member shouted,
"Barack Obama, we love you!"
|
Democracy, people, is where it's at!
Obama told Cairo. We got your back!
Now Egypt is reeling
And he must be feeling
A bit like Steve Urkel: Did I do that?
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) resigned hours
after this photo and flirty emails with a
woman
on Craigslist turned up on a gossip
website.
Using his real name, the married congressman,
46, said he was a divorced lobbyist, 39 |
How many people have jerked off
To Christopher Lee with his shirt off?
He doesn't look bad
For a husband and dad;
"Lobbyist," though, that's a turnoff.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Keeping its word not to attack protestors, the
Egyptian Army stood by and let others do it
|
Egyptian protestors, we ♥ you!
The Army will never attack you!
[But if other feds
Should start cracking heads,
You don't think we'd actually back you?!]
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The digital age is a thief's delight |
The rights of an author get trampled
When copy gets "scraped," music "sampled."
So if someone takes
A work you create,
Sue him and make an example.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If the U.S. seems cool toward change in Egypt,
it's because it doesn't know who'd fill the power vac-
uum to be left by dictator ally Hosni Mubarak (l.) |
Egyptians would like to be done
With Hosni Mubarak & Son.
The Yanks are aghast:
"Hey wait, not so fast--
We don't know who else we can run!"
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"American Exceptionalism," or
How to
Win Friends & Influence People |
America--we're so exceptional!
It's hard not to get all erectional.
We're so heaven-blessed...
God loves us the best.
Why can't the world be more affectional?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After years of helping to transfer wealth
from
the middle to upper class, many in Washing-
ton are now
calling for "shared sacrifice"--with
cuts to
programs
like Social Security because
keeping
them
might require the rich to contrib-
ute
more
than
their
current share |
The middle class, tossed out of paradise,
Is asking what's meant by "shared" sacrifice:
Just what will the rich in
America pitch in
As we give up more of our half a slice?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Keith Olbermann signed off on Countdown as
MSNBC announced an end to their contract, just
days after the FCC & Justice Dept. approved
Comcast's acquisition of a 51% stake in NBC
Universal from General Electric |
We took ya for granted--now Countdown
Is leaving the air--what a letdown.
Keith Olbermann, why
Are you leavin' us, guy?
Did someone on high make you step down?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Working with Presidents Kennedy (his brother-
in-law) and Johnson, the late Sargent Shriver
launched numerous social programs that remain
in
place today. "Serve, serve, serve," he said. "In
the end, it will be the servants who save us all." |
Back when government wasn't taboo
And "the cause of our problems" [not true],
From VISTA and Peace Corps
To Head Start and Job Corps,
He showed us the good it can do.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gun stores are sold out of the Glock 18 w/33
round magazine, the gun that suspected shooter
Jared Loughner used to kill six & injure 13
oth-
ers
including Rep. Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson |
You know a society's sick
When a tragedy happens like this
And taking top prize
As gun sales rise?
The same f*cking Glock with a clip.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
(R-TX), sentenced to three years in prison for
money-laundering, called it a "travesty of jus-
tice" & said he'd been convicted "in the most
liberal county in the country [Travis Co., TX]" |
So Tom DeLay, known as The Hammer,
Is finally facing the slammer.
But appeals can drag on
So while he's out on bond,
We'll still have to hear the guy yammer.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Remember when America actually made things?
Now an entrepreneur defaces U.S. currency to
make a
buck off banner ads |
A website's defacing our currency:
It's WheresGeorge.com if you wanna see.
They want you to track
Where a bill's been and back
(Just do it before they're in custody).
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Unsuccessful Senate candidate Sharron Angle
(R-NV) said, "I'm hoping that we're not getting
to 2nd Amendment remedies. I hope the vote
will be the cure for the Harry Reid problems." Inflammatory political speech and permissive
gun laws were denounced by Sheriff Dupnik
after
the attempted assassination of Rep.
Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson, where six died
|
Sharron Angle, your crass contribution
About Second Amendment solutions
Did not show much thought
That lives could be lost.
Only YOU can prevent noise pollution.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"The leader and the speaker have established
their integrity and their mendacity for years
in this Congress," Rep. Steve King (R-IA)
told
the new session on January 6 |
'Our Speaker John Boehner's integrity
Is matched only by his mendacity...'
You got it, Steve King.
What knowledge you bring!
Norm Crosby himself would be proud 'a thee.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), Rep. Jeff Denham
(R-CA) and Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID) are among
new lawmakers who promised Tea Party sup-
porters they'd "reduce the influence of lobbyists
and special interests in Washington," and then
named lobbyists as their chiefs of staff |
We voted for change so don't laugh
At our little tea party gaffe
But the guy we elected
Has gone and selected
A lobbyist as chief of staff!
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH)
|
The Hundred Twelfth Congress is here
And plugging a bogus idea:
That shrinking the government
Will solve our predicament.
Where are the jobs, Boehner dear?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slap the next person to overuse "like"...pass it on |
Throughout, like, the whole USA,
The word you hear everyone say
Is "I'm like, blah BLAH blah blah...
She's like, blah BLAH blah blah..."
Shut the f*ck up, like, OK?!!
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America's proliferation of guns and densen-
sitization to violence are a lethal combination |
You know what would really be something?
If we could just get off the gun thing.
That Glock on your hip
Makes you look kinda sick
[But sayin' that might be a dumb thing].
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Dream Act, which would have given those
brought to the US illegally as children a path to
citizenship through college or military service,
passed the House but fell 5 votes short of the 60
needed to bring it to the Senate floor for debate |
Senate Rules
The Dream Act got 55 Yays
But lost out to 41 Nays
(It's like a bad dream--
You can win by 14
And go down to defeat anyways).
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) has held so many bills
from moving
forward that he's known as Dr. No.
The latest to fall, an overhaul of vehicle
safety
laws drafted
in the
wake
of Toyota's
fatal
sudden-acceleration accidents, had once seemed
certain to pass |
You can't have majority rule
When a Senator's playin' the fool.
It only takes one
And a good bill is done:
He puts a "hold" on it, and drools.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin tried to wink her way into voters'
hearts in the 2008
VP debate with Joe Biden |
"My Gawd, Sarah Palin is somethin'!
She winked at me, that lil' dumplin'."
"Wasn't she on TV?"
"Yeah, but she winked at me!
'N I thought, Yer in luck, country bumpkin!"
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ) complained that keeping
the
Senate in session up to Christmas was "disrespectful" to Christians |
Republicans: "It's sacreligious!
We may have to work up to Christmas!"
Well, next year don't fight
Every bill that is right
And you'll get home on time, you ol' bitches.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The late Richard Holbrooke's grim assessment
of Afghanistan was reinforced by classified in-
telligence reports of little progress there and
the
arming, training and funding of the Taliban
by Pakistan, which
is due to get another $7.5
billion
from the U.S. over the next 3 years |
As we send more billions to Pakistan,
Our BFF's training the Taliban
To blow up our guys
(We fund their demise).
Don't let your kid go to Afghanistan.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The final words of veteran U.S. diplomat Richard Holbrooke were "You've got to stop this war in Afghanistan," his family has disclosed. As U.S.
special envoy there, he told Bob Woodward our
strategy "has a one in ten chance of succeeding" |
To the President:
Please give Richard Holbrooke his wish 'n
Wrap up this Afghanistan mission.
You'll save lotsa lives,
Let guys see their wives
And play with the kids 'n go fishin'.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Incoming Weeper of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) cries about "living the
American
dream," but seems oblivious to
how
Re-
publican proposals would kill that
dream
for others: from repealing student
loan
reform to eliminating
the
minimum wage
to privatizing
Social
Security
and Medicare |
The American Dream makes him cry...
While Republican schemes make it die.
If Americans knew
What these guys wanna do
We would all blubber too, that's no lie.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are riding on hot air and lots of money |
You can't run a country on rhetoric
And claim that you're fighting the deficit
While pushing two wars
For a decade or more,
And giving tax breaks with no benefit.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans are already paying for GOP election
gains, as emboldened Senate Republicans block
all bills including an extension of tax cuts for
98% of Americans, until they are extended
for
the
wealthiest 2% |
Till they get their way with tax loopholes
They've shoved other bills down a rathole.
Kill Don't Ask Don't Tell?
Pass the Dream Act as well?
No chance, cuz we voted for assholes.
There's nothing they're willing to barter
(The START Treaty's still a non-starter!)
No tax cuts for us--
We're under the bus.
Too bad that we just weren't smarter.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in custody.
British authorities should question
the
BBC
about its decision to link to WikiLeaks'
top
secret U.S. cable that amounts to a "hit
list
for
Al
Qaeda" of crucial overseas sites. AP and
other
news
organizations
did
not publish the list |
WikiLeaks says, 'So tough!
We're blabbing your secret stuff.'
And then BBC
Wants the whole world to see
Our soft targets. Enough's enough!
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republican Senators held unemployment bene-
fits and other bills hostage to an extension of
Bush
tax cuts for the wealthiest
2% of
Ameri-
cans,
even though
keeping
them will cost $830
billion over the
next
ten years, and they haven't
created
jobs:
Only one million were created in
Pres.
Bush's 8 years v.
22 million in Pres.
Clin-
ton's (the tax rates
they don't want to return
to) |
It's out there for all to see--
The blatant hypocrisy:
"To combat the deficit"
No jobless benefits
Coming to you or me
'Less billionaires get a hand
And all 'a their tax cuts stand
[The deficit will
Get bigger still,
But deficit fears be damned].
It's out there for all to see--
We're f*cked by the GOP.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It's hard to age gracefully when you're a cell phone |
It looks like an old piece of crap.
It doesn't have photos or apps.
But give me a ring
And I'll answer the thing--
You can't ask for much more than that.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Iraq veteran
infantry officer Lt. Daniel Choi, a
West Point graduate, Arab linguist and one of
14,000+ military personnel discharged under
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, was the first to re-enlist
when a judge declared the law unconstitutional |
The courts say the law's gotta go
The Pentagon also thinks so
The people agree
End DADT!
But "Maverick" McCain still says No.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Somali-born Mohamed Mohamud, 19, was ar-
rested by the FBI after trying to detonate a
bomb at Portland OR's Christmas tree-lighting |
He wouldn't have batted an eye
If thousands of people had died,
But Portland's okay
And Mo's put away.
Keep up the good work, FBI.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After N. Korea's surprise attack on a S. Korean
island, Sarah Palin told Glenn Beck
"...obviously,
we gotta stand with our North Korean allies."
According
to the election best-seller Game
Change, Palin
could not tell her
debate coaches
in
Sept.
2008
why there was a N.
and S. Korea
|
Didja hear Sarah Palin on Asia?
Perhaps it's a case of aphasia--
She 'stands with our allies
In North [this is no lie]
Korea'--Goddam, does that faze ya?!
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pope Benedict, who provoked outrage when he
said that using condoms could make the AIDS
epidemic worse, now says that they could
be
acceptable in some cases "for a prostitute" |
The Pope says a condom's okay
(But just if you do it for pay).
That's some limitation:
The world's population
Grows 200,000 per day.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Asked about global warming, Rep. John Shim-
kus (R-IL) said we shouldn’t worry about the
planet
being destroyed because God promised
Noah it
wouldn’t happen again after the great
flood. He wants
to head the Energy Committee |
We'd better start listening to scientists
Or life as we know it will not exist.
Keep raising the heat
And nobody will eat.
It's not like we pray our way outta this.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America will squander up to $6,000,000,000,000
(six trillion dollars) in Afghanistan
and
Iraq
while
China sells the world what we used to make here |
China's not fighting two wars;
They're too busy finding new shores.
It just goes to show
How far you can go
When you are using both oars.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Money and negative ads from a millionaire
candidate and outside groups doomed the
re-election
of Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI),
one
of
the
Senate's
strongest progressives |
Tired of Feingold, Wisconsin
Traded for fool's gold, Ron Johnson.
Veering hard right
Shows a death wish, all right--
Too bad they can't get Charles Bronson.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Pres. Bush writes that Sen. Minority
Leader Mitch McConnell asked him in Sept.
2006 to withdraw some troops from Iraq to
help Republican chances in the midterm elec-
tion [while
both men were blasting Democrats
for
wanting
to "cut and run"] |
C'mon George, y'know I got your back
But goddam it, we're taking some flak!
If we don't cut and run
These elections are done!
Can't you please pull some troops from Iraq?
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Some who like the Second Amendment
don't
care for others that separate
church & state (I),
guarantee citizenship & equal
protection (XIV),
& allow people to elect their Senators (XVII) |
Constitution? They love and defend it*
*Except where it's wrongly amended:
The First and Fourteenth
And, no joke, Seventeenth
Are Amendments they wanna see ended.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After demonstrating how not to run for Governor,
Carl Paladino (R-NY) showed how not to concede |
It looked like a scene from Casino:
Election night, Carl Paladino
Picked up a big bat
But before it went splat
They said, "Stop, Carl! Ya lost! No more vino!"
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Presumptive Speaker of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) will be second in line to the presidency |
How's the President? Sure hope he's fine...
And Joe Biden? We ask all the time--
Let's hope Joe and Barack
Keep those art'ries unblocked
Cuz John Boehner's the next one in line.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Do constant, unfounded claims that
President
Obama is weak on
terror embolden
our
enemies? |
Where ignorance passes for reason,
Obama hate's always in season
So turn off Fox News,
Let talk radio snooze
And enjoy a nice day without treason.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Merrill Lynch needs some love after losing billions under
CEO Stanley O'Neal and being taken over by
Bank of America |
When Merrill got lynched it was hard:
They still have such low self-regard
That every last piece
You get from them reads
Important and Do not discard.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A record-breaking Latino turnout helped
save
Senate seats for Barbara Boxer (D-CA, above),
Harry
Reid (D-NV) &
Michael Bennett (D-CO) |
With big corporate interests attacking,
The Democrats took a shellacking
But it woulda been worse
(They'd be calling the hearse)
If Latino support had been lacking.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Despite making false claims about
their military
records, Mark Kirk
(R-IL), on l., and Richard
Blu-
menthal (D-CT) were both elected to the Senate |
As long as our leaders inspire,
Who cares if their pants are on fire?
Like Fibber McKirk
And that Blumenthal jerk--
The latest of great Senate liars.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With corporate money flowing to unseat Demo-
crats who voted for reform of healthcare, Wall
Street
and Big Oil, 2010 campaign expenditures
will
total $4 billion, thanks to the Roberts
Supreme
Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations
can spend whatever they want on elections |
Though 4 billion may sound kinda high
For an off-year election (no lie)
There's no need to fret
Because we're gonna get
The best government money can buy.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As local government attorney, Senate candidate
Joe Miller (R-AK) got a 3-day suspension and
6-month probation after using multiple govern-
ment
computers in 2008 to slam a rival online,
and
then lying about it.
Recently his security
guards handcuffed
a reporter
trying to question
him
at an event
|
Joe Miller the Tea Party fave
Admits that he did misbehave
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
We just wish the a-hole would shave!
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Shown Sharron Angle's (R-NV) anti-
Harry
Reid ad smearing Latinos, The View's Joy Behar
exploded, "I'd like to see her do this ad in the
South Bronx. Come here, bitch! Come to New
York
and do it." |
When fighting back, Dems don't go far enough
Like ex-boxer Reid ("doesn't spar enough").
They might take their cue
From that gal on The View--
At this point they can't go Behar enough.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
U.S. Chamber of Commerce CEO Tom Donohue
with former Pres. Bush. The chamber is spending $75,000,000+ in contributions from U.S. and for-
eign companies to defeat Democrats who've voted
for stronger regulation of healthcare, Wall Street
and Big Oil, and
the Chamber has hosted seminars
with Chinese government
officials
to
teach
American
firms how to outsource
|
The United States Chamber of Commerce:
With a name like that they should be for us
But they don't feel funny
'Bout takin' foreign money
And teaching our firms how to outsource.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Carly Fiorina (R-CA) was fired
as Hewlitt Packard CEO with $42 million com-
pensation, after HP's
stock price fell by
half
and
33,000 employees lost their jobs |
And it's Boxer against Fiorina,
The ex-Hewlitt Packard czarina
With yachts on both coasts
(And thousands of folks
Who wish that they'd plain never seen 'er).
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
i miss u i need u i want u
i can't live this cruel life without u
so txt me back quick
or i'll call u a prick
and post lotsa bad things abt u
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This war on Iraq's been a mother,
But look what we're leaving our brothers:
Now Sunnis and Shiites
Have someone to dislike
More than they dislike each other.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
$500 million from anonymous donors will be
spent this year on misleading attack ads, mostly
against Democrats who've voted for stronger
regulation of healthcare, Wall Street and Big Oil |
These right-wing attack ads are fulla crap
('Fya don't believe me, check Politifact).
They pump out the lies
With big TV buys
And tell us "we're taking our country back."
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kim Jong Il's youngest son Kim Jong
Eun was
made a 4-star general after 3 years in the military,
and
will soon take over as leader
of North Korea |
First North Korea had Kim Il Sung,
Then Kim Jong Il, his eccentric son.
Now that Jong's ill
And going downhill,
Make way for best fed son Kim Jong Eun.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Five American gay teens have committed suicide
in the last two weeks after bullying by classmates |
The bullies who love to harass
The little gay boy in the class
Are keeping a secret
But we're gonna leak it:
They all want a dick up their ass.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Possible side effects of Merck's daily hair loss
pill Propecia include "less desire for sex" and
"difficulty
in achieving an erection" |
Propecia fights baldness, it's said,
But side effects make us see red.
(Though baldness is sick,
When you think with your dick
You don't wanna go soft in the head).
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Attempts like the late Rep. Jack
Kemp's (R-NY)
to broaden the base of the Republican party con-
trast with today's 'conservative purity' mindset |
Remember those people like Jack Kemp
Who spoke of a GOP "big tent?"
A storm came along;
Now that tent is so gone,
It's hard to imagine what Jack meant.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Georgia "cure the gays" televangelist Eddie Long
vows to fight charges that he coerced young male
church members into having sex with him |
Pastor Long keeps getting sued
By young men who say they were screwed.
He says he's been framed
And will fight for his name
(After he saves this next dude).
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Moderate" Republican Senators Susan Collins
(l.) and Olympia Snowe of Maine
disappoint-
ed
Democrats once again by voting
with their
own
party--this time to block
repeal
of "Don't
Ask
Don't
Tell," a law they acknowledged
is unfair
|
As GOP heartbreakers go,
You can't beat Ms. Collins or Snowe.
We court these ol' dames
From Ballbuster, Maine,
But funny, they always say No.
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals
and coming up with mice with
fully functioning human brains," Tea Party favorite
and Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell (R-DE)
told Bill O'Reilly on The Factor in 2007 |
The case against stem cells explained:
'We can't let them mice have our brains.'
(Has Christie O'Donnell
Been hitting the bottle?
Cuz lately she's sounding insane.)
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Energy Dept. is holding 324 metric tons of
bomb-grade uranium at the same time the Obama administration is urging nations to reduce or
eliminate their stores of the material, according
to
the Project
on Government Oversight |
America: Please, everyone,
Get rid of your u-ra-ni-um
[The highly enriched
Bomb grade, of which
We only have 300 tons].
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Chuck Grassley
and other prominent Republicans spread fears of
"death panels" if the healthcare bill passed, even
though its provision for Medicare coverage
of
voluntary end-of-life counseling was supported
by numerous Republicans
|
With 2008 to erase,
Republicans must win this race.
To capture the prize,
They're making up lies
So big you can see them from space.
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ) went blank during her opening statement and swore off further debates |
The debate had just barely begun
When the cat got the governor's tongue...
But hey, by the way,
If she's nothing to say,
Shouldn't this whole thing be done?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Over seven years passed between two
presidents' declarations that major combat
operations
were over in Iraq:
Bush (May
1,
2003)
and
Obama (August 31,
2010) |
Iraqis have suffered too long!
It's time to go take out Saddam.
They'll greet us with flowers,
We'll win it in hours
And hurry home. What could go wrong?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Scared to eat? |
With bad eggs infecting the nation
And oil on your favorite crustacean,
You're so hungry now
You could eat a mad cow...
Enjoying that deregulation?
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ken Mehlman, who has just come out as
gay,
managed Pres. Bush's 2004 reelection
campaign
as anti-gay
marriage
measures
were
placed
on
state ballots
across
the
country to
drum
up
Republican votes |
Imagine it's gotta be hell, man,
Waking up next to Ken Mehlman--
Screwed by the one
Who screwed everyone
As closeted GOP chairman.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When NJ lost out on a $400 million federal
education grant by providing the wrong
year's
data on its
application, Gov. Christie
(R-NJ)
blamed
Pres. Obama and the length of
the
application before firing his education
commissioner who'd made the error |
New Jersey blew four hundred mill
In grants from the federal till
By screwing the app up
(Then blaming the f*ck-up
On Washington, just for the drill).
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Federal investigators are focusing on Houston-
based BP
supervisor
John Guide and drilling
engineers Mark Hafle and Brian Morel for
ordering less
safety devices than recommended
on the Deepwater Horizon well. Hafle
and
Morel refused to testify, taking the fifth |
The guys who designed BP's well--
Like Hafle and Guide and Morel--
Knew less centralizers
And safety devices
Would cut their time drilling to hell.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama is a Christian who prays daily, the
White House said to address growing doubts.
Opponents portray Obama as a dangerous
outsider, though he's American born,
goes to
church, and won by nearly nine million votes |
A Pew poll of public opinion
Asked, "What is Obama's religion?"
Nearly half had no clue
If he's Christian or Jew;
Eighteen percent put it as Islam.
When Time Magazine asked the same,
That last number had a big gain.
Now one in four said
He's Muslim. (That's bad.
America, where is your brain?)
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An Islamic center is planned two blocks from the
new World Trade Center at NY's Ground Zero |
Put the mosque in the Trade Center!
And welcome the faithful who enter!
(The day no one's there,
Run for the stairs
And don't be the first to re-enter.)
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A former college classmate told GQ that fellow
swim team members Rand
Paul and a
friend,
who'd been smoking pot, blindfolded
and
kid-
napped her in college
and
tried to
force her
to
take bong hits. When she
refused, they
made
her kneel in a creek and "worship their
God,
Aqua
Buddha" |
He kidnapped a coed at Baylor
(But just to get stoned, not to nail her).
The caper went wrong
When he showed her his bong.
Alas, she was not an inhaler.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
By doing big energy deals with Tehran, Russia,
China, Turkey & India are flouting the West's
new
sanctions intended to halt Iran's nuclear
program
|
Iranian sanctions won't work:
The Russians and Chinese and Turks
Are all overjoyed
To be filling the void,
And don't care if we think they're jerks.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If all the bills passed by the House under Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) were passed by the Senate
and signed by Pres. Obama, we'd have the change
we were looking for |
You'd think that this mother of five's
The worst human being alive!
Rightwingers condemn her
But come this November
Watch Nancy Pelosi survive.
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama with Pakistani Pres. Zardari.
Wiki-Leaked documents show that Pakistan,
which has received
$18 billion in U.S.
aid since
9/11, is
helping
the Taliban in Afghanistan |
Now guess who's been helping the Taliban:
None other than our friends in Pakistan!
(Though powerfully paid
In American aid,
Some live just to hurt an American.)
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republican Senators blocked extension of
jobless benefits
to 1.7 million
Americans
until Democrats broke their filibuster
|
The job bill's dead. They filibustered it
"Because it would increase the deficit."
No money for jobs
But for war they've got gobs.
Republican wisdom is infinite.
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When CNN's Larry King tried to shake hands with
murder
defendant O.J. Simpson in court, an
officer
had
to tell him three times to stop." Rebuffed,
King
gave Simpson a hang-in-there
gesture," wrote
Dominick Dunne in Vanity
Fair,
April 1995 |
When someone screws up in a big way,
Forgive and forget--that's what we say.
(Like, wasn't it tender
How Mr. Suspenders
Stayed best friends forever with
O. J.?)
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Make us whole"
|
People were lined 'round the block
This morning at seven o'clock.
"What's going on?" I say.
"New iPhone's out today!"
iShoulda bought Apple stock.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Rolling Stone article that felled Army Gen.
Stanley McChrystal cites the poor record of couinterinsurgencies:
the
French in Algeria,
Americans in Vietnam, Soviets in Afghanistan... |
While Stanley McChrystal is gone,
The Afghan quagmire lives on.
Do we ignore history?
Counterinsurgencies
Seldom if ever are won.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The UN reports that in our ninth year in
Afghanistan, insurgent violence is up sharply.
Support our troops--
Bring them home! |
If foreign troops marched down our streets,
We'd plant roadside bombs till they leave.
And if their bombs rained
From pilotless planes,
We'd all be insurgents indeed.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slap the next guy who says "Back in the day"...
pass it on |
"Back in the day, [blah blah blah, blah blah blah]."
"At the end of the day, [blah blah blah]."
"Hey, it's all good," they say.
Can't take one more cliché?
Close your ears and go, "La la la la..."
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) apologized to CEO
Tony Hayward
for the White House's
"shakedown"
of BP for a $20 billion "slush fund" |
REPUBLICAN OFFERS APOLOGY
And tells CEO it's a "tragedy"
That BP must pay
For its little mistake
--Just what you'd expect from the GOP.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Some Brits are angry at BP's suspension of
dividends to pay for its mess in the gulf |
Loath to be dividend-free,
Some Brits are defending BP.
(See, payin' for the gusher
Means pensions'll suffer
And money trumps morals, you see.)
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own
money to
win the GOP nomination for
governor of California |
Republicans get an erection
Whenever they buy an election.
With Meg, better yet--
She writes her own checks!
We're screwed, and they won't use protection.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In its flouting of consequences, the Republicans'
"Drill, baby, drill" is eerily similar to the
catch-
phrase of the 60's
race riots, "Burn,
baby,
burn" |
To every last fish in the killing sea
And turtle and oyster and manatee
And seabird and whale
And all else we failed,
We're sorry for our damned stupidity.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many Israelis recognize that only outside pressure
will push their country away from apartheid and
toward a two-state solution with the Palestinians |
When sanctioned by governments worldwide,
South Africa ended apartheid.
Now in the Mideast
Will there ever be peace
Till Israel loses its dark side?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From live video feed of the oil gushing into the
Gulf of Mexico |
Rand Paul says Obama should get
His boot offa poor BP's neck,
Cuz "that's un-American...
Accidents happen."
Can we cap the well with this dreck?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rand Paul (R-KY) said the Civil Rights and Fair Housing
Acts encroach on a business's right to discriminate |
To Tea Bagger Rand of Kentucky,
The Civil Rights Act is horsepucky.
'You should have the right
Not to serve a non-white...'
Just me, or does this tea taste yucky?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
said he
served in Vietnam but never did |
While on a big whopper they're chokin'
And leaving supporters heartbroken,
Pols never say "I
Am sorry I lied..."
It's always, "I may have misspoken."
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Those demanding "less government" should
ask
just
how much less we can stand |
Toyota put growth over safety
And so did their soulmates at BP
While NHTSA and MMS
Did their jobs less and less,
Failing so badly it's creepy.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When fat cats give assurances, cover your ears
and go "La la la la la" |
The Titanic, they said, was unsinkable.
Another big oil spill unthinkable.
The '29 crash?
That was "all in the past."
The worst part? We're still so hoodwinkable.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Anti-gay activist George Rekers quit NARTH,
his "cure the homosexuals" group, after going
to Europe with a male prostitute |
I hired him to carry my bags!
You know I'm not one of those fags!
I taught him the gospel!
[He gave you an assfull.
Now your reputation's in rags.]
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Halliburton followed BP's cement design, which
was thin
and didn't allow for proper testing,
according to experts |
They're ripping us off in two wars
And spilling oil onto our shores.
If you look for dirt on
BP/Halliburton,
You'll find it all over these whores.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The oil slick from a BP rig that exploded,
kill-
ing
11
workers, is headed for land as
200,000
gallons a day
leak
into the Gulf of
Mexico |
The gulf has an oil slick so dire,
They're setting the whole thing on fire.
If anyone still
Insists we can drill
Safely offshore, he's a liar.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
17 senior SEC officers spent the
meltdown
downloading pornography,
according to a
government report |
Amid the financial catastrophe,
What were they doin' at the SEC?
Were they bustin' jerkoffs
Like Goldman or Madoff?
Nah...too busy watchin' pornography.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Just in the month prior to the
explosion that
killed 29 coal miners, Massey Energy
was
cited
for 57 violations at Big Branch
that
included
repeatedly failing to develop a
ventilation plan |
Inside the mountain they crawl
So we'll have a light on the wall.
Day after day,
Sent into harm's way...
Like soldiers they die for us all.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans in the Senate have become "lawbortionists,"
killing even bills they
once supported...just to thwart
majority rule
|
Democracy loses its luster
When stick-in-the-muds filibuster.
A Senate bill dies
With 59 Ayes,
If 41 Nays they can muster.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What mandate for change?
300 bills passed by the House of Representatives
have died in the Senate. Most had the
votes
to
pass by simple majority, but were blocked
by an unprecedented number of GOP filibusters |
(As killing oneself is called suicide
And killing another is homicide)
When Senators kill
Every bill on the Hill,
The word for their crime is democracide.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big Business masterfully confused Americans
over
healthcare reform, convincing many that it
was a handout
to
others that wouldn't benefit them |
"Less government!" Tea Baggers sing,
Delighting those pulling their strings
(Fat cats who'll relax when
They're paying no tax and
We deregulate everything).
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
MSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott
Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning
to run against him |
Two months past a win that was stunning,
Scott Brown shows incredible cunning.
He's raising big dough
To stave off his 'next foe'
(A woman who's not even running).
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When President Obama signed healthcare
reform
into
law, Vice President Biden
couldn't
contain his enthusiasm
and
dropped
an F-bomb by an open mic |
"When health reform passed, how'd you feel?"
"Like, pinch me--this cannot be real!"
"Psst...I felt that way
When I heard Biden say,
'This is a big f*cking deal!'"
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Over 100 billion cubic meters of natural gas
are
flared
or burned off annually (Cough) |
Something looked wrong out the window...
Black smoke above El Segundo...
Flames jetting high
From a torch in the sky...
A burn-off from our friends at ARCO.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With colorful admissions meant to be
denials,
former
Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY)
resigned
from the House after
male staffers
alleged
sexual harassment |
Tickle me into a tizzy!
Snorkle me until you're dizzy!
When you come up for air
You can tousle my hair!
I like when my congressman's busy.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Visitors can now carry concealed, loaded
firearms into national parks, thanks to a new
law
passed by Congress
as an amendment to
credit
card legislation |
I'm takin' my gun up to Yellowstone.
(Dem bison and me might not get along.)
...How long will it take
Till we fix this mistake?
A national park's where guns don't belong.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), top Republican on the
House
Budget Committee, wants to privatize
Social Security
and Medicare |
They want to end Social Security
Cuz they know what's better for you and me
(They'd let us get trounced
In private accounts
And wipe out that quaint little guarantee).
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
John McCain's daughter Meghan shown
opposing Prop. 8 which outlawed same-sex
marriage in California |
Wondering where all the mod'rates went?
Right now a few would be heaven-sent.
The party of Reagan
Could use more like Meghan--
John McCain's finest accomplishment.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act,
which
separated commercial and investment
banks after the
1929 crash, helped bring about
the 2008 crash |
Money's the root of all evil
(Since they repealed Glass-Steagall).
Now brokers are "bankers,"
And most 'a these wankers
Sell products that shouldn't be legal.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) (l.) blew a gasket
when Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Admiral
Mike Mullen (r.) and
Secretary of
Defense
Robert Gates testified in favor of
letting
gays
serve
openly in the military |
'Dja see where McCain got all sullen
And tore into Admiral Mullen
When he urged farewell
To "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?"
The "maverick" looked like the dull 'un.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
James O'Keefe III, shown with Hannah Giles
in their
ACORN get-up, was arrested at
Sen.
Mary
Landrieu's (D-LA) office with a group impersonating telephone repairmen, in a failed
attempt
to
record staff conversations |
When James played a pimp to Miss Giles,
They looked like Right Wingers Gone Wild.
But his latest scam
As a phone repair man
Went nowhere...guess clothes make the child.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After selling Britain a war it didn't need, former
Prime Minister Tony Blair now earns $1.2
million
as a consultant with luxury-goods
purveyor Louis Vuitton |
It's three years since Tony's been gone,
Undone by his Iraqi con.
And now Bush's poodle
Is making a boodle
Consulting for Louis Vuitton.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Chief Justice Roberts, shown flubbing Pres.
Obama's oath
of
office, led the Supreme
Court's
5-4 ruling that corporations can spend whatever
they want on elections |
We voted for change with the POTUS--
Too bad we can't do that with SCOTUS.
We're stuck with John Roberts,
Scalia and Thomas
For life...and they're nuts, if you notice.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Democrats may want to lighten the load and
pass all the legislation they can with simple
majorities, as Pres. Bush
did with tax cuts |
Democrats 2010
Hey, run a bad race and you'll lose it
(Even in blue Massachusetts).
But now's not the time
To die on the vine.
You've got the majority--use it!
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Scott Brown (R-MA), Ted Kennedy's Senate replacement,
won Cosmopolitan's "America's
Sexiest Man" in 1982 |
From pinup to senator...Wow!
Great country we live in, and how.
The body looks grand
But under that hand
He's not hiding much, is he now?
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rush Limbaugh |
Unmoved by a subject so weighty,
Rush Limbaugh said, Don't give to Haiti.
Our troops there, he feels,
Are just "meals on wheels"
[All this from a prick who's 280].
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
RNC Chairman
Michael Steele compared
Sen.
Harry
Reid's
(D-NV) patronizing
remarks
about
then-Sen.
Obama, whom Reid backed,
to ex-Sen. Trent Lott's (R-MS) statement
that
the
country would have been
better off
if
segregationist
Strom Thurmond
had
won
the
White House
|
Watch out, Harry Reid, we will bury ya
With misleading racial hysteria!
Yes, ol' Michael Steele
Is keepin' it real
As Phoniest Man in America.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Rudy Giuliani (l.), Dana Perino and Mary
Matalin have all claimed recently that the U.S.
was not
attacked under
Pres. Bush (r.),
shown
after getting word of the 9-11 attack |
Hey Rudy, your head's up your tush:
"We
weren't attacked under Bush"?!
Recall 9-11
When hell fell from heaven
And he was like out smokin' kush?
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) |
The man with the grey bow-tie hair
Occasionally
does get a stare.
It's thin up the middle,
But with enough spittle
That silly thing wouldn't be there.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) apparently does
not
have God's ear in the healthcare debate
|
The country "should pray," and we quote,
"That somebody can't make the vote."
But Tom's lil' prayer fell flat--
All sixty Democrats
Voted, and no one got smote.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), who promised
voters he'd push
for universal healthcare
and expansion of Medicare to
age
55+,
blocked both in the Senate |
Obstructionist Joe from Connecticut
Says healthcare will drive up the deficit.
Then stop voting for
Perpetual war,
You hypocrite. That's where the money went.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though the majority of Americans support a
publicly run insurance plan option, the Senate
has
dropped it from the healthcare bill due to
opposition from (clockwise from left) Senators
Lincoln (D-AR), Nelson (D-NE), Landrieu
(D-LA)
and Liebermann (I-CT). Senate Majority
Leader Harry
Reid
(D-NV, shown center) needs
60 votes to pass the bill |
Our healthcare reform hopes are sinkin'
With Landrieu and Nelson and Lincoln.
Their hard opposition
To real competition
Has lobbyists everywhere winkin'.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Uninvited White House guests the Salahis are
the most
famous gate crashers in history, after
the Trojan horse |
We'll just kind of push our way through.
You still have those e-mails with you?
Act like you belong.
They won't know what's wrong...
"The President! How do you do?"
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Our trustworthy Afghan partner Pres. Karzai
reviews American troops, sort of |
Let's send more troops to Afghanistan
And when they come home, send 'em back again.
As we dig in for
A Hundred Year War
Who's crazier...we or the Taliban?
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama, shown honoring soldiers killed
in Afghanistan, sent 30,000 more troops over
the objections of Karl Eikenberry, U.S.
Ambassador and former
commander there |
Ambassador Karl Eikenberry
Said 'Don't send more troops. It's too hairy.
The government's f*cked,
Karzai's too corrupt...'
So how many more must we bury?
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Switzerland's ban on new Islamic towers,
approved by
57% of voters, was called
discriminatory by the UN
human
rights chief |
Come ski the Swiss Alps, drink our beer!
Partake of the quaint atmosphere!
But we've been a-votin'
And one thing's verboten:
You can't put your minarets here.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though 95% of working families got a tax cut
through Pres. Obama's stimulus package, the
Tea
Party went to war with him over taxes
|
The king is dead, buddy, believe it.
And maybe it's hard to conceive it,
But taxes are down
With this president, clown.
Reality: love it or leave it.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Noblesville IN hundreds of supporters
were left
standing in the rain after waiting
hours
to get their
books
signed by Sarah
Palin,
whose bus
drove off to
boos and
chants
of "Quittin' on the job!"
|
You left me out here in the rain--
Ms. Palin, do you feel my pain?
I bought your new book
But you never looked.
Signed, TOO HURT TO GO ROGUE AGAIN--
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
George W. Bush lowered the bar for
presidential visits to China |
Is nu-cle-ar so hard to say?
George Bush couldn't say it that way.
And though it behooved him,
He never improved and
Says nu-cu-lar still to this day.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Discussing where 9-11 plotter Khalid Sheikh Mohammed should be tried, Fox TV host Bill
O'Reilly told former judge
Andrew
Napolitano,
"I don't
care
about the
Constitution!...Don't be
a pinhead" |
Now show some respect and be smiley.
I'll cutcha off if you get wily.
Don't make like you're bright;
What I say is right!
--Advice For My Guests, Bill O'Reilly
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lou Dobbs still questions President Obama's
birth
certificate and American citizenship |
Lou, now that you've left CNN
And may run for Prez in the end,
Please show us in triplicate
Your birth certificate.
Prove you're an earthling, my friend.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After squeaking by in the House, healthcare
reform
faces an even tougher fight in the
Senate |
The House passed reform...what the hell!
By two lousy votes...gee, that's swell.
Our Hope springs eternal--
Now may our infernal
House of Lords pass it as well.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) wants
Americans to
be "armed and dangerous"
against
the global warming
bill, and to go
to
Washington to "see the whites
of the
eyes" of their
Congressmen
to fight
healthcare reform
|
'We don't have to fight global warming
Or do any healthcare reforming.'
Oh please, doctor, clear
Her head from her rear
Where all these ideas keep on forming!
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Nothing the President does is right with
Liz Cheney or
her father, the former
Vice President |
To speak as a daughter is charming
(In some cases even disarming...)
But not when, like Pop,
You're bitching non-stop
And constantly being alarming.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he'll join
Republicans in blocking a vote on health care
reform |
So who ran for veep with Al Gore
But
loves John McCain even more?
Your hint: has a sad face
(Or two) and a big taste
For insurance profits and war.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
President Obama's outreach to the Muslim
world and contribution to a "new climate in
international politics"
were cited in his award
of the Nobel Peace Prize |
Where those on the right hear "apology,"
The rest of the world sees diplomacy.
When the noise gets too loud
From the fault-finding crowd,
Thank God there's the rest of the world to see.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The White House delayed a meeting with the
Dalai Lama,
exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, to
gain favor with China,
the Washington Post
reported |
"Hello Dalai? This is Barack.
I'd love to meet with you, no crock.
But now's not the time--
See, China might mind
And cut off our funds...sorry, doc."
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
celebrated
when
Chicago lost its bid to host
the 2016 Olympics |
The U.S. won't host the Olympics,
And some people think that's terrific.
No jobs will arrive,
No boost to our pride--
And still they cheer...how patriotic.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New York's Empire State Building was lit in
red and
yellow to celebrate the 60th anni-
versary of the founding
of
the
People's
Republic of China |
The Empire State Building fellow
Explained why it's lit red and yellow:
"We made it look nifty--
Red China turned 60!"
(And we've turned into a bordello.)
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) |
'The GOP health plan is Don't get sick--
And if you do, pray you go nice 'n quick.'
As Congressman Grayson
Explained to the nation,
They've got no solutions, just rhetoric.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) yelled "You lie!"
when President Obama told a Joint Session
of
Congress that proposed
health care
reform
wouldn't
benefit illegal immigrants |
"You lie!" shouted Congressman Joe,
Disrupting the President's show.
"My words were spontaneous..."
[As well as spurious.
Check your facts next time, you schmo.]
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Some Republicans called President Obama's
back-to-school address an attempt to
indoctrinate America's
schoollchildren
with his "socialist idelogy" |
A sure sign we're hitting the skids:
The Prez wants to talk to your kids
'Bout staying in school
But don't let him, fool--
Teach "Just Say No" when greatness bids.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck |
The biggest blowhards in the land
And little white sheep they command
Spent eight years in clover
While Bush f*cked us over.
Now they're blaming who? The black man.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John
McCain (R-AZ)
said they missed the late
Sen.
Ted Kennedy's leadership
on health
care,
even though both voted
against the
Kennedy
bill in committee |
Guys, if for reform you're not ready
Cuz insurance money's too steady,
For once in your life
Couldja vote for what's right?!
If not for us, do it for Teddy.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Despite getting $170,000 per game, former
slugger Manny Ramirez' lackluster perform-
ance
since
returning from suspension helped
doom the
Dodgers'
2009 pennant race |
Your
slow butt and dull bat are peerless.
You're cold as a ditch digger's rear is.
If Torre is smart,
He'll bench you, you fart.
Meet LVP Manny Ramirez.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Released terrorist Ali Megrahi (l.), convicted
for
bombing
Flight 103 over
Scotland, with
Col. Moammar Khadaffi's son upon
arrival in Libya |
Megrahi bombed Flight 103--
So why in the hell is he free?
The Scots cite his cancer
But some think the answer
Is Libya's deal with BP.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Armed protestor William Kostric outside
presidential town hall in Portsmouth NH |
A town hall is coming--how fun!
Hey, just for show I'll bring a gun.
(I may be a zero
But I'll be a hero
To every jerk under the sun.)
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Blue Dog Democrat" Sen. Max Baucus
(D-MT)
talks
health care with Sen.
Chuck Grassley (R-IA) |
When blue dogs lie down with red cats
They stink of unnatural acts.
The Change we believe in
Ends up in the trash bin
...Thanks to these Republicrats.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former House Speaker Tom DeLay (R-TX) left
TV's
Dancing with
the Stars with stress
fractures
in
both feet |
So Dancing w' the Stars got DeLay?
The old termite man? You don't say!
From shame and indictment
To fame and excitement...
God, make this big bug go away.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Eric Cantor
(R-VA)
and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) |
Bipartisanship's a delusion
With Boehner and crew in collusion.
It boggles the mind
Why Dems waste their time...
Wake up, donkeys! You're the solution!
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin riding a
pony. A closer look reveals "bitch tits" |
Women worldwide are salutin'
Bare-chested Vladimir Putin.
He's evil, of course,
But on a wee horse
He looks purty good, yer darn tootin'.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned
with 16
months left in his term to pursue
other opportunities |
Martinez and Palin and Lott
Won races, then quit on the spot.
They'll rake in the dough
Wherever they go
(And oh, for your vote thanks alot).
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) in his
Twitter
video discussing state's
budget crisis |
For Arnold it's been such a blast...
Running a state on bombast.
But when history's written
This camera-smitten
Guv'll be rated near last.
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA) |
It really is so hard to kindle
Any love for Bobby Jindal.
He pooh-poohed the stimulus,
Then took the check from us,
Signed his own name...what a swindle!
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) resigned with
18 months left in her term
|
The planets and stars were aligned
The day Sarah Palin resigned.
Of her own volition
The guvnor went fishin'
And left fishy guvnin' behind.
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Sen. John Ensign (R-NV)
|
John Ensign was seeing the Mrs.
Of his chief of staff (hold your hisses).
John's dad crossed her hand
With ninety-six grand:
"Now leave John alone...Hugs and kisses."
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) |
The old "Appalachian trail"
Turned out to be a tall tale.
With a Father's Day trip
To his Argentine chick,
Mark Sanford touched the third rail.
June, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA) |
Her chat with an Israeli spy
Was taped by our own FBI.
'Jane Harman's the name
And chutzpah's my game.
Reduce all your charges? I'll try.'
April, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) |
Blagojevich set a new low
For governors grubbing some dough.
He thought it'd be neat
To sell Barack's seat--
Now that's an impeachable ho!
December, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
The late Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) narrowly lost
re-election in 2008 after his federal corruption conviction, which was later overturned on the
grounds
of gross prosecutorial misconduct.
Stevens
died in
a plane crash August 9, 2010,
and was eulogized as
the
"patron of Alaska" |
Ted Stevens' A-frame got bigger
Thanks to an oilman...go figure.
With gifts underfoot,
Ted counted his loot
And brought home the earmarks with vigor.
November, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber,
questions candidate Barack Obama in Ohio |
With back taxes owed since last summer
And no plumbing license (a bummer),
He claimed to be buying
His firm (he was lying).
Just wear your boots 'round Joe the Plumber.
October, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) |
The best looking guy in the race
Had nary a hair out of place.
But when it came out
That he was a lout,
The egg was all over his face.
August, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D-NY) |
As governor of New York State
Herr Spitzer ran off on his mate.
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
It's that he paid ten grand per date!
March, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) |
There once was a Larry named Craig
Whose self-hate was easy to peg.
He kept voting nay
On all matters gay
While for a good man he would beg.
August, 2007
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Bill Jefferson (D-LA) |
A Jefferson named "Dollar Bill"
Kept ninety grand where it could chill
And though he had burned 'em
The people returned him
To serve one more term on the Hill.
November, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) |
There once was a Foley named Mark
About whom we were in the dark
Until his outrageous
Emails to pages
Caused all the young dudes to narc.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R-WY) |
'Now fear this!' Dick Cheney would cry,
'There'll be mushroom clouds in the sky
With dubya-M-Ds
And anthrax disease...
If you don't vote for us, you'll die!'
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
James Inhofe (R-OK) |
Among other pitiful jokes,
He called global warming a hoax.
Jim Inhofe's a loyal
Friend of Big Oil,
And for them he'll toil till he croaks.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many Americans hated the French for
not joining the invasion of Iraq
|
Don't eat those potatoes au gratin!
It's Freedom Fries now, ya forgotten?
If it's French, send it back!
[Cuz they passed on Iraq?
How foolish has this country gotten?!]
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Of the 1992 presidential candidates, only Ross
Perot opposed the North American Free Trade Agreement--predicting a "giant
sucking
sound"
of U.S. manufacturing
jobs
going south. Indeed,
the U.S.
would lose over 1 million jobs
to
NAFTA
(1993-2004), and 2.4 million more to
China's entry into the
World
Trade
Organization
(2001-2009)-- Economic
Policy Institute |
When they shoved free trade up our ass,
The jobs started goin' away fast...
And both parties tried
To promise blue sky,
But skies have remained overcast.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
s Limericks and Political Limericks
Poetry for the 99%
. |
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