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Newsmaker Limericks
By Robert C. Keating
News Limericks, Political Limericks


Tweet
Thom Hartmann

It's not that RT doesn't have
Good people on the air.
It's just that, what with who's in charge,
I wouldn't watch 'em there.

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bill O'Reilly and Roger Ailes

Bill O'Reilly's off the air
And Roger Ailes is dead.
Two less guys the distaff side
Of Fox will have to dread.

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Fox and Friends cast: Brian Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt & Brian Kilmeade

There is a there there, nincompoops:
The Russia story's real.
So don't sell out your country to
Protect an old schlemiel.

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump addressing Lester Holt

Donald Trump is such a dolt.
He spilled the beans with Lester Holt
And told him why Jim Comey's gone:
The Russia probe's still going on.

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kevin Brady, Donald Trump and Paul Ryan

How in the hell do you stop
A Russian intelligence op,
When those in control
Have the opposite goal--
Protecting the tool at the top?

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

He "thought it would be easier,"
This presidency thing.
That alone should tell ya
He's a f*ckin' ding-a-ling.

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man wearing Bud Lite carton as hat and empty beer cans as necklace

Imagine a man with no impulse control
Winning the White House at last,
And getting his hands on the nuclear codes.
Doesn't that sound like a blast?

May, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump pointing

Mexico, he promised,
Would be paying for the wall.
But now that he's the president,
It's not that way at all:
It's we who have to pay for it,
At fifty billion-plus.
Amazing, with this president,
How little you can trust.

April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man perplexed at his "smart" phone

I know how to spell, but my "smart" phone does not.
It "auto-corrects" everything on the spot,
So nothing makes sense when I'm done with a text.
I wonder what crap they'll be thinking up next.

April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Nervous man

Everybody wants my dough
Since Donald Trump got in.
My name must be on every
Lefty list that's ever been.
Once ya give 'em anything,
They're always back for more.
I wish I were a millionaire,
But most I must ignore.

April, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Secret meeting

"The president has gone insane.
So what do we do now?"
"It's obvious we gotta get him
Outta there somehow.
The 25th Amendment,
For example, is a way
That Pence could be the president
And Trump would go away.
"

March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Frustrated woman

Spare me the upsell, goddammit!
You're pushin' so hard I can't stand it.
I only want
What I told you I want.
If that doesn't suit ya, then cram it!

March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Verbizi girl

Celebrex and Vesicare
And Nexium and Lyrica:
There's a pill for everything
In modern-day America.
Anyone who visited
And looked at our TV
Would have to think these f*ckers
Are as sick as they can be.

March, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump extending his hand to a reluctant Justin Trudeau (not shown)

Anyone can understand
Why no one wants to shake his hand:
It's like you're being lassoed;
It's the rudest sh*t in all the land.

February, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump in a Russian hat

Russia must see Trumpsky as
The answer to their prayers.
They could build the Berlin Wall
Again for all he cares.

February, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Betsy Davos and Steve MnuchinBetsy Davos and Steve Mnuchin

They're clever, these Republicans,
But what should make us nervous is
They're out to wreck the government
And privatize its services.

January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

So now it's done: he's president,
And crazy as a loon.
He's gonna make a mess of it;
The question is how soon.

January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Shady accountant with calculator

Statistics can be made to lie.
For instance, take the CPI:
It always shows
Inflation's low,
When everybody knows it's high.

January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump as pirate with Paul Ryan as parrot on his shoulder

Republicans will have themselves
The mother of all booties
If they can shrink the government
And privatize its duties.

January, 2017
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Trump protesters

Looking Ahead

"Trump is not my president!"
That's really kinda reachin'.
He is the goddam president;
That's why we must impeach him.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton

She Should Be President, But...

Her "basket of deplorables"
Remark was kind of dumb.
You don't insult the voters;
That is Rule Number One...
Or tell them they'll be unemployed
As soon as you get in.
It's arrogant to talk that way
And think that you can win.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man in Volvo commercial

Volvo has an ad campaign
That leaves me high and dry.
There's someone getting married
And we're s'posed to care, but why?

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Girl looking at phone

Coupons are a way of life;
Ya gotta have the coupon.
But stick with stuff you know you like,
Not crazy crap on Groupon.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump and Mitt Romney

He labeled Trump a "phony;"
Now he goes and licks his hand.
If you're ashamed of Romney,
I completely understand.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Electoral College = Voter Suppression protest sign

Our system is so stupid
That it makes you wanna cry.
Democracy it isn't,
But we hang on to the lie.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

David Niven in tuxedo

"Pet friendly" isn't something
That I look for on vacation.
The pets are always dogs,
And that's a certain indication
You're gonna be awakened
At a very early hour...
A frightfully good way
To make a holiday go sour.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton in crown

A word to establishment Democrats:
You could've had Sanders, remember that.
Polls showed that he
Was much stronger than she
Against Trump; don't know what you were lookin' at.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bernie Sanders and Hillary ClintonBernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton

I've never liked a candidate
As much as Bernie Sanders.
I got his message right away;
Could never understand hers.

December, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Body of Abdul Razak Ali Artan under sheet

An OSU student, Abdul,
Drove into a crowd at his school
And then started stabbing 'em.
He won't do that again.
Got what he asked for, the fool.

November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bernie Sanders supporters

You'd rather have a candidate
Who fills a frickin' stadium
Than someone who can barely fill
A middle school gymnasium.

November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

We didn't like his temperament
And knew he wasn't fit,
But still we made him president.
Ain't that a bunch 'a sh*t.

November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

CNN's Kayleigh McEnany

Whatever happened to "must see" TV?
Lately on cable there's nothin' to see
But surrogates shilling for Clinton and Trump.
After a minute, you're ready to jump.

November, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jared Fogle holding Subway sandwich

Claim

Subway knew for quite a while
Their spokesman was a pedophile.
He wasn't shy,
This Jared guy--
He said he liked 'em juvenile.

October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump, Mexico City, August 31, 2016

When a macho man like Donald Trump
Shows up in bobby pins,
You'd think it would be front page news,
But better think again:
Although he looked ridiculous,
The press just let it pass.
(He says they're out to get him,
But for once they saved his ass.)

October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump standing behind Hillary Clinton at second presidential debate

On Hillary, I'll say this:
She may not be the greatest,
But 'least she won't
Be someone who
Makes everybody hate us.

October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump at Mexico City press conference, August 31, 2016
At Mexico City press conference, August 31, 2016

We have a small suggestion
For the Donald if he wins:
Before he meets with Putin,
He should lose the bobby pins.

October, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Young Trump supporters

It's gotta be a sign
Our schools are in decline,
If we're too dumb
To see when someone's
Feeding us a line.

September, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump hugging American flag

We'll never see his tax returns;
He can't afford for us to learn
How little that he's really paid
On all that money that he's made.

August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

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Donald Trump holding baby

"A kinder, gentler Donald Trump?"
Now that I gotta see.
(How long, ya think, before he's back
To total S.O.B.?)

August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman trying on too-small shirt

The online experience blows
When shopping for something like clothes.
But that's all we'll have here,
Cuz after the new year
Our Macy's is going to close.

August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump playing with toy soldiers

"Why have nukes if you can't use 'em?"
Donald wants to know.
It's not just that he's ignorant;
He's proud to let it show.

August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Low California reservoir

California

Inasmuch as there's no rain,
They oughta scrap the bullet train
And put that money somewhere smart:
Desalination, for a start.

August, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump addressing Fresno, CA rally

He came to California
And declared, "There is no drought."
How anyone could buy this sh*t's
What I can't figure out.

July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

James Comey

That does it; the case is decided:
Ms. Clinton will not be indicted.
(For those who believe
That the system is rigged,
More proof has been kindly provided.)

July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

"I'm with her," the buttons say,
But will she be with us?
There's so much in her resume
That makes her hard to trust.
That said, she's facing someone
Who's so totally unworthy,
I guess I'll have to 'be with her'
And make believe it's Bernie.

July, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

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Donald Trump receiving later-rescinded honorary degree

Trump University should be in quotes;
That isn't in fact what it was.
(You couldn't call something
"Trump Hospital," couldja,
By just putting salesmen in scrubs?)

June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Young man and woman lloking down at smartphones

Everybody's somewhere else,
Inside their little phone...
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram;
You're always left alone.

June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gorilla Harambe and boy

#JusticeForHarambe

You're s'posed to be judged by a jury, but wow...
Trial by hashtag is what we have now:
Millions of people expressing their view
On how you f*cked up when you went to the zoo.

June, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Trump rally on MSNBC

To get the news from cable news,
You gotta watch the crawl
And mute the endless Trumpathon;
It's no damn help at all.

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

Superman could see through walls;
Now you can see through Trump:
This promo for his phony school's
Just like him on the stump.

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump and Sadiq KhanDonald Trump and Sadiq Khan

The new Muslim mayor of London
Has got him a little conundrum:
If he wants to fly
To the states by and by,
Will he need permission from Dum Dum?

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

Donald Trump is f*cking nuts;
What else should we consider?
Jesus, you could see this putz
Start World War III on Twitter.

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

What this election's not about
Is Mrs. Clinton's marriage.
(It's odd, a guy who's on his third
Finds so much to disparage.)

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

California aqueduct

April showers bring May flowers,
So we used to say...
But that's not how the system works
In places like L.A.,
Where rains are insufficient
To grow anything for sure,
So mostly we're dependent
On the water we "procure."

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man in suit walking the plank

Face it, Mr. Sales Pro:
They're always gonna rank ya.
And when it's time to letcha go,
They're never gonna thank ya.

May, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

9/11 Attack on World Trade Center

War on Terror

Think of all the countries
That we've bombed to get these scum.
Everywhere on earth
But where they actually were from.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz

Attn: Ted Cruz

"Donald Trump's a liberal"?
Hey, let me set you straight:
A liberal would not campaign
On bigotry and hate.
I know that it's your job
To throw him underneath the bus,
But take it from a liberal:
He isn't one of us.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tamir Rice

'9-1-1, he's got a gun,
But could be just a kid...
And that could be a toy he's got.'
A lotta good that did.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ted Cruz

Whenever politicians say
We gotta close the EPA,
That really means
Behind the scenes
They're taking big polluter pay.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

The GOP won't break apart if
Trump's the nominee.
They'll act like he's the one they wanted;
Just you wait and see.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton

Another sign the Clinton folks
Are under some duress:
They took a static noise machine
And aimed it at the press,
So no one could determine
What she told the donors there.
(If it was on the up and up,
You wouldn't think they'd care.)

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man lighting cigar with hundred dollar bill

You think these corporate media dicks
Want money out of politics?
They're making scads
Off all those ads.
It's not a system they would fix.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton

Sour Grapes

He brings the independents in
As Hillary does not.
But that is not rewarded in
The system that we've got:
You have to be a Democrat
To vote for him most places.
If primaries were open,
He'd be winning all those races.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sanders Wins Wyoming Democratic Caucus

It's kinda weird: he wins again,
But Clinton gets more delegates.
It isn't on the up and up,
The way we pick our presidents.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

"No boats" sign on parched lakebed

If nature is something to tame,
We're not very good at the game...
Or else we'd be outta
This miserable drought,
Cuz we'd know how to make us some rain.

April, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton

Why Bernie

Our appetite for change is great:
Remember, in 2008
We voted for
An end to war,
Not eight more years of stalemate.

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Terrorist

Homeland Insecurity

ISIS really worries me;
Al Qaeda does as well...
And Al-Shabab, and Shish Kabob,
And all those hounds of hell.
But on a daily basis,
The one who scares me more
Is the camo-clad American
With all his guns next door.

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump showing his hands at debate

Tortured Trump

The way he needs to tell us that his penis isn't small,
And everyone's in love with him from NY to Nepal,
You start to see a pattern that's unsettling for sure:
We really want a president this f*cking insecure?!

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump hugging flag

Get this asshole off the stage!
I'm tired of his act:
His haughty air, his stupid hair,
Most everything, in fact.
I've had it with the media
Not challenging his lies,
And snubbing Bernie Sanders,
Who could cut him down to size.

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Cops

Blue Wall of Silence

Good cop, bad cop--which is which?
It's hard to tell, if none'll snitch
When one of theirs commits a crime,
But mum's the word most every time.

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Donald Trump and Mitt RomneyDonald Trump and Mitt Romney

'Trump's bankrupted companies,
Screwed over workers,
And hidden what taxes he's paid.'
(That all may be true,
Mr. Romney, but you
Did those very same things, I'm afraid.)

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Confused man at store

Decaffeinated coffee,
Non-alcoholic beer...
I don't know what they're good for;
So tell me why they're here?

March, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marco Rubio pointing at Donald Trump

See the most recent Republican brawl?
Somebody's grown him a new set 'a balls!
Best frickin' takedown of Donald to date.
Question now, is it too little, too late?

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Lady biting her nails

Trump's the next president; how do I know?
Looks like the Democrats aren't gonna show.
Maybe it's burnout,
But this kinda turnout
Is not gonna get 'em where they need to go.

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

I like to write poems that are based on the news,
But lately the challenge is staying enthused
When most of the news is so awful to see,
You just wanna hide and turn off the TV.

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gas leak protest at Porter Ranch CA

Aliso Canyon Storage Facility

After all the gas it's spewed,
Shouldn't they just shut it down?
Everybody knows they should;
Everyone but Jerry Brown.

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Starving sea lion pup

Saving "the planet" is such a misnomer;
The planet will still be around.
It's we who are on it that's gonna be goners,
If we don't keep temperatures down.

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ted Nugent

Nugent's only trending
Cuz 'a something dumb he said.
(Not to disappoint you
If you thought that he was dead.)

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Zika fumigation

Pregnant? I'd skip the Olympics in Rio,
Where sewers are open and breeding mosquitoes
With some of the nastiest viruses yet.
Zika is one that you don't wanna get.

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Steve King and Ted Cruz

Cruz Takes Iowa Caucus

They only won by subterfuge:
They told the Carson folks,
'Your candidate has left the race,
So give us all your votes.'

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

I got to admit, I'm a little confused
By something that's commonly said:
"He sucks all the oxygen out of the room."
Then why isn't everyone dead?

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton at rally

She's shouting--my God, is she shrill!
As a speaker, she's nothin' like Bill.
She's more like a dentist
Who's inside your head
With a big ass electrical drill.

February, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Snyder

Heckuva Job, Ricky

Just to save a measly buck,
He switched our source of water.
So now it's lead we're drinking up.
Arrest his ass? They oughta.

January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bird looking up

I thought that our fortunes were set:
The winter was s'posed to be wet.
They promised El Nino;
Reality is, though,
We haven't seen anything yet.

January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bored Hillary Clinton fans

Is Hillary Clinton, like, yesterday's news?
Millenial women seem less than enthused...
"First woman president"
Just isn't gettin' it.
They're gonna need more than gender to choose.

January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump mocking a disabled reporter

A consummate asshole in ev-er-y way:
So what does our surging support for him say,
That we'd even think of electing his kind?
"Surrounded by assholes" is what comes to mind.

January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

"Wages are too high," he says.
"Our country can't compete."
If folks see where he's going there,
He won't be hard to beat.

January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Hillary Clinton

A no-fly zone in Syria--
Like, what is she, insane?
Let's ratchet up this clusterf*ck
And down a Russian plane.

January, 2016
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sam Brownback and Chris Christie
Govs. Sam Brownback (R-KS) and Chris Christie
(R-NJ)

Kansas and New Jersey
Had some decent credit once,
Until they both decided
To elect a f*cking dunce
Who cut the corporate taxes
Till there's nothin' comin' in.
(Those "fiscally responsible
Conservatives" again.)

December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bush supporter with Jeb! sign

With thirty million bucks in ads,
You'd think he'd make a dent.
But Mr. Exclamation Mark
Is still at three percent.

December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Nashfeen Malik, left, and Syed FarookNashfeen Malik, left, and Syed Farook

Proof that our gun laws are rotten:
Their guns were all legally gotten.

December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Israeli soldier and Palestinian child

Line up with Israel! Don't be a critic,
Or someone will say that you're anti-Semitic.
(Don't think that that couldn't happen to you;
That's even happened to many a Jew.)

December, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Police advancing in riot gear

There's something faintly creepy 'bout
That word they're using currently:
"Homeland" this and "homeland" that.
It sounds like Nazi Germany.

November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ben Carson

I punched my mom and stabbed my friend
But now that I've been saved,
I'd like to be your president.
I'm very well behaved.

November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Vote!

Voter turnout is the key
To ending this plutocracy.
It's we who've let
The one percent
Run off with our democracy.

November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ben Carson and Donald Trump

Don't count on corporate media
To filter out the liars.
Just look at all the time they give
To climate change deniers.

November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bernie Sanders

What's in a name? For a "socialist," plenty:
A survey suggests ya got little if any
Chance at the White House
If that's how you're known.
(Might be a label you'd wanna disown.)

November, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Joe Biden

Anyone who takes this long
Deciding if he'll run
Is not the guy you're lookin' for,
When all is said and done.

October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Exxon sign

What did they know,
And when did they know it?
They knew we were warming;
Their documents show it.
But thirty years later,
They're still playing dumb,
And funding deniers,
Like absolute scum.

October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Keith Olbermann

M S N B C
Ain't what it used to be.
But what the heck
Could we expect?
It's corporate TV.

October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Young woman covering ears

It's so damn annoying, that thing that you do:
Asking me "Right?" every second or two...
Tying me down like I'm buyin' a car
(Seventeen times that you've done it so far).

October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Syrian refugees in line for water

Even if there were no Isis,
There'd be a refugee crisis.
Try hangin' out
Where there's nothin' but drought.
A place where there's water is priceless.

October, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

Must they cover Donald Trump
Every time he takes a dump?
Didn't all his
Birther sh*t
Disqualify him right from jump?

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man yelling at his smartphone

"Uber needs access" to all of my sh*t:
My photos, my contacts, the whole f*cking bit.
I wanted a ride where I'd save on the tab,
But f*ck this malarkey--I'm callin' a cab.

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

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Hillary Clinton
From: H <hrod17@clintonemail.com>

Was anyone watching the store?
You'd think it'd be hard to ignore
That emails from "H"
Weren't coming from State;
She sent 20,000 or more.

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Painting of Jesus blessing soldier
The "Prince of Peace" is what he's called.
(Ironic, that, considering all
The bloody wars that men have fought
With Him on board, or so they thought.)

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

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Bernie Sanders supporter

I've made my choice for president
And nothing can deter me.
The others are irrelevant;
I'm in the tank for Bernie.

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama viewing glacier in Alaska

You see what's at stake in Alaska,
With everything heating up faster.
So why aren't you willing
To see that by drilling
The Arctic, you're courting disaster?

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump

Stump the Trump

My favorite book's the Bible,
But as far as favorite verse?
I wish I woulda thought 'a that
And gotten one rehearsed.

September, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

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Charlton Heston hoisting rifle before 2000 NRA convention
Quit the NRA!

Men of conscience should decline
To send this group another dime.
It's getting old,
How it opposes
Any gun law, any time.

August, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Despondent man working on laptop

They hype us on working from home,
As if we'll like being alone,
And won't go berserk
Having no one to work with
Except via email or phone.

July, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

James Inhofe
Climate change denier Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK)

If "family values" is their thing,
Then how can all these dingalings
Be leaving to their precious kids
A planet as messed up as this?

June, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Grand old party

You wanna shrink the government,
But who would really win?
If you believe
It's you or me,
You'd better think again.

June, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marco Rubio and Jeb BushMarco Rubio and Jeb Bush

Justifying the War

"The world's a better place
Without Saddam," or so they say.
(A million dead Iraqis
Might not see it quite that way.)

May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Amtrak derailment in Philadelphia
The bodies were still being recovered when House Republicans cut Amtrak's budget by $260 million
and rejected funding for speed control technology
that would have helped prevent a horrific train
crash in Philadelphia the night before

What happened was wholly preventable.
That's why it's so damn indefensible
That Congress would cut
Amtrak's budget so much
One day after. It's incomprehensible.

May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Osama Bin Laden
The killing of Osama Bin Laden didn't go as the
White House said, according to Seymour Hersh

We may have been misled
By the "hooey" we were fed,
But what isn't in
Dispute is that
The S.O.B. is dead.

May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Deflategate headline

Whatever the scandal of late,
It always ends up as a "-gate."
I wish they would snuff
The Nixonian suffix;
It doesn't belong on "deflate."

May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pamela Geller
Four months after 12 were killed at a Paris maga-
zine over publishing cartoons of Mohammed,
provocateuse Pamela Geller offered $10,000
for the 'best Mohammed cartoon' at a TX event,
and got the copycat attack she was looking for

To bait Islamic terrorists
With cartoons of Mohammed
Is so damn irresponsible,
It makes you wanna vomit.

May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Fox and Friends' Steve Doocy, Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Brian Kilmeade

When Obama got elected,
There were pundits who suggested
We were over race; remember that?
Sadly, they were fulla crap.

May, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Obama poster 2008
Pres. Obama says critics of the Trans-Pacific Partnership should judge the trade deal on the
facts, but those facts have been kept secret

I feel like such a fool!
He's just a corporate tool.
He wouldn't be
For TPP
If he was really cool.

April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton

Great Expectations

She voted for a war
That was our country's darkest hour.
What other dumb decisions
Will she make if she's in power?

April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Indiana protest

Our money's good as anyone's.
That's why in Indiana,
When people tried to f*ck with us,
Big business went bananas.

April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mike Pence
Gov. Mike Pence (R-IN) signed a law protecting businesses from civil rights lawsuits filed by peo-
ple they refuse to serve on the basis of "religion"

"Religious Freedom Restoration's"
Written, for your information,
So these clowns
Can get around
Our laws against discrimination.

April, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bernie Sanders
Progressive Democrats want Sen. Bernie Sanders
(I-VT) to seek their party's presidential nomination

A candidate who we can trust
To actually be there for us...
'Fwe weren't asleep,
This guy would leave
Both Bush and Clinton in the dust.

March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ted Cruz and daughter Caroline
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, with daughter Caroline, is the
first Republican to enter the 2016 presidential race

A guy who thinks so crazily
And gives a speech so nasally
And looks so odd
Won't win it, but
He thinks he can, amazingly.

March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Low lake

The first day of spring should delight us,
But sadly it also reminds us:
We're headed from here
For another dry year,
Cuz the best chance of rain is behind us.

March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama
When a US-backed coup fails, try sanctions

Sanctionista

"Extraordinary threat," he says,
"To national security."
So what exactly is the threat?
It's sounding like manure to me:
Is Venezuela gonna blow us
All to smithereens?
Or is this how we destabilize
A socialist regime?

March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bill O'Reilly
No slave to truth, Bill O'Reilly

"The O'Reilly Factor" on Fox News

Whatever else it is, a "no spin zone" it's not.
It's funny they would call it that, considering it's got
An anchor spinning yarns about his acts of derring-do
That actual reporters have determined are untrue.

March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Peter King
"There are terrorist attacks all over the world
& we're talking about closing down Homeland
Security," tweeted Rep. Peter King (R-NY).
"This is like living in a world of crazy people."

"Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican"

Republicans seem to've abandoned
Their famous Eleventh Commandment.
It's too hard to keep
When there's so many creeps
In the party, they can't even stand it.

March, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Nervous mother

Mom, don't even hesitate:
Grab your kid and vaccinate
His ass right now,
Before he's down
With measles (wouldn't that be great).

February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Brian Williams

Why did Brian take to lyin'
When he had it all?
And think he'd get away with it?
That takes a lotta gall.

February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jeb Bush
Jeb Bush was expected to raise $10+ million from
Wall St. donors at a $100,000 per plate dinner at
billionaire Henry Kravis' Park Avenue residence

You wanna have Jeb Bush's ear
And get to shake his hand?
Then sign up for his dinner here--
It's just a hundred grand.

February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Alberta 2013 oil pipeline spill

If pipelines were impervious
And never ever leaked,
Then Keystone wouldn't worry us,
But as it is, we're freaked.

February, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Saddam statue toppled 2003

'We broke it; we own it.' That's not just Iraq,
But the whole Middle East, as a matter of fact.
Nothing we've done there has been a success
Since W. snookered us into this mess.

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Child drone victim

For a country that's so damn religious,
You'd think we'd be asking forgiveness
For all of the blows
We've inflicted on those
Who were minding their own f*cking business.

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

TV reporter in Times Square

I can't think of anything better
Than sitting here dreading the weather.
The TV won't quit
With this megastorm sh*t.
Siddown and we'll stress out together!

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sonia Sotomayor
Dissenting from the Supreme Court's decision
upholding Michigan's affirmative action ban,
Justice Sonia Sotomayor said Chief Justice John
Roberts was "out of touch with reality" on race

Wish there were more like Sotomayor.
She is the justice whom I most adore:
Look how she's able
To take on an a-hole
Like Chief Justice Roberts and give him what for.

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Joe Friday

I'll hear your confession there, Father.
So how many kids did you bother
And tell not to tell
Or they'd all go to Hell?
Was handy, huh, havin' that collar?

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

I35 bridge collapse
Years after the deadly failure of a Minneapolis bridge
during rush hour, the American Society of Civil En-
gineers still gives U.S. infrastructure a grade of D+

While interest rates are low,
We oughta find the dough
And fix what all needs fixin',
Not just wait for it to go.

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

NYC police turning backs on Mayor DeBlasio
NYC police turned their backs on a live video feed
of Mayor de Blasio eulogizing one of their own

A clarification before we go
And put all the blame on de Blasio:
Did he shoot those cops?
No, he did not.
Did he choke that guy in the video?

January, 2015
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Actor playing Kim Jong Un in The Interview

At Least Change His Name?!

"Comedy" or not,
A movie where the plot's
Assassinate
A head of state
Should never have been shot.

December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

William Montemarino and Lamard Joye

No wonder "stop and frisk"
Has everybody pissed:
They take the cash
Right off your ass
As if it won't be missed.

December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Eric Garner RIP
"I can't breathe"

The way that Eric Garner died
Was quickly ruled a homicide,
But bring the perp
To justice? Nope,
The prosecutor never tried.

December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tom Coburn
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK), known for blocking
bills through "holds," used his last days in the
Senate to block a $22 million veteran suicide
prevention bill with broad bipartisan support

Good-bye to Dr. No.
We're glad to see him go!
He got his kicks
From bein' a dick
And holding up the show.

December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

University of Virginia rape protest
Since 1998, 183 University of Virginia students
have been expelled for honor-code violations such
as cheating on exams, but not one for sexual as-
sault, despite multiple reported cases

An honor system gone awry:
You cannot steal, cheat or lie
And get to stay
At UVA,
But rape, they'll letcha slither by.

December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Don Lemon and Joan TarshisDon Lemon and Joan Tarshis
CNN's Don Lemon apologized for his bizarre
questioning of one of Bill Cosby's rape accusers

'When Cosby made ya give him head,
Why dintcha bite his dick instead?'
'I wasn't sure how that would go.
You try it, Don, and let me know.'

December, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

"Freedom from Want" by Norman Rockwell

The thing that I'm most grateful for
On this Thanksgiving Day
Is being free of any urge
To jump into the fray
And battle all the shoppers
Who are gathered at the mall
To get a deal on something
That's forgotten by next Fall.

November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chris Christie

Suddenly everyone's giving me grief
For sitting on millions in Sandy relief,
But 800 mill is a lot to let go.
Screw everybody; I'm taking it slow.

November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Homer Simpson

Too bad they don't give Mulligans...
By voting in Republicans,
Now ninety-nine percent of us
Have no one representing us.

November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitch McConnell

It can't get weirder, can it?
You flat could not invent it:
They block our will
Completely, still
We give 'em back the Senate.

November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Roberts

"Legislating from the bench"
Is something he was dead against.
But look how soon
He changed his tune,
Once he got himself entrenched.

November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jaylen Friberg
A spurned WA teenager shot five, then himself

Who gives a sh*t what his motive was?
Isn't the point that the little skuzz
Would never have done it
If he'd 'a been gunless?
The gun made the difference; it always does.

November, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Masked New Yorkers at subway

Ebola patient coming through!
I'd give him room if I were you.
(He's blocks away,
But who's to say?
You never know what germs can do.)

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

"Loud Fridays" club poster

All the fun people are gonna be deaf!
Nightclubs are beating our eardrums to death.
Why can't they keep it to reasonable noise?
No getting back what a deejay destroys.

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Larry King

We beat the Giants three weeks back
And won the NL West, in fact.
But nowadays that don't mean squat:
Look who's in, and look who's not.

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Girl covering ears
How to stop saying the word "like"

When every other word is "like,"
It's hard to even listen.
We sound like we're lobotomized
And half our brains are missin'.

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Angry Republican elephant cartoon

Republican Strategy Session

Voting early isn't right;
The folks who do it aren't white.
It's something that we gotta stop,
Or how we gonna stay on top?

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Polar bear clinging to melting ice

The time for denying it's past:
The planet is heating up fast.
There's much to be done,
But priority one
Is to pull our head out of our ass.

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Eric Holder
Moving on...to Wall Street?
Retiring U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder

Good-bye to Eric Holder.
His record has been mixed...
He fought the fight for civil rights
All right, but then there's this:
He coddled all the banksters,
And let 'em pay a fine;
They crashed the world economy
And no one's doin' time.

October, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sean Groubert
A South Carolina trooper was arrested for shooting
an unarmed motorist who was complying with his
order to get his driver's license after being stopped
for not wearing a seatbelt

The thing we gotta stop
Is trigger happy cops
Who act like we're all terrorists
And they're in Special Ops.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Monopoly man surrounded by cash
Follow the money: Few in Washington have raised
concerns about the proposed merger of Comcast
& Time Warner Cable, though the combined entity
would control 19 of the top 20 U.S. markets, with
a 30% market share in cable & 40% in broadband

We've long had laws on antitrust
And everyone endorses them,
But spread around sufficient bucks
And nobody enforces them.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ferguson MO protester

Until they see a certain cop
Convicted by a jury,
Don't look for all the sh*t to stop
In Ferguson, Missouri.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Iraqi tribesmen

Back to Iraq

You don't buy these tribesmen; you rent 'em at best.
Remember when Dubya was pounding his chest,
Proclaiming the surge was what won us the peace?
What won it was cash, and they'd like some more, please.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Greg Hardy

NFL Domestic Violence

This comes as such a big surprise;
They all seem like such decent guys.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sun over parched land

Go East, Young Man

Sunny days are lots of fun,
But when there's nothing but the sun,
You can't sustain
A fricking thing.
Without some rain, the West is done.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Godane
The Heritage Institute called it highly unlikely that
Al Shabab would remain intact as a cohesive terror-
ist group after the U.S. killed its leader in Somalia

We just killed the leader of some f*cking group.
So that oughta fix 'em; they'll never recoup.
He won't be a martyr whose praises they'll sing;
More likely than not, they'll forget the whole thing.

September, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

ISIS fighter
Islamic State militants added an American journalist
to their hundreds of beheadings across Iraq & Syria

ISIS

You're talking some real depravity:
These guys are so bad that they had to be
Expelled from Al Qaeda,
No less, cuz their fighters
Were using "excessive brutality."

August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

World War I poster

"The War to End All Wars"
Began a hundred years ago,
And even though we won it,
There's an asterisk, you know:
It didn't end all wars;
In fact, it wasn't even close.
There's more of 'em than ever now,
And we're involved in most.

August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Lake Mead and Hoover Dam
Bathtub ring: Water and hydroelectric deliveries are threatened as Lake Mead on the Colorado River has fallen to its lowest level since the Hoover Dam was completed and the reservoir filled in the 1930’s

Forget what you've seen in the past;
This drought's in a singular class--
The kind that could augur
A gallon of water
At more than a gallon of gas.

August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner

We know that there's no precedent
For us to sue the president,
And it won't fly,
But that's all right...
The base will find it resonant.

August, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Perry
Despite having the highest uninsured rate in the
country, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, like most GOP
governors, has refused to expand Medicaid in his
state, though the federal government would pay
100% of the cost now and 90% after three years

Isn't it inspiring
To see how they're conspiring
To uninsure
The millions who're
Barely, like, surviving?

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama eating ice cream

A Jewish deli in L.A.
Is where the prez had lunch today.
The talk was small;
No talk at all
Of genocide in Gaza, say.

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ticket agent
Four months after a Malaysia Air jet vanished over
the Indian Ocean, one was shot down over Ukraine

If you're the type who takes a dare,
Then come and fly Malaysia Air.
The kind of year
We're having here,
Your ass could wind up anywhere.

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Murrieta, CA protesters
Protesters blocked buses taking Central American detainees--mostly women and children--to a Border Patrol processing center in Southern California

What would Jesus do
If those kids were comin' through?
Out in Murrieta,
California,
They don't have a clue.

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Capitol dome through shattered glass

If it doesn't get your goat
They're making it a bitch to vote
And easier to buy a gun,
Then you must be Republican.

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama in Cushing OK
His "all of the above" energy strategy leaves little
chance that Barack Obama's presidency will be
remembered as "the moment when the rise of the
oceans began to slow and the planet began to heal,"
a vision he tantalized supporters with in 2008

Until we say no to Big Oil,
They'll only continue to foil
Our efforts to manage
A liveable planet
(That isn't theirs, dammit, to spoil).

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man texting while driving

If your phone were really smart,
When you got in your car,
It'd hop into the trunk
And stay away from where you are.
That ain't gonna happen, though,
So here's a tip for real:
Turn the f*cker off
Before you get behind the wheel.

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Boston Marathon bombers Dzhokar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev
What if the Boston Marathon bombers hadn't been -identified through surveillance videotape? The U.S.
has had the technology to trace explosives for dec-
ades, but it goes unused due to NRA opposition

A right to bear arms or a right to bear bombs?
It's hard to make sense of the NRA's qualms
'Bout tagging explosives so they can be traced,
But they're still opposing it. What a disgrace.

July, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sean Banks
A former Navy officer was found guilty of
raping two women he met through the internet
dating sites ChristianMingle and Match.com

Sacrosanct and single?
Go on ChristianMingle.
(Just pray it's not
A psychopath
Who's making your heart tingle.)

June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jeff Bezos holding new Amazon Fire phone
CEO Jeff Bezos shows off Amazon's new smart-
phone, which can recognize images, products, text
and audio, and connect users to buy those items

Amazon's got a new smartphone named Fire.
Its primary object's to make you a buyer
Of every last product and service they've got,
Till every last buck in your wallet is shot.

June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jared and Amanda Miller
Two years after Indiana passed an NRA-backed
law allowing citizens to shoot public servants
who 'overstep their authority,' an Indiana couple
assassinated two policemen eating lunch in Las
Vegas and proclaimed the revolution had begun

NRA members, please tear up your cards:
Don't give one more dime for this f*cking canard
That only more guns can protect us from harm.
There's too many nutbags you're helping to arm.

June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Veteran in wheelchair saluting flag
A Veterans Administration investigation found sys-
temic problems, with records being manipulated nationwide to mask long waits for appointments

We send 'em to Afghanistan
And then on to Iraq.
And just to show we're grateful,
When they finally get back,
We make 'em wait forever
When they need to see a doc.
We thank 'em for their service
But it's sounding like a crock.

June, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Elliot Rodger
A CA killer spurred new calls for tougher gun laws

The "lonely young virgin" was resolute:
He'd find him some women to execute,
Cuz he couldn't get none.
But that begs the question:
Why didn't he just call a prostitute?

May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama and Bill Clinton
"Free" trade deals have cost American jobs, and the
Trans-Pacific Partnership may be the worst one yet

What a stinking pile of sh*t's
This Trans-Pacific Partnership.
You'd think that they'd
Be off free trade,
With all the damage NAFTA did.

May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man wearing Google Glass eyewear
Google's new computerized eyewear may have
more than the $1,500 price tag to overcome

Don't Be Evil

If someone wearing Google Glass
Should follow you around,
Remove 'em from their head
Before you stomp 'em in the ground.

May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Egyptian protester waving shoe
Egyptians, shown protesting Pres. Mubarek's refu-
sal to step down in 2011, look ready to put another
former military commander in charge: Abdel Fattah
al-Sisi, who recently vowed that the Muslim Broth-
erhood would "cease to exist" if he were elected

Egypt in a Nutshell

Once they got democracy,
They voted for theocracy.
When that went bad,
They went right back
To what they'd had: autocracy.

May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Egyptian woman protesting mass death verdict
The U.S. resumed military aid to Egypt, even as 683
were sentenced to death for killing a police officer,
& the democratically-elected ex-president continued
to be held on charges that carry the death penalty

Egypt

With all of the people they've sentenced to die,
I can't for the life of me understand why
Obama would give 'em more milit'ry aid,
Their evil intentions so clearly displayed.

May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Clayton Lockett
It took nearly an hour for convicted murderer
Clayton Lockett to die in a grisly Oklahoma ex-
ecution that officials finally hid from observers

A botched execution? Well, f*ckin' boo hoo.
I hear that his victim's was pretty botched too:
The one that he kidnapped and pumped full 'a lead,
And buried alive when she wouldn't play dead.
I'm not disputing death penalties suck,
But don't ever ask me to cry for this f*ck.

May, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man shrugging
Faith in internet security was shaken by the discov-
ery of "heartbleed," a programming flaw that leaves
encrypted websites vulnerable to hackers

I thought that little padlock meant
A website was secure.
But that, like so much else these days,
Turned out to be manure.

April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Eric and Charlotte Kaufman with one-year old daughter Lyra
A sick 1-year-old was rescued at sea with her family after they tried to go sailing around the world, de-
spite the infant's having just tested positive for sal-
monella and being on three antibiotics and a steroid
for bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection

Baby daughter's ailing?
Why not take her sailing!
Salmonella,
Shlamonella--
That's why they got a railing.

April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Supreme Court Building
Equating money with "free speech," the Supreme Court's conservative majority followed its Citizens
United decision allowing corporations to spend unlimited sums on election campaigns by striking
down the total limits on individuals' contributions
in McCutcheon v. Federal Election Commission

Take nine random people and put 'em in robes:
I'll bet their decisions are better than those
That Roberts and friends have been able to make.
They can't even learn from their biggest mistake.

April, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Leland Yee
The CA State Senate suspended Leland Yee and
two other Democrats who are fighting criminal
charges. Yee, arrested in an FBI sting, is accused
of corruption and conspiracy to traffic in guns

California Democrats, corrupt as they can be:
Roderick Wright, then Calderon,
And now there's Leland Yee--
Each one with a rap sheet
That outdoes the one before.
Damn if I know who the hell to vote for anymore.

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Dry river
In California, up to 30 million young salmon will be trucked from inland hatcheries to waters near the
Pacific Ocean after the state's drought has left riv-
ers too dry for them to migrate on their own. Top
scientists issued a dire new climate change warning

When drought leaves our rivers too dry for the
salmon
To swim to the ocean, it's time to get jammin'
On fixin' this climate before it's too late.
Our food's out there dyin'; how long can we wait?

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Malaysia Flight 370 searcher with binoculars
Searchers have found no sign of Malaysia Flight 370

We don't have a whole lot of facts;
We're not even sure it was jacked.
But what we keep wonderin'
Throughout this conundrum
Is whether it could've been hacked.

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Anderson Cooper

Breaking News: We have no news
About the missing plane.
We only called it "breaking news"
To suck you in again.
It's just the same old theories,
The same old talking heads,
The same old damn commercials.
I'd watch something else instead.

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man on cell phone at airport
Not since Amelia Earhart's plane vanished in 1937
has there been a mystery like Malaysia Flight 370

My flight gets in at 6:15
So come and get me, dear.
I'll be down by the baggage claim
(Unless we disappear).

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Low reservoir
Fracking is depleting water supplies in America's
driest areas, a new report shows

I'll tell ya why we oughta
Put frackers out to slaughter:
As reservoirs
Keep going down,
We can't afford the water.

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama
Pres. Obama is taking heat for using executive ac-
tions to bypass a do-nothing Congress, but most
of his recent predecessors used them even more

"Executive actions are running afoul!
Obama's a tyrant!" Republicans howl.
But what's he to do
When the Congress is truly
Against him on everything? Throw in the towel?

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Soldiers
Nearly 20% of U.S. soldiers had a common mental illness before enlisting in the Army, a study shows

It's something we thought was immutable--
That soldiers be mentally suitable,
But two out of ten
Are a little unhinged,
And nonetheless seen as recruitable.

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Russian & Ukrainian Ministers of Defense with U.S. Defense Sec'y William Perry, 1996
In 1996, Defense Secretary William Perry and his Russian and Ukrainian counterparts celebrated the dismantling of a Ukrainian nuclear missile silo by planting sunflowers in its place. 5,000 USSR-
inherited nuclear weapons were transferred to Rus-
sia, after both countries signed a pact with the US
and UK guaranteeing Ukraine's territorial integrity

After you give up your nukes,
How do you put up your dukes
When sooner or later
Your nuclear neighbors
Are acting like absolute pukes?

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Kerry
Sec'y of State John Kerry, who voted for the Iraq
War Resolution in 2002, blasted Russia's incursion
in Ukraine: "You just don't invade another country
on phony pretext in order to assert your interests"

The high ground is lovely to claim,
But wasn't it roughly the same,
Invading Iraq
On our own set of facts
As the Russians have done in Ukraine?

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sochi Olympics bear mascot
So long, Sochi

We caught the whole public relations campaign...
"We're not your old Russia with war on the brain."
But all the p.r.
Doesn't go very far
When the next thing you know they're invading Ukraine.

March, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Paul Tanaka
Paul Tanaka is running to replace Lee Baca as L.A. County Sheriff, though the scandals that engulfed
the department on their watch forced both to quit

Whoever replaces ex-Sheriff Lee Baca,
We'd better do better than Mr. Tanaka.
Ya need someone new,
Not the old #2,
To fix a department so frickin' facacta.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Shady guy with calculator
The failure of the world's largest bitcoin exchange triggered a panic sell-off of the virtual currency

So bitcoins are worthless? That's gotta be rough
For all of the folks who were into the stuff.
But what was the virtual money's allure?
You had to be crazy to think it's secure.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jordan Davis, R.I.P.
Jordan Davis, 1995-2012

The problem down there's
Every Tom, Dick and Harry
Can go get a permit and legally carry,
So people get shot for the stupidest things.
This is the crap that less gun control brings.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Michael Dunn
Michael Dunn, 47, who killed an unarmed teenager whose rap music annoyed him, shows disbelief af-
ter being convicted on lesser charges. Like George
Zimmerman and the moviegoer who killed another
for texting, he has a FL concealed weapons permit

Sunshine State

Hey, turn down that music there!
Stop with those texts!

With middle-aged white guys increasingly vexed,
You'd better watch out when they make a demand...
Before you find out there's a Glock in their hand.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jamie Coots, R.I.P.
Jamie Coots, R.I.P.
Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents
& scorpions, & over all the power of the enemy; &
nothing shall by any means hurt you. (Luke 10:19)

A snake-handling preacher has gone to his grave
Believing that Jesus would be there to save
His ass from a bite,
But it got him, all right.
(Know how some churches use grape juice for wine?
Maybe their snakes could be rubber next time.)

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

George ZimmermanGeorge Zimmerman, acquitted last year of murdering
Trayvon Martin, says he's homeless and has PTSD

Zimmerman 'suffers from PTSD.'
That's kind of how you'd expect it to be
For someone who murdered an innocent kid.
I'd sure be stressed if I'd done what he did.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Snowboarder
The end of snow? Only half of the cities that have hosted the Winter Olympics may be cold enough
to host them again by 2050

Winter Olympics are fun!
But under a punishing sun,
Scientists say
That we may see the day
When the Winter Olympics are done.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chris Christie
With his office under federal investigation, NJ Gov.
Chris Christie was shunned by TX Gov. Rick Perry
and candidates in TX & IL when he travelled there
to raise funds for the Republican Governors Assn.

The more that he tries to deceive 'em,
The more that they're starting to leave him.
When Christie says he
Wasn't in on Fort Lee,
Supporters don't even believe him.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tea party
When government gets smaller, who wins?

Wanna shrink government? Some people do...
Mostly the people who haven't thought through
Who'll be the winners if that comes to be;
Dollars to donuts, it's not you and me.

February, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Worried worker
Most Americans agree with Pres. Obama that the minimum wage should be raised, but the chances
of Congress doing anything about it are next to nil

Why am I working full-time,
And still getting treated like slime?
My pay should be fair
But these people don't care
That I'm under the poverty line.

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Kardashian sisters

No matter how good all the ass has been,
You don't wanna wed a Kardashian.
They get--like poor Odom--
Some guy by the scrotum,
And soon the whole family is cashin' in.

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman ululating

Cultural Exchange

Watching how they can manipulate
Those little tongues when they ululate,
It goes through your head--
If you got one in bed,
You might both need a week to recuperate.

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner, Eric Cantor & Mitch McConnellAmerica has the lowest voter turnout of wealthy
countries, and look what we have to show for it

When 3 out of 4 say they haven't done sh*t
To fix all our problems, that oughta be it.
But pros are predicting they'll stay in control...
Cuz most of us won't even go to the polls.

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chris Christie
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) claims he knew nothing about his associates' closing of George Washington
Bridge lanes to tie up traffic as a political vendetta,
though emails show the plot originated in his office

"Abject stupidity?" That part is true.
But guess who selected those people: it's you!

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pope Francis
Pope Francis has the makings of a radical reformer
if he focuses the same moral outrage on his own
institution that he has on 'trickle-down' economics

We've needed a pope like this Francis forever,
But didn't expect we'd be seeing him ever.
Course, now comes the part
Where he shows us his range:
A lotta great talk, or some actual change.

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Paul Walker, R.I.P. (inset) with wrecked Porsche Carerra GT
The 2005 Porsche Carrera GT that carried Fast
and Furious actor Paul Walker to his death was
going 100+ mph, and was built without the sta-
bility management system most Porsches have

From 0 to 60 in 4 seconds flat
Is pretty impressive, but how is it that
The people at Porsche forgot to include
A stabilize system for that little dude?

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman under hot sun
With less than an inch of rain in the last six
months, 2013 was L.A.'s driest year on record

In New England it hasn't stopped snowing,
But out West here, anxiety's growing
That we'll never see rain
Or a good snow again--
Not the way that this megadrought's going.

January, 2014
© Robert C. Keating

Top

The late Malcolm Mency and son
The late Malcolm Mency with Malcolm, Jr.

Eighteen years old, a new father, in fact,
Walks home one night and gets shot in the back.
Guns should be harder to buy;
Screw the lie
That the Second Amendment is under attack.
When's the last time it got shot in the back?

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Phil Robertson
If it looks like a redneck and quacks like a redneck,
it's probably a redneck

A redneck is what he's supposed to be.
So why is the guy from Duck Dynasty
In trouble these days
Cuz he's dumb about gays?
He knows about ducks, not diversity.

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman crying at Arapahoe High School after shooting there
A school shooting near Columbine occurred just
months after three Colorado legislators lost their
jobs for supporting stronger gun laws

Though everyone's always appalled,
Does anything ever get solved?
When folks we elected
Wrote laws to protect us,
They ended up getting recalled.

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kim Jong Un
30-year old Kim Jong Un is rattling international
nerves as he purges N. Korea's senior leadership

My uncle was scum. He was worse than a dog.
And just in case anyone's still in a fog
'Bout who's in control here,
Then get through your head:
I didn't like Uncle, now Uncle is dead.

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hillary Clinton
With one eye on the White House, ex-Secretary
of State Hillary Clinton did not take the diplo-
matic risks her successor John Kerry has taken

The final assessment of Clinton at State:
Despite all the hoopla, she wasn't that great.
She travelled like crazy
But played it too cagey--
A little less daring than Kerry to date.

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Boris and Natasha cartoon
Russian diplomats in NY claimed poverty to fraudu-
lently collect Medicaid for their pregnant wives and children while shopping at Prada and Tiffany's and taking luxury cruises, the U.S. government charged

The Russians are coming...to get on the dole.
The FBI says that their diplomats stole
1.5 million in Medicaid perks.
Mere deportation's too good for these jerks!

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tap water on fire
The EPA has halted investigations of environmental damage from hydraulic fracturing, while privately
warning those affected not to drink their water

Fracked

They tell us that putting new wells there
Is good for the general welfare.
I'm sure there'll be gobs
Of incredible jobs;
The problem's they'll all be in healthcare.

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man yelling at smartphone

If I wanted my voicemail converted to text,
With rampant misspellings and all of the rest,
I'd already have it,
So stop asking, dammit!
What I need's a cell phone that isn't a pest.

December, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Afghans in poppy field
The United Nations reported that Afghanistan's
2013 opium harvest was up 50%, with land used
for cultivation at an all-time high

Afghan Opium Eradication

In spite of the billions of dollars we've spent,
There's nothing to show that we've made any dent.
They pocket the dough
But the poppies still grow;
Their opium crop is up 50%.

November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Benjamin Netanyahu
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu took credit for de-
railing negotiations to limit Iran's nuclear program

It's not breaking Israel's heart
Our talks with Iran fell apart.
They'd just as soon bomb 'em
As f*ckin' disarm 'em;
They've beaten that drum from the start.

November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bill O'Reilly

Killing Lincoln. Killing Jesus. Killing JFK.
O'Reilly's books are selling,
But I'm waiting for the day
He writes the one we "pinheads"
Would really like to read:
It's Killing Bill O'Reilly.
I'd buy that one, guaranteed.

November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chris Christie eating on David Letterman Show
President Christie?

In Jersey, he might be the rage,
But in such a visual age,
How good would it be
For our image if he
Represented us on the world stage?

November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama

So Healthcare.gov is a wreck.
But what did we f*cking expect?
We can't let the lobbyists
Write all our laws for us,
Then be surprised when they're dreck.

November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Devil in a suit

"Wanna be famous but don't have a skill?
Find you some innocent people to kill!
That's how you get on the 6:00 News.
Sicker the footage, the more that they'll use."

November, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama and John Boehner

Hang tough, Obama. Don't give him a thing!
Boehner looks good with his ass in a sling.
Don't be a gentleman; don't be a clown.
This is one guy you should kick when he's down.

October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Angry elephant

To: Republicans
Re: Law of the Land

It seems like "Obamacare's" causing you stress.
Stop calling it that. It'll bother you less.
Affordable Care Act--that's easy to say.
Now pick a new battle, and have a nice day.

October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner, Eric Cantor & Mitch McConnell

Shut down the government? Why the hell not?
It's not like you charlatans ever knew squat
'Bout working together or getting things done.
So shut down the f*cker, and go have some fun!

October, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ty Warner
Ty Warner, who became a billionaire creating Beanie Babies toys, was charged with federal tax evasion
and has agreed to pay a $53.5 million penalty

If you bought a Beanie Baby,
This could make you mad:
The fellow who created 'em
Was up to something bad.
Instead of paying taxes,
He was stashing all his loot
In Switzerland. (On second thought,
Those dolls were not that cute.)

September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Worried gal at laptop
Google's practice of scanning emails to sell adver-
tising violates privacy laws, says a federal lawsuit

Why would they give you free email?
Here's why they do it at Gmail:
It helps 'em to pick
All the ads that you'll click--
Knowing your every last detail.

September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Yasiel Puig
Cuba's loss, L.A.'s gain

Dodgers 2013

Their run-up from last to the best in the league
Began on the day they met Yasiel Puig.
(The talent was there,
But they started to care
When the new guy showed up, cuz he showed
'em up big.)

September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama and Joe Biden
Though most Americans oppose Pres. Obama's plan
to launch missile strikes on Syria for its use of chem-
ical weapons, leaders in Congress support it

Excuse us for starting to doubt
What all of these wars are about...
How taking more lives'll
Make anything right.
Why can't we just sit this one out?

September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Uncle Sam eavesdropping
Leaked documents show that U.S. spying has gone beyond protecting national security to gaining an
upper hand in international trade dealings

Makes sense that we'd spy on our foes,
But that's not as far as it goes.
Ed Snowden's revealed
The rest of the deal:
We spy on our friends, and it blows.

September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama
Syria's use of chemical weapons has Pres. Obama seeking Congressional approval for the kind of mili-
tary action that hasn't deterred enemies in the past

Little shaky on what you should do?
Tell the country it's not up to you.
Let the Congress decide
On a Syrian strike;
Then those f*ckers are owning it too.

September, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Thumbs down on Facebook
The more that people use Facebook, the worse
they feel about themselves, according to a new
study conducted by the University of Michigan

The research is in: if you wanna be happy,
Then stay offa Facebook. It makes ya feel crappy.

August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kids watching TV
Time Warner Cable's willingness to suspend CBS
programming for three million customers over a
fee dispute shows the grip monopolies have on
Americans' access to communications

"Heavens to Murgatroyd, what can we do?
Time Warner Cable just blocked Channel 2!"
"This is as bullsh*t as bullsh*t can get.
Give me my gun and I'll shoot out the set."

August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Anthony Weiner and Bob FilnerAnthony Weiner and Bob FilnerDamaged by sex scandals, New York mayoral can-
didate Anthony Weiner (D) and San Diego Mayor
Bob Filner (D) are resisting public pressure to quit

Weiner and Filner are peas in a pod:
They say they ain't leavin' for nothin', by God--
Convinced to the end they're surrounded by fans,
As less and less people are shaking their hands.

August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Cow looks for blades of grass
87% of the West is in a drought, but nowhere is it
worse
than in New Mexico

Cattle can't graze in New Mexico.
Problem is, there's no place else to go.
The grasses have died
Cuz the soil's so dry,
And the wells that are left ain't got much to go.

August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Anthony Weiner as "Carlos Danger," by John Cuneo
Not long after a sexting scandal drove him
from Congress, NYC mayoral candidate
Anthony Weiner (D) was at it again

Civic Pride

The chances are rather remote
New Yorkers would actually vote
For someone so sh*tty,
The whole frickin' city
Would then be the butt of the joke.

August, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama
Pres. Obama has used semantics to get around laws
that would limit U.S. actions in Libya and Egypt

I learned this from Republicans
And use it quite a lot:
Whatever they say something is,
I simply say it's not.
So Libya was not a "war,"
And Egypt's not a "coup."
It drives 'em f*ckin' crazy,
But that's what I like to do.

July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chuck Schumer and Marco Rubio
The Senate's immigration bill's $46 billion for border security--ten times the initial proposal--promises a bonanza for the contractors that helped shape it

Getting a bill through the Senate's a bitch...
Unless you can make all the right people rich.
The new immigration bill's sure to do that:
It's 46 billion, with oodles of fat.

July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Angry crowd in Mideast
Elections in Egypt, Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon, Tu-
nisia & Morocco have all been won by Islamists

"Make the world safe for democracy?"
What if they want a theocracy?
We push for elections
Where people's selections
Are never the ones that we wanna see.

July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

George Zimmerman
George Zimmerman is on trial for the second-degree murder of unarmed Trayvon Martin, 17, but it took
44 days and national outrage before he was charged,
having asserted Florida's "Stand your ground" law

Dispatchers told Zimmerman, Stand the hell down,
So how can he claim he was "standing his ground"
When he pursued Trayvon and shot him that night?
So much to his story that just isn't right.

July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Michael Hastings R.I.P.
Journalist Michael Hastings' death in a fiery solo
crash is consistent with a cyberattack on his car,
said Richard Clarke, the former chief counter-
terrorism advisor to the National Security Council

There's a reporter
Who may have been slaughtered
By cyber-controlling his car...
It's time we explored
What a double-edged sword
All our modern conveniences are.

July, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Edward Snowden
Edward Snowden, who leaked National Security Agency secrets because he couldn't "allow the U.S.
government to destroy privacy and basic liberties,"
is now holed up in Russia, where journalists who
probe too much can end up dead in the street; and
seeking asylum in Ecuador, which just made criti-
cism of the president and other officials a crime

Snowden's in a "transit lounge,"
While the Russian agents scrounge
Through everything that's in his head
And on his hard drive. Nice job, Ed!

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Roberts and Anthony Kennedy
Both John Roberts and Anthony Kennedy, the
swing votes, respectively, in the Supreme Court's
5-4 decisions to re-allow same-sex marriage in CA
and overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, voted
the previous day to void a key part of the Voting
Rights Act which required states & counties with
a history of discrimination to get federal approval
to change election laws. Six of those states are al-
ready proceeding with new restrictions on voting

Supreme Court

It's great that they ruled for gay marriage,
But there's still a lot to disparage:
Like how they just hacked
Up the Voting Rights Act.
That "justice" was just a miscarriage.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Scarecrow

Choose your poison, East or West.
Tell me which you like the best:
Where it rains most every day,
Or where the rains have gone away.
Flood or fire, take your pick.
Global warming--ain't it sick?

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marco Rubio
Conservative politicians haven't had a lot of new
ideas lately, but Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) may
be the first to suggest they don't even need any

What they see in Rubio's
A mystery to me
(Besides the fact he's handsome
As a knucklehead can be).
Doesn't think he needs a new idea,
Or that's the pitch--
"The idea's called America,
And it still works." How rich.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Doug LaMalfa
Rep. Doug LaMalfa (R-CA) is among the lawmak-
ers who want to slash food stamps in the farm bill
while protecting crop subsidies they benefit from

Food stamps are evil! Folks feed at the trough!
We'll do 'em a favor by cuttin' 'em off!
But helping my farm with a million or two--
That's something I'm charmed to see government do.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Wayne LaPierre
Wayne LaPierre and the National Rifle Associa-
tion's answer to gun violence is always more guns,
but with more of such killings than any other de-
veloped country, the U.S. might learn from John
Howard, Australia's conservative prime minister
who helped rid his country of assault weapons

NRA

The Second Amendment with no other laws
To regulate guns is a dubious cause,
But they're gonna "fight for our freedom," by God
(To live in a circular firing squad).

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Syrian rebel
In Iraq, the U.S. toppled a Sunni government and
saw it replaced with a Shiite one; in Syria, it will
try to do the opposite

Syria

When polling Americans, here's how it went:
For arming the rebels, 11%.
But getting in wars is what we're all about;
How silly to think we could sit this one out.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Darrell Issa
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), in Congress since 2001

American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4

We're known by the battles we pick.
The people who didn't do dick
When W. lied
And so many died
Think this is a scandal? It's sick.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Justin Bieber

Your body's a fricking sensation--
So what's with the self-mutilation?
The next time you're due
For another tattoo,
How 'boutcha just fight the temptation?

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber lets it all hang out

When Bieber goes everywhere showing his bum,
You think he's aware where that style came from?
It started with prisoners giving a sign
They're up, so to speak, for a f*cking good time.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Yasiel Puig
Yasiel Puig's shoulder is improving after he hurt it
in the latest Dodgers brawl with the Diamondbacks

We finally had hope, in a rookie named Puig.
He's batting .500, the best in the league.
But that could be over--
He injured his shoulder
While fighting. No wonder there's Dodger fatigue.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mailman
"Snail mail," anyone? A leaker revealed that
the National Security Agency is tracking
all Americans' electronic communications

Could this be the break
That the Post Office needs?
At 46¢, it's a value indeed
To send someone something
That's just for her eyes,
And not just more data
For government spies.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Zawahri
John Zawahri, 23, killed by police after murdering
five in Santa Monica CA, was armed with a .44 cal-
iber handgun, AR-15 semiautomatic rifle, and 40
large-capacity magazines each holding 30 rounds of
ammunition. As a high school student, he'd been ad-
mitted to UCLA's psychiatric ward after a teacher
found him surfing the internet for assault weapons

Under this endless Republican curse,
Things never get better; they only get worse.
Sickos buy weapons they see on the web,
With nothin' to stop 'em if they got the bread.
Everyone knows that this bullsh*t should stop,
But thanks to Republicans, those bills are blocked.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

N.J. rollercoaster submerged after Hurricane Sandy
Climate change threatens more storms like Sandy,
but it's not hurting home sales at the Jersey shore

There's a building boom down at the shore,
As if nothing there happened before.
I wish 'em all luck
But the odds kinda suck
That the ocean won't come through their door.

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman in military
With an estimated 26,000 service members experi-
encing 'unwanted sexual contact' last year, the sys-
tem is broken, but top brass don't want to change it

If I had a daughter, I would be wary
If she said she's joining the military,
With all these assaults
That they can't seem to halt.
What for a father could be more scary?

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Mitch McConnell and Harry Reid
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's weak approach
to filibuster reform may cost Democrats control of
the Senate next year, as they'll have little to show
for their time in "control," with Republicans under Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (l.) routinely blocking presidential nominees & popular bills such
as universal background checks for gun purchases

Death by a Thousand Filibusters

The Senate Majority Leader should lead.
Would somebody tell that to Senator Reid?
He's letting Republicans block every bill.
If he doesn't fix this fiasco, who will?

June, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Fun girl

"I Facebooked you today,
Just to see how you've been doing."
(It's the least expensive way
I can see who you've been screwing.)

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Young woman with sun damage

A word to the wise if you're young
And spending your time in the sun:
Before I got into
Protecting my skin,
The damage was already done.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

American poor
Poverty in the suburbs has soared 64% in the last
decade, a new Brookings Institution study shows

We dream of suburban prosperity,
But Brookings has found a disparity:
The suburbs have more
Of America's poor
Than our cities do now, in reality.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man whittling
South Carolina Republicans shrugged off ex-Gov.
Mark Sanford's faults & returned him to Congress

Mark Sanford won his seat back?
That wasn't hard to see:
Here, breathing and Republican
Is all you have to be.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

"Dark Money" by Dale Stephanos for Mother Jones
The IRS's acting commissioner resigned over the
agency's profiling of tea party groups applying for
tax exempt status, but the real scandal is that such
501(c)(4) "social welfare" organizations exist at all

A 501(c)(4)'s a way
For billionaires to hide
And buy our damn elections.
All their apps should be denied.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John McCain
Sen. John McCain's (R-AZ) Television Consumer
Freedom Act of 2013 faces stiff industry opposition

Cable bill hitting you right in the crotch?
Paying for channels you don't even watch?
Then my legislation is perfect for you:
You'd just have to pay for the ones that you do.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man covering face in shame

Have you ever had a tsunami of shame
With wave after wave crashing over your brain
Of all the mistakes you can't help but recall
That still make you feel about two inches tall?

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Don Mattingly
A day after Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly said
he felt good about their performance, the best paid
team in baseball lost their fifth straight game and
dropped to last place in the National League West

The reason the Dodgers are coming up last
Is Mattingly doesn't know how to kick ass.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man with underarm tattoo

These primitive people all covered in ink
Who utter the F word as often as blink
And don't lift the seat when they're taking a piss
Are lucky their mommies can't see 'em like this.

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Border Patrol agent with binoculars
Under a bipartisan reform bill, the path to citizen-
ship for 11 million undocumented immigrants would
depend on the Border Patrol halting 90% of illegal
entries, but no one knows how they'd do the math

Securing the borders is Congress's goal,
'But 90 percent?' says the Border Patrol.
'The problem with that is as plain as can be:
How can we tally the ones we don't see?'

May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Wayne LaPierre
The right to bear bombs?
The technology to put taggants in explosives to
help track their origin has existed for decades but
been opposed by Wayne LaPierre and the NRA

If it were not for the NRA,
We'd have a far more efficient way
Of tracking a bomber;
The traceable powder
Itself would be giving the perp away.

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jeb Hensarling
House Financial Services Committee Chairman Jeb
Hensarling (R-TX) said his panel won't hear the testimony of Consumer Financial Protection Bu-
reau Director Richard Cordray because he doesn't
think Pres. Obama legally appointed him, in the
latest Republican move to undermine the agency

To hell with consumer protection!
Consumers don't fund my election.
I'm sure they're aware
"Let the buyer beware."
That should be sufficient direction.

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jeb, Barbara, George W. & George H.W. Bush
Former First Lady Barbara Bush told NBC that she
doesn't favor a presidential run by son Jeb (l.)

Should Jeb run for president
Just like his brother?
"We've had enough Bushes."
And that's from their mother.

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top


John McCain and Lindsey Graham
Sens. John McCain (R-AZ) and Lindsey Graham
(R-SC) called for the Boston marathon bomber sus-
pect to be held as an enemy combatant & tried in a
military tribunal, despite the government's excellent
record of convictions in similar terrorist bombings

Re: Surviving Boston Bomber

It's creepy the way that they wanna whisk him
To Gitmo to try him on terrorism.
What's painfully plain
About Graham and McCain:
They don't have much faith in our justice system.

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Janice Hahn and Maxine Waters at LAX protest
Reps. Janice Hahn and Maxine Waters (Ds-CA)
joined flight attendants at LAX Airport protesting
TSA's decision to re-allow small knives and other
potential weapons on planes starting April 25

I've always stuck up for the TSA.
Their job is a tough one, I like to say.
But where are their brains
Letting knives on a plane?
Didn't some major sh*t start that way?

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man with extra-large gun

A gun buyback program
That's gonna succeed
Has gotta be geared
To a gun owner's needs.
You want my assault weapon?
Throw in a prize:
A penis enlargement,
And I name the size.

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marco Rubio
4 out of 5 Americans support universal background
checks for gun buyers, but 31 of 100 U.S. Senators
tried to block such a bill from coming to the floor
for debate, including Marco Rubio (R-FL)

What kind of moron blocks gun control?
According to every opinion poll,
The bulk of the nation
Supports legislation,
But these little f*cks tried to stop it cold:

Senators Who Voted
To Filibuster S.649:
Barrasso (R-WY)
Begich (D-AK)
Blunt (R-MO)
Boozman (R-AR)
Coats (R-IN)
Cochran (R-MS)
Cornyn (R-TX)
Crapo (R-ID)
Cruz (R-TX)
Enzi (R-WY)
Fischer (R-NE)
Grassley (R-IA)
Hatch (R-UT)
Inhofe (R-OK)
Johanns (R-NE)
Johnson (R-WI)
Lee (R-UT)
McConnell (R-KY)
Moran (R-KS)
Murkowski (R-AK)

Paul (R-KY)
Portman (R-OH)
Pryor (D-AR)
Risch (R-ID)
Roberts (R-KS)
Rubio (R-FL)
Scott (R-SC)
Sessions (R-AL)
Shelby (R-AL)
Thune (R-SD)
Vitter (R-LA)

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama
Petitions with 2.3 million signatures were delivered
to the White House opposing Pres. Obama's plan to
cut Social Security benefits by tying them to a slow-
er moving consumer price index, the Chained CPI

Base to Obama

We're used to Republicans trying to screw
With Social Security; now we got you?!

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Barack Obama and George W. Bush
The U.S. has stayed at war for 12 years under com-
manders in chief with no military experience of it

Ya don't know how to fish till you've caught one;
How to shop for a car till you've bought one.
So then how 'bout a law
Where you can't start a war
Unless you have actually fought one?

April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Capitol dome through broken glass
Even though most Americans favor universal back-
ground checks & an assault weapons ban, their rep-
resentatives in Congress look unlikely to deliver

See, Newtown was Congress's test.
They failed, but who'd expect less?
You can't get reform
In a town where the norm
Is to go with whoever pays best.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner looking silly

Congress for Slackers

There's an issue you'd rather let slide?
Say it's something the states should decide.
There's a program you'd rather not fund?
Say it's something the states oughta run.
There's a chance you may have to work late?
Put whatever it is on the states,
And we'll see you for drinks around 8.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Villagers with coffins

A guy who's as smart as the boss is
Has not figured out what the cost is
Of killing by drone
From the comfort of home,
With all those "collateral losses?"

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

People with pitchforks
"My administration is the only thing between you
and the pitchforks," Pres. Obama told top bankers
at the White House in 2009. Indeed, they've gotten
off easy under his Justice Department and FDIC

Banksters

What they've done to the country's a crime.
How come not even one's doin' time?
If you make the connection,
That takes some protection
From pretty damn far up the line.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Uncle Sam pointing gun

Defense had the right name before:
They called it Department of War.
(To call it "defense"
Kinda smacks of pretense
When you're in 60 countries or more.)

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Syrian rebel
Washington figures from Leon Panetta to John Mc-
Cain have advocated arming the Syrian rebels, but
now the L.A. Times reports that some of them are actually being considered for drone hits by the CIA

The Syrian rebels--let's arm 'em.
Or better yet, maybe, let's bomb 'em.
(It's comforting news when
Your leaders are clueless
On whether to help 'em or harm 'em.)

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pope Francis
The first pope from the Americas is a public rela-
tions boost for the scandal-ridden Vatican, though
whether he'll reform anything remains to be seen

Pope Francis Charms St. Peter's Square

No wonder they're making a fuss!
A pope who's been taking the bus,
And asks for your blessing?
That's kind of refreshing,
Compared to the previous cuss.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hermit giving the finger

The lasting effect of an urban space
And living in such a congested place
Is slowly but surely
You start to think rurally,
You're so outta love with the human race.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Paul Ryan
Even after the Affordable Care Act was upheld by
the Supreme Court and the Democrats maintained
control of the White House and Senate, Rep. Paul
Ryan (R-WI) said the GOP-controlled House
would vote again to repeal it (for the 35th time)

"The Democrat party. Obamacare."
I think they're still tryin' to insult us there.
If only these zeds
Could just get through their heads
That we won and we're not goin' anywhere.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Roger Mahoney
After Cardinal Roger Mahoney's role in concealing clergy sex abuse from authorities was revealed, he
was relieved of public duties but continues to cel-
ebrate Mass and will help choose the new pope

I moved around priests who were
Preying on boys;
Put 'em where nobody'd
Make any noise.
Now I'm in Rome where we're
Choosing a Pope
(Someone as upright as
I am, I hope).

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner, Eric Cantor & Mitch McConnell
Many politicians calling for drastic cuts to Ameri-
ca's safety net are supported by corporations that
haven't paid federal income taxes in years

Back when our leaders were resolute
Not to let people get destitute,
They taxed you and me
And the powers that be.
Not like these corporate prostitutes.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man with a question

If corporations are people
And prostitution's illegal,
How do our congressmen
Stay outta jail then,
Bein' they're always spread eagle?

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Lech Walesa
Lech Walesa, the leading figure in Poland's over-
throw of communism, said that if gays should be
in Parliament at all, they should sit in the back,
"or even behind a wall"

It sounds like a bit of hypocrisy
For someone who battled autocracy,
But Lech says that gays
Shouldn't have any place
At the table in Poland's democracy.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Grand Old Party
We'll get the government out of your life!
As every billionaire Tea Party backer knows, in-
stitutions that can be wrested from the public do-
main are big opportunities for the private sector,
from schools to mail delivery to social security

It's all about privatization.
The more they can strangle the nation,
The more they can run
When we're all out of funds.
There's money in crisis creation.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Angry John McCain
No band of brothers: Despite the efforts of his old friend John McCain (above) and other Republicans
to derail his appointment, Chuck Hagel was con-
firmed as Secretary of Defense--the first Vietnam
veteran, and first enlisted soldier, to hold the post

Rabid Republicans

The way that they tried to finagle
A way to block Senator Hagel
From heading Defense,
You're left with the sense
They're not all that mentally stable.

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ted Cruz
When Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) took on Defense Sec-
retary nominee Chuck Hagel in Senate hearings, he looked & sounded like the late Sen. Joe McCarthy

Ted Cruz has been getting some blowback
For being too much of a throwback
To Joseph McCarthy
(Whose vicious malarkey
Caught up with him; doesn't he know that?)

March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ted Cruz
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was reprimanded by others
on the Senate Armed Services Committee for mak-
ing baseless charges against Sen. Chuck Hagel, who
went on to be confirmed as Secretary of Defense

Why does a Senator Cruz
Give me a case of the blues?
Cuz he wouldn't be there
If millions did not share
His stupid, maniacal views.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Your name on a grain of rice

Who wants his name on a grain of rice?
Even if somebody does it nice,
What would ya do with it
Once he gets through with it?
Seems kinda silly at any price.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marco Rubio on cover of TIME
Though it may help him win GOP primaries,
Sen. Marco Rubio's extreme voting record
could hurt him in a general election

They need someone different, 'n fast,
But look at the votes that he's cast!
He's more 'a the same
With an "o" on his name.
"Republican savior," my ass.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marco Rubio drinking water
The president's State of the Union address was a
hard act to follow for Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL),
whose dry mouth was understandable given the weakness of his case

We're always so ready to smirk
At one of their silly ass quirks
That most of us miss
The insidiousness
Of the arguments outta these jerks.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

House freshmen Republicans, 2011
With a potential loss of a million jobs, the seques-
ter--$85 billion in across-the-board spending cuts
over the next seven months, $1.2 trillion over the
next ten years--will begin in March unless Con-
gress acts, but it's on break till the end of February

A ticking time bomb for the nation
Is what you could call sequestration.
A million-plus jobs
Could be lost if these slobs
Don't resolve it, but they're on vacation.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John McCain
Though ex-Vietnam POW Sen. John McCain (R-
AZ) should understand better than anyone the
high cost & low return of lengthy foreign wars, he
continues to press for more involvement overseas,
and to oppose those who think differently, like
Defense Secretary nominee ex-Sen. Chuck Hagel

The question we seem to ignore
Is, Why aren't we winning these wars?
And if we can't win 'em,
Then why're we still in 'em,
After four decades or more?

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Afghan local police with villagers
To help fight "the insurgency" after U.S. troops exit Afghanistan by the end of 2014, the Pentagon will commit $1.2 billion to more than double the num-
ber of fighters in the Afghan local police. The rural
force, shown with villagers, has a shady reputation

Afghanistan: Twelfth Year

We've kabulled together a strategy
To exit this f*cking calamity:
We'll throw some more dough
At their fighters (Who'll go
With the Taliban later, unhappily).

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man sleeping
Oil-funded think tanks have been so successful at
demotivating Americans about climate change that
the opportunity to slow it may be lost forever

Don't wanna go work at a big bank.
I see myself more at a think tank:
You just sit around
And pretend you're profound,
And nobody knows you're a big skank.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Elephants in hats
Republicans are considering changes to how elec-
toral votes are awarded that would have handed
the 2012 presidential election to Mitt Romney,
even though he lost by nearly five million votes

"America's changing, I fear--
We can't win the White House from here."
"Agh, we can win big--
We just have to rig
The electoral college, my dear."

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Man watching race with binoculars

Democrats 2016

May I do a little confidin'?
There's somethin' I kinda been hidin'.
Everyone's bettin'
On Hillary Clinton,
But I'm kinda likin' Joe Biden.

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Girl with crazy glasses

Get out in the country and F*ck!
Does everyone have a black truck?
Is this a reprise
Of the old Model T's?
Since when does variety suck?

February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

George W. Bush

Even though W's gone,
His crowning achievement lives on:
He started a war
There was no reason for,
And handed Iraq to Iran.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Condoleezza Rice
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was
hired as a contributor by CBS News, which said
she "will use her insight and vast experience to ex-
plore issues facing America at home and abroad"

How can the "experts" who just stank
Still get a job at a think tank
Or on the TV?
You'd think we would be
Tired of gettin' our chains yanked.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man reading book

The Samuel Pepys of his time--
Except that he does it in rhyme.
There's really no beating
This Robert C. Keating...
The fact that he's broke is a crime!

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

David Cameron with Union Jack
Moved to the right by the anti-European Union
UK Independence Party, PM David Cameron
vowed to seek trade concessions from the EU and
put Britain's continued membership to a national
vote should his party be returned to power

Elect me and here's what we'll do:
Decide if we leave the EU.
(I know it's a tease
But the UKIP's
Up my ass, so I need something new.)

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Dave Heineman
Gov. Dave Heineman (R-NE) approved a new
route for the Keystone XL pipeline that would
carry Canadian tar sands oil over the Ogallala
aquifer, one of the world's largest groundwater
supplies. Pres. Obama will make the final call

Keystone XL

A pipeline that crosses an aquifer?
The downside sounds rather spectacular,
Since all it would take
Would be one little break
And we're ratf*cked, to use the vernacular.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Soldier silhouette
A court-martialed Marine sergeant pleaded guilty
to desecrating the remains of Taliban fighters in a
video seen worldwide. "I have no excuse," he said

Believe this Afghanistan mess?
We pissed on their corpses, no less.
Remember that line,
We'd "win hearts and minds?"
Could take a bit longer, we'd guess.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republicans in Congress
Facing an imminent U.S. credit downgrade, House GOP leadership announced a plan to extend the
debt ceiling for 3 months without spending cuts

"GOP promises debt ceiling fight."
Jesus H. Christ, am I hearing that right?
Don't they all know
From their last little go
What they did to America's borrowing might?
...Or, God forbid, are they just not that bright?

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ken SalazarInterior Secretary Ken Salazar, who announced he's resigning, enraged environmentalists for letting Shell
Oil drill in the Arctic Ocean off Alaska, two years
after the Gulf BP disaster occurred on his watch

Who cares if he's leaving Interior?
His record was kind of inferior
At keeping the Chevrons
And BPs and Exxons
From putting it up our posterior.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Newtown shooting
In the wake of the Newtown CT school massacre,
Pres. Obama announced sweeping, long overdue
proposals to reduce gun violence. Acknowledging
the fight ahead in Congress, he said change would
not happen unless the American people demand it

On curbing the violence from guns,
Some movement is better than none.
What's troubling is
It took such little kids
To finally get something done.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Statue of man with head in hands
Climate change, population growth and destruction
of natural ecosystems are driving us toward an ir-
reversible change in the biosphere, scientists warn

Earth

Give me that bottle and pass the joint--
We've already gone past the tipping point.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hamid Karzai and Barack Obama
Continued U.S. support for Afghan Pres. Karzai,
who visited this week, recalls its support of South
Vietnam's corrupt leadership through a long war...
except that one ended by Democrats defunding it

Obama's been meeting with Karzai.
How come we're still dealing with this guy
And propping him up
When we know he's corrupt?
We'll never get outta this pigsty.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Dumb girl
My bad! Glad we're okay

Home robbed after teen--this is funny--
Posts pictures of grandmother's money
On Facebook, no less.
It's Grandmother's guess
How someone could raise such a dummy.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner, Eric Cantor & Mitch McConnell
The last debt ceiling fight cost us a credit downgrade
and $19 billion in higher borrowing costs over the
next decade, but here we go again

GOP Promises New Debt Ceiling Fight

What happened to "loyal opposition?"
This gang could be hanged for sedition,
The way that they messed up
Our credit and showed not
A hint of concern or contrition;
In fact, plan another edition.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Deepwater Horizon explosion
The Justice Dept.'s prosecutions of Transocean
over the deadly Gulf oil rig explosion and HSBC
for Mexican drug money laundering were the lat-
est to end with big fines and no one going to jail

The worst 'a these corporate crimes
Are settled today with a fine--
'Zif makin' 'em pay
What they make in a day's
Gonna change 'em like, say, doin' time.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Intelligent schoolgirl
What happened to "the fierce urgency of now?"
Though the world faces catastrophe unless green-
house gas emissions peak by 2020, Pres. Obama
reportedly will not seek a carbon tax or any oth-
er broad climate change measures in his 2nd term

His foes are so frickin' malevolent,
I hate to be less than benevolent--
But till he gets hopping
On climate change-stopping,
This president's kind of
irrelevant.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Coupon clipper

Buy "this" and you'll get one for nothin'!
That's great unless "this" isn't somethin'
You actually need
And you're lettin' your greed
Make you take any deal they're runnin'...
If that be the case,
Throw your coupons away
And the savings'll really be stunning.

January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Two guys talking

Money rules Washington--that's nothin' new;
Money is what makes 'em do what they do.
Even the "good" ones who look like they care
Put out for someone or wouldn't be there.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner and Barack Obama
Pres. Obama's offer to cut the inflation adjustment
for Social Security was opposed by many progres-
sives who argued that as a non-contributor to the
deficit, Social Security should be exempt from the
so-called "fiscal cliff" negotiations

Social Security

We've paid for it out of our payroll;
The payouts have always been stable;
It's not in the deficit;
So, Mr. President,
Why is it now on the table?

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Party animal
After CO and WA citizens voted to legalize mari-
juana despite federal law, Seattle's police depart-
ment was the first to publish a guide to legal use

Whether I like it or not,
I gotta get offa the pot.
It's taken the drive
I need to survive--
And something else, but I forgot.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top


John Boehner, Eric Cantor & Mitch McConnell
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY,
on right), now the least popular senator according
to Public Policy Polling, hit a new low when he fili-
bustered his own debt-ceiling bill

It's always the same with these guys!
They're not givin' up on the lies.
The "cliff" that we're facing
Is of their own making;
That's why they're so widely despised.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Penelope Gnesin and Brenda Sue Fulton
With gays now able to serve openly in the military
and marry in nine states including NY, West Point
Chapel held its first same-sex wedding, between
Penelope Gnesin (l.) & alumna Brenda Sue Fulton

I guess they're appealing enough...
'Fya like taking orders and stuff.
I wouldn't disparage
The service or marriage,
But both of 'em? That'd be rough.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Permafrost melt
With global carbon pollution up again last year by
3%, scientists say it is unlikely that global warm-
ing can be limited to 2 °C. Gases released by melt-
ing permafrost (above) are accelerating the trend

We'll need a word stronger than "dire"
As carbon emissions go higher,
Cuz face it or else--
As the permafrost melts,
We're throwing more gas on the fire.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mahmoud Abbas and Ban Ki-moon
Palestinian Pres. Mahmoud Abbas (l.) with United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. The UN
General Assembly voted 138-9 to recognize a Pal-
estinian state, an embarrassing diplomatic defeat
for the U.S. which sided with Israel against it

It isn't that much of a mystery
Why Uncle Sam's butt is so blistery:
He's Israel's bitch
And he's been on her fist
For most 'a their 60 year history.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican leadership
America has hundreds of thousands less teachers
than it had three years ago, thanks to Republican
measures to reduce the deficit at all costs, even at
a time of record low borrowing costs

Republicans vs. Teachers

They're not gonna fund education.
There's too big a f*cking temptation
To cut it to shreds,
When their future depends
On a less than intelligent nation.

Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Generals Allen and Petraeus
Since the Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley inquiries
came to light, a lot more has been written about the
conduct of Gens. John Allen (l.) & David Petraeus
toward women than about their conduct of the
U.S.'s longest war. But the real news is that their
counter-insurgency strategy in Afghanistan isn't
working, any more than it did for the Soviets, or
for the Americans in Vietnam or French in Algeria

America's big into pilin' on
When something salacious is goin' on,
But isn't the sin
That these generals don't win
The one we should really be focused on?

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Earth and UFO
What price energy independence? As climate change worsens, should we really be using corn for ethanol
and water for fracking?

Ya know how they were finally screwed?
They used up all their water and food
Manufacturing gas
(Had their heads up their ass,
But they're gone now, so let's not be rude).

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Wisconsin dairy farmer with barn and sand mine in background
Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, is changing the
face of America even hundreds of miles from
where it's done. In Wisconsin, oil and gas compa-
nies are paying farmers to mine their land for sand
which, along with with millions of gallons of water
and chemicals, is used to blast underground shale
formations and unlock oil and gas

They're mining my farmland for sand--
Each month I been gettin' ten grand.
Yeah, fracking is scary
But try that with dairy--
'Least something I got's in demand.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

McCain hugs Bush
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), shown with Pres. Bush
in 2004, met with reporters to demand "Watergate-
style" hearings on the killings of four Americans in
Benghazi while missing a classified briefing on the
subject taking place in his own committee

American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4

McCain's gone berserk on Benghazi--
But where in Bumf*ckistan was he
When W. lied
And so many died?
Thinks this is more scandalous, does he?

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Nancy Pelosi
House Democrats welcomed Rep. Nancy Pelosi's
plan to stay as their leader, despite Republicans'
winning control of the House in 2010 and retain-
ing it this year, when gerrymandering affected the outcome more than actual votes did

Pelosi's no failure, considering
What kept the House red was redistricting.
If districts had been
Same as 2010,
She'd be Speaker again, and delivering.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Budget motel

Happy Traveler

The way that these places are sold,
You'd think that they treat ya like gold.
But half 'a the time,
Ya can't even find
A fridge that is actually cold.
The f*cker's unplugged,
There's bugs in the rug,
And everything's smellin' like mold.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Dick Morris
All of Fox News's pundits gave the election to Mitt
Romney; Dick Morris (above) predicted a landslide

OutFoxed

The man who helped Clinton "triangulate"
Thought Romney was just gonna dominate.
And so did Karl Rove
And all 'a those schmoes.
Not one of 'em picked the right candidate.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Miami voters
In Florida, voting took hours & counting took days

Well any day now, we'll know how it went
When Florida voted for president.
Before next election,
Though, let's send the Feds in
And clean up this little embarrassment.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man checking watch

"What time is it?" "Amost half past."
"Well, thank you." "No wait, not so fast:
You're gonna be getting
A survey--please tell 'em
My service was just unsurpassed."

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Phone volunteer

I stayed on the phone all Election Day,
Just helpin' the prez in my little way...
And though it was fun
(Even more when we won),
Can't wait till this hemorrhoid goes away.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney clapping

It's not just the lies and hypocrisy
That made his election so hard to see.
It's also the fact that,
From dumb wars to tax cuts,
We'd already tried all his policies.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sad elephant
The "single most important thing" Republicans
wanted to achieve, said Senate Minority Leader
Mitch McConnell, was for "Pres. Obama to be
a one-term president." They failed; now what?

Now be a big boy and don't cry!
Instead of obstruct and deny,
When someone's won twice,
Ya know what'd be nice?
If maybe you worked with the guy.

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Romney as Pinocchio
In Ohio, Mitt Romney's false ads charging that the
auto bailout is resulting in GM and Chrysler ship-
ping American jobs to China earned rebukes from
both companies and newspapers throughout the
state, but polls showed him gaining there

♪♫
Why, oh why, oh why, oh--
Why must he lie to win Ohio?

November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner, Eric Cantor & Mitch McConnell
The U.S. economy and credit rating--AAA (Fitch),
Aaa (Moody's), AA (S&P)--remain under pressure
as Washington puts off dealing with self-imposed,
extreme budget pressures until after the election

Let's stop all this partisan wrangling!
Our triple-A credit is dangling.
Raise taxes a skosh
On the folks with the most,
'N Uncle Sam's pockets 'be jangling.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney with lightning bolt
Mitt Romney's idea of handing federal emergency management to the states or private sector may not
sit well with East Coast voters facing a megastorm,
any more than his call to let Detroit go bankrupt
has endeared him to Midwest voters whose jobs
were saved by someone who did the opposite

Let Detroit go bankrupt.
Give FEMA to the states.
Or better yet, just privatize it.

Wouldn't that be great!
Romney's words should hurt him
If folks are tunin' in;
If he'd 'a been the president,
What trouble we'd be in.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Michelangelo's David

A hotty in his twenties,
By thirty it's the norm:
He's gainin' weight, losin' hair
And snorin' up a storm.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Richard Mourdock
Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-IN) argued against abortions in the case of rape; the pregnan-
cy would be "something that God intended to hap-
pen." Republicans have passed numerous measures restricting women's reproductive rights since 2011

Republican Mythology

"Small government?" -What a distortion!
What's small about blocking abortions
For those who are raped?
It's up to the state
You live with your little misfortune?

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Porn shoot
Los Angeles County's Measure B would require
porn movie actors to wear condoms during filming

Democracy's something to treasure:
In L.A., we're voting on whether
An X-rated stud
Should have to be gloved.
How's that for a down-ballot measure?

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Secret video of Romney taken with Boca Raton donorsMitt Romney is gaining in polls just weeks after
the release of a secretly recorded video that showed
him disparaging almost half of the country

It's hard to believe we're electing Mitt--
He's already called us a piece of sh*t.
With all that we know,
It's amazing we'd go
And pursue this abusive relationship.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Romney in debate
In the second debate, Mitt Romney told 31 myths
in 41 minutes of speaking time, topping his first
debate's 27 myths in 38 minutes of speaking time

My lying's a business decision:
It helps me advance a position
With millions of voters
When few 'a these jokers
Will see the correction/revision.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Rumsfeld
Cold: former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

Defense Secretary was such a grind
That, just in the interest of savin' time,
My letters consolin'
The kin of the fallen
Were sent through a printer and robosigned.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Nervous lady

The tension they're feeling is terrible;
The pressure is really unbearable
As Democrats wait
For the second debate,
To see if this thing is repairable.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
Since every common deduction would have to be eliminated to partially offset the revenue losses of
Mitt Romney's tax plan, he refuses to give details

To: Mitt

Your taxes are 'none of our business;'
What's worse is you won't even give us
What loopholes you'd close
For the rest of us schmoes--
As if we would want some specifics!

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Head down on desk
Obama supporters saw his lead vanish after a weak
first debate against Mitt Romney

I'm feeling a little bit nauseous
From seeing Obama so cautious.
He'd better be great
For the second debate,
Or somebody's taking his office.

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama
After a poor first debate performance against Mitt Romney, Pres. Obama could learn from ex-Pres.
Bush who started weakly against John Kerry but
then framed him as a self-serving flipflopper

We know that he doesn't like drama,
But where in the f*ck was Obama?
When Mitt would attack,
He wouldn't fight back.
'Ze runnin' for here, Dalai Lama?

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ann Romney
Ann Romney told a Nevada TV station that her
biggest concern if her husband Mitt were to be-
come president would be his "mental well-being"

'My husband's a wonderful candidate;
My only concern is his mental state.'
That's some observation
To share with the nation,
Ms. Romney. You care to elaborate?

October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Romney sweating
Still damaged by the video showing their candidate disparaging almost half of American voters, Repub-
licans were caught committing voter fraud in Florida

I'm not gonna win--I can feel it.
Goddam it, I can't even steal it!
There's nothing like cutting
The people to nothing
And having a camera reveal it.

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Romney video
People who assume that Mitt Romney is finished
after being taped making elitist remarks to wealthy
donors should remember how such donors helped
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) survive a similar incident
Mitt Romney's an asshole, it's plain to see,
But this is no time for complacency.
(If pulling a boner
With plutocrat donors
Were fatal, Scott Walker'd be history.)

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
In a secretly taped video, Mitt Romney told donors
that 47% of Americans would vote for Obama be-
cause they "believe they are victims" and feel the government has an obligation to provide healthcare, food, housing, "you name it. My job is not to wor-
ry about those people. I'll never convince them
they should take personal responsibility..."

Obama just wants to divide us,
But I'll be the one to unite us!
(Except for his voters,
Those f*ckin' freeloaders--
If they have a beef, they can bite us.)

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Biowatch unit
A BioWatch unit in Grand Central Station, NYC
Congress is re-evaluating the nation's false alarm-
prone, billion dollar system for detecting biological attacks

BioWatch says that we're under attack!
Problem, though, is that it always says that.
Nerves would be soothed
If it just wasn't used;
Plus we'd be savin' a whole lotta jack.

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ambassador Christopher Stevens
U.S. Marines were not guarding the consulate in Benghazi where Ambassador Christopher Stevens
and three others were killed, a year after the U.S.
helped
save the city from destruction by Khadaffi

(Sit down when you read this.) Apparently,
Marines weren't guarding our embassy.
Four people are dead
As we outsourced instead--
To Libyans. That makes no sense to me.

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney, you're sounding so sad for us--
Like everything's going so bad for us.
Don't think we can take
Four more years of this, mate.
We're sorry, you're just not the dad for us.

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Lance Armstrong
Used yellow bracelet, cheap
The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency banned cyclist
Lance Armstrong for life and disqualified him for
any competitive results since 1998, including
seven Tour de France wins

Now that they've busted Lance Armstrong,
What's gonna happen to Livestrong?
Will tons 'a donations
Still fund his foundation
When everyone knows that he went wrong?

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Cupid shot down

When someone wants no more to do with you,
Grow up and move on like you're s'posed to do.
See, they've had enough
Of what you're callin' love;
Find some other nudnick to give it to.

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Devil
The devil made 'em do it...
Since Pres. Obama's election, 17 Republican-
controlled states have passed restrictive voting
laws, including Pennsylvania, where the House
GOP leader boasted that the new voter ID re-
quirement would win the state for Mitt Romney

If none of your trickle-down policies
Are workin' out for the majority,
You might wanna go
Make it harder to vote,
And say you're protectin' democracy.

September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan
Romney and Ryan: running fact-checkers ragged

With all of the negative hue and cry
From Romney and now this Paul Ryan guy,
You don't wanna take
What they're sayin' on faith,
When so much to date's been a blatant lie.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Claire McCaskill & Todd AkinClaire McCaskill & Todd Akin
In July Sen. Claire McCaskill's (D-MO) re-election campaign spent $2 million on TV ads promoting
Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) as the true conservative
in the GOP primary (she felt he'd be her weakest
opponent); Akin won & promptly lost support of
the Republican party after his comments on rape

McCaskill's a smart politician:
In search of some weak competition,
She put two mill down
On the Tea Party clown.
So far it's worked just as she's wishin'.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Todd Akin
In the Republicans' latest outreach to women,
Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) said
that "legitimate rape" rarely results in pregnancy.
In 2009, he and VP pick Rep. Paul Ryan (R- WI)
cosponsored a "personhood" bill that would have
outlawed abortion & many birth control pills

With all of the crap they've espoused,
No wonder they're still going south
With female voters;
These GOP jokers
Need chastity belts for the mouth.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Paul Ryan
Mitt Romney's running mate Paul Ryan has had
a long and fruitful relationship with rightwing
billionaires David and Charles Koch (pron. coke)

Before you hop into this bloke's bed,
Remember, you can't trust a Koch head.
The billionaire brothers
Have dibs on this mother--
Good bang for the buck, so they've both said.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Teabaggers

Tea Party

They weren't in much of a sweat
With all of the federal debt
That Bush left behind...
But then keep in mind,
A black wasn't president yet.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Social Security
Census studies have shown that Social Security
reduces the portion of elderly living in poverty
from nearly one in two to fewer than one in eight.
Had Republicans succeeded in privatizing the pro-
gram in 2005, results would have been disastrous
with the 2008 meltdown, but they're still trying

"The Democrats want your dependency
On programs like Social Security..."
It's hard to be civil
With all of the drivel
That passes for truth in the GOP.
It takes more than skill at
Invective to lift an
Entire age group out of poverty.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kissing Grandma
235 out of 241 House and 40 out of 47 Senate Republicans voted for the Paul Ryan budget
replacing Medicare with a voucher system; all Democrats voted no. No "path to prosperity,"
the budget plan would devastate the middle class

To: Romney-Ryan Voters

Don't all you people have mothers,
Or fathers, or sisters, or brothers?
If they don't have Medicare
After you've wrecked it there,
What's your Plan B for each other?

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan
The GOP candidate trend of picking polarizing
running mates continued with Mitt Romney's se-
lection of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), who wants to
privatize Social Security and Medicare

Veepstakes

Paul Ryan's not running for president;
In time we'll know what his selection meant.
Like Palin before him,
It's hard to ignore him--
But look at how well that election went.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
When Pres. Obama granted five states' requests for more flexibility over welfare-to-work requirements,
a Romney campaign ad claimed, "Under Obama's
plan, you wouldn't have to work...They just send
you a welfare check." The loaded claim is false

We're not gonna win on the facts,
So why don't we pick on the blacks?
We'll talk about welfare
And food stamps and day care.
We'll Gingrich it up to the max.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama at Dover AFB
In Afghanistan, American troops are being killed
by the men they're training to take over for them

If we are not seein' the signs
It's really and truly the time
To get all our men
Out of Afghanistan,
Then maybe we're totally blind.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Marlboro soldier
Police around war-weary Fort Lewis-McChord WA
are "having more and more issues with the military"

If we send 'em on tour after tour
Till their brains are facacta from war,
Then we shouldn't be stunned
What they do with their guns
When they're back on American shores.

August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama with Nobel prize
For irony, you can't top the lethal drone president
winning a peace prize named after the armaments
maker who invented dynamite, Alfred Nobel

That peace prize he got was sensational,
But not in the least transformational...
Or he'd not condone
Making killing by drone
Into something so non-aberrational.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

White House Soup of the Day
Indispensable--that's MSNBC's Daily Rundown

Chuck Todd has a riveting scoop:
They're serving beef vegetable soup
In the White House today.
Thank you, Chuckles, I say,
For keepin' us dupes in the loop.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Clinton

I don't think that most would agree
Free trade's what they said it would be.
With all of the jobs
And the factories lost,
It certainly hasn't been free.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

James Holmes
James Holmes, who murdered 12 & wounded 58
in a Colorado movie theatre before police inter-
vened in under two minutes, had tear gas, body
armor, two Glock handguns, a 12-gauge shotgun,
an AR-15 assault rifle, 3,000 rounds of ammo for
the handguns, 3,000 rounds for the assault rifle,
& 350 shells for the shotgun, all purchased legally

Don't know where support for it went.
In '90, was 80%.
But now less than half
Of us think we should have
Better gun control; look what it's meant.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney and Barack Obama
Big family trees: something in common after all

While neither one looks like a "pig" to us,
Their family trees aren't ambiguous:
These one-woman men
Clearly descend
From highly prolific polygamists.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
In their remarks about the mass shooting in Aurora
CO that left 12 dead and 58 wounded, few politi-
cians said anything about restoring common sense
gun laws that would help prevent such tragedies

They're "shocked" and they're "saddened," they say,
And for all of the victims they'll "pray."
(Then they'll vote down the laws
That could change this because
They're all scared of the damn NRA.)

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
As Mitt Romney refused to release further tax
returns, speculation grew about what he's hiding

You figure there's gotta be somethin'
That's keepin' Mitt Romney from comin'
Clean on his taxes,
And I'll bet the catch is
In some years he didn't pay nothin'.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Olympic uniforms
Many of the politicians complaining that the
Olympic team's Opening Day uniforms were
made in China have voted for trade bills that
have resulted in almost all of the clothing
sold in the U.S. being made somewhere else

To: Ralph Lauren

A beret's not American, dear.
And a blazer should cover the rear.
But the number one crime
With your outfits this time
Is you made 'em in China, not here.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman staring at phone--visualphotos.com

Would we find this ol' bar such a bore
If we left all our phones at the door?
We might look at each other
And talk to each other--
You know, like we used to before.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sheriff Joe Arpaio
The Justice Dept. filed suit against "America's
toughest sheriff" Joe Arpaio in AZ, alleging his
department discriminates against Latinos, uses
excessive force, runs its jail unconstitutionally
and has taken illegal action to silence critics

"America's sheriff?" My ass!
Arpaio's a little miscast,
When most of the cops
In the country could top
His integrity, honor and class.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

War? Not my problem!
With no draft, America's wars are largely seen as
someone else's problem, and protests are sparse

Young people don't march against war
The way that they used to before.
See, there's been a change
Since the Vietnam days:
You don't have to go anymore.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Becky Carney
When NC State Rep. Becky Carney (D-Charlotte) mistakenly pushed "green" to override the gover-
nor's veto of a bill allowing fracking, she was not
allowed to change her vote; fracking is now legal

A North Carolina state rep
(And fracking opponent, no less)
Made quite a mistake
When the voting went late
And she meant to say "no" but said "yes"--
So fracking there won
By a margin of one.
How she sleeps now is anyone's guess.

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
After the Supreme Court upheld it, Mitt Romney
vowed to "act to repeal Obamacare" on his first
day if elected president, despite having signed a re-
markably similar law as Massaschusetts governor

He keeps on insisting that "Romneycare"
Is nothing at all like "Obamacare,"
But then when you pause
To examine the laws,
They're almost identical everywhere!

July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bill Clinton
The Clinton administration's support of free trade
and financial deregulation hurt ordinary Americans
as much as anything either party has done since

Republicans and corporate Democrats--
Forgive me, but what kinda choice is that?
They both gave us NAFTA
And not long thereafter
Dismantled Glass-Steagall, the dirty rats.

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Drone funeral
With evidence of hundreds of civilian casualties
from U.S. drone attacks, more is being learned about
Pres. Obama's "kill list" & authorization of "signa-
ture strikes" based on a person's pattern of behavior

It's not a behavioral pattern we like,
So blow him away with a "signature strike."
And do it by drone
From the comfort of home...
It might be a place where we're kinda disliked.

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Scott Walker
Conservatives rejoiced when union-busting Gov.
Scott Walker (R-WI) survived a recall election,
outspending his challenger 7 to 1, mostly with
outsized out-of-state donations. Pro-business
rhetoric aside, his job creation record is terrible

Gone, Wisconsin

Analysis? What's to belabor?
The one percent beat up on labor.
There wasn't much love
For this job-cuttin' Guv
Till they spent his ass back into favor.

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Drone
With hundreds of civilian casualties from CIA
drone strikes, it's hard to believe that drones are
making America safer, as newly embittered
militants take the place of every person killed

We're doing our killing by robot,
And what propaganda now they've got:
"You're not man enough
To come fight us!" and stuff.
We are home for dinner, though; that's hot.

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jamie Dimon
When CEO Jamie Dimon testified before the Senate Banking Committee about JPMorgan's huge trading losses, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) said, "We can hard-
ly sit in judgment of you losing $2 billion. We lose
twice that everyday here in Washington." Members
have received $582,000 from the bank since 2007

A banker lost billions again,
But kept all his Senator friends.
He's too big to fail
And too big to jail.
He keeps all the checks comin' in.

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Oh, President Romney, it cannot be--
You've outsourced America totally!
It isn't called "outsource"--
I like to say "right source."
Now what did you dummies expect of me?

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

DJ and crowd
Though prolonged exposure to extra-loud music
causes irreversible hearing damage including tinni-
tus, nightclubs and authorities aren't controlling it

When it's LOUD it gets everyone swingin'.
I mean, look at 'em dancin' and singin'!
(Course, they don't realize
For the rest of their lives
That their ears'll be constantly ringin'.)

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Woman behind bars
A 24-year old Oxnard CA high school substitute
teacher was arrested and held in lieu of $500,000
bail on suspicion of "sexting" with a male student

For sexting the guy of her dreams
(She's 24, he's 17),
A teacher's in jail
At half a mill bail.
Is that not a little extreme?

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Happy elephant
Republicans continued to benefit from the Supreme
Court's Citizens United decision allowing unlimited
corporate spending on elections, as anti-labor Gov.
Scott Walker (R-WI) successfully fought a recall
effort with $30 million to spend vs. his Democratic
challenger's $4 million

This Citizens case is a honey:
Now limitless corporate money
Keeps flowin' our way
And winning the day!
Why, even November looks sunny--
And our guy's so bad it's not funny!

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Santorum
"The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a
plant," said Rick Santorum in Biloxi on March 12

The self-serving energy giants
Discrediting climate change science
Can only succeed
When they've got what they need:
Enough of us chumps in alliance.

June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Schoolmaster
A new law subjecting Tennessee teachers to a $500
fine if they discuss any "gateway sexual activity"
with students was signed by the Republican gov-
ernor there; critics say its language is too broad

"Don't teach holding hands down in Tennessee,
Cuz that leads to sexual activity."
Less gov'ment? My ass!
All these laws that they pass
Are Orwellian, they're so Big Brotherly.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jamie Dimon
After risky derivatives trades cost JPMorgan Chase
$2 billion, CEO Jamie Dimon said, "We'll take all
proper corrective action, and that may very well
include clawbacks" [salary cuts for those involved].
Dodd-Frank Wall Street reforms that Dimon has
fought would have prevented the loss; Rep. Frank
noted that the bank has lost "five times the amount
they claim financial regulation is costing them"

To: Jamie Dimon, CEO--
From: Barney Frank, LMFAO

You just blew up billions 'a greenbacks.
You think you can handle the blowback
By giving execs
A slap on the wrist,
Or whatchamacallit, a "clawback?"
This won't go away
By cuttin' their pay!
Policin' yourself has its drawbacks.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jerry Falwell, Jr. and Mitt Romney
Wooing evangelicals at Liberty University, VA,
Mitt Romney (r.), with Chancellor Jerry Falwell,
Jr., brought a commencement crowd of 30,000 to
its feet when he said that "marriage is a relation-
ship between one man and one woman," three
days after Pres. Obama endorsed gay marriage

This campaign is all about liberty!
Gay marriage, though, doesn't seem right to me.
So if I'm elected
I won't be protectin'
No liberties I wouldn't like to see.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man crossing fingers
"We'll work with you, Mr. President"

Republicans to Democrats:

WE'VE GOT AN IDEA--PLEASE ADAPT IT
And then when you do, we'll attack it:
The mandate, for instance,
To carry insurance
That Romney made law when he backed it;
The cap and trade system
For carbon emissions
We said would be good for the planet;
The Dream Act for children--
We loved that solution
Until you did, too; now we pan it...
You gettin' the picture?
We're nothin' but dicks here.
Don't look for good faith, cuz we banned it.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Snake oil salesman
Americans spend over $34 billion a year on alterna-
tive medicine, though there is little evidence to sup-
port homeopathy as an effective treatment for any
specific condition, & homeopathic remedies aren't
evaluated by the FDA for safety or effectiveness

Nine out of ten skeptics all agree:
"Homeopathic" spells quackery--
A product that's lacking
In FDA backing
And won't be worth crap as a remedy.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

French celebrate Hollande victory
A massive crowd jammed Bastille Square in Paris to
celebrate the victory of François Hollande, as other
European elections also showed stiffening resistance
to austerity policies that have weakened economies
there (as Republicans push the same policies here)

Enough of this crazy austerity--
We can't cut our way to prosperity!
So why don't we try
The Socialist guy?
He might have a heart--that's a rarity.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney in car
Mitt Romney warned in 2008 that a government
bailout of ailing auto giants General Motors and
Chrysler would do more harm than good; now pro-
ven wrong, he told WEWS, "I'll still take a lot of
credit for the fact that this industry's come back"

Mitt Campaigns in Detroit

'Give credit where credit is due:
I helped save your industry too.'
But in your op-ed,
Go bankrupt, you said--
A bailout's the worst thing to do.

'Oh, let's not rehash
That stuff from the past--
Just vote for Mitt Romney. Woo hoo!'

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Santorum
Despite losing his 2006 reelection bid by 18 per-
centage points, ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
again let a divisive social agenda trump his eco-
nomic message in 2012

Remember Santorum's 2006 fight?
He lost in a landslide--too far to the right.
(To use an election
To fight contraception...
Is he that religious, or just not that bright?)

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Richard Grenell
Richard Grenell, the recently hired foreign
policy spokesman for Mitt Romney, resigned
after pressure from anti-gay conservatives
had the campaign keeping him under wraps

 

Attn: Log Cabin Republicans

Mitt's spokesman's been sent on his way...
Conservatives found him too gay.
(Ya think that these bozos'll
Help you tomorrow
When they can't accept you today?)

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney at Bain
Mitt Romney's Bain Capital, which made billions
while bankrupting nearly one-fourth of the compa-
nies it invested in, is skewered in the film, "When
Mitt Romney Came to Town"

See, flushing your job down the toilet
And stuffing the dough in our wallet
Is so big at Bain
We gave it a name:
"Creative destruction," we call it.

May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Secret Service man
Twleve Secret Service and twelve military personnel traveling in advance of the president were implicated
in a prostitution scandal in Colombia; the Secret Ser-
vice is investigating similar reports from El Salvador

What Could Go Wrong?

The music is makin' her wiggle--
My Spanish is makin' her giggle...
I got me a night
Before POTUS arrives,
And I'm where the hookers are legal!

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Attorney General Eric Holder
The nation's top prosecutor, Attorney General
Eric Holder, has not handed down a major criminal
indictment in some of the biggest cases of our time, including the sub-prime mortgage meltdown, BP
oil spill, disappearance of $1.6 billion in customer
funds at MF Global, and gas price manipulation

So how many years, is it three
He's had as Obama's AG?
You'd think with the crimes
We've seen in his time--
From torture to banks to BP--
That somebody's tail
Would end up in jail,
But that would take competency.

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Ann Romney & Michelle ObamaAnn Romney & Michelle Obama
"Wives should be off-limits," Pres. Obama said
after a pundit told CNN that Ann Romney "has
never worked a day in her life." Mrs. Romney (l.,
with Mrs. Obama at The Women's Conference
2007) responded, "I made a choice to stay home &
raise five boys. Believe me, it was hard work"

To say that a mother of five
Has not "worked a day in her life"
Means someone's forgotten
How ugly it got when
They messed with your candidate's wife.

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Santorum
After going from last to second place, ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) quit the race for the Republican presidential nomination rather than risk a primary
loss in his home state, which retired him in 2006

The schmuck we abhorred
With the pluck we adored
Is finally leavin' the scene...

We'll never forget
How he took it to Mitt--
He was kind of a Democrat's dream.

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Baby covering ears

A car used to honk for a reason;
It opened by puttin' the keys in.
Now everything works
With a beep or a chirp,
And nobody's gettin' their zzz's in.

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Drone pilot
A 3-month investigation for the Sunday Times of
London revealed that the CIA's drone campaign in
Pakistan has killed hundreds of civilians, including
at least 50 in follow-up strikes on those helping
victims, and more than 20 in attacks on funerals

We killed some civilians? I hate that!
Like just what we need is more bug splat...
So who do you like
In the playoffs tonight?
And don't tell me nobody--F*ck that!

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Twitter

I know it's not easy to swallow
A goal so incredibly hollow,
But I want more tweeps
To be followin' me
Than the number of tweeps that I follow.

April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Blowing smoke

Beware of extreme ideology
Where people just see what they wanna see
And often assert
They're doin' God's work
(As if He would work homicidally).

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Cross against a stormy sky
Thou shalt not kill
The same month that saw the tenth anniversary of
the first of hundreds of civilians to be killed by un-
manned drones (a tall Afghan who turned out not
to be Osama bin Laden) also saw the killing of un-
armed black teen Trayvon Martin by a FL vigilante
who thought him suspicious. Amidst national out-
rage, it took 44 days for the shooter to be charged

Since we're in the "Christian tradition,"
Since when did God give us permission--
From drones overseas
To this Florida sleaze--
To kill people based on suspicion?

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pink slime
A number of supermarket chains have stopped
selling meat with "pink slime," made by putting
the scraps left after butchering through a centri-
fuge to separate out the fat, and treating them
with ammonium hydroxide gas to kill the bacteria

Hey, this "lean textured beef" tastes just fine!
How come everyone calls it "pink slime?"
Have you seen how it looks
'Fore it's added and cooked?

Oh, my goodness. Does someone want mine?

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Staffers
When Mitt Romney described himself as "severely conservative," it sounded like a medical condition

"Poor Mitt is severely conservative--
Let's get him a really good purgative."
"He'll need three or four,
Or possibly more--
That ass is so tight it's preservative."

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mormon missionaries
The Mormon Church has vowed to stop its post-
humous baptisms of non-Mormons without family
permission. These have included Mahatma Ghandi,
journalist Daniel Pearl, Barack Obama's mother,
and perpetrators and victims of the Nazi Holocaust
from Adolf Hitler to Anne Frank

Persistent's the way that they're bred;
They've got a religion to spread.
And if you're not buyin',
They won't give up tryin'--
They'll sign ya up after you're dead.

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Saints
An NFL investigation found that from 2009,
when they won the Super Bowl, to 2011,
the New Orleans Saints operated a bounty
system in which players got bonuses for hard
hits & deliberately injuring opposing players

"HEY, daddy, how was the game today?
D'they really give you guys bounty pay
Whenever you pound
Someone into the ground
And hurt 'em so bad they get hauled away?"

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

American Dream Defunded

These cuts wouldn't be so draconian
If we hadn't voted Republican.
We're stuck with this debt
Cuz the f*ckers won't let
The millionaires' taxes go up again.

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Santorum
Rick Santorum likened Pres. Obama to a drug
dealer who wants to get Americans "hooked" on
another entitlement program: healthcare reform

There's no greater threat to our liberty
Than programs like Social Security,
Obamacare, Student Aid,
Medicare, Medicaid,
Sapping our strength and our dignity!
(Now that should get dummies to vote for me.)

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney clapping
"Mitt Romney did what he had to do last night,"
said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor after the
candidate (above) beat Rick Santorum by 1% in
the Ohio primary after outspending him there 4:1

"Oh, winning Ohio was lots of fun!
We outspent Santorum there four to one
And did what we had to do!
Margin? What's that to you?
One percent's plenty where I come from."

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rush Limbaugh
No Republicans strongly condemned Rush Lim-
baugh for calling a female law student a "'slut" &
a "prostitute" after she testified in favor of the
healthcare law's birth-control rule, despite their
own past support for contraception mandates

They've really gone off on a bender:
Republicans versus a gender.
When Limbaugh called Fluke a slut,
They couldn't rustle up
One real man to defend her.

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
♫ I'm a Steamroller, Baby ♫
The more voters learn about how Mitt Romney
made his money, the more money's needed to keep
him viable. In his home state of Michigan, he out-
spent Rick Santorum 2:1 to win a primary by 3%

How could Americans calmly
Trust in a President Romney,
When most of his bucks
Come from people he's f*cked?
We'd have to be totally balmy.

March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Frank McCourt
Frank McCourt's deal with Major League Baseball, which forces him to sell the L.A. Dodgers by April
30, lets him keep the stadium's parking lots and
build parking structures on them if he chooses;
several potential buyers have withdrawn their bids

He's selling the Dodgers--hooray!
But keeping the parking, you say?
Then hold the confetti--
I'm too busy dreading
When parking costs more than the game.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich told CBS that he and Rick
Santorum are "much more conservative"
Republicans than "Gov. Romney, who
represents a kind of Northeastern moderatism"

We won't fight "Obama-type socialism"
With Mitt Romney's "Northeastern moderatism."
Wow, Gingrich has taken
The word moderation
And made it sound something like communism.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kyle Stanley
Kyle Stanley kisses trophy after winning the 2012
Waste Management Phoenix Open golf tournament

The squeamish among us were hopin'
The PGA people were jokin'
When they said the name
Of the big desert game:
Waste Management (yuck!) Phoenix Open.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Two guys and a dog

The teller will not count your cash for you;
He has a machine that he puts it through.
And then if you thank him,
He'll tell ya "No problem"--
As if a "You're welcome"'s too hard to do.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Humans as Data
Google, Twitter and others were found to be cap-
turing info by circumventing users' privacy settings

If Google or some other company
Is tracking you more than you'd like to see,
Remember, their stock
Would do nothing but drop
If you truly had any privacy.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kissing Grandma
235 out of 241 House and 40 out of 47 Senate Republicans voted for the Paul Ryan budget
replacing Medicare with a voucher system; all Democrats voted no

If you give a damn about Medicare,
You can't vote Republican anywhere.
If they get both Houses,
We'll all just get vouchers
And many won't make it, but they don't care.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Santorum
Ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), who says states
should have the right to outlaw contraception,
now leads Mitt Romney in national GOP polls

The country should disallow birth control?
And keep on dismantling gun control?
And ease the restrictions
On toxic emissions?
(And what, use a little more self-control?)

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chris Christie
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) vows to veto a
gay marriage bill, & wants a voter referendum
instead: "If it goes on the ballot, it will lose"

If you wanna boost the economy
And do something good for humanity,
Then follow the course
Of the state of New York
And legalize marriage equality.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney, All American
Imagine Mitt Romney giving a stump speech
to his favorite Americans--the corporations

"We're saving the soul of America!
So join with us, Bank of America!
And U.S. Bank too--
You're red, white and blue--
And all of our friends at ComericA!
And TD Ameritrade--
Join with our great crusade!
God bless Ameriprise...All of ya!"

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Super Bowl XLVI
Clock watchers: Super Bowl XLVI's accidental
winning touchdown was unopposed by the
Patriots and unwanted by the Giants at the time

You can't say this game was a bore.
It went to the Giants by four--
But what made it fun
Was the way that they won
On a touchdown they tried not to score.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney accepts endorsement of Donald Trump
The Apprentice host Donald Trump endorsed ex-
Bain Capital CEO Mitt Romney for president.
Many whose lives have been touched by either
man have heard the same thing: "You're fired"

Well, how about that--Trump's endorsing Mitt!
It kinda makes sense though now, doesn't it?
Since Romney's his equal
At firing people
And getting paid millions for doin' it...

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Saul Alinsky
If Pres. Obama is a "Saul Alinsky radical" as Newt
Gingrich claims, he has plenty of company: the
Chicago community organizer's Rules for Radicals
has been adopted by political activists on the left
and right, including members of the tea party and
James O'Keefe, who studied it pre-ACORN sting

What in tarnation does Newt see
In tyin' the prez to Alinsky?
Obama was ten
When the guy cashed it in;
It's not like they're Lenin and Trotsky.

February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Duke Cunningham
Ex-Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham (R-CA),
serving eight years in prison for taking $2.4
million in bribes, wrote to Newt Gingrich, "I
have 80% of inmates that would vote for you"

The insiders don't want him nominated,
But outside the beltway, Newt celebrated
Endorsements that came
From Palin and Cain
And Duke Cunningham, who's incarcerated.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Newt and Callista Gingrich
As House Speaker, Newt Gingrich led the charge
to impeach Pres. Clinton for perjury in covering
up an affair with an intern, as he too was having
an affair with an intern, his current wife Callista

She looks like she kissed Warren Beatty
Or just won a date with Tom Brady,
But it's even better--
This little go-getter
Is dreaming of being First Lady.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jon Huntsman & Mitt Romney
Jon Huntsman (l.) called Mitt Romney a "well-lubricated weather vane" who's "been on three
sides of every major issue," then dropped out
of the GOP presidential race and endorsed him

When Huntsman decided to quit,
His ringing endorsement of Mitt--
On top of the scorn
That he'd heaped all along--
Was phony as phony could get
(And naturally, didn't do sh*t).

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Newt Gingrich
Two days after Marianne Gingrich told ABC
News he'd asked her for an open marriage before
their divorce, former House Speaker Newt
Gingrich (R-GA) won the South Carolina GOP
primary by a wide margin over Mitt Romney

Newt's second ex-wife is revealing
One heck of a flawed human being.
But voters don't mind;
A lot of 'em find
A dickhead immensely appealing.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Perry
Rick Perry (shown), Jon Huntsman, Michele
Bachmann & Herman Cain all suspended their
campaigns, to keep raising money postmortem

You're done but you don't wanna end it;
Then people with money won't send it.
Pretend your campaign's
Gonna come back again--
The best word to use is "suspend" it.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ron Paul
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)

The choice that regrettably wasn't--
He starts to make sense, then he doesn't...
Like tryin' to repeal
The entire New Deal,
When common sense tells ya we mustn't.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
Though Mitt Romney blames Pres. Obama for
the current job shortage, Massachusetts ranked
47th in jobs growth while he was governor (Jan.
2003-Jan. 2007, U.S. Labor Dept.). Romney
did not seek a second term

Mitt says he will fix the economy
And while that is something we'd like to see,
His record as guv
At creating new jobs
Was kind of disastrous, actually.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Msgr. Kevin McAuliffe
Msgr. Kevin McAuliffe was sentenced to three
years in prison for stealing $650,000 from his
Las Vegas-area parish over ten years to gamble

Another Priest Collared:
Stole $650,000 From Parish to Gamble

This wasn't child endangerment--
Only a little embezzlement.
A priest in our time
With a celibate crime--
What a refreshing development!

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Staring at cell phone

The cell phone has done for fidelity
What ATMs did for frugality.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

McCain endorses Obama
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) mistakenly endorsed
Pres. Obama at a Mitt Romney rally in S. Carolina

The geezer's still good for some drama:
McCain said to vote for Obama
When Mitt had to tell him
'It's ME that you're sellin'!'
Who booked me in THIS blunderama?!

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Chinese container ship

It's hard to imagine how strong we'd be
If we could just take all the energy
We spend buttin' heads
And put it instead
Toward beatin' the pants off the enemy.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney's remark that "I like being able
to fire people" is his biggest gift to Democrats
since his "Corporations are people, my friend"

'I like being able to fire folks.'
(If voters are listenin', this guy is toast.)

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Jon Huntsman
What could go wrong, Jon Huntsman?
The former Utah governor on a coffee shop
counter in NH, where he finished third in the
GOP presidential primary and soon dropped out

The candidate's standing on glass.
Who cares if he might break his ass?
If he should fall through,
It's the harm he could do
To those pastries--they're really world class.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Good dog
Good dog

Some dog owners may find this critical,
But life in the city gets pitiful
With all of the barking
And excrement-hopping;
It's folks without dogs make it liveable.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Santorum
The persistent ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
squeaked out a win in the Iowa presidential cau-
cus after polling near the bottom for the past year

You'd think it would dawn on Santorum
How easy it's been to ignore him
Perpetually dressed
In an old sweater vest,
As if he was tryin' to bore 'em.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Clarence Thomas
Justice Clarence Thomas failed to report his wife's income on Supreme Court financial disclosure
forms as she made $686,589 from the rightwing
Heritage Foundation between 2003 and 2007. He
will soon rule on the new healthcare law, which
the Heritage Foundation & Mrs. Thomas oppose

No wonder we're all doubting Thomas:
His filings were f*cking dishonest!
He kept checking "none"
For spousal income
As she made a killing, we promise.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Guy reading book

Oh no, not another rehash
Of why the economy crashed,
By someone who didn't
Remotely predict it
But had to come up with some cash.

January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican leadership
To pay for the two-month payroll tax cut, mort-
gages sold to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for
the next ten years will include a fee that raises
the borrowing cost for a 30-year, $200,000 loan
by $4,000, or $11 a month, at today's rates

Your congressman may not have mentioned
You'll pay for your tax cut extension
As part of the loan
When you get your next home.
He hopes you're not paying attention.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner
House Republicans agreed to extend a payroll tax
cut benefiting 160 million workers, for two months

After a terrible run,
A showdown the Democrats won?!
A measly eight weeks
Of more payroll relief,
But a small win is better than none.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich said as president he'd ignore
Supreme Court decisions he opposed, and would
press for impeaching judges or even abolishing
certain courts if he disagreed with their rulings

When I'm your Commander in Chief,
The courts won't intimidate
me.
If I think they're wrong,
I just won't go along
With their stupid elitist decree.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Prisoner
The American Civil Liberties Union is calling on
Pres. Obama to veto the National Defense Auth-
orization Act, which allows a president to detain
U.S. citizens indefinitely without charge or trial

If you don't like the ACLU,
Are you sure that you know what they do?
They stand up and fight
For Americans' rights--
Conceivably, someone like you.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney Bet
They'll feel our pain: Mitt Romney tried to wager $10,000 in a Republican debate; rival Newt Gingrich disclosed having Tiffany credit lines of $1.5 million

I can't believe Newt Gingrich slammed
Mitt Romney for betting ten grand,
When he himself owed
Fifty times that or so
On a super sized Tiffany plan.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Cable TV Cliches

"At the end of the day..."
"Boots on the ground..."
"Kickin' the can down the road..."

With the endless clichés
Goin' around,
My f*ckin' head could explode.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sentinel drone
An RQ-170 Sentinel, the most advanced drone in
the U.S. arsenal, crash-landed in Iran with sophis-
ticated technology that could be exploited by that
country and its allies China and Russia

Iran got its hands on our drone.
How long till they're making a clone
And flying around
Without making a sound,
And killing and maiming from home?

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Herman Cain, Mitt Romney & Newt Gingrich
Herman Cain's (l.) 999 tax plan surely dies with his candidacy, but all the GOP candidates favor regres-
sive changes to the tax code. Newt Gingrich (r.)
wants to end capital gains and estate taxes, and
cut corporate income taxes from 35% to 12.5%

With Cain out, it looks like they won't install
A 9% sales tax after all.
But when will these farts
Think of anything smart,
Like taxing the folks with the wherewithal?

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

GOP Debate
The weakness of the field challenging Pres. Obama
was evident in the latest WMUR Granite State NH
poll, in which only 16% of likely Republican vot-
ers said they were firmly committed to a candidate

The choices are so f*ckin' sad,
Obama's not lookin' so bad.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Man with sign "I can't afford a lobbyist. I am the 99%"
Just as the Tea Party moved Republicans to the
right, a non-violent Occupy movement can push
Democrats in the other direction--to fight harder
for the 99% of Americans who are poorly served
by "free trade" economics & pay-to-play politics

They picked up our tents for collection
And pepper-sprayed our "insurrection."
But we're not downhearted--
We're just getting started.
Now let's Occupy an election.

December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican Rundown

One year before the presidential election, the
Republican hopefuls are Mitt Romney, Rick Perry,
Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachman,
Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman

Let's run down the GOP wannabes,
Cuz one of 'em's gonna be nominee:
Mitt Romney's a flipflopper,
Perry's a clodhopper,
Herman's a bedhopper (probably);
While Newt is a prostitute,
Bachmann's an absolute
Nut job, and Paul's a catastrophe;
And Mr. Santorum
And Number Two Mormon
Don't wanna be last, but one has to be.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hollywood Mystery

What if an actress discovered
Her husband in bed with another,
And she blew her top
And "slipped" off their yacht,
And drowned screamin' out to those mothers?

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Nonviolent protestors pepper sprayed at UC Davis CA
Police pepper-sprayed Occupy protestors on both coasts, including these students at the University
of CA, Davis, and an 84-year old Seattle woman

Tasers aren't lethal so they're okay,
And we feel the same about pepper spray.
So freeze, boys and girls,
Cuz you're in our world--
And we don't think you should protest today.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Grand Old Party
The "super committee's" failure followed lobby-
ist Grover Norquist's boast that GOP leaders in
both houses of Congress had assured him they
would not raise any taxes to reduce the deficit

Why have Republicans fought off
Every idea that's been thought of
To bring some more green
To the revenue stream?
(You don't think they could have been bought off?!)

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Cain, Romney & Gingrich
Whoever gets to oppose Pres. Obama, it won't be a
fair fight. Republicans have tightened election laws
in key states that will make it harder for millions to
vote next year--esp. students, minorities & seniors

Karl Rove Pep Talk

Our guys make a lousy impression,
But I got a little confession:
Our side's gonna win
The White House again.
We'll do it with voter suppression.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican presidential hopefuls
If the rest of the world watched the Republican
debates, everyone would build a bomb shelter

Déjà Vu

Let's go to war with Iran
Before they come up with a bomb.
A quick, clean attack--
Not like Iraq,
Afghanistan or Viet Nam...
A surgical strike--
That's what we like.
Blow 'em to hell and be gone!

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Penn State coaches McCreary & Paterno
Mike McQueary (l.) said that when he saw fellow
Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky raping a 10-year
old boy in the shower in 2002, he told his boss Joe Paterno (r.), who in turn told his, but no one there
ever reported that or similar incidents to police

We've all had to work with some beasts,
But not as disgusting as these:
Big guys who could take
A child bein' raped,
And not even call the police.
(And not even one was a priest.)

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ruby
In the end, it wasn't a scandal like his relationship
with teen stripper Ruby that brought down Italy's
Prime Minister Silvio Berusconi, but his country's
$2.6 trillion debt after a decade of low growth

Oh sure, he was fulla baloney,
But we're gonna miss Berlusconi.
That last little girl
Was outta this world.
(You wouldn't do that? You're a phony!)

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Herman Cain
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain continued
to deny allegations that he sexually harassed
women, as one accuser graphically described a
near-assault and another called him a "monster"

"A little heads-up for the press:
That wasn't my hand up her dress.
'Twas my evil twin
And you should talk to him,
But he's dead now so give it a rest!"

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Dr. Conrad Murray & Michael Jackson
An L.A. County jury convicted Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, of invol-
untary manslaughter, rejecting his defense that the
singer died by his own hand while left unattended

When someone starts blaming the victim,
It must feel great to convict him--
Especially a doc
Who's fed you a crock
On someone who can't contradict him.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Lawyer reading

Reviewing your Privacy Policy,
There's only one problem that I can see:
It's in the fine print
So you might have to squint...
It says you don't have any privacy.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber, 17, was sued by Maria Yeater,
20, who falsely claimed the singer fathered
her 3-month old son backstage after an L.A.
concert last year. The suit was soon dropped

False Alarm

Ah, life has been good to our laddie--
He's driven the little girls batty.
But that could be over--
Now one has come forward
To claim he's her little boy's daddy.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

GE CEO Jeff Immelt
Pres. Obama's job-creation advisors include job-
cutters like Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of GE, which
has closed 31 U.S. locations and cut 22,000 jobs
in the last four years while expanding overseas

The president's gurus on jobs
Are giving the president gobs
Of worthless advice,
While in real life
They're cutting us working-class slobs.

November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

 

Aghan Pres. Karzai
Aghan Pres. Hamid Karzai told Pakistani TV
that his country would side with Pakistan in
a hypothetical war against the United States

Hamid Karzai flipped us off again
When he declared that Afghanistan
Would stand with its neighbor
Against the invader
If we had a showdown with Pakistan.

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Khadaffi
Libyan dictator Moammar Khadaffi, killed in the
street by NATO-supported rebels, was offered
U.S. arms by Sen. John McCain only two years
before, a Wikileaks cable shows

We promised Khadaffi some arms,
And then we destroyed him with bombs.
But then, that's the thing
With this whole Arab spring:
We don't know which side that we're on.

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Karl Rove
As a result of the Supreme Court 's Citizen United decision, groups like Karl Rove's American Cross-
roads will face no spending limits in their efforts
to unseat Pres. Obama in 2012. Rove's super PAC
has received 90% of its contributions this year
from three billionaires

We're such a distractable bunch,
I just have a cynical hunch
We'll base who we vote for
On ads that are paid for
By those who are eating our lunch.

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Scott Dekraai
In another mass shooting, Scott Dekraai killed his
ex-wife and seven others in a Seal Beach CA hair
salon where she worked

Do people resistant to gun control
Rethink their position when some asshole
Goes crazy and wastes
Everyone in the place?
Or what's their solution, more self-control?

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney (R) served one term as governor of
Mass. & has been running for president ever since

Republican voters, let's have some fun
And count the elections Mitt Romney's won:
With all of his dough
You might think it'd be mo',
But 2002 was the only one.

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Michelle Bachmann looks starved
Michelle Bachmann (above), Herman Cain and
Ron Paul have all won recent straw polls

Iowa

So which unelectable asshole
Will win the Republican straw poll?
It won't be whoever
They run in November,
But let's hear the meaningless drum roll.

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican "leadership"
With 23 million Americans unable to find full-
time work, Republicans continue to oppose
any jobs legislation

Jobs bill? They'll never pass one.
They'll kill it like the last one.
And while they pan
Obama's plan,
At least he f*ckin' has one!

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Scott Walker
Anti-labor candidates like Gov. Scott Walker (R-
WI) won big in 2010, the first post-Citizens Unit-
ed
election allowing unlimited corporate spending

It doesn't take much analyzing:
Government by advertising
Doesn't work--
Ya get the jerks
The plutocrats are merchandising.

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Low information voters

"How do Republicans get us
Voting against our own interests?"
"It's not all that tough
When you're spending enough,
And lying like nobody's business."

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Amaze your friends! Light your tap water on fire!
A homeowner lights his tap water on fire for film-
maker Josh Fox (shown) in the HBO documentary Gasland. Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to ac-
cess natural gas deposits, was exempted from the
Clean Water Act by the Bush administration

There's gas underfoot--let's get cracking!
Your land's where we're gonna be fracking.
Just sign this right here
And your future's secure!
(But oh, if your children start hacking
And coughing up blood
And contaminate crud,
You might wanna think about packing.)

October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)

Chris Christie continues to balk
At all of the president talk.
They want him to run,
But sonuva gun--
It's hard enough even to walk.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama
Although the majority of Americans favor a single-
payer Medicare-for-all system, which could
actually reduce the deficit, that was not a priority
of the 4,525 lobbyists who influenced the new
health bill (eight for each member of Congress)

Imagine, instead of "Obamacare,"
A plan that was popular everywhere.
The Dems would be stronger
If they had fought longer
For everyone's right to have Medicare.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Grand Old Party

Given that folks in the GOP
Wanna end Social Security
And Medicare too,
Here's what you do:
Vote Democratic exclusively
(Or stop getting older immediately).

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican leadership
Republicans are calling Pres. Obama's plan to
raise taxes on millionaires "class warfare," even
though billionaire Warren Buffett proposed it,
saying he pays a lower rate than his secretary

They won't raise the tax rate on millionaires
(Proposed, don't forget, by a billionaire).
"Class warfare!" they call it,
And they're gonna stall it
(While they kick the crap out of Medicare).

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama tours Solyndra
Taxpayers are losing $535 million on a Dept. of
Energy loan to a now-bankrupt solar panel maker
whose largest investor is the family foundation
of a billionaire Obama contributor. The loan was
pushed through after the White House OMB
warned that it was "NOT ready for prime time"

Their loan had a federal guarantee,
So now that Solyndra's in bankruptcy,
They'll leave us the bill
For 500 mill.
No wonder they call it "green" energy.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mitt Romney1
Ex-Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) claims he wants
to save Social Security, and hammers Gov. Rick
Perry (R-TX) for calling it a 'Ponzi scheme,' but
his own book makes basically the same charge

The queerest damn marriage you'll ever see:
Romney and Social Security.
His rival's so radical,
He's lookin' practical,
Saying--with utter hypocrisy--
He's not here to bury it,
Only to vary it.
Social Security, R.I.P.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Obama eating hotdog
Pres. Obama emailed his data base a chance to have dinner with him for a minimum contribution of $5

Inbox

Barack makes me feel like a winner!
He's askin', "Can we meet for dinner?"
Oh wait, there's a catch--
It's a lottery, natch.
I'll pass. Let him find a beginner.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Social Security
With pensions disappearing and investments suf-
fering, Social Security has paid seniors guaranteed
benefits for 76 years, but Gov. Rick Perry (R-
TX) calls it a "monstrous lie" & "Ponzi scheme"

The way you find out it's a "Ponzi scheme":
It stops paying out [so it doesn't seem
That Social Security
Merits that imagery,
Since it pays out like a f*cking dream].

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner
Republicans want more tax cuts for "job crea-
tors" even though the last 10 years have seen
the largest tax cuts [and deficits] in history, &
less private sector job creation than the 1930's

Joblessness numbers are up again,
Thanks to those feckless Republicans
Who will not say yes
To a "jobs bill" unless
It's all tax cuts that nobody ever spends.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Perry
18,000 wildfires have charred 3.4 million acres in
Texas this year, and Gov. Rick Perry, who has
made a name blasting federal spending, wants
more help from Washington (having cut his
state's volunteer fire dept. funding by 75%)

"Let's stop all this government spending!
(But don't even think of suspending
The aid we require
To put out these fires--
Now what were ya thinkin' of sending?)"

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sarah Palin
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK), who resigned
during her first term, continues to tease
supporters about running for president

"Run, Sarah, run!" goes the crowd.
Excuse me for laughing out loud,
But how couldja vote
For that pig in a poke,
Without being totally plowed?

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican leadership
Fed Chairman Bernanke and top economists
warned of more job losses if Republican budget
cuts became reality. Now that it's happening,
why isn't Pres. Obama connecting the dots?

The key to Republican strategy:
Keep cutting until the economy
Is so f*cking bad
A job can't be had
(Except for the president's, naturally).

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Boehner and Obama
Pres. Obama rescheduled a jobs speech to a Joint Session of Congress after House Speaker Boehner
(R-OH) objected to the date

His use of executive power
Is looking like Amateur Hour.
He'd better learn fast
How to kick ass--
The base is beginning to sour.

September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

ATF Fast and Furious Program
During its "Fast & Furious" program, 2,000 guns
were illegally purchased under ATF surveillance
in Arizona & then lost by agents trying to track
them. One was used to kill a U.S. Border Patrol
agent; others turned up at crime scenes in Mexico

Your program went way past injurious.
Some good people died, and we're curious:
Who thought that those guns
Wouldn't hurt anyone?
Think fast, ATF, cuz we're furious.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Eric Cantor--wreaking havoc near you
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)

Disaster aid oughta be there for us
To help us through something calamitous,
But Cantor objects:
'Don't send it unless
We hurt someone else with more spending cuts.'

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

D.C. Quake
A 5.8 earthquake centered near Mineral VA
damaged D.C.'s Washington Monument and
National Cathedral but caused no casualties

If I were a jerk like Pat Robertson,
I'd say that the earthquake in Washington
Was God's little scare
For the lobbyists there,
And all their corruptible congressmen.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Mall ad
Big Brother is watching you, and pitching you

First they came up with phrenology,
Then it was on to psychology...
And now the new game
For reading your brain
Is face recognition technology.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Is America ready for another anti-science
president working for Texas oil interests?

These skeptics on climate change, naturally,
Don't always communicate factually:
One warming denier
(Whose state is on fire)
Says we're in a "cooling trend," actually.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has also said
that the American Revolution started in NH &
the Founding Fathers worked to end slavery

Happy Birthday to Elvis! I lied--
August 16th's the day that he died
34 years ago
So I blew it, I know...
Can't the press ever let these things slide?!

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Ex-Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN)
Ex-Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN) dropped out of
the Republican presidential race

Think nobody's missin' Pawlenty?
Hey, Starbucks is missin' him plenty.
Wherever he'd speak,
Their sales'd peak--
You'd give your eye teeth for a Venti.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Michelle Bachmann
Newsweek's treatment of Michele Bach-
mann resembles that of Ross Perot in 1992

A hit job by Newsweek's not new;
They did it to Ross Perot too.
It means the establishment
Running the government
Wants someone other than you.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gen. David Petraeus
Critics of Gen. David Petraeus' counterinsurgency strategy say it didn't work for the French in Alger-
ia, Americans in Vietnam or Soviets in Afghanistan

America's patience is thinning
With wars that we know we're not winning.
The generals may say
Things are goin' our way
But success wouldn't take so much spinning.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Thumb down
As mandated by the debt ceiling bill, a "super committee" of six Republicans and six Democrats
has three months to recommend $1.5 trillion in
additional deficit reductions over the next decade

Of course expectations are sh*tty
For Congress's "Super Committee."
This debt-trimming's nuts
When it's all done with cuts
And no help from the corporate kitty.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Uncle Sam I.O.U.
Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. govern-
ment's credit rating from AAA to AA+ for the
first time in history, saying that 'political brink-
manship [has made] America's governance and
policy-making less stable, effective & predictable'

Triple-A rated like Canada,
Germany, France or Australia?
Those were the days--
Now we're just Double-A,
Like our friends in Japan and Slovenia.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Obama and Boehner
Now that default is averted, Pres. Obama says
he'll focus on jobs. But the debt deal he just
signed, with $2 trillion in cuts & no new reve-
nue, is predicted to make joblessness worse

When faced with Republican brinkmanship,
Our president's known for his blinkmanship--
And each time he caves,
It's harder to save
An evermore rapidly sinkin' ship.

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rafael Furcal shirt
Like new

They traded Furcal and it hurt.
Now what do I do with the shirt?

August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Proud teabagger
There's something about these people...

Hey, I'm patriotic, are you?
Do you hate our government too?
Then come and join
up
With our
Tea Party club.
Just look for the red, white and blue.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Harry Reid
Even victory will look like defeat if Senate
Majority Leader Harry Reid's (D-NV) deficit-
reduction bill passes. Entailing no new revenue
in deference to the Republicans, its budget cuts
are predicted to further weaken the economy

They'll pass the Reid plan or they won't;
We're damned if they do or they don't.
With trillions in cuts
And no revenue, f*ck!
It's not what we need or we want.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

House freshmen Republicans
House freshmen Republicans who want huge
budget cuts with no new revenue say they're
willing to let the U.S. default to get their way

To make us default for no reason
Is not patriotic; it's treason.
But if we can't hang
The Tea Party gang,
We'd settle for kickin' their knees in.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Fun while it lasted
Facing an ethics investigation and questions about
his behavior, Rep. David Wu (D-OR) announced
he's resigning from Congress

The pressure to go was humongous,
So David Wu's out of the Congress.
And though very few
Will miss Mr. Wu,
We'll all miss those tiger pajamas.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican leadership
Republicans are using the August 2 debt ceiling
deadline and looming default to try to force
Draconian budget cuts with no increase in
tax revenue from the wealthy and corporations

Their "compromise" is an abortion,
With spending cuts out of proportion
To revenue gains.
(The technical name
For what they are doin's "extortion.")

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Michelle Bachmann & Tea Party
House Tea Party Republicans like Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) would apparently rather see
the U.S. default on its debt for the first time in
history than vote to raise the debt ceiling to cov-
er appropriations Congress has already made

It's dangerous when children have too much tea:
The caffeine can lead to catastrophe.
Their brains are so small
They can't handle it all,
And many lose touch with reality.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sarah Palin
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK)


P
resident Palin?

She walked off the job in Alaska,
And yet we've heard nobody ask her:
If you couldn't handle
The "Troopergate" scandal,
Then what makes you think you could master
The leadership skills
It would take, if you will,
To handle a real disaster?

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Prof. Elizabeth Warren
Prof. Elizabeth Warren will return to Harvard
after setting up the Consumer Financial Protec-
tion Bureau which she conceived, and which Republicans are trying to put out of business

They never got tired of tarrin'
Professor Elizabeth Warren.
She fought a good fight
But for those on the right,
Consumer protection is foreign.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Unhappy driver
Fears of "Carmageddon" kept L.A. traffic light
as a freeway closed for bridge demolition

How to survive Carmageddon,
The weekend that everyone's dreadin':
Avoid the Westside
Cuz there's no 405,
Or walk to wherever you're headin'.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rupert Murdoch
Rupert Murdoch shut down the UK's 168-year
old News of the World and dropped his bid for
BSkyB amid revelations that his "journalists"had
hacked thouasands of cell phones

His people were hacking away
To gather the scoop of the day...
You think Rupert knew it?
There's one way to prove it:
Let's see what his phone has to say.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Guy with cell phone
Tech talk

I don't wanna say this out loud,
But what in the f*ck is a "cloud?"

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican leadership
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell
(R-KY, on r.) said "the single most important
thing we want to achieve is for Pres. Obama to
be a one-term president"--fodder for Demo-
cratic charges that Republicans are deliberately sabotaging the economy for political gain

F*ck their Republican puffery!
They don't even want a recovery--
Till Twenty-Thirteen,
Ya know what I mean?
It's not like their wallets are suffering.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Next president, Optimists Club?
Millions were outraged when a jury found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her two-year old daughter, but one man saw opportunity

One guy held a sign, "Casey, marry me!"
'N that's when I thought, What insanity!
If that little wretch
Were the last woman left,
I'd rather have sex with Sean Hannity.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

FDR
Pres. Franklin Roosevelt used huge government
action to lift the economy & create jobs, but to-
day's opposition is doing everything possible
to shrink the government, even risking default

Our second worst downturn in history,
And government's really the enemy?
If FDR's watching,
He knows that we're botching
Our only good shot at recovery.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) quit bipartisan negotiations to raise the debt ceiling
over his side's opposition to ending tax breaks
and loopholes for the wealthy and corporations

Eric Cantor. That name, to me,
Is exactly what it should be...
Though the spelling is bad;
He really should add
An apostrophe 'fore the "t".

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gun-toting Uncle Sam
The Defense Dept. is the only government agency
that will receive a double-digit increase in its
budget for fiscal year 2012

With all of the cutting that's going on,
You'd think they could cut at the Pentagon
...Now that Bin Laden,
The Soviet Union
And Cheney and Rumsfeld are finally gone.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Playing chicken with the debt ceiling
Republicans, who voted to raise the debt ceiling
seven times under Pres. Bush, oppose raising it
now even though their own Ryan budget adds
$6 trillion to the deficit over the next ten years

Ten times since Two Thousand One--
Now that was a helluva run
For raising the debt limit,
Back when our government
Knew how to walk and chew gum.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican leadership
Republicans, who won midterm elections over frustration with the economy, seem determined
to make it even worse by insisting on spending
cuts only to reduce the deficit

The deficit isn't what got us here,
And lately it's up in the stratosphere
Cuz people ain't workin'!
(Ain't that what you jerks in
D.C. were supposed to be fixin' there?)

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Pres. Obama
Pres. Obama tends to sell his side short and
exact little in return for early concessions, as
shown in the healthcare and budget debates

He promised us change in 2008,
But "president's" harder than "candidate"--
And while he's sincere,
It's increasingly clear:
He doesn't know how to negotiate.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tracy Morgan
Maybe Tracy Morgan's onstage rants are a ploy
to guarantee a return booking, for the apology

What's eating Tracy today?
'He's worried his kid'll be gay?
Or he'll meet a woman
With retarded children?'
Like, who is this, Andrew Dice Clay?!

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Drone pilot
Pilots working at U.S. computer screens are con-
ducting lethal drone attacks in at least 6 countries

Drone Pilots Wanted: Work From Home

See the world, fighting for Uncle Sam!
You'll bomb Iraq and Afghanistan,
Then on to Libya,
Yemen, Somalia--
Don't forget, save some for Pakistan.

July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rupert Murdoch
Rupert Murdoch's Midas touch was nowhere to
be seen with his six-year ownership of Myspace

Myspace

He paid more than what, half a billion?
And sold it for 35 million?
Yeah, Murdoch's so steamed
At his management team,
They're lucky he's not a Sicilian.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ft. Calhoun Nuclear Plant, NE Having the Ft. Calhoun Nuclear Plant surrounded
by water & Los Alamos Labs by fire at the same
time, just weeks after Fukishima, reminds us how
vulnerable nuclear facilities are to natural disasters

Osama bin Laden is toast
But he never scared me the most--
There's so much more danger
From ol' Mother Nature
No terrorist even comes close.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rod Blagojevich
Impeached ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was convicted on 17 counts of corruption, including
trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Jurors
were convinced by recorded evidence, though his
lawyer had argued he was just thinking out loud

Blagojevich really got trounced--
They got him on 17 counts.
That hair's gotta go--
Hey, it's beautiful, bro,
But where you're gonna go they just pounce.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Fist

Republicans, wake up and face the facts,
And watch where you're swingin' that f*ckin' ax!
The budget's a bitch?
Then talk to the rich.
You're not gonna balance it on our backs.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

V.I.P. velvet rope

Ya ever gone out like an innocent
And wondered what V.I.P. really meant?
Like, who's on that side
Of the velvet divide?
Just fools who paid more for the same event.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican leadership
No compromise: Republicans would rather end
Social Security and Medicare than end tax cuts
and loopholes for the wealthy and corporations

At scaring us silly, they're really great:
Obamacare! Death panels! Nanny state!
But scarier still
Are their own frickin' bills--
Read 'em and try not to emigrate.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Matt Kemp & Andre Ethier
L.A. Dodgers Matt Kemp & Andre Ethier, both
batting over .300, celebrate a win. If owner Frank
McCourt cannot make payroll after draining $100
million from the team for his personal use, Major League Baseball could seize it & put it up for sale

The Dodgers won three in a row
But that's the exception, I know--
More often they play
Like they might not get paid
And nobody's runnin' the show.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Golf summit
"Golf is a good walk spoiled"--Mark Twain

Obama and Boehner played golf
And some of us wanted to rolf
(It's such a disgrace
When a man shaves his legs,
And none of our problems get solved).

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


'56 Chevy, loaded
Body shop costs have skyrocked since NHTSA weakened bumper standards under the Reagan administration. 13% of the new cars sold in the
U.S. last month did not come with spare tires

My car isn't new--I don't care--
I love it because it's so rare.
See, this baby has
What new ones don't have:
A bumper, a trunk and a spare.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Uncle Sam
Calling it a misguided attempt to isolate Israel,
Pres. Obama is lobbying allies to vote against
a Palestinian state resolution in the U.N.

Why does our President spend his time
Lining up votes against Palestine?
We know who he's pleasin'
But some in the region
May see "hope and change" as an empty line.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Grover Norquist
Grover Norquist, whose Americans for Tax
Reform has exacted a no-tax pledge from most
of the Republicans in Congress, may be losing
influence as many awaken to fiscal realities and
seek to close loopholes like the ethanol tax credit

Hey, nobody voted for Grover,
Whose influence oughta be over:
The once-middle class
Is flat on its ass;
His bitches are rollin' in clover.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ethanol corn
Bipartisan pressure is building to end the $6
billion annual tax credit for ethanol. The U.S.
currently diverts 38% of its corn crop to make
biofuels, raising food prices around the world

Folks on the left and right both agree:
Let's end the ethanol subsidy
And give Uncle Sam
Six billion clams,
And let corn be what it's supposed to be.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

GOP Debate
Tea Party favorite Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MI) used the second GOP debate to announce her run

It's clear that they're all on a mission
To hold the most rightwing position,
So don't be surprised
If one of 'em tries
To reintroduce Prohibition.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rick Perry
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)

Rick Perry is some kind of optimist:
He thinks we'll forget he's secessionist,
And how his state's busted,
And how we all trusted
The last piece 'a sh*t Texas sent to us.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

The stall
The stall made famous by a then-sitting Senator

"I'm not gonna quit," and he meant it--
So Larry Craig stayed in the Senate,
Where all his old friends
Shunned him right to the end.
(Congressman Weiner, you get it?)

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY)
Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY)

Abundantly clear from this Weiner mess:
There's nowhere to hide from your kinkiness
When all of your sexting
And all of your texting's
Just one click away from the internets.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

NY Congressmen
New York's kinky ex-Congressmen (l. to r.):
The Tickler, the Flexer & the Weiner

Eric Massa and Christopher Lee
And this Anthony Weiner are three
Of the horniest gents
That New York's ever sent
Down to Washington frickin' D.C.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Andrew Breitbart
Before exposing Anthony Weiner, blogger
Andrew Breitbart posted a misleadingly edited
video of USDA official Shirley Sherrod, which
showed her as a racist and got her fired

Just because Weiner admitted it
Doesn't make Breitbart legitimate:
Remember who got
Shirley Sherrod
Fired, the way she was edited.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican leadership
The Treasury Dept. will be unable to pay its
bills after August 2 if Republicans block raising
the debt ceiling. Economists say a first-ever U.S.
default would be catastrophic

Alas, our Republican potentates
Are not mathematical heavyweights:
If they get their way
And the U.S. can't pay,
Imagine what happens to interest rates.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY)
After a week of denials, Rep. Anthony Weiner
(D-NY) apologized for sharing eponymous photos
with women online, and said he would not resign,
until he did so ten days later

The obvious lesson of Weinergate
For every political candidate:
When you're overheated
You don't have to tweet it--
Just go home and beat it, you reprobate.

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Lady Gaga
In the mother of all loss leaders, Amazon sold
440,000 new Lady Gaga albums at 99¢ in two
days (paying $8.40 for each digital copy it sold)

Of all the unusual events...
New Gaga for 99 cents!
For buyers it's fun
But the industry's stunned--
Like, where will the prices go next?

June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Ex-Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA)
As governor, Mitt Romney (R-MA) signed a re-
quirement that everyone have health insurance, a
mainstream Republican idea, as was end-of-life counseling, until both became demonized within
The Patient Protection & Affordable Care Act

Flipflopicans

The mandate for coverage was their idea,
But these days they call it "Obamacare."
And end-of-life counseling?
That also was their thing,
Until it became the "death panel" scare.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Girl covering ears

Talk radio's like karaoke.
Yeah, once in a while you get lucky
And hear someone great
But they're not worth the wait,
Cuz everyone else is so sucky.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Harold Camping
CA preacher Harold Camping says his prophecy
that the world would end was off by five months
and that Judgment Day will actually come Oct. 21

Now that the world isn't over,
He's moved the date up to October...
Although he may find
Not many inclined
To give the End Times a do-over.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Benjamin Netanyahu
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu was unknowing-
ly recorded in 2001 saying "America is a thing
you can move very easily." He proved it with
his lecture to a Joint Session of Congress

This wasn't just any old yahoo:
No, this was the great Netanyahu!
They stood thirty times
To applaud all his lines,
That not one meshuggenah saw through.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Newt Gingrich
GOP presidential hopefuls from Gingrich to
Huntsman to Pawlenty feel required to say they
would have voted for the House budget, even
though most Americans oppose its radical plan
to end Medicare. A Democrat won a special congressional election in NY on the issue

They've finally come up with the best
Republican loyalty test:
'If you won't kill Medicare,
You won't go anywhere.'
This Democrat is impressed!

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Robot

When you hear an interview show,
It's really important to know
Who's human or not.
The typical bot
Begins every answer with So...

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Mitch Daniels & the late Frank PerdueGov. Mitch Daniel & the late Frank Perdue

Mitch Daniels is not gonna run,
But why's everybody so stunned?
The guy's pretty smart:
He knew in his heart
That Frank Perdue couldn't have won.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


George Mitchell
A week before Israeli PM Netanyahu's conten-
tious White House visit, veteran dealmaker
former Sen. George Mitchell (D-ME) resigned
as Special Envoy on Middle East peace after
28 months of fruitless negotiations

George Mitchell, who brought peace to Ireland,
Has thrown in the towel on the Holy Land.
He thought he knew stubborn
From workin' in Dublin,
But this was more than even he could stand.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican leadership
Risking a first-ever federal default, Republicans
vow to block raising the nation's debt limit un-
less they get $2 trillion in budget cuts. Ending
Bush tax cuts for the rich is "not on the table"

You'll have to explain how these hooligans,
Whose unprecedented shenanigans
Could cause the U.S.
To default on its debts,
Are such patriotic Americans.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) addresses a town
hall meeting on how to trim government fat

"Don't knock Christie's weight--nuthin's wrong--
Hey, the guy's just a little big-boned!"
"But if tightenin' the belt's
Good for everyone else,
Don't you think he could try that at home?"

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Arnold Schwarzenegger
Ex-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) and
wife Maria Shriver separated after she learned
he'd fathered a child over a decade ago with a
longtime member of their household staff. On
his last day in office, he reduced prison time
for a crony's son involved in a fatal stabbing

That Arnold's a walkin' disaster
Whose stock couldn't sink any faster--
From cuttin' the sentence
Of Esteban Nunez
To secretly fath'rin' a bastard.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sad elephant
Two Republicans who announced they would not
seek the presidency (Trump and Huckabee) would
have had to give up lucrative TV deals to run

For President, who do you wanna see,
Besides all the latest don't-wannabes?
The Donald and Barbour
Are going no farther,
And neither is Iron Mike Huckabee.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


A.Q. KhanDominique Strauss-Kahn
A.Q. Khan (l.) who admitted selling nuclear se-
crets to Iran, N. Korea & Libya, was released
from house arrest in 2009 and never prosecuted
by Pakistan; IMF chief/French pol Dominique
Strauss-Kahn (r.) was arrested in NYC for
the sexual assault of a hotel maid (his second
wife's god-daughter made a similar charge)

Just pity the people named Kahn:
A Paki sold nuclear bombs,
And now a top frog
Is arrested and charged
With failing to keep his pants on.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Not exactly peas in a pod
Princes William (l.) and Harry

Why don't these handsome young brothers
Look a bit more like each other?
(If you need a clue,
It's not cuz the two
Didn't both have the same mother.)

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Imagine if former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
had declared his presidential ambitions on
CraigsList instead of Twitter

Hypocrite prone to philander,
Pander, meander 'n slander,
Is looking for work
With plenty 'a perks
(President, or something grander).

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
First-term Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) is being
wooed to run for president by some top Iowa
Republican donors unhappy with the field

"So what's his appeal again?"
"He's comfortable in his own skin."
"Well jeepers, why not?
He's certainly got
Enough to be comfortable in!"

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Greg Mortenson
60 Minutes alleged that parts of Greg Morten-
son's book "Three Cups of Tea" (such as being
kidnapped by the Taliban) are not true, and
that donations and book proceeds are going not
toward building Afghan schools, but to him

I'm making us three cups of tea--
Here's one for you, 'n two for me.
I'll tell you my tale
In daring detail--
Just don't take it literally.

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The Dalai Lama at USC
Photo: Irfan Khan, © Los Angeles Times
The Dalai Lama at the University of
Southern California

Get ready for gridiron drama:
The Trojans got the Dalai Lama!
He takes the ball, meditates,
Fakes a pass, levitates...
Touchdown! He's wavin' to mama!

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Bin Laden Deceased
9 years, 7 months and 20 days after Septem-
ber 11, 2001, U.S. forces killed Al Qaeda
leader Osama bin Laden in a mansion near
the Pakistan Military Academy

Obama's poll numbers should rise
With Osama bin Laden's demise:
We'd rather be workin'
But puttin' that jerk in
The ground* is a pleasant surprise
(*Or the sea, as we've since been advised).

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN)
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN), who said Republi-
cans should declare 'a truce on social issues,' will
sign a bill making Indiana the first state to cut off
all government funding for Planned Parenthood

"I got an idea that's really good:
Let's do away with Planned Parenthood!
Young women won't miss
A program like this
'F they just stay away from young peckerwoods."

May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Racist poster

Their birther baloney is baseless.
Their posters are totally tasteless.
And now their crusade
Is "Show us your grades!"
(Ya think that these folks might be racists?)

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Arlington National Cemetery
Top brass were fired last year after an investiga-
tion by the Army inspector general found that
at least 211 graves were mislabeled at Arlington
National Cemetery. But it's worse than that...

Imagine a family's anxiety
At Arlington National Cemet'ry.
Your loved one is there--
You just hope they cared
To bury him where he's supposed to be.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) shows budget plan
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) and other Republicans
faced angry town hall meetings over their budget
plan giving more tax breaks to the rich while
shredding Medicare

You notice the people aren't buyin'
The GOP budget by Ryan?
They wanted "less government;"
They didn't know it meant
Medicare actually dyin'.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Wolf
Wolves face renewed hunting now that a rider
attached to the budget bill requires them to be
removed from the endangered species list in
Montana and Idaho, to the cheers of hunters
and ranchers and the alarm of conservationists

We wolves are attracted to elk--
We hunt 'em like nobody else.
But we're in the sights
Of the two-legged types,
Who wanna have that to themselves.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Armed protestor
Attendance at tea party rallies has dropped
sharply since the attempted assassination of
Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) that left six
dead and 13 injured in Tucson

Tea Party leaders are bummin'--
Lately the crowds aren't comin'.
Why aren't they there?
Maybe they're scared--
Too many gun nuts among 'em!

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


April 22, 2011

This year Good Friday and Earth Day
Happen to fall on the same day--
The Son and the Earth
Awaiting rebirth,
Bearing our sins in the same way.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

POTUS Envy
POTUS Envy
After saying everything he could to discredit the
president, Donald Trump is expected to drop out
of the race before voters can say, "You're fired"

The way Donald Trump has been lusting
For POTUS's job is disgusting.
If only he'd run--
It'd be so much fun
To watch Donald's rump take a dusting.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Bumpkins
"I'll betcha that Donald Trump's nailed some babes, huh? Let's vote for him"

There's way more of us than of them...
So why do the rich always win?
Cuz too many simpletons
Vote for Republicans,
Thinkin' these guys are their friends.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Social Security
Social Security benefits (already too low) won't
have to be cut if the earnings cap is removed and
all annual earnings and bonuses are subject to
FICA & Medicare tax, not just the first $100,000

The Social Security con:
They claim it'll run out of funds.
But just take the cap
Off the earnings we tax,
And problem solved. Please pass it on.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

This could take a while
Initializing installation...Restore point created...

Is Microsoft feeling okay?
There’s two or three updates a day
(Dunno if they’re workin’--
We're always restartin’
And never on line anyway).

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Prince William & Kate
Jolly good weapons of mass distraction

"Prince William is marrying--wow!"
"And that affects you and me how?
You're getting excited
Cuz we've been invited
Or you're just a silly girl now?"

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Come in, tower? Come in?
Come in, tower? Come in?

These cutbacks don't come without risks.
Air passengers understand this:
Like one air controller
Asleep in a tower
With 8 hours off between shifts.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Anonymous posters are fulla sh*t--
The cowardly clowns of the internet.
Their serving 'a slime
Stays frozen in time
(With spelling so bad who knows what they meant).

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH)
Energy companies that wrote big checks to
GOP candidates were rewarded when House
Republicans cut $1.6 billion from the
Environmental Protection Agency's budget

"1.6 billion from EPA--
That's makin' progress, now wouldn'ya say?"
(True, big polluters
Are our biggest rooters
But
we woulda made these cuts anyway.)

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

House freshmen Republicans
After they sabotaged the revenue stream by ex-
tending tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans, Republicans framed the budget battle as the
need to cut "wasteful spending"

The budget for this year is finally done,
But our little Tea Party's just begun.
Our purpose is clear--
Less taxes each year--
So watch as we reach out and f*ck someone.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Giving the rich what they want
Your tax [cuts for the rich] dollars at work

It's all so confusing at first,
This fight for the federal purse...
But follow the dough
And that's how you'll know--
It's Robin Hood, just in reverse.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Grand Old Party
Illustration © Mother Jones
America got punked by a party promising jobs

America to GOP

Tax cuts at the top, we're not buying.
They're one of the reasons we're dying.
We know what you'll say
Cuz we hear it each day
But they don't create jobs, so stop lying.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Donald Trump
Having challenged Pres. Obama's birth certificate, Donald Trump is rumored to keep his under his hair

Why Donald Trump should be President:
"Why wouldja even be hesitant?
I got the dough
And a big TV show,
'N I'm not an illegal resident."

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Teabaggers
Seniors who want to cut government spending
are age-exempt from Republican proposals to
slash Social Security and Medicare benefits

These cuts to entitlements bite!
('Fyou're grandfathered in, you're all right...
That's why many seniors
Are with the extremists:
They don't have a dog in this fight).

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Close call
Photo: Luis Sinco, © Los Angeles Times
While many on the right cheered for a government shutdown, the military had a good reason not to

We're screwed by a Congress of clowns--
No pay unless they come around.
I guess for the Right
We're yesterday's fight:
"Support the troops," meet "Shut 'er down!"

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Keep the government off our back! Vote Republican
Keep the government off our back!
Vote Republican

WATCH out cuz here's what you're gonna win
If you keep voting Republican:
Your Social Security,
Medicare--those'll be
Gone by the time that they should kick in.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) addressing Tea Party rally
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) has used vio-
lent anti-government rhetoric to rally teabaggers

Bachmann and Palin and Jim DeMint
Constantly run down the government.
Hey, if you shmucks
Hate it so much,
Don't feel ya still have to run for it!

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Deepwater Horizon explosion
Transocean, which lost nine employees in the oil
rig explosion that fouled the Gulf of Mexico,
increased bonus pay for safety in 2010

"Hitherto under the onus
Of everyone wanting to stone us,
The management team
Is living the dream:
Everyone's getting a bonus!"

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Too compromising?
Opposed by the same enemies, Pres. Obama's conciliatory style is the opposite of FDR's

So how do you like him so far?
He's fine, but he's no FDR...
Who 'welcomed the hatred'
Of those he berated
And knew 'em for just what they are.

April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Libyan rebels
Here we go again...

The Libyan rebels? Let's arm 'em,
Before that Khaddafi can harm 'em.
It's not like Afghanistan:
Those guns'll never then
End up bein' used against our men.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Killer whale
It's one year since Tilikum, a killer whale involved
in two prior deaths, grabbed experienced trainer
Dawn Brancheau into the water and killed her in
front of a Florida audience

That SeaWorld disaster was chilling--
A killer whale really went killing.
Its trainer is dead.
But let it be said:
At least it lived up to its billing.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Selling vodka to robots
Selling vodka to robots

That trendy new vodka is really hot--
Their billboards all say R.U. BOT OR NOT?
(The people decrying
They're not are just lying,
Cuz robots around here is all we got.)

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK)
Sarah Palin offered illuminating commentary
following Pres. Obama's Libya speech

Are we in a war or a skirmish?
Give up, cuz you're not so bookwormish?
What Libya is,
According to Ms.
Palin, is really a "squirmish."

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

War President Barack Obama
Areas for improvement

Base to Obama

Untangle our ass overseas
And focus on joblessness, please.
And oh, one more thing:
When you're speaking,
F*ckin' stop droppin' your g's!

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Army Spc. Jeremy Morlock
Army Spc. Jeremy Worlock was sentenced to 24
years in prison for the random murder of three
unarmed Afghan civilians. He and others in his
unit posed smiling with Afghan corpses in
photographs just published in Der Spiegel

"Hearts and minds, that's what we have to win!"
Okay, but where is that happenin'?
It seems in Afghanistan,
Iraq and Pakistan,
We're as disliked as we've ever been.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Military deaths
Then-Pres. Bush was photographed smirking to
the press corps after his admission that he should
not have said "Bring 'em on" when asked about
possible attacks on American forces in Iraq

Forty-four hundred and forty-four
Americans dead in Iraqi War
Through March 27,
2011;
The wounded are thirty-two thousand more.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Japanese nuclear disaster
With the news from Japan getting worse, news
junkies can be forgiven for having a one-track mind

Don't give me the news from Namibia
Or endless political trivia.
I just want the poop
On those Japanese nukes.
I don't give a sh*t about Libya.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


British Labour Party leader Ed Miliband
Labour Party leader Ed Miliband bashes the
Tories with glee in Prime Minister's Questions

The Democrats need a new firebrand
Like Labour of Britain's Ed Miliband.
The guy takes no sh*t
From Conservative twits,
And gives it right back, 'spite their upper hand.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Air Travel
Long flight

Don't take your shoes off on the plane!
The gases could set us aflame!
The rest of us care
What we breathe in this air...
Goddam it, did you fart again?!

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

War President Barack Obama
Hours after the UN approved a No Fly Zone in
Libya, Nobel Peace Prize winner Pres. Obama
took the United States into another war

Oh whoopee, we're going to war!
(Have I seen this movie before?)
We're stretched pretty thin
With the two that we're in,
But why don't we get in one more?

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Earth and UFO
Japan struggled to prevent a nuclear meltdown after
an earthquake and tsunami damaged six reactors

Poor earthlings, they can't disembark.
The future they're facing is stark.
One bright spot, however:
They'll save lots of power
There once they all glow in the dark.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Train wreck
How many jobs will be lost if Republicans get
their $60 billion in budget cuts? Between
200,000 (per Bernanke) to over 700,000, ac-
cording to other economists. Meanwhile
there's no evidence that the cuts would increase
employment or boost economic activity


If Republican cuts all go down, then
Jobs lost 'll be hundreds of thousands.
That's why we should balk
At the deficit hawks
Compounding our joblessness problems.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

 



Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI)
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) gave $140 million in
tax breaks to corporations just before he an-
nounced this fiscal year's deficit of $137 million,
then signed a bill curbing collective bargaining
rights for public employees, except the unions
that supported his election

In Walker we've come to despise
The hidden agenda and lies,
But we shoulda known
He's bad to the bone--
It's all in those deadly dull eyes.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Staring at phone
Socializing

A socially handicapped zone
where everyone stares at his phone
i'm giving this bar
only one star
i could be this bored at home

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Former Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-AR)
Returning presidential hopeful ex-Gov. Mike
Huckabee (R-AR), an ordained Southern Baptist minister, claimed in a radio interview that Pres.
Obama was raised in Kenya, where the Mau
Mau revolution inspired his anti-Western feelings


D
on't care if he's fat or he's thin,
If he's saved or he's drownin' in sin.
All I care about
Is just keepin' him out
Of the White House forever. Amen.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA), who is
exploring a presidential run, called on House
Republicans "to move a bill to create a venue for
state bankruptcy," so states can escape their pen-
sion obligations to firemen, cops and teachers

 

Newt Gingrich can fix the economy:
Have states all declare they're in bankruptcy!
It's easy, it's fast--
Everyone gets the shaft!
These problems ain't hard as they seem to be.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Two and a Half Men
Production was suspended on the top TV
show over Charlie Sheen's behavior


For Two and a Half Men to last,
You just have to change up the cast.
The little boy grew,
So try somethin' new--
Like Charlie Sheen playing the Half.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Libyan protestors
Libyan dictator Moammar Khadaffi blamed
Osama bin Laden for the revolt against his rule,
and said young protesters were fueled by milk
and Nescafé spiked with hallucinogenic drugs

 

Al Qaeda put drugs in my Nescafé!
Now fighting is all I can do all day!
(Think after I topple
Khadaffi, some Snapple
With extra drugs in it would be okay?)

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


"No problem"
Service with a smile
Illus. by Maggie Delbon, © Enterprise Media

When thanking somebody, "You're welcome"
Has sadly turned into "No problem"--
A grudging reply
That sounds like a lie
(And maybe that's why it's so common).

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) was the first
Republican governor to scapegoat teacher
unions for state budget shortages, but the
real culprit is unemployment

Our teachers are lower than dog sh*t.
Whatever the problem, they caused it.
Why, sonuvabitch,
They're all gettin' rich!
Let's lower their pay till they all quit.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Republican Fiscal Responsibility
Meet the new, fiscally responsible Republicans


Republican Guide to Fiscal Responsibility

Step 1: Kill the surplus with tax cuts
Step 2: Fight two wars till they bust us
Step 3, this is key:
Straightfacedly
Explain how the Democrats f*cked us.

March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Charles (l.) & David KochCharles (l.) & David Koch
Rightwing billionaires Charles (l.) & David Koch founded & largely fund Americans For Prosperity,
a political advocacy group opposing the stimulus package, climate change legislation, health care
reform, collective bargaining rights, paying taxes...

 

Americans For, what, Prosperity?
You Koch brothers gotta be kiddin' me!
The minimum wage
Puts you guys in a rage!
Your front isn't what it pretends to be.

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Walker's Homer Simpson Moment
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) spent 20 minutes on
the phone with a man he thought was billionaire rightwing contributor David Koch (pron. coke),
discussing his efforts to bust Wisconsin unions

"Scott Walker." "Hi Scott, David Koch"
[Imposter who taped while they spoke,
Just kicking 'round plans
To f*ck Everyman,
With Scott never getting the joke].

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI)
Americans For Prosperity, funded by the Koch brothers, is bussing Tea Partiers to Madison to
support Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) against those
demonstrating to keep collective bargaining rights.
The billionaire Kochs have much to gain from his
union-busting efforts, & the middle class much
to lose: it fared best when unions were strong

The Tea Party's mixed up again:
They think that Scott Walker's their friend
And unions are bad
So bring on the scabs...
But guess who'll get f*cked in the end.

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Grand Old Party
Illustration © Mother Jones
Just weeks after they blocked all bills until tax
cuts were extended for the wealthy [adding al-
most $1 trillion to the deficit], Republicans are
ready to shut down the government if Demo-
crats don't agree to draconian spending cuts

The rich got their tax cuts, so now
It's time to shut government down
(It's hard to believe
We voted for these
Banana Republican clowns).

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Glenn Beck
The latest Glenn Beck fantasy has both Presidents
Bush conspiring with American leftists to place
the seat of Islamic world government in Babylon

 

Glenn Beck's latest off'ring of fear and hate
Has something to do with a "caliphate"
(You must turn on Fox
If you wanna watch
A crazy man mentally masturbate).

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Obama Cairo Speech
In his speech at Cairo University in June, 2009,
Pres. Obama lectured the government: "You
must maintain your power through consent
[and] place the interests of your people...above
your party....Elections alone do not make true
democracy." An audience member shouted,
"Barack Obama, we love you!"

Democracy, people, is where it's at!
Obama told Cairo. We got your back!
Now Egypt is reeling
And he must be feeling
A bit like Steve Urkel: Did I do that?

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY)
Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) resigned hours
after this photo and flirty emails with a woman
on Craigslist turned up on a gossip website.
Using his real name, the married congressman,
46, said he was a divorced lobbyist, 39

 

How many people have jerked off
To Christopher Lee with his shirt off?
He doesn't look bad
For a husband and dad;
"Lobbyist," though, that's a turnoff.

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Keeping its word not to attack protestors, the
Egyptian Army stood by and let others do it

Egyptian protestors, we you!
The Army will never attack you!
[But if other feds
Should start cracking heads,
You don't think we'd actually back you?!]

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Digital Thieves
The digital age is a thief's delight


T
he rights of an author get trampled
When copy gets "scraped," music "sampled."
So if someone takes
A work you create,
Sue him and make an example.

February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Hosni Mubarak with George Bush
If the U.S. seems cool toward change in Egypt,
it's because it doesn't know who'd fill the power vac-
uum to be left by dictator ally Hosni Mubarak (l.)

Egyptians would like to be done
With Hosni Mubarak & Son.
The Yanks are aghast:
"Hey wait, not so fast--
We don't know who else we can run!"

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

American Exceptionalism
"American Exceptionalism," or
How to Win Friends & Influence People

America--we're so exceptional!
It's hard not to get all erectional.
We're so heaven-blessed...
God loves us the best.
Why can't the world be more affectional?

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Latest Washington lie: "shared sacrifice"
After years of helping to transfer wealth from
the middle to upper class, many in Washing-
ton are now calling for "shared sacrifice"--with
cuts to programs like Social Security because
keeping them might require the rich to contrib-
ute more than their current share

 

The middle class, tossed out of paradise,
Is asking what's meant by "shared" sacrifice:
Just what will the rich in
America pitch in
As we give up more of our half a slice?

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

 

Keith Olbermann
Keith Olbermann signed off on Countdown as
MSNBC announced an end to their contract, just
days after the FCC & Justice Dept. approved
Comcast's acquisition of a 51% stake in NBC
Universal from General Electric

 

We took ya for granted--now Countdown
Is leaving the air--what a letdown.
Keith Olbermann, why
Are you leavin' us, guy?
Did someone on high make you step down?

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

 


Sargent Shriver, R.I.P.
Working with Presidents Kennedy (his brother-
in-law) and Johnson, the late Sargent Shriver
launched numerous social programs that remain
in place today. "Serve, serve, serve," he said. "In
the end, it will be the servants who save us all."

Back when government wasn't taboo
And "the cause of our problems" [not true],
From VISTA and Peace Corps
To Head Start and Job Corps,
He showed us the good it can do.

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


 Accused killer Jared Loughner
Gun stores are sold out of the Glock 18 w/33
round magazine, the gun that suspected shooter
Jared Loughner used to kill six & injure 13 oth-
ers including Rep. Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson

 

You know a society's sick
When a tragedy happens like this
And taking top prize
As gun sales rise?
The same f*cking Glock with a clip.

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX)
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
(R-TX), sentenced to three years in prison for
money-laundering, called it a "travesty of jus-
tice" & said he'd been convicted "in the most
liberal county in the country [Travis Co., TX]"


S
o Tom DeLay, known as The Hammer,
Is finally facing the slammer.
But appeals can drag on
So while he's out on bond,
We'll still have to hear the guy yammer.

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Currency defaced
Remember when America actually made things?
Now an entrepreneur defaces U.S. currency to
make a buck off banner ads

 

A website's defacing our currency:
It's WheresGeorge.com if you wanna see.
They want you to track
Where a bill's been and back
(Just do it before they're in custody).

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top



Unsuccessful Senate candidate Sharron Angle
(R-NV) said, "I'm hoping that we're not getting
to 2nd Amendment remedies. I hope the vote
will be the cure for the Harry Reid problems." Inflammatory political speech and permissive
gun laws were denounced by Sheriff Dupnik
after the attempted assassination of Rep.
Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson, where six died

Sharron Angle, your crass contribution
About Second Amendment solutions
Did not show much thought
That lives could be lost.
Only YOU can prevent noise pollution.

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Steve King (R-IA)
"The leader and the speaker have established
their integrity and their mendacity for years
in this Congress," Rep. Steve King (R-IA)
told the new session on January 6

'Our Speaker John Boehner's integrity
Is matched only by his mendacity...'
You got it, Steve King.
What knowledge you bring!
Norm Crosby himself would be proud 'a thee.

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tea party cat
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), Rep. Jeff Denham
(R-CA) and Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID) are among
new lawmakers who promised Tea Party sup-
porters they'd "reduce the influence of lobbyists
and special interests in Washington," and then
named lobbyists as their chiefs of staff

We voted for change so don't laugh
At our little tea party gaffe
But the guy we elected
Has gone and selected
A lobbyist as chief of staff!

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

John Boehner (R-OH)
New Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH)

The Hundred Twelfth Congress is here
And plugging a bogus idea:
That shrinking the government
Will solve our predicament.
Where are the jobs, Boehner dear?

January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Cover your ears--it's Americans talking
Slap the next person to overuse "like"...pass it on

Throughout, like, the whole USA,
The word you hear everyone say
Is "I'm like, blah BLAH blah blah...
She's like, blah BLAH blah blah..."
Shut the f*ck up, like, OK?!!

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Safety first!
America's proliferation of guns and densen-
sitization to violence are a lethal combination

You know what would really be something?
If we could just get off the gun thing.
That Glock on your hip
Makes you look kinda sick
[But sayin' that might be a dumb thing].

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Dream Act
The Dream Act, which would have given those
brought to the US illegally as children a path to
citizenship through college or military service,
passed the House but fell 5 votes short of the 60
needed to bring it to the Senate floor for debate

Senate Rules

The Dream Act got 55 Yays
But lost out to 41 Nays
(It's like a bad dream--
You can win by 14
And go down to defeat anyways).

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) has held so many bills
from moving forward that he's known as Dr. No.
The latest to fall, an overhaul of vehicle safety
laws drafted in the wake of Toyota's fatal
sudden-acceleration accidents, had once seemed
certain to pass

You can't have majority rule
When a Senator's playin' the fool.
It only takes one
And a good bill is done:
He puts a "hold" on it, and drools.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Country bumpkins
Sarah Palin tried to wink her way into voters'
hearts in the 2008 VP debate with Joe Biden

"My Gawd, Sarah Palin is somethin'!
She winked at me, that lil' dumplin'."
"Wasn't she on TV?"
"Yeah, but she winked at me!
'N I thought, Yer in luck, country bumpkin!"

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ)
Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ) complained that keeping
the Senate in session up to Christmas was "disrespectful" to Christians

Republicans: "It's sacreligious!
We may have to work up to Christmas!"
Well, next year don't fight
Every bill that is right
And you'll get home on time, you ol' bitches.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pres. Obama honoring U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan at Dover AFB
The late Richard Holbrooke's grim assessment
of Afghanistan was reinforced by classified in-
telligence reports of little progress there and
the arming, training and funding of the Taliban
by Pakistan, which is due to get another $7.5
billion from the U.S. over the next 3 years

As we send more billions to Pakistan,
Our BFF's training the Taliban
To blow up our guys
(We fund their demise).
Don't let your kid go to Afghanistan.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Veteran U.S. diplomat Richard Holbrooke, R.I.P.
The final words of veteran U.S. diplomat Richard Holbrooke were "You've got to stop this war in Afghanistan," his family has disclosed. As U.S.
special envoy there, he told Bob Woodward our
strategy "has a one in ten chance of succeeding"

To the President:

Please give Richard Holbrooke his wish 'n
Wrap up this Afghanistan mission.
You'll save lotsa lives,
Let guys see their wives
And play with the kids 'n go fishin'.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Incoming Weeper of the House John Boehner (R-OH)
Incoming Weeper of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) cries about "living the American
dream," but seems oblivious to how Re-
publican proposals would kill that dream
for others: from repealing student loan
reform to eliminating the minimum wage
to privatizing Social Security and Medicare

The American Dream makes him cry...
While Republican schemes make it die.
If Americans knew
What these guys wanna do
We would all blubber too, that's no lie.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republicans are riding on hot air
Republicans are riding on hot air and lots of money

You can't run a country on rhetoric
And claim that you're fighting the deficit
While pushing two wars
For a decade or more,
And giving tax breaks with no benefit.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Giving the rich what they want
Americans are already paying for GOP election
gains, as emboldened Senate Republicans block
all bills including an extension of tax cuts for
98% of Americans, until they are extended for
the wealthiest 2%



Till they get their way with tax loopholes
They've shoved other bills down a rathole.
Kill Don't Ask Don't Tell?
Pass the Dream Act as well?
No chance, cuz we voted for assholes.

There's nothing they're willing to barter
(The START Treaty's still a non-starter!)
No tax cuts for us--
We're under the bus.
Too bad that we just weren't smarter.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange goes to jail
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in custody.
British authorities should question the BBC
about its decision to link to WikiLeaks' top
secret U.S. cable that amounts to a "hit list for
Al Qaeda" of crucial overseas sites. AP and
other news organizations did not publish the list

WikiLeaks says, 'So tough!
We're blabbing your secret stuff.'
And then BBC
Wants the whole world to see
Our soft targets. Enough's enough!

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican Senators
Republican Senators held unemployment bene-
fits and other bills hostage to an extension of
Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest 2% of Ameri-
cans, even though keeping them will cost $830
billion
over the next ten years, and they haven't
created jobs: Only one million were created in
Pres. Bush's 8 years v. 22 million in Pres. Clin-
ton's (the tax rates they don't want to return to)


I
t's out there for all to see--
The blatant hypocrisy:
"To combat the deficit"
No jobless benefits
Coming to you or me

'Less billionaires get a hand
And all 'a their tax cuts stand
[The deficit will
Get bigger still,
But deficit fears be damned].

It's out there for all to see--
We're f*cked by the GOP.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Cell phones
It's hard to age gracefully when you're a cell phone

It looks like an old piece of crap
It doesn't have photos or apps
But give me a ring
And I'll answer the thing--
You can't ask for much more than that.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Lt. Dan Choi
Iraq veteran infantry officer Lt. Daniel Choi, a
West Point graduate, Arab linguist and one of
14,000+ military personnel discharged under
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, was the first to re-enlist
when a judge declared the law unconstitutional

The courts say the law's gotta go
The Pentagon also thinks so
The people agree
End DADT!
But "Maverick" McCain still says No.

December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Foiled Portland bomber Mohamed Mohamud
Somali-born Mohamed Mohamud, 19, was ar-
rested by the FBI after trying to detonate a
bomb at Portland OR's Christmas tree-lighting

He wouldn't have batted an eye
If thousands of people had died,
But Portland's okay
And Mo's put away.
Keep up the good work, FBI.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK)
After N. Korea's surprise attack on a S. Korean
island, Sarah Palin told Glenn Beck "...obviously,
we gotta stand with our North Korean allies."
According to the election best-seller Game
Change
, Palin could not tell her debate coaches
in Sept. 2008 why there was a N. and S. Korea

Didja hear Sarah Palin on Asia?
Perhaps it's a case of aphasia--
She 'stands with our allies
In North [this is no lie]
Korea'--Goddam, does that faze ya?!

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Pope Benedict XVI
Pope Benedict, who provoked outrage when he
said that using condoms could make the AIDS
epidemic worse, now says that they could be
acceptable in some cases "for a prostitute"

The Pope says a condom's okay
(But just if you do it for pay).
That's some limitation:
The world's population
Grows 200,000 per day.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL)
Asked about global warming, Rep. John Shim-
kus (R-IL) said we shouldn’t worry about the
planet being destroyed because God promised
Noah it wouldn’t happen again after the great
flood. He wants to head the Energy Committee

We'd better start listening to scientists
Or life as we know it will not exist.
Keep raising the heat
And nobody will eat.
It's not like we pray our way outta this.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Container ship
America will squander up to $6,000,000,000,000
(six trillion dollars) in Afghanistan and Iraq while
China sells the world what we used to make here

China's not fighting two wars;
They're too busy finding new shores.
It just goes to show
How far you can go
When you are using both oars.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI)
Money and negative ads from a millionaire
candidate and outside groups doomed the
re-election of Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI),
one of the Senate's strongest progressives

Tired of Feingold, Wisconsin
Traded for fool's gold, Ron Johnson.
Veering hard right
Shows a death wish, all right--
Too bad they can't get Charles Bronson.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Former Pres. Bush & Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Former Pres. Bush writes that Sen. Minority
Leader Mitch McConnell asked him in Sept.
2006 to withdraw some troops from Iraq to
help Republican chances in the midterm elec-
tion [while both men were blasting Democrats
for wanting to "cut and run"]

C'mon George, y'know I got your back
But goddam it, we're taking some flak!
If we don't cut and run
These elections are done!
Can't you please pull some troops from Iraq?

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Assault weapons are the new pitchforks
Some who like the Second Amendment don't
care for others that separate church & state (I),
guarantee citizenship & equal protection (XIV),
& allow people to elect their Senators (XVII)

Constitution? They love and defend it*
*Except where it's wrongly amended:
The First and Fourteenth
And, no joke, Seventeenth
Are Amendments they wanna see ended.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


After demonstrating how not to run for Governor,
Carl Paladino (R-NY) showed how not to concede

It looked like a scene from Casino:
Election night, Carl Paladino
Picked up a big bat
But before it went splat
They said, "Stop, Carl! Ya lost! No more vino!"

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. John Boehner (R-OH)
Presumptive Speaker of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) will be second in line to the presidency

How's the President? Sure hope he's fine...
And Joe Biden?
We ask all the time--
Let's hope Joe and Barack
Keep those art'ries unblocked
Cuz John Boehner's the next one in line.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck
Do constant, unfounded claims that President
Obama is weak on terror embolden our enemies?

Where ignorance passes for reason,
Obama hate's always in season
So turn off Fox News,
Let talk radio snooze
And enjoy a nice day without treason.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tourists with the Merrill Lynch bull in New York City
Merrill Lynch needs some love after losing billions under CEO Stanley O'Neal and being taken over by
Bank of America

When Merrill got lynched it was hard:
They still have such low self-regard
That every last piece
You get from them reads
Important and Do not discard.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA)
A record-breaking Latino turnout helped save
Senate seats for Barbara Boxer (D-CA, above),
Harry Reid (D-NV) & Michael Bennett (D-CO)

With big corporate interests attacking,
The Democrats took a shellacking
But it woulda been worse
(They'd be calling the hearse)
If Latino support had been lacking.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top



Despite making false claims about their military
records, Mark Kirk (R-IL), on l., and Richard Blu-
menthal (D-CT) were both elected to the Senate

As long as our leaders inspire,
Who cares if their pants are on fire?
Like Fibber McKirk
And that Blumenthal jerk--
The latest of great Senate liars.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top



With corporate money flowing to unseat Demo-
crats who voted for reform of healthcare, Wall
Street and Big Oil, 2010 campaign expenditures
will total $4 billion, thanks to the Roberts
Supreme Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations
can spend whatever they want on elections

Though 4 billion may sound kinda high
For an off-year election (no lie)
There's no need to fret
Because we're gonna get
The best government money can buy.

November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The unsavory Joe Miller (R-AK)
As local government attorney, Senate candidate
Joe Miller (R-AK) got a 3-day suspension and
6-month probation after using multiple govern-
ment computers in 2008 to slam a rival online,
and then lying about it. Recently his security
guards handcuffed a reporter trying to question
him at an event

Joe Miller the Tea Party fave
Admits that he did misbehave
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
We just wish the a-hole would shave!

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Joy Behar blasted Tea Partier Sharron Angle (R-NV) on The View
Shown Sharron Angle's (R-NV) anti- Harry
Reid ad smearing Latinos, The View's Joy Behar
exploded, "I'd like to see her do this ad in the
South Bronx. Come here, bitch! Come to New
York and do it."

When fighting back, Dems don't go far enough
Like ex-boxer Reid ("doesn't spar enough").
They might take their cue
From that gal on The View--
At this point they can't go Behar enough.

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

U.S. Chamber of Commerce CEO Thomas Donohue with former Pres. Bush
U.S. Chamber of Commerce CEO Tom Donohue
with former Pres. Bush. The chamber is spending $75,000,000+ in contributions from U.S. and for-
eign companies to defeat Democrats who've voted
for stronger regulation of healthcare, Wall Street
and Big Oil, and the Chamber has hosted seminars
with Chinese government officials to teach
American firms how to outsource


T
he United States Chamber of Commerce:
With a name like that they should be for us
But they don't feel funny
'Bout takin' foreign money
And teaching our firms how to outsource.

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Carly Fiorina
Senate candidate Carly Fiorina (R-CA) was fired
as Hewlitt Packard CEO with $42 million com-
pensation, after HP's stock price fell by half and
33,000 employees lost their jobs

And it's Boxer against Fiorina,
The ex-Hewlitt Packard czarina
With yachts on both coasts
(And thousands of folks
Who wish that they'd plain never seen 'er).

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Girl texting

i miss u i need u i want u
i can't live this cruel life without u
so txt me back quick
or i'll call u a prick
and post lotsa bad things abt u

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Shiites protest U.S. at Basra

This war on Iraq's been a mother,
But look what we're leaving our brothers:
Now Sunnis and Shiites
Have someone to dislike
More than they dislike each other.

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Pinocchio
$500 million from anonymous donors will be
spent this year on misleading attack ads, mostly
against Democrats who've voted for stronger
regulation of healthcare, Wall Street and Big Oil

These right-wing attack ads are fulla crap
('Fya don't believe me, check Politifact).
They pump out the lies
With big TV buys
And tell us "we're taking our country back."

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Kim Jong Eun
Kim Jong Il's youngest son Kim Jong Eun was
made a 4-star general after 3 years in the military,
and will soon take over as leader of North Korea

First North Korea had Kim Il Sung,
Then Kim Jong Il, his eccentric son.
Now that Jong's ill
And going downhill,
Make way for best fed son Kim Jong Eun.

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Anti-gay bulliesAnti-gay bullies
Five American gay teens have committed suicide
in the last two weeks after bullying by classmates

The bullies who love to harass
The little gay boy in the class
Are keeping a secret
But we're gonna leak it:
They all want a dick up their ass.

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Balding man
Possible side effects of Merck's daily hair loss
pill Propecia include "less desire for sex" and
"difficulty in achieving an erection"

Propecia fights baldness, it's said,
But side effects make us see red.
(Though baldness is sick,
When you think with your dick
You don't wanna go soft in the head).

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The late Rep. Jack Kemp (R-NY)
Attempts like the late Rep. Jack Kemp's (R-NY)
to broaden the base of the Republican party con-
trast with today's 'conservative purity' mindset

Remember those people like Jack Kemp
Who spoke of a GOP "big tent?"
A storm came along;
Now that tent is so gone,
It's hard to imagine what Jack meant.

October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Televangelist Eddie Long
Georgia "cure the gays" televangelist Eddie Long
vows to fight charges that he coerced young male
church members into having sex with him

Pastor Long keeps getting sued
By young men who say they were screwed.
He says he's been framed
And will fight for his name
(After he saves this next dude).

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Senators Susan Collins (R-ME) and Olympia Snowe (R-ME)
"Moderate" Republican Senators Susan Collins
(l.) and Olympia Snowe of Maine disappoint-
ed Democrats once again by voting with their
own party--this time to block repeal of "Don't
Ask Don't Tell," a law they acknowledged
is unfair

As GOP heartbreakers go,
You can't beat Ms. Collins or Snowe.
We court these ol' dames
From Ballbuster, Maine,
But funny, they always say No.

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Tea Party favorite Christine O'Donnell (R-DE)
"American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with
fully functioning human brains," Tea Party favorite
and Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell (R-DE)
told Bill O'Reilly on The Factor in 2007

The case against stem cells explained:
'We can't let them mice have our brains.'
(Has Christie O'Donnell
Been hitting the bottle?
Cuz lately she's sounding insane.)

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Uncle Sam
The Energy Dept. is holding 324 metric tons of
bomb-grade uranium at the same time the Obama administration is urging nations to reduce or
eliminate their stores of the material, according
to the Project on Government Oversight

America: Please, everyone,
Get rid of your u-ra-ni-um
[The highly enriched
Bomb grade, of which
We only have 300 tons].

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Pulling the plug on truth
Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Chuck Grassley
and other prominent Republicans spread fears of
"death panels" if the healthcare bill passed, even
though its provision for Medicare coverage of
voluntary end-of-life counseling was supported
by numerous Republicans

With 2008 to erase,
Republicans must win this race.
To capture the prize,
They're making up lies
So big you can see them from space.

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ)
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ) went blank during her opening statement and swore off further debates

The debate had just barely begun
When the cat got the governor's tongue...
But hey, by the way,
If she's nothing to say,
Shouldn't this whole thing be done?

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Former Pres. Bush, May 1, 2003
Over seven years passed between two
presidents' declarations that major combat
operations were over in Iraq: Bush (May 1,
2003) and Obama (August 31, 2010)

Iraqis have suffered too long!
It's time to go take out Saddam.
They'll greet us with flowers,
We'll win it in hours
And hurry home. What could go wrong?

September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Scared to eat
Scared to eat?

With bad eggs infecting the nation
And oil on your favorite crustacean,
You're so hungry now
You could eat a mad cow...
Enjoying that deregulation?

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Republican Pary Chairman Ken Mehlman
Ken Mehlman, who has just come out as
gay, managed Pres. Bush's 2004 reelection
campaign as anti-gay marriage measures
were placed on state ballots across the
country to drum up Republican votes

Imagine it's gotta be hell, man,
Waking up next to Ken Mehlman--
Screwed by the one
Who screwed everyone
As closeted GOP chairman.

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
When NJ lost out on a $400 million federal
education grant by providing the wrong year's
data on its application, Gov. Christie (R-NJ)
blamed Pres. Obama and the length of the
application before firing his education
commissioner who'd made the error

New Jersey blew four hundred mill
In grants from the federal till
By screwing the app up
(Then blaming the f*ck-up
On Washington, just for the drill).

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Deepwater Horizon explosion
Federal investigators are focusing on Houston-
based BP supervisor John Guide and drilling
engineers Mark Hafle and Brian Morel for
ordering less safety devices than recommended
on the Deepwater Horizon well. Hafle and
Morel refused to testify, taking the fifth

The guys who designed BP's well--
Like Hafle and Guide and Morel--
Knew less centralizers
And safety devices
Would cut their time drilling to hell.

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The Twilight Zone
Pres. Obama is a Christian who prays daily, the
White House said to address growing doubts.
Opponents portray Obama as a dangerous
outsider, though he's American born, goes to
church, and won by nearly nine million votes

A Pew poll of public opinion
Asked, "What is Obama's religion?"
Nearly half had no clue
If he's Christian or Jew;
Eighteen percent put it as Islam.

When Time Magazine asked the same,
That last number had a big gain.
Now one in four said
He's Muslim. (That's bad.
America, where is your brain?)

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Design of new World Trade Center, New York City
An Islamic center is planned two blocks from the
new World Trade Center at NY's Ground Zero

Put the mosque in the Trade Center!
And welcome the faithful who enter!
(The day no one's there,
Run for the stairs
And don't be the first to re-enter.)

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Senate candidate Rand Paul (R-KY)
A former college classmate told GQ that fellow
swim team members Rand Paul and a friend,
who'd been smoking pot, blindfolded and kid-
napped her in college and tried to force her to
take bong hits. When she refused, they made
her kneel in a creek and "worship their God,
Aqua Buddha"

He kidnapped a coed at Baylor
(But just to get stoned, not to nail her).
The caper went wrong
When he showed her his bong.
Alas, she was not an inhaler.

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Iranian President Ahmadinejad
By doing big energy deals with Tehran, Russia,
China, Turkey & India are flouting the West's new
sanctions intended to halt Iran's nuclear program

Iranian sanctions won't work:
The Russians and Chinese and Turks
Are all overjoyed
To be filling the void,
And don't care if we think they're jerks.

August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)
If all the bills passed by the House under Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) were passed by the Senate
and signed by Pres. Obama, we'd have the change
we were looking for

You'd think that this mother of five's
The worst human being alive!
Rightwingers condemn her
But come this November
Watch Nancy Pelosi survive.

July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Pres. Obama with Pakistani Pres. Zardari
Pres. Obama with Pakistani Pres. Zardari.
Wiki-Leaked documents show that Pakistan,
which has received $18 billion in U.S. aid since
9/11, is helping the Taliban in Afghanistan

Now guess who's been helping the Taliban:
None other than our friends in Pakistan!
(Though powerfully paid
In American aid,
Some live just to hurt an American.)

July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republican Senators blocked extension of jobless benefits to 1.7 million Americans (3 million by the end of July)
Republican Senators blocked extension of
jobless benefits to 1.7 million Americans
until Democrats broke their filibuster

The job bill's dead. They filibustered it
"Because it would increase the deficit."
No money for jobs
But for war they've got gobs.
Republican wisdom is infinite.

July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


A defining moment recalled
When CNN's Larry King tried to shake hands with
murder defendant O.J. Simpson in court, an officer
had to tell him three times to stop." Rebuffed,
King gave Simpson a hang-in-there gesture," wrote
Dominick Dunne in Vanity Fair, April 1995

When someone screws up in a big way,
Forgive and forget--that's what we say.
(Like, wasn't it tender
How Mr. Suspenders
Stayed best friends forever with O. J.?)

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Make us whole
"Make us whole"

People were lined 'round the block
This morning at seven o'clock.
"What's going on?" I say.
"New iPhone's out today!"
iShoulda bought Apple stock.

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The Rolling Stone article that felled Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal cites the poor record of couinterinsurgencies: the French in Algeria, Americans in Vietnam, Soviets in Afghanistan...
The Rolling Stone article that felled Army Gen.
Stanley McChrystal cites the poor record of couinterinsurgencies: the French in Algeria,
Americans in Vietnam, Soviets in Afghanistan...

While Stanley McChrystal is gone,
The Afghan quagmire lives on.
Do we ignore history?
Counterinsurgencies
Seldom if ever are won.

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The UN reports that in our ninth year in Afghanistan, insurgent violence is up sharply.  Support our troops--Bring them home!
The UN reports that in our ninth year in
Afghanistan, insurgent violence is up sharply.
Support our troops-- Bring them home!

If foreign troops marched down our streets,
We'd plant roadside bombs till they leave.
And if their bombs rained
From pilotless planes,
We'd all be insurgents indeed.

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Slap the next guy who says "Back in the day"...pass it on
Slap the next guy who says "Back in the day"...
pass it on

"Back in the day, [blah blah blah, blah blah blah]."
"At the end of the day, [blah blah blah]."
"Hey, it's all good," they say.
Can't take one more cliché?
Close your ears and go, "La la la la..."

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) apologized to CEO Tony Hayward for the White House's "shakedown" of BP for a $20 billion"slush fund"
Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) apologized to CEO
Tony Hayward for the White House's
"shakedown" of BP for a $20 billion "slush fund"

REPUBLICAN OFFERS APOLOGY
And tells CEO it's a "tragedy"
That BP must pay
For its little mistake
--Just what you'd expect from the GOP.

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Many Brits are angry at BP's suspension of dividend payments to pay for its mess in the gulf
Some Brits are angry at BP's suspension of
dividends to pay for its mess in the gulf

Loath to be dividend-free,
Some Brits are defending BP.
(See, payin' for the gusher
Means pensions'll suffer
And money trumps morals, you see.)

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own money to win the GOP nomination for governor of California
Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own
money to win the GOP nomination for
governor of California

Republicans get an erection
Whenever they buy an election.
With Meg, better yet--
She writes her own checks!
We're screwed, and they won't use protection.

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


"Drill, baby, drill" is eerily similar to "Burn, baby, burn" from the 60's riots in its flouting of consequences
In its flouting of consequences, the Republicans'
"Drill, baby, drill" is eerily similar to the catch-
phrase of the 60's race riots, "Burn, baby, burn"

To every last fish in the killing sea
And turtle and oyster and manatee
And seabird and whale
And all else we failed,
We're sorry for our damned stupidity.

June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Many Israelis recognize that only outside pressure will push their country away from apartheid and toward a two-state solution with the Palestinians
Many Israelis recognize that only outside pressure
will push their country away from apartheid and
toward a two-state solution with the Palestinians

When sanctioned by governments worldwide,
South Africa ended apartheid.
Now in the Mideast
Will there ever be peace
Till Israel loses its dark side?

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


From live video feed of the oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico
From live video feed of the oil gushing into the
Gulf of Mexico

Rand Paul says Obama should get
His boot offa poor BP's neck,
Cuz "that's un-American...
Accidents happen."
Can we cap the well with this dreck?

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rand Paul (R-KY) said the Civil Rights and Fair Housing Acts encroach on a business's right to discriminate
Rand Paul (R-KY) said the Civil Rights and Fair Housing Acts encroach on a business's right to discriminate

To Tea Bagger Rand of Kentucky,
The Civil Rights Act is horsepucky.
'You should have the right
Not to serve a non-white...'
Just me, or does this tea taste yucky?

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) said he served in Vietnam but never did
Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
said he served in Vietnam but never did

While on a big whopper they're chokin'
And leaving supporters heartbroken,
Pols never say "I
Am sorry I lied..."
It's always, "I may have misspoken."

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Those demanding "less government" should ask how just much less we can stand
Those demanding "less government" should ask how just much less we can stand

Those demanding "less government" should
ask just how much less we can stand

Toyota put growth over safety
And so did their soulmates at BP
While NHTSA and MMS
Did their jobs less and less,
Failing so badly it's creepy.

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


When fat cats give assurances, cover your ears and go "Lah lah lah lah lah"
When fat cats give assurances, cover your ears
and go "La la la la la"

The Titanic, they said, was unsinkable.
Another big oil spill unthinkable.
The '29 crash?
That was "all in the past."
The worst part? We're still so hoodwinkable.

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Anti-gay activist George Rekers quit NARTH, his "cure the homosexuals" group, after going to Europe with a male prostitute
Anti-gay activist George Rekers quit NARTH,
his "cure the homosexuals" group, after going
to Europe with a male prostitute

I hired him to carry my bags!
You know I'm not one of those fags!
I taught him the gospel!
[He gave you an assfull.
Now your reputation's in rags.]

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Halliburton followed BP's cement design, which was thin and didn't allow for proper testing, according to experts
Halliburton followed BP's cement design, which
was thin and didn't allow for proper testing,
according to experts

They're ripping us off in two wars
And spilling oil onto our shores.
If you look for dirt on
BP/Halliburton,
You'll find it all over these whores.

May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The oil slick from a BP rig that exploded, killing 11 workers, is headed for land as 200,000 gallons a day leak into the Gulf of Mexico
The oil slick from a BP rig that exploded, kill-
ing 11 workers, is headed for land as 200,000
gallons a day leak into the Gulf of Mexico

The gulf has an oil slick so dire,
They're setting the whole thing on fire.
If anyone still
Insists we can drill
Safely offshore, he's a liar.

April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top



17 senior SEC officers spent the
meltdown downloading pornography,
according to a government report

 

Amid the financial catastrophe,
What were they doin' at the SEC?
Were they bustin' jerkoffs
Like Goldman or Madoff?
Nah...too busy watchin' pornography.

April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Coal Miner
Just in the month prior to the explosion that
killed 29 coal miners, Massey Energy was cited
for 57 violations at Big Branch that included
repeatedly failing to develop a ventilation plan

Inside the mountain they crawl
So we'll have a light on the wall.
Day after day,
Sent into harm's way...
Like soldiers they die for us all.

April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Republicans in the Senate have become lawbortionists, killing even bills they once supported just to thwart majority rule
Republicans in the Senate have become "lawbortionists," killing even bills they
once supported...just to thwart majority rule

Democracy loses its luster
When stick-in-the-muds filibuster.
A Senate bill dies
With 59 Ayes,
If 41 Nays they can muster.

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


300 bills passed by the House have died in the Senate, due to unprecedented Republican filibusters
What mandate for change?
300 bills passed by the House of Representatives
have died in the Senate. Most had the votes to
pass by simple majority, but were blocked by an unprecedented number of GOP filibusters

(As killing oneself is called suicide
And killing another is homicide)
When Senators kill
Every bill on the Hill,
The word for their crime is democracide.

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Big Business masterfully confused Americans over healthcare reform, convincing many that it was a handout to others that wouldn't benefit themselves
Big Business masterfully confused Americans
over healthcare reform, convincing many that it
was a handout to others that wouldn't benefit them

"Less government!" Tea Baggers sing,
Delighting those pulling their strings
(Fat cats who'll relax when
They're paying no tax and
We deregulate everything).

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


MSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning to run against himMSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning to run against him
MSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott
Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning
to run against him

Two months past a win that was stunning,
Scott Brown shows incredible cunning.
He's raising big dough
To stave off his 'next foe'
(A woman who's not even running).

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


When President Obama signed healthcare reform into law, Vice President Biden couldn't contain his enthusiasm and dropped an f-bomb by an open mic
When President Obama signed healthcare
reform into law, Vice President Biden
couldn't contain his enthusiasm and
dropped an F-bomb by an open mic

"When health reform passed, how'd you feel?"
"Like, pinch me--this cannot be real!"
"Psst...I felt that way
When I heard Biden say,
'This is a big f*cking deal!'"

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Over 100 billion cubic meters of natural gas are flared or burned off annually (Cough)
Over 100 billion cubic meters of natural gas
are flared or burned off annually (Cough)

Something looked wrong out the window...
Black smoke above El Segundo...
Flames jetting high
From a torch in the sky...
A burn-off from our friends at ARCO.

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


With colorful admissions meant to be denials, former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) resigned from the House after male staffers alleged sexual harassment
With colorful admissions meant to be
denials, former Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY)
resigned from the House after male staffers
alleged sexual harassment

Tickle me into a tizzy!
Snorkle me until you're dizzy!
When you come up for air
You can tousle my hair!
I like when my congressman's busy.

March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Visitors can now carry concealed, loaded firearms into national parks, thanks to a new law passed by Congress as an amendment to credit card legislation
Visitors can now carry concealed, loaded
firearms into national parks, thanks to a new
law passed by Congress as an amendment to
credit card legislation

I'm takin' my gun up to Yellowstone.
(Dem bison and me might not get along.)
...How long will it take
Till we fix this mistake?
A national park's where guns don't belong.

February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), top Republican on the House Budget Committee, wants to privatize Social Security and Medicare
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), top Republican on the
House Budget Committee, wants to privatize
Social Security and Medicare

They want to end Social Security
Cuz they know what's better for you and me
(They'd let us get trounced
In private accounts
And wipe out that quaint little guarantee).

February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


John McCain's daughter Meghan shown opposing Prop. 8 which outlawed gay marriage in California
John McCain's daughter Meghan shown
opposing Prop. 8 which outlawed same-sex
marriage in California

Wondering where all the mod'rates went?
Right now a few would be heaven-sent.
The party of Reagan
Could use more like Meghan--
John McCain's finest accomplishment.

February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


The 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act, which separated commercial and investment banks after the 1929 crash, helped bring about the 2008 crash
The 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act,
which separated commercial and investment
banks after the 1929 crash, helped bring about
the 2008 crash

Money's the root of all evil
(Since they repealed Glass-Steagall).
Now brokers are "bankers,"
And most 'a these wankers
Sell products that shouldn't be legal.

February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) blew a gasket when Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates testified in favor of letting gays serve openly in the militarySen. John McCain (R-AZ) blew a gasket when Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates testified in favor of letting gays serve openly in the military
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) (l.) blew a gasket
when Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Admiral Mike Mullen (r.) and Secretary of
Defense Robert Gates testified in favor of
letting gays serve openly in the military

'Dja see where McCain got all sullen
And tore into Admiral Mullen
When he urged farewell
To "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?"
The "maverick" looked like the dull 'un.

February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


James O'Keefe III, shown with Hannah Giles in their ACORN get-up, was arrested after an incident at Sen. Mary Landrieu's (D-LA) office
James O'Keefe III, shown with Hannah Giles
in their ACORN get-up, was arrested at Sen.
Mary Landrieu's (D-LA) office with a group impersonating telephone repairmen, in a failed
attempt to record staff conversations

When James played a pimp to Miss Giles,
They looked like Right Wingers Gone Wild.
But his latest scam
As a phone repair man
Went nowhere...guess clothes make the child.

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


After selling Britain a war it didn't need, former PM Tony Blair now earns $1.2 million as consultant with luxury-goods purveyor Louis Vuitton
After selling Britain a war it didn't need, former
Prime Minister Tony Blair now earns $1.2
million as a consultant with luxury-goods
purveyor Louis Vuitton

It's three years since Tony's been gone,
Undone by his Iraqi con.
And now Bush's poodle
Is making a boodle
Consulting for Louis Vuitton.

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Chief Justice Roberts, shown flubbing Pres. Obama's oath of office, led the Supreme Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations can spend whatever they want on elections
Chief Justice Roberts, shown flubbing Pres.
Obama's oath of office, led the Supreme Court's
5-4 ruling that corporations can spend whatever
they want on elections

We voted for change with the POTUS--
Too bad we can't do that with SCOTUS.
We're stuck with John Roberts,
Scalia and Thomas
For life...and they're nuts, if you notice.

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Democrats may want to lighten the load and pass legislation with simple majorities, as Pres. Bush did with tax cuts
Democrats may want to lighten the load and
pass all the legislation they can with simple
majorities, as Pres. Bush did with tax cuts

Democrats 2010

Hey, run a bad race and you'll lose it
(Even in blue Massachusetts).
But now's not the time
To die on the vine.
You've got the majority--use it!

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Scott Brown (R-MA), Ted Kennedy's Senate replacement, won Cosmopolitan's "America's Sexiest Man" in 1982
Scott Brown (R-MA), Ted Kennedy's Senate replacement, won Cosmopolitan's "America's
Sexiest Man" in 1982

From pinup to senator...Wow!
Great country we live in, and how.
The body looks grand
But under that hand
He's not hiding much, is he now?

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh

Unmoved by a subject so weighty,
Rush Limbaugh said, Don't give to Haiti.
Our troops there, he feels,
Are just "meals on wheels"
[All this from a prick who's 280].

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

RNC Chairman Michael Steele compared Harry Reid's Obama remarks to Trent Lott's statement that the country would have been better off if segregationist Strom Thurmond had won the White House
RNC Chairman Michael Steele compared Sen.
Harry Reid's (D-NV) patronizing remarks
about then-Sen. Obama, whom Reid backed,
to ex-Sen. Trent Lott's (R-MS) statement that
the country would have been better off if
segregationist Strom Thurmond had won
the White House

Watch out, Harry Reid, we will bury ya
With misleading racial hysteria!

Yes, ol' Michael Steele
Is keepin' it real
As Phoniest Man in America.

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rudy Guiliani, Dana Perino and Mary Matalin have all claimed recently that the US was not attacked under President BushRudy Guiliani, Dana Perino and Mary Matalin have all claimed recently that the US was not attacked under President Bush
Rudy Guiliani (l.), Dana Perino and Mary
Matalin have all claimed recently that the U.S.
was not attacked under Pres. Bush (r.),
shown after getting word of the 9-11 attack

Hey Rudy, your head's up your tush:
"We weren't attacked under Bush"?!
Recall 9-11
When hell fell from heaven
And he was like out smokin' kush?

January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)

The man with the grey bow-tie hair
Occasionally does get a stare.
It's thin up the middle,
But with enough spittle
That silly thing wouldn't be there.

December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) apparently does not have God's ear in the healthcare debate
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) apparently does
not have God's ear in the healthcare debate

The country "should pray," and we quote,
"That somebody can't make the vote."
But Tom's lil' prayer fell flat--
All sixty Democrats
Voted, and no one got smote.

December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) promised voters he'd push for universal healthcare and expansion of Medicare to age 55+.  He has blocked both in the Senate.
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), who promised
voters he'd push for universal healthcare
and expansion of Medicare to age 55+,
blocked both in the Senate

Obstructionist Joe from Connecticut
Says healthcare will drive up the deficit.
Then stop voting for
Perpetual war,
You hypocrite. That's where the money went.

December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Though the majority of Americans support a publicly run insurance plan option, the Senate has dropped it from the healthcare bill due to opposition from (clockwise from left) Senators Lincoln (D-AR), Nelson (D-NE), Landrieu (D-LA) and Liebermann (I-CT).  Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV, shown center) needs 60 votes to pass the bill.
Though the majority of Americans support a
publicly run insurance plan option, the Senate
has dropped it from the healthcare bill due to
opposition from (clockwise from left) Senators
Lincoln (D-AR), Nelson (D-NE), Landrieu
(D-LA) and Liebermann (I-CT). Senate Majority
Leader Harry Reid (D-NV, shown center) needs
60 votes to pass the bill

Our healthcare reform hopes are sinkin'
With Landrieu and Nelson and Lincoln.
Their hard opposition
To real competition
Has lobbyists everywhere winkin'.

December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Uninvited White House guests the Salahis are the most famous gate crashers in history, after the Trojan horse
Uninvited White House guests the Salahis are
the most famous gate crashers in history, after
the Trojan horse

We'll just kind of push our way through.
You still have those e-mails with you?
Act like you belong.
They won't know what's wrong...
"The President! How do you do?"

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Our trustworthy Afghan partner Pres. Karzai reviews American troops, sort of
Our trustworthy Afghan partner Pres. Karzai
reviews American troops, sort of

Let's send more troops to Afghanistan
And when they come home, send 'em back again.
As we dig in for
A Hundred Year War
Who's crazier...we or the Taliban?

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

President Obama, shown honoring soldiers killed in Afghanistan, sent 30,000 more troops over the objections of Karl Eikenberry, U.S. Ambassador and former commander there
Pres. Obama, shown honoring soldiers killed
in Afghanistan, sent 30,000 more troops over
the objections of Karl Eikenberry, U.S.
Ambassador and former commander there

Ambassador Karl Eikenberry
Said 'Don't send more troops. It's too hairy.
The government's f*cked,
Karzai's too corrupt...'
So how many more must we bury?

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Switzerland's ban on new Islamic towers, approved by 57.5% of voters, was called discriminatory by the UN human rights chief
Switzerland's ban on new Islamic towers,
approved by 57% of voters, was called
discriminatory by the UN human rights chief

Come ski the Swiss Alps, drink our beer!
Partake of the quaint atmosphere!
But we've been a-votin'
And one thing's verboten:
You can't put your minarets here.

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Giving hardliners a taste of their own rhetoric
Though 95% of working families got a tax cut
through Pres. Obama's stimulus package, the
Tea Party went to war with him over taxes

The king is dead, buddy, believe it.
And maybe it's hard to conceive it,
But taxes are down
With this president, clown.
Reality: love it or leave it.

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

In Noblesville IN hundreds of supporters were left standing in the rain after waiting hours to get their books signed by Sarah Palin, whose bus drove off to boos and chants of "Quittin' on the job!"
In Noblesville IN hundreds of supporters
were left standing in the rain after waiting
hours to get their books signed by Sarah
Palin, whose bus drove off to boos and
chants of "Quittin' on the job!"

You left me out here in the rain--
Ms. Palin, do you feel my pain?
I bought your new book
But you never looked.
Signed, TOO HURT TO GO ROGUE AGAIN--

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

George W. Bush lowered the bar for Presidential visits to China
George W. Bush lowered the bar for
presidential visits to China

Is nu-cle-ar so hard to say?
George Bush couldn't say it that way.
And though it behooved him,
He never improved and
Says nu-cu-lar still to this day.

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Fox TV host Bill O'Reilly told Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano "I don't care about the Constitution!" and called her a pinhead when she said "I do"
Discussing where 9-11 plotter Khalid Sheikh Mohammed should be tried, Fox TV host Bill
O'Reilly told former judge Andrew Napolitano,
"I don't care about the Constitution!...Don't be
a pinhead"

Now show some respect and be smiley.
I'll cutcha off if you get wily.
Don't make like you're bright;
What I say is right!
--Advice For My Guests, Bill O'Reilly

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Lou Dobbs still questions President Obama's birth certificate and American citizenship
Lou Dobbs still questions President Obama's
birth certificate and American citizenship

Lou, now that you've left CNN
And may run for Prez in the end,
Please show us in triplicate
Your birth certificate.
Prove you're an earthling, my friend.

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


After squeaking by in the House, healthcare reform faces an even tougher fight in the Senate
After squeaking by in the House, healthcare
reform faces an even tougher fight in the
Senate

The House passed reform...what the hell!
By two lousy votes...gee, that's swell.
Our Hope springs eternal--
Now may our infernal
House of Lords pass it as well.

November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) wants Americans to be "armed and dangerous" against the global warming bill, and to go to Washington to "see the whites of the eyes" of their Congressmen to fight the healthcare bill
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) wants
Americans to be "armed and dangerous"
against the global warming bill, and to go
to Washington to "see the whites of the
eyes" of their Congressmen to fight
healthcare reform  

'We don't have to fight global warming
Or do any healthcare reforming.'
Oh please, doctor, clear
Her head from her rear
Where all these ideas keep on forming!

October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Nothing the President does is right with Liz Cheney or her father, the former Vice President
Nothing the President does is right with
Liz Cheney or her father, the former
Vice President

To speak as a daughter is charming
(In some cases even disarming...)
But not when, like Pop,
You're bitching non-stop
And constantly being alarming.

October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he'll join Republicans in blocking a vote on health care reform
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he'll join
Republicans in blocking a vote on health care
reform

So who ran for veep with Al Gore
But loves John McCain even more?
Your hint: has a sad face
(Or two) and a big taste
For insurance profits and war.

October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

President Obama's outreach to the Muslim world and contribution to a "new climate in international politics" were cited in his award of the Nobel Peace Prize
President Obama's outreach to the Muslim
world and contribution to a "new climate in
international politics" were cited in his award
of the Nobel Peace Prize

Where those on the right hear "apology,"
The rest of the world sees diplomacy.
When the noise gets too loud
From the fault-finding crowd,
Thank God there's the rest of the world to see.

October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

The White House delayed a meeting with the Dalai Lama, exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, to gain favor with China, the Washington Post reported
The White House delayed a meeting with the
Dalai Lama, exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, to
gain favor with China, the Washington Post
reported

"Hello Dalai? This is Barack.
I'd love to meet with you, no crock.
But now's not the time--
See, China might mind
And cut off our funds...sorry, doc."

October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck celebrated when Chicago lost its bid to host the 2016 Olympics
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
celebrated when Chicago lost its bid to host
the 2016 Olympics

The U.S. won't host the Olympics,
And some people think that's terrific.
No jobs will arrive,
No boost to our pride--
And still they cheer...how patriotic.

October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

New York's Empire State Building was lit in red and yellow to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China
New York's Empire State Building was lit in
red and yellow to celebrate the 60th anni-
versary of the founding of the People's
Republic of China

The Empire State Building fellow
Explained why it's lit red and yellow:
"We made it look nifty--
Red China turned 60!"
(And we've turned into a bordello.)

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL)
Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL)

'The GOP health plan is Don't get sick--
And if you do, pray you go nice 'n quick.'
As Congressman Grayson
Explained to the nation,
They've got no solutions, just rhetoric.

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) yelled "You lie!" when President Obama told a Joint Session of Congress that proposed health care reform would not benefit illegal immigrants
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) yelled "You lie!"
when President Obama told a Joint Session of
Congress that proposed health care reform
wouldn't benefit illegal immigrants

"You lie!" shouted Congressman Joe,
Disrupting the President's show.
"My words were spontaneous..."
[As well as spurious.
Check your facts next time, you schmo.]

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Some Republicans called President Obama's back-to-school address an attempt to indoctrinate America's schoollchildren with his "socialist idelogy"
Some Republicans called President Obama's
back-to-school address an attempt to
indoctrinate America's schoollchildren
with his "socialist idelogy"

A sure sign we're hitting the skids:
The Prez wants to talk to your kids
'Bout staying in school
But don't let him, fool--
Teach "Just Say No" when greatness bids.

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top

Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck

The biggest blowhards in the land
And little white sheep they command
Spent eight years in clover
While Bush f*cked us over.
Now they're blaming who? The black man.

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Senators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John McCain (R-AZ) said they missed the late Sen. Ted Kennedy's leadership on health care, though both voted against the Kennedy bill in committeeSenators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John McCain (R-AZ) said they missed the late Sen. Ted Kennedy's leadership on health care, though both voted against the Kennedy bill in committee
Senators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John
McCain (R-AZ) said they missed the late
Sen. Ted Kennedy's leadership on health
care, even though both voted against the
Kennedy bill in committee

Guys, if for reform you're not ready
Cuz insurance money's too steady,
For once in your life
Couldja vote for what's right?!
If not for us, do it for Teddy.

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Manny Ramirez
Despite getting $170,000 per game, former
slugger Manny Ramirez' lackluster perform-
ance since returning from suspension helped
doom the Dodgers' 2009 pennant race

 

Your slow butt and dull bat are peerless.
You're cold as a ditch digger's rear is.
If Torre is smart,
He'll bench you, you fart.
Meet LVP Manny Ramirez.

September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Abdel Basset Ali Megrahi (l.), convicted for bombing Flight 103 over Scotland, with Ghadafi's son upon arrival in Libya
Released terrorist Ali Megrahi (l.), convicted
for bombing Flight 103 over Scotland, with Col. Moammar Khadaffi's son upon arrival in Libya

Megrahi bombed Flight 103--
So why in the hell is he free?
The Scots cite his cancer
But some think the answer
Is Libya's deal with BP.

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Armed protestor
Armed protestor William Kostric outside
presidential town hall in Portsmouth NH

A town hall is coming--how fun!
Hey, just for show I'll bring a gun.
(I may be a zero
But I'll be a hero
To every jerk under the sun.)

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


"Blue Dog Democrat" Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT) talks health care with Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA)
"Blue Dog Democrat" Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT)
talks health care with Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA)

When blue dogs lie down with red cats
They stink of unnatural acts.
The Change we believe in
Ends up in the trash bin
...Thanks to these Republicrats.

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX) in Harris Co., TX booking photo
Former House Speaker Tom DeLay (R-TX) left
TV's Dancing with the Stars with stress fractures
in both feet

So Dancing w' the Stars got DeLay?
The old termite man? You don't say!
From shame and indictment
To fame and excitement...
God, make this big bug go away.

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) & Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Eric Cantor
(R-VA) and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Bipartisanship's a delusion
With Boehner and crew in collusion.
It boggles the mind
Why Dems waste their time...
Wake up, donkeys! You're the solution!

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin riding a pony
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin riding a
pony. A closer look reveals "bitch tits"

Women worldwide are salutin'
Bare-chested Vladimir Putin.
He's evil, of course,
But on a wee horse
He looks purty good, yer darn tootin'.

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned with 16 months left in his term
Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned
with 16 months left in his term to pursue
other opportunities

Martinez and Palin and Lott
Won races, then quit on the spot.
They'll rake in the dough
Wherever they go
(And oh, for your vote thanks alot).

August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) in his Twitter video discussing state's budget crisis
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) in his
Twitter video discussing state's budget crisis

For Arnold it's been such a blast...
Running a state on bombast.
But when history's written
This camera-smitten
Guv'll be rated near last.

July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)

It really is so hard to kindle
Any love for Bobby Jindal.
He pooh-poohed the stimulus,
Then took the check from us,
Signed his own name...what a swindle!

July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) resigned with 18 months left in her term
Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) resigned with
18 months left in her term

The planets and stars were aligned
The day Sarah Palin resigned.
Of her own volition
The guvnor went fishin'
And left fishy guvnin' behind.

July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sen. John Ensign (R-NV)
Sen. John Ensign (R-NV)

John Ensign was seeing the Mrs.
Of his chief of staff (hold your hisses).
John's dad crossed her hand
With ninety-six grand:
"Now leave John alone...Hugs and kisses."

July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC)
Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC)

The old "Appalachian trail"
Turned out to be a tall tale.
With a Father's Day trip
To his Argentine chick,
Mark Sanford touched the third rail.

June, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA)
Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA)


H
er chat with an Israeli spy
Was taped by our own FBI.
'Jane Harman's the name
And chutzpah's my game.
Reduce all your charges? I'll try.'

April, 2009
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL)
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL)


B
lagojevich set a new low
For governors grubbing some dough.
He thought it'd be neat
To sell Barack's seat--
Now that's an impeachable ho!

December, 2008
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK)
The late Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) narrowly lost
re-election in 2008 after his federal corruption conviction, which was later overturned on the
grounds of gross prosecutorial misconduct.
Stevens died in a plane crash August 9, 2010,
and was eulogized as the "patron of Alaska"


T
ed Stevens' A-frame got bigger
Thanks to an oilman...go figure.
With gifts underfoot,
Ted counted his loot
And brought home the earmarks with vigor.

November, 2008
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Joe the Plumber questions candidate Obama in Ohio
Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber,
questions candidate Barack Obama in Ohio


W
ith back taxes owed since last summer
And no plumbing license (a bummer),
He claimed to be buying
His firm (he was lying).
Just wear your boots 'round Joe the Plumber.

October, 2008
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC)
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC)


T
he best looking guy in the race
Had nary a hair out of place.
But when it came out
That he was a lout,
The egg was all over his face.

August, 2008
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D-NY)
Former Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D-NY)


A
s governor of New York State
Herr Spitzer ran off on his mate.
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
It's that he paid ten grand per date!

March, 2008
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID)
Former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID)


T
here once was a Larry named Craig
Whose self-hate was easy to peg.
He kept voting nay
On all matters gay
While for a good man he would beg.

August, 2007
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Rep. Bill Jefferson (D-LA)
Former Rep. Bill Jefferson (D-LA)


A
Jefferson named "Dollar Bill"
Kept ninety grand where it could chill
And though he had burned 'em
The people returned him
To serve one more term on the Hill.

November, 2006
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL)
Former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL)


T
here once was a Foley named Mark
About whom we were in the dark
Until his outrageous
Emails to pages
Caused all the young dudes to narc.

September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R-WY)
Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R-WY)


'N
ow fear this!' Dick Cheney would cry,
'There'll be mushroom clouds in the sky
With dubya-M-Ds
And anthrax disease...
If you don't vote for us, you'll die!'

September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating

Top


Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK)
James Inhofe (R-OK)

Among other pitiful jokes,
He called global warming a hoax.
Jim Inhofe's a loyal
Friend of Big Oil,
And for them he'll toil till he croaks.

September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating

Top

No French toast
Many Americans hated the French for
not joining the invasion of Iraq

Don't eat those potatoes au gratin!
It's Freedom Fries now, ya forgotten?
If it's French, send it back!
[Cuz they passed on Iraq?
How foolish has this country gotten?!]

September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating

Top

When Clinton and Bush supported NAFTA in 1992, 3d party candidate Perot predicted a "giant sucking sound" of U.S. manufacturing jobs going south to Mexico
Of the 1992 presidential candidates, only Ross
Perot opposed the North American Free Trade Agreement--predicting a "giant sucking sound"
of U.S. manufacturing jobs going south. Indeed,
the U.S. would lose over 1 million jobs to
NAFTA (1993-2004), and 2.4 million more to
China's entry into the World Trade Organization
(2001-2009)--Economic Policy Institute

When they shoved free trade up our ass,
The jobs started goin' away fast...
And both parties tried
To promise blue sky,
But skies have remained overcast.

September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating

Top
News Limericks and Political Limericks
Poetry for the 99%

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